Death and Life Chapter 4

Dr. Hank Hastings stepped out into the waiting room. Annie and Eric stood; their faces reflecting their fear for their daughter's health. Hank motioned for them to sit and then sat down opposite them. "Lucy is going to be fine. However, it's still touch and go with the baby."

Annie looked up at Eric, confused. "We didn't even know that Lucy was pregnant. Did she even know?"

Hank nodded. "She hadn't had it confirmed with a doctor but she had taken a home pregnancy test yesterday. With everything going on, she probably thought it would be too much on all of you. She's only a month along. We've got Lucy on a fetal monitor. I examined her and did an ultrasound. Fortunately, right now, Lucy is facing what we call a threatened spontaneous abortion. That means that while the baby is not out of danger, a miscarriage is not a definite probability. With bed rest, the bleeding and the cramps might stop and she'll carry the baby to term. The next few hours will tell us."

Eric held Annie close. "Can we see her?"

Hank shook his head. "Kevin's with her and tonight she needs complete rest. I know you wouldn't mean to upset her but she'll see your worry and she'll feel bad for adding to the stress you are already under. The best thing you can do for Lucy right now is go home and get some rest."

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Lucy stared at the monitor beside her bed and listened to the light whoosh that told her that for the time being her baby was okay. Tears silently fell down her cheeks. Kevin stepped into the room and pulled a chair close to her. He caressed her cheek. "It'll be okay, Luce."

"How did you know that I was pregnant?" She barely whispered, not wanting the sound of her voice to cover up the sound of the fetal heartbeat.

Kevin smiled. "I found the pregnancy test last night. You were so upset about your grandfather, I wanted to give you some time."

"I was scared to be pregnant. We just got married; I have school; we aren't ready to have a family. But now I'm scared not to be pregnant. I don't want to lose this baby."

"Hank said that if you stay calm and in bed you may not miscarry. We have to trust that everything is going to be okay. Can I get you anything?"

Lucy shook her head. "I wish you could hold me right now."

Kevin nodded. Without a word, he stood and walked around the bed to the side free of medical monitors. Lowering the bedrail, he eased into the bed with her and gently wrapped his arms around her. He was careful not to disturb the fetal monitor attached to her abdomen. Instantly he felt her relax ever so slightly. He kissed her cheek. "Go to sleep. I'm right here."

Obediently Lucy closed her eyes and after several minutes he felt her body relax as sleep overtook her. But Kevin continued to just lie there and watch her as she slept. Now that she couldn't see him, he allowed his own tears to fall. He began to pray silently.

"God, take care of my wife and our baby. I don't know what kind of father I'll be but if you think we're ready for this then I'll do the best I can. Lord, I don't think you'd give us this child just to snatch it away from us so soon after we found out. If this is some sort of test, help us pass it."

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Somewhere around two in the morning, Kevin woke up when Lucy gripped his arm, digging her fingernails into his skin. In the pale light of the hospital room, he could see that she was crying again. "Luce, what's wrong, Baby?"

"The monitor, there's no heartbeat. I can't hear the baby's heartbeat anymore. I think I've lost the baby."

Kevin sat up and glanced at the fetal monitor. He hadn't even been aware that the soft whoosh that signaled the baby's heartbeat had stopped. His own heartbeat quickened. Kissing the top of her head, he reached over and pressed the nurse call button. A few minutes later an older nurse entered.

"Can I help you?"

Lucy was crying so hard by now she couldn't speak. Kevin quickly explained about the heart monitor. The nurse smiled understandingly. She did a quick exam and then checked the monitor. Finally she patted Lucy's arm.

"First of all, you have to calm down. Getting this upset is not good for you or the baby. Your bleeding seems to have stopped. How are your cramps?"

Taking a few deep breaths, Lucy tried to get control of her emotions enough to speak. "They're better. Please, is my baby okay?"

"I think so. If you had miscarried, you'd still be bleeding and in pain. I think what probably happened is that the baby shifted just enough that the monitor could no longer register the heartbeat. It's not unusual. The baby is very small right now and has to be in just the right position for this monitor to pick up. We'll know more in the morning when Dr. Hastings examines you again. For now, I'm going to unhook the monitor. I don't want you to get so upset about not hearing the heartbeat that you raise your blood pressure and put the baby at risk. Relax and go back to sleep. It's the best thing for both of you."

When the nurse left the room, Lucy began crying again, hot, scared tears. Kevin held her close and kissed her cheek. Lucy gripped his hand tightly with one hand and splayed her other hand across her abdomen. Her heart ached for the absence of the already familiar heartbeat of the baby inside her.

"I don't want to lose this baby, Kevin. I'm sorry I ever had any doubts about having a baby right now. I wasn't sure if I-- if we were ready yet but I never wanted it to die."

"It's not, Baby. You and I are going to be parents - good parents. Maybe this is God's way of kicking us in the pants to tell us that this baby may not have been our plan but it's His plan and ready or not we are going to have it."

Lucy hiccupped. "If that's so, how do we convince him we get the point?"

Kevin traced the outline of his wife's cheek. "Maybe we should pick out a name. I know it's a little early for it and we have no way of knowing if it will be a boy or a girl but maybe if we decide on a name we'll be telling our child - and God - we are committed to it."

"But what if we." Lucy twisted in the bed to face him. Kevin placed a finger over her lips, silencing her.

"We aren't. I was thinking earlier while you were asleep and if it's okay with you I have a couple of suggestions." Lucy nodded and blinked back the tears. Before saying anything more, Kevin kissed her softly. "My father's name was Jack. I always kind of assumed that I would name my first son after him. If it's a boy, how does Jackson Charles sound?"

Lucy smiled. "Named for your dad and my grandfather, I like that. It's perfect. I love you, Kevin Kinkirk."

He smiled. "I love you too, Lucy Kinkirk."

She snuggled up closer to him. "What if it's a girl?"

"I've thought of that as well. If we have a little girl, I want her to be loving and compassionate but be strong and independent at the same time. From what I know about your grandma Ruth and have heard about your grandma Jenny, I think both women have those qualities. How about Jennifer Ruth if it's a girl?"

"You are the perfect husband, Kevin."

"Not really but I try. Now, do what the nurse said and go back to sleep. Baby J needs the rest."

Lucy smiled. "Baby J?"

Kevin matched her smile. "Sure. We have many months before we know if you are carrying Jack or Jenny. I don't want to call the baby It until then. Baby J or B.J. seems like the perfect compromise."

Lucy patted her flat stomach. If she didn't lose the baby, she would never complain about gaining even an ounce. "Stay with us, B.J."