Bakura gets Religion
Don't ask where this came from... just don't...
Misto: Kes doesn't own Yugioh, it's characters, or Mistoffelees. She does however chain us to a wall and makes it very difficult for us to do anything other than what she wants...
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You're siting at home, your computer humming away to itself as you check out all the latest stories on ff.net, message your favorite authors to tell them to get a move on with your favorite stories, and generally have a good time, when there's a knock on the door.
'Probably someone trying to sell me something.' You think to yourself, and reluctantly leave your seat. Your well-chosen insults die in your throat, as the door swings back to reveal Bakura.
He's holding a bible.
You think you must have fallen asleep at the computer... again.
"Hi!" A voice pipes up, and you notice three other people behind Bakura. Ryou, whom you recognize, a black and white tuxedo cat-man, and a young-ish girl, who had spoken to you.
"We're here to talk to you about..." The girl begins, but Bakura shoves you inside and drags the others in after him. At this point you notice he is carrying a lighter.
Bakura, with a lighter, in your house.
You're beginning to wonder how you can explain the resulting fire to your parents.
"As I was saying...." The girl begins again. "My name is Kesiah, this is Mistoffelees, and you probably know Ryou and Bakura."
You blink at the name. Kesiah... you were just reading one of her fics! And you were going to leave some feedback.
"Bakura came here to talk to you about his religion." Kes finishes, and seats herself with the others, leaving you face to face with Bakura.
He's found the sharpest knife in your house.
He's playing with it.
You're going to die.
"I was made to go to a church." Bakura begins. You can't help but notice his fangs. "It was thought that it might stop me from... doing certain things. Churches, as I had always understood, were boring. But imagine my amazement when I read some more on this 'religion', and found it much more to my liking than I had thought."
He pauses to flash his impressive teeth at you, then continues.
"Now I bet you didn't know that you can burn people, all for a church! They used to _pay_ you to burn them! It's simple, all you have to do is make someone admit to being a witch. How do I do this, you say?"
You find yourself nodding, after all, there is that annoying sibling of yours...
"You get to torture them! Think about it, first, you torture them, then you burn them. Fun huh?" Bakura grins at you, while Ryou looks distressed in the background, and Kesiah and her muse, the magical Mistoffelees, are having an argument about who's idea this was in the first place.
"Not only can you burn and torture people, you can also drown them, drive pins and nails into them and have them hung. Then there's Jihad...."
"Bakura," Kesiah cuts in. "I think you've done enough promoting of your religion, how about we go and visit some more people?"
Ryou looks extremely pale at this suggestion.
"All right." Bakura agrees, then looks to you. "Just remember that you can join my religion today. All you have to do is log onto fanfiction.net and leave a review for Kesiah, and before you know it, we'll have published even more on the Bakura religion, as well as it's teachings."
Kes smiles at you as she pushes Bakura and Ryou out the door. "That's all you have to do really, though donations are excepted..."
Mistoffelees whacked her on the back of her head. "Ignore that last part. More on Bakura's religion to follow.... provided people want it that is... If they don't we're thinking of sending Bakura to a mental institute..."
The door closes on Kesiah and Mistoffelees arguing about whether people will want to join such a violent religion, and Ryou and Bakura arguing about whether Bakura should use other characters for test subjects or not.
You blink at the door for a while, then return to your computer. After all, this religion actually sounds interesting....
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I was thinking of making this a series. Review if you'd like that, if you think this thing is good/dumb/otherwise. I can still go on with Bakura's ten commandments, the creation of everything...
Basically, this is meant for fun, and it's not supposed to be original, I know heaps of other people have done 'Bakura's guide to...' fics, and I wanted to make one too, because I think they're fun. If you want something original of mine, go read 'Ryou Tenshi'.
