Author's Notes: Thank you for reading and reviewing! It really means a lot to me to know that you are out there and reading. I hope you will enjoy chapter 2!

More Author's Notes in the end.

Chapter 2: "The Truth"

"Susan, do you have a minute?"

Susan startled a little when she felt a hand on her shoulder from behind. She was relieved that it was Abby when she turned around.

"God, you scared me.", she said, but with a smile. She could never be mad with her best friend. "I thought you were Luka, he was chasing after me the whole morning, trying to talk me out of this idea I had for the evening. Don't you think to visit the opera is a good idea?", she said with a wink. "I know he hates the opera, but still. I mean, he wants to marry me, he has to get used  … "

She stopped in the middle of her sentence when she looked closer at Abby. She knew something was wrong.

"Abby, what's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Sure, let's go to exam 1, it should be empty, we'll have a little privacy there.", she said and grabbed Abby gently by her arm.

She followed her, glad that Susan understood that it was something serious and something not everybody in the hospital should know about.

They sat down next to each other on a gurney.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"It's … I wanted to ask you something. To do me a favour."

"Sure, anything. Just tell me."

"I wanted to ask you if you could take a test with my blood … a pregnancy test."

Abby sighed. She was glad that it was out. But she also knew that Susan would have thousands of questions and she'd have to explain a lot to her to make her understand that it's nothing to be happy about when she saw the smile on her face.

"You think you are pregnant? That's so great! Does John know? You must be so happy!", Susan exclaimed. But she stopped soon when she saw that Abby did not look happy.

"There is nothing for John to know. At least not yet. I doubt I really am pregnant. But I want to be sure before I tell him anything."

"Don't you want a child with him?"

"More than anything else. But I can't." When she saw the confused look on Susan's face she knew that more explanation was necessary. "You know, my mother and my brother are bipolar. As a doctor you know what that means. And I am afraid that I could pass it to our children, you know? I don't know if I can take that risk. I was always sure that I couldn't. But now with John I am not sure anymore. He is the greatest man on earth and I know he'd love our children, no matter what. But I am not sure if I can do that to him. And if I could live with it myself. So I hope that I am not pregnant. I don't want to have to make that decision. But I did not feel well lately and even though I take the pill, there is still that 0.02 % chance. I just want to be sure."

"I understand and I am sorry!", Susan said, while putting an arm around her friend. "Of course I will do the test for you."

"Thanks." Abby smiled weakly. "But please don't tell John about it. I want to tell him myself when I know something."

"I won't tell him anything."

"Thank you.", Abby said before she hugged her friend.

She didn't want to tell her about the abortion, though Susan was her close and best friend. It was hard enough to tell it Carter and her mother. She didn't want too many people to know. And she didn't know what she would think about her, since Susan was in a situation where she might not understand what Abby did.

Abby lay down on the gurney while Susan took her blood.

"I will let them do several tests but make sure that they will have the results of the pregnancy test fast. I'll be right back."

Susan left the room while Abby still lay on the gurney. That quiet moment gave her time to think about her situation again.

She really didn't know anymore what she'd prefer. The thought of a child with John grew on her. And if she could have children with anyone, it could only be him. But to not be pregnant seemed to be so much easier.

She decided to stop thinking about it, since it didn't make much sense. She could think about it when she had the results.

***

10 minutes later Susan came back with the results.

Abby sat up on the gurney when she saw her come in and Susan sat down next to her.

"Abby, I got your results back."

"That was fast. Thank you, Susan. I am really glad that you do this with me. I don't know if I could do it alone."

"We're friends, of course I do that with you.", Susan answered while putting her arm around Abby.

"Are you ready to hear the results now?"

Abby just nodded. She couldn't take it any longer to wait.

"Okay, so the blood test says that you are not pregnant."

A million thoughts raced through Abby's head. She thought she would be relieved and glad that she was not pregnant. But she could strongly feel that she was disappointed and sad about the news.

She had already thought about that possible child too much. She started to like the idea of having a baby with John. And now she felt that unbelievable sadness. She tried hard not to show it, not to cry now.

Susan tried to read the expression on Abby's face. She wasn't sure if she was relieved about the news or not. She thought she'd be after all Abby told her before. But she felt like her friend was about to cry.

"Abby?", she asked, tightening her embrace around her. She put the results aside and took her hand. "Are you okay?"

Abby nodded, but Susan knew better.

"You wanted this test to be positive, right? I am sorry, Abby."

"I really don't know, Susan. I didn't want to be pregnant. It would be too complicated. But I have already spent some time thinking about how it would be with a child, with John's child. And now I can't help but be sad. I know that it's pathetic because there never even was a child … I don't know myself what is wrong with me."

Her eyes wandered down to Susan's round belly. She was 5 months pregnant with hers and Luka's first child. They were together for about 8 months and it was not planned. But they were both very happy about it and looking forward to have that child.

Susan followed Abby's gaze down to her belly.

"Oh, I am sorry Abby.", she said, putting her hand on it. She felt bad that she was pregnant while Abby was sad that she wasn't.

"No, there is nothing you have to be sorry about. I am so happy for you, that you'll have your little baby soon." She put her hand on Susan's belly, too. "I am looking forward to be an aunt.", she added and smiled. But she couldn't hold that smile for long when she looked into Susan's worried eyes.

She was really happy for Susan, but at that moment there was nothing she could do against her sadness.

 
Susan pulled her into her arms. She remembered how sad she was when she lost her little niece a few years ago and she could understand a little how Abby felt.

"Everything is going to be okay, Abby.", she said while rubbing her back, trying to comfort her.

***

Abby went home immediately after Susan took the test and told her the results.

She had to work only 5 hours that day, so she was at home at 1.30 pm.

She didn't even say good bye to Carter. She just couldn't face him. At least not yet. She wanted some time to think about everything. To find the right words to tell him.

So she just asked Susan to tell him that she was in a hurry and that she couldn't find him before she left.

When she arrived at home, she wished that Carter was already there. To be all alone only made her feel worse.

And she couldn't find the right words anyway, since there are no words that are right to say what she had to say.

***

When Carter came home, he found Abby curled up on the couch, covered with a blanket.

He thought she had fallen asleep in front of the TV and was just about to turn it off, when he saw that she moved a little.

"Hey.", he said with a smile. "How was your day? You just disappeared suddenly. Susan told me you couldn't find me."

He leaned down to give her a short but loving kiss.

When he sat down next to her and put her legs on his lap, he saw that she looked like there was something she wanted to get off her chest.

"Abby, what's wrong? Did anything happen?", he asked concerned.

He wasn't sure if she let already make some tests to find out why she was not feeling well.

She looked into his eyes, but still didn't know how to tell him the news.

He could see that she was searching for the right words and decided to try to start instead.

"Did you let them make any tests today at the hospital?"

She just nodded.

"Do you have results already?"

He was concerned that it could be something serious that caused her nausea.

She took a deep breath before she started to speak.

"Susan did several tests. But I do only know the results from the … the pregnancy test."

He didn't know what to wish for. He wanted nothing more than a child with Abby. But he also knew that it wouldn't be easy if she was pregnant.

He just kept looking at her, waiting for more.

She looked down at her fingers that were playing nervously with the blanket the whole time.

"It was negative."

She could feel that her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. To tell him brought back all the emotions she felt when she got the results from Susan a few hours before. And it was even harder now not to cry when she was with Carter than it already was with Susan.

He could feel sadness overcome him. In that moment he knew that he definitely wanted her to be pregnant.

He was confused when he looked at her. He thought that not being pregnant was what she wanted. But she looked sad.

"Hey.", he said while he leaned over and stroked her cheek. "You don't seem to be happy about it."

She shook her head. "I don't know. I thought I would be. I thought that was what I wanted. But when Susan told me that I was not pregnant, I felt like I lost a child. I know, it's pathetic, there never even was a child. But I thought about the possibility the whole day and got used to it a little. And then I was sad when she told me that the test was negative. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Abby, nothing is wrong with you. You want to be a mother, that's nothing wrong.", he tried to reassure her. "You are scared, but the wish to be a mother is stronger than that. And that's okay. It's not pathetic at all. It's okay to be sad."

She didn't know what she did to deserve a man like Carter. He was the most sensitive man she ever met.

"Can you please just hold me for a while?"

All she wanted now was to be in his arms, feel him close.

He put her legs down and moved closer to her to put his arms around her and to hug her.

When she felt his arms around herself and heard his familiar heartbeat and his breathing, she couldn't be strong anymore. Tears she tried to hold back the whole time started to roll down her face slowly while she tried to bury her face even deeper into his sweater. She wanted to be as close to him as possible.

She was glad that he understood what she felt.

He stroked her back to comfort her, with tears in his own eyes. "Hey, it's okay. We can still have a baby."

***

Carter was the first who awoke. He had fallen asleep on the couch, with Abby still in his arms. He held her while she was crying and watched her for some time after she had fallen asleep. He loved to watch her sleeping. She looked so peaceful and free from all worries.

Of course he knew better, but sometimes they both needed a break from all the problems life brought.

"Hey sleepy head.", he whispered into her ear and stroked her hair.

Abby stirred slightly and opened her eyes. She smiled when she saw Carter looking at her.

"Are you feeling better?"

She nodded. "A lot better."

"We should go over to the bed now. Our shifts start in a few hours and I don't know if I will be able to move when I sleep a few more hours on that couch.", he said with a smile.

"You are right", she said and got up. She took his hand and helped him up. When he stood in front of her she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed him gently on the lips and looked into his eyes.

"Thank you for everything. I don't know how you do that, but somehow life doesn't look bad anymore when you are with me. You are the most important person in my life. I love you, you know that, right?"

Her eyes always became teary in moments like that, when she realised how lucky she was to have that man by her side.

"I know.", he said with a smile and kissed her back. "But you don't have to thank me. I love you, too and being there for you is the least I can do."

"I mean it, John. You are not just there for me, you are special. You know and understand me better than anyone else. And that's nothing I take for granted, I want you to know that. I caused so much trouble in our relationship with all my problems, but you are still there. And I want to thank you for that."

She knew that he knew all that, but she felt the need to tell him from time to time.

He noticed how serious she had become and knew that she needed him to accept that she thanked him. He knew that she felt responsible for all the problems her family caused. But he didn't mind, it wasn't her fault and he loved her.

He wiped away the tear that was rolling down her cheek now and kissed her forehead. He knew this time it was a tear of happiness. She was happy to be with him. And that made him happy, too.

"Okay, but you are not only causing trouble, you know?", he chuckled slightly. "You are special for me, too. To be with you makes me more happy than anything else.", he added with a smile and pulled her into a hug.

She didn't know what else to say. She just wanted to enjoy the feeling of his strong arms around herself. She felt like nothing in the world could hurt her when he held her like that.

They held each other tightly for a few moments before they went over to the bedroom.

They fell asleep in each others arms quickly.

***

"Did I forget to take the "Please puke all over me!" sign off my forehead or what's up today?", Abby sighed when she entered he lounge.

Carter looked up from his paper and smiled at her.

"Again?"

"Well, look at this and take a wild guess." She presented him the top of her scrubs.

"Oh.", was all he could say. He tried hard not to laugh.

"That's not funny, Carter". She tried to be serious, too. But she couldn't hold her face long when she saw Carter finally laughing.

"Maybe not for you … ", he answered.

"Not for you either if you don't stop laughing.", she added while she took off her top.

"Well, I think I should make you a sign like that."

"What?"

"The sign, you know, "Please puke all over me!" I like it that you change your top in front of me the second time already. I could get used to it. And maybe that sign would help a little.", he said with a smile while he walked towards her. He put his arms around her waist from behind when he reached her and kissed her neck.

"Carter, stop it. What if someone comes in?", she said, but didn't really want him to stop. She turned around in his arms and put hers around his neck. They started to kiss.

"Hmm, if only we were at home now …", she whispered against his lips between kisses.

"You say it." He had his hands all over her back.

"John! Hands off my bra!", she giggled.

"Okay, but only if you promise me that we continue at this point when we are at home."

"I'm all for it."

"Great."

They were still kissing, but Abby finally freed herself from his embrace and put on her fresh top. Just in time as Susan entered the room.

"Hey Abby, I got a note from Dr. Warner because of the results from your blood tests. He wants to see you as soon as possible."

"Dr. Warner? Isn't he the specialist at the hospital for … ", Abby wanted to ask. They all didn't know him, but they knew what he was doing at the hospital.

"Yeah.", Susan interrupted her. "I really don't know why he wants to see you, sorry. I will leave you two alone now.", she added before she left the lounge again.

She really didn't know what Dr. Warner wanted, but she had a feeling that it couldn't be anything good. She was glad that John was with Abby there, he could help her the most now.

Abby sat down on the couch, staring at the table in front of her.

"Hey.", Carter said and sat down next to her. He put his arm around her. "I am sure everything will be all right, don't worry."

She sighed. "Do you come with me?"

"Of course. I won't leave your side, okay?"

She nodded. Abby was scared, but she felt better when he said that he'd go with her.

He kissed her forehead and pulled her into his arms. He was worried, too. But he didn't want to show her that. He couldn't help but think of Bobby.

***

"Abigail Carter?"

Abby nodded and shook the hand the older man held out for her.

"That's my husband.", she said and pointed at John who was sitting in the chair next to her.

The man shook John's hand and sat down behind his desk.

"I'm Dr. Warner.", the friendly man introduced himself. "I don't want to let you wait any longer. I wanted to see you because of the results from your blood tests. I'm sorry that I have to tell you that, but it's Leukaemia."

Abby didn't believe her ears. She couldn't believe what she just heard. That couldn't be true.

Her hand reached out for Carter's instinctively. She needed to feel him now.

But she didn't have to reach out far, because Carter's hand was on its way to hers already. So they met in the middle and he took her hand in his, squeezed it tightly.

He looked at her, but Abby was staring at the doctor in disbelief.

Carter couldn't believe it either, he was fighting with his tears. He couldn't believe that it was happening again. To go through it with Bobby was already hard. He couldn't lose another person in his life to Leukaemia.

He was very worried, but didn't want to show Abby that he was. He wanted to be there for her and support her.

"Leukaemia?"

"Yes, but the good news is, that we found out in a very early stage. The chances to be healed completely are at 98%. I don't want to play it down, but your chances are very good if we start to treat it immediately. We will try medication first, but marrow transplant might be necessary. I want us to find a donor already, just to have one if we need one."

"Test me.", Carter exclaimed.

Doctor Warner looked at him in confusion.

"I know, our blood will probably not match, since we are not blood relatives, but I want to try it."

"Of course we can do that. You never know. We'll make an appointment for tomorrow to take your blood. I want you to go home now and take care of your wife. You both need time to deal with the situation. I think I don't need to explain any more to you, since you are familiar with the medical facts."

Carter just nodded.

"Okay, I will see you tomorrow then."

Abby didn't say a word during the whole time. She was like paralysed.

Carter got up, still holding her hand. He put his hand on her shoulder to make her stand up, too.

It was like she snapped out of a daydream. She let go of Carter's hand, shook doctor Warner's hand and left the room with a simple "Thank you.".

Carter was staring at her leaving.

"Thank you Dr. Warner.", Carter said and shook his hand. "We'll meet tomorrow then."

He followed Abby outside quickly to catch up with her.

Doctor Warner looked after them until Carter closed the door behind himself.

He had already given that news to a lot of people. And he knew that the calmest where the ones who took it the hardest.

***

"Abby, wait!", Carter yelled after her down the hallway. She was not going quickly, but was already about 20 meters ahead of him.

She was in shock, didn't know what to do or think. She was scared, didn't notice anything around her, but she stopped immediately at the sound of Carter's voice, though she didn't turn around.

He put his hand on her shoulder to turn her around so he could face her.

She looked horrible. He thought she took the news pretty well when the doctor told them. But now that they were alone she looked so vulnerable and desperate, like she would break down any minute. She was staring down at the floor.

He put his hand under her chin to make her look at him.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Do you hear me?", he said and kissed her forehead. "We will find someone with the right blood. And maybe the medication will already be enough."

He didn't really believe his own words. He was hoping that the medication would help, but he also knew that it could be very difficult to find the right person for a transplant. But he needed to say something to make her feel better.

She didn't believe them either, but just that he was near her and to hear his loving voice made everything a bit better.

"The nausea and everything … I never though that it could be Leukaemia."

"I know. Nobody did. But it's good that we found out that early."

He could see that her eyes were slowly filling with tears, until one single drop finally started to run down her cheek.

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, rocked her gently while rubbing her back.

He could feel her arms around himself, clinging onto him. She was trembling heavily under her sobs.

"I am so scared.", she admitted into his chest.

"I know.", was all he could say. He couldn't fool her. She knew about Leukaemia as well as he did. So he just kept on holding her, just even more tight now.

No more words needed to be spoken. He could feel how upset she was and she knew that Carter truly and deeply cared about her.

Author's Notes: Well, now you know that it's not about what it seemed to be … at least not in the beginning. ; ) But trust me, it will have lots of fuzz, just keep on reading! And don't forget to let me know what you think if you have a moment. I'd like to know if you want to read more! ; )