In Response to dreams

Disclaimer: if you recognize it, it's not mine.

Authors note: on fanfiction.net, there are many romantic stories about Severus. In reponse to this, my little former chibi, now gecko muse, Professor Severus Snape would like to say a few words.

Chapter One: Stories

Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry, Sat at his computer in the study on the second floor of Snape Manor seemingly Engrossed with whatever he was reading.

"Severus?" Tanja asked, looking strangely at the highly intimidating potions master

"hang on." Severus muttered, his eyes glued to the screen. then, as Tanja stepped up to look at the screen, severus minimized it immediatly, turned and faced her. "Yes?"

"What are you doing?" Tanja asked, trying to see the title of the paged now across the start button. "Snapes private ch...whats' that?"

"Nothing." Severus moved his body to completely hide the screen.

"Ooo...what's my little Muse doing? surely you aren't inspiring others?" Tanja pressed. and then, in a sudden bold move, she pushed the potions master aside and maximized the page.

"Damn wheeled chairs" Severus Cursed diving back for the computer, but it was too late.

"Carrie looked with fear at Professor snape as he slowly walked towards her, fangs beared. he was going to bite her now, and, though she feared becoming a vampire, she could not deny the irrestable desire that pulsed...holy hell Severus, you're having Cyber Sex with some chick that thinks you're a vampire?"

"I'm not having Cybersex with her." Severus Defended. "I'm Simply reading her post."

"Ahh, my little Sev is inspiring women to explore their sexuality." Tanja mocked.

"Shut up." Severus Growled.

Tanja continued to read the other posts. "you are too cybering with her, it shows right there...holy hell..." her voice trailed off. "Daaaaaaaaamn....you have an entire club comprized of women typing out their fantasies....for you?" she cocked an eyebrow at her Muse.

"yes well, i am quite popular." he smirked.

"you little prostitute...i should be Pimping your ass." Tanja laughed.

"are you finished?" Severus asked.

"Nope." Tanja giggled. "damn, this one likes it rough....makes me wonder...." she looked over at severus and sized him up from head to toe, then gave an involuntary shudder."

"what?" Severus asked.

"Nothing." Tanja immediatly replied, then coughed. "nothing at All."

she continued to read the posts, smirking guitily as she did so. then, after one particuraly interesting post, she burst out in song "Sevvie Get some booty, Sevvie get some booty!!!"

"You are Just....Wrong." Severus shook his head

"I'm wrong?" Tanja asked innocently. "I'm not the one tormenting women by replying to all their fetishes and fantasies."

"I..." Severus stopped short. "But.."

"what?" Tanja asked, looking at severus intently.

"I'm a man." Severus stood straight, ajusted his robes and raised his chin slightly.

"...Right." Tanja returned, turning back to the computer screen.

"What i mean to say, Is that If i so desire to let women live out their wildest of fantasies with me on the internet, I will do so." Severus suddenly spoke very clearly.

"Once again." Tanja idly commented. "Right."

"Is it so hard to see me in a sexual light?" Severus Demanded, obviously hurt by Tanja's lack of enthusism.

"Severus." Tanja Stood to her feet, and looked the two feet up into Severus's black eyes. "As Sexy of a bitch that you are, I know your faults. i know your habits. I KNOW YOU LIKE TO WASH YOUR BODY WITH SCOOBY DOO BUBBLE GUM SCENTED BODY WASH! for petes sake. these women, they don't know you. they haven't actually seen your hair. they dont have to smell your dungeons after a potions gone wrong."

"Whats wrong with my hair?" he ran a hand through it, seemingly oblivious to the fact that it was greasy.

"It's....slimy." Tanja replied.

"But...Hey, you try standing over a boiling cauldron all day and having normal hair." Severus defended.

"WooHoo!" Tanja cheered, seeing an unread particurly interesting post. "that was beyond kinky."

"what was?" Severus demanded, moving to see the new post. "Crystal. she is a kinky one....I especially liked her post about the afghan. that was...new." his face went into a shocked expression as he finished reading the post. "damn." immediatly he looked up at Tanja. "You're too young to be reading this!"

"I'm 20!" Tanja protested as Severus pushed her away from the computer.

"Too young. you have to be at least 21."

"No i dont!" Tanja argued.

"Rules of the group." severus stated, as though this settled everything.

Tanja cocked an eyebrow at Severus, then made haste to leave the room. "Have Fun, Sevvie."

--

{I hate you}

why?

{you're...exposing me.}

am I?

{you're enjoying making people think i'm a Nympho.}

you are a Nympho.

{I am No...Okay, yes...yes I am..but Normally I'm more descreet about it then you're portraying me to be.}

no you're not.

{What makes you say that?}

Severus, i have been in your room ONCE. and that ONE time, there was a sex swing hanging in the middle of your room.

{Shouldn't have been in my room}

and i'll never go back again.

{Good}

Good!

{Fine}

Great!

--

so, should i continue the story, any suggestions with where i should go with it?

{NO! MAKE HER STOP}

hey, all i have to say, is...you're the muse. i wouldn't have these stories if it weren't for you.

{Damn you.}

hehe.

REVIEW!

{and tell her to stop!!!}

or tell him to stop putting mental images of Albus Dumbledore: Pop Star in my head!!!

{I will have my revenge...one way or another.}