Death and Life
Chapter 5
"Thanks for letting us know. Yes, we'll be ready when they get here." Eric hung up the phone. Annie watched him from where she sat at the table, her expression one of concern. The twins were sitting next to her eating their breakfast. Eric smiled. "That was Hank. He's releasing Lucy this morning. So far she and the baby are fine. He is putting her on complete bed rest for a couple of days but he thinks she's over the worst."
Tears filled Annie's eyes. "Thank God. I don't think our family could take much more. I'll go up to the apartment after the twins finish breakfast and make sure everything is okay up there before they get home. Or maybe they should stay here in the house."
Eric sat down opposite her and took her hand in his. "I think they would be more comfortable in the apartment. The house will be full of people this afternoon after the funeral and Lucy wouldn't be able to get any rest. I guess you and I are going to be grandparents after all."
Annie nodded. "I want to be excited about the baby but to be honest."
"Right now, you are still reeling from the death of your father. Annie, have you read his letter yet?"
She shook her head. "I can't."
"Because you are afraid Ginger might be right?"
Annie jerked her hand away. "She's not right. Dad would never do what she's accused him of. She's not coming to his funeral, either. I don't want her there."
"You can't stop her from coming to her husband's funeral. I think you should read the letter. If nothing else, it's your father's last words to you."
Narrowing her eyes, Annie watched him carefully. "You believe her, don't you?"
Eric shrugged. "I didn't say that. I'm going to go upstairs and let the others know about Lucy."
As soon as Eric left the room, Annie picked up her father's hand and looked at it. Sam put down his spoon. "Are you going to read it, Mommy?"
"Yeah, read it." David echoed.
For a moment she considered opening it but then she set it back down. "Come on, let's go get the apartment ready for your sister."
*******
"I'm not going and that's final."
Lucy crossed her arms across her chest and stared at her husband with a frown on her face. She'd been home for a couple of hours and had obediently stayed in bed. Her parents, brothers, and sisters had been in and out since she arrived. By tacit agreement, she and Kevin had decided not to mention the names they had picked out in the wee hours of morning.
"Please. It's bad enough that I can't go to my grandfather's funeral; I want you there. I promise I'll stay in bed the whole time. I won't even get up to go to the bathroom until you get back. Mom needs you there more than I need you here."
Kevin sighed. He knew he was fighting a losing battle. "Okay, I'll go. I'm going to keep my cell phone on vibrate though and I want you to call me if you have any problems at all. Promise me."
Lucy kissed him. "I promise. I don't want to take any chances with B.J. We'll lie here in bed and read or listen to music. Now go get changed before the family leaves without you."
Once he had changed into his suit, he sat on the bed next to Lucy. "I'm going to ask one more time because I'm worried about leaving you alone. Are you sure you are going to be okay?"
Lucy nodded. "Uncle Hank wouldn't have released me if it wasn't safe. I know I have to stay in bed and take it easy and I'm going to do that but I don't need you holding my hand every moment. Not that I mind holding your hand, understand. If it was anything other than the funeral I would want you here."
Kevin nodded. "Okay. I love you and I'll be back as soon as I can." Leaning down, Kevin kissed her stomach. "I love you too, B.J."
Lucy couldn't help but smile as her husband left the apartment. Was it really such a short time ago that the thought of having this baby had filled her with dread? Seeing how naturally Kevin had taken to the idea of becoming a father made her realize how foolish she'd been. She splayed her hand across her stomach and wished she could still hear the baby's heartbeat. Knowing that for the moment her baby was safe, Lucy allowed herself to drift off to sleep.
She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep when there was a knock on the door. Lucy sat up and blinked back the sleep from her eyes. "Come in."
She was surprised when Ginger entered the apartment. "Hi Ginger. Is the funeral over all ready?"
The older woman shook her head. "No. I thought today would be easier on your mother if I stayed away. I know how hard this is for her. I heard about you and the baby. How are you feeling?"
"I'm better now that it looks like the baby is okay. Ginger, I don't understand. Grandpa was your husband; how can you not say goodbye to him?"
Ginger sat on the edge of Lucy's bed and squeezed the younger girl's hand. "I can say goodbye to Charles without going to the funeral. Sometimes what we might want to do is not as important as what is right for someone we care about. I know you probably wanted to be at the funeral just as much as I did but you stayed home because it was the best thing for your baby. I stayed away because that was the best thing for your mother. I loved your grandfather, Lucy. I will feel his loss for a long time but I know that he is in a much better place. He's back with Jenny and together they are going to watch out for you and your baby."
Caressing her stomach tenderly, Lucy suddenly teared up and began to cry. Her own eyes wet with tears, Ginger hugged the younger woman. She held her until at long last Lucy hiccupped and pulled away. Embarrassed, Lucy wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm a little over emotional right now. So much has happened in such a little time. Ginger, I know you promised Mom never to try to take Grandma's place in our lives and you never have but even still I hope that you'll still feel like a part of our family."
Ginger smiled. "Try to keep me away. I knew I could never take your grandmother's place any more than your grandfather could take my first husband's place in my kids' lives but that never stopped me from loving all of you as my own."
**********
Annie closed the bedroom door behind her. The funeral had been hard, perhaps even harder than her mother's funeral had been. Downstairs, the house was full of well-meaning parishioners and friends offering their condolences. Feeling her composure ebbing away minute by minute, she'd finally excused herself to escape to the sanctity of her bedroom. Eric had given her a worried look but had left her alone. She appreciated the fact that he seemed to realize she needed the moment alone.
Lying on her bed, she began to sob in earnest. She couldn't believe her father was dead. Even at her age, she felt like an orphan now that both her parents were gone. She knew it was an irrational feeling. She was a grown woman with a husband and seven kids and was still reeling from the news that soon she would be a grandmother as well. But even all that didn't take away the profound sense of loss she was currently feeling.
Reaching for a tissue, she was surprised to see the envelope carrying the letter from her father on her bedside. She had forgotten she had put it there before getting ready for the funeral. Not wanting to read it but wanting a fresh connection to her father, she sat up and opened the envelope. It contained a single sheet of paper. Taking a shaky breath, she read her father's final words to her.
Dearest Annie,
Today I did something I never thought would be possible; I forgot who your mother was. I knew that this disease would be horrible and that I would ultimately lose my memories of everyone I held dear. Somehow though, I think I believed that the memories of my life with Jenny would be too sacred, too important for me to ever forget. I can live with not remembering where I put my house keys or if I like broccoli with or without cheese but I can't stand the thought of forgetting the most important person to ever enter my life. Don't get me wrong, Annie; I love Ginger and I'll forever be grateful that she came into my life. She has made these last couple of years livable and worthwhile but she could never completely take Jenny's place in my heart. Not that she ever tried, mind you. I would rather be with her in Heaven with my memories intact that alive on Earth locked in a pitiful state of forgetfulness. If I go today or next week, know that I love you, Eric and the kids. I'm glad I was able to see Lucy walk down the aisle to the man she loves. I hope she and Kevin will know all the love in their lives that I had with Jenny. I love you Kiddo but I'm ready to dance in your mother's arms once more.
Love you,
Daddy
**************
Eric found Annie a couple of hours later still clutching the letter and crying. He held her in his arms and read the letter she offered him to read. Once he was finished, he was crying as well. Finally Annie pulled away.
"He never said he was going to end his own life; only that he was ready to die."
Eric nodded. "I know. I understand how he feels. I couldn't imagine not being able to remember who you are or all the wonderful times we've shared together. You make up all the best parts of my life; I don't know how I could live without you. But if God forbid I had to, I would rely on those memories to see me through."
"I feel the same way. I guess we'll never know exactly what happened on that road but at least now I know for sure that Dad was prepared for the moment and maybe even embraced it a little. Even if I wasn't ready for this moment, he was and I have to accept that."
"I love you." Eric kissed Annie tenderly and then hugged her again.
"I love you too. I owe Ginger an apology; I acted so hateful to her."
"Later, for now, let's just hold each other for a little while and be glad we can."
Annie nodded and melted against her husband. And for a moment, just a moment, that moment was all that mattered to either of them.
THE END
"Thanks for letting us know. Yes, we'll be ready when they get here." Eric hung up the phone. Annie watched him from where she sat at the table, her expression one of concern. The twins were sitting next to her eating their breakfast. Eric smiled. "That was Hank. He's releasing Lucy this morning. So far she and the baby are fine. He is putting her on complete bed rest for a couple of days but he thinks she's over the worst."
Tears filled Annie's eyes. "Thank God. I don't think our family could take much more. I'll go up to the apartment after the twins finish breakfast and make sure everything is okay up there before they get home. Or maybe they should stay here in the house."
Eric sat down opposite her and took her hand in his. "I think they would be more comfortable in the apartment. The house will be full of people this afternoon after the funeral and Lucy wouldn't be able to get any rest. I guess you and I are going to be grandparents after all."
Annie nodded. "I want to be excited about the baby but to be honest."
"Right now, you are still reeling from the death of your father. Annie, have you read his letter yet?"
She shook her head. "I can't."
"Because you are afraid Ginger might be right?"
Annie jerked her hand away. "She's not right. Dad would never do what she's accused him of. She's not coming to his funeral, either. I don't want her there."
"You can't stop her from coming to her husband's funeral. I think you should read the letter. If nothing else, it's your father's last words to you."
Narrowing her eyes, Annie watched him carefully. "You believe her, don't you?"
Eric shrugged. "I didn't say that. I'm going to go upstairs and let the others know about Lucy."
As soon as Eric left the room, Annie picked up her father's hand and looked at it. Sam put down his spoon. "Are you going to read it, Mommy?"
"Yeah, read it." David echoed.
For a moment she considered opening it but then she set it back down. "Come on, let's go get the apartment ready for your sister."
*******
"I'm not going and that's final."
Lucy crossed her arms across her chest and stared at her husband with a frown on her face. She'd been home for a couple of hours and had obediently stayed in bed. Her parents, brothers, and sisters had been in and out since she arrived. By tacit agreement, she and Kevin had decided not to mention the names they had picked out in the wee hours of morning.
"Please. It's bad enough that I can't go to my grandfather's funeral; I want you there. I promise I'll stay in bed the whole time. I won't even get up to go to the bathroom until you get back. Mom needs you there more than I need you here."
Kevin sighed. He knew he was fighting a losing battle. "Okay, I'll go. I'm going to keep my cell phone on vibrate though and I want you to call me if you have any problems at all. Promise me."
Lucy kissed him. "I promise. I don't want to take any chances with B.J. We'll lie here in bed and read or listen to music. Now go get changed before the family leaves without you."
Once he had changed into his suit, he sat on the bed next to Lucy. "I'm going to ask one more time because I'm worried about leaving you alone. Are you sure you are going to be okay?"
Lucy nodded. "Uncle Hank wouldn't have released me if it wasn't safe. I know I have to stay in bed and take it easy and I'm going to do that but I don't need you holding my hand every moment. Not that I mind holding your hand, understand. If it was anything other than the funeral I would want you here."
Kevin nodded. "Okay. I love you and I'll be back as soon as I can." Leaning down, Kevin kissed her stomach. "I love you too, B.J."
Lucy couldn't help but smile as her husband left the apartment. Was it really such a short time ago that the thought of having this baby had filled her with dread? Seeing how naturally Kevin had taken to the idea of becoming a father made her realize how foolish she'd been. She splayed her hand across her stomach and wished she could still hear the baby's heartbeat. Knowing that for the moment her baby was safe, Lucy allowed herself to drift off to sleep.
She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep when there was a knock on the door. Lucy sat up and blinked back the sleep from her eyes. "Come in."
She was surprised when Ginger entered the apartment. "Hi Ginger. Is the funeral over all ready?"
The older woman shook her head. "No. I thought today would be easier on your mother if I stayed away. I know how hard this is for her. I heard about you and the baby. How are you feeling?"
"I'm better now that it looks like the baby is okay. Ginger, I don't understand. Grandpa was your husband; how can you not say goodbye to him?"
Ginger sat on the edge of Lucy's bed and squeezed the younger girl's hand. "I can say goodbye to Charles without going to the funeral. Sometimes what we might want to do is not as important as what is right for someone we care about. I know you probably wanted to be at the funeral just as much as I did but you stayed home because it was the best thing for your baby. I stayed away because that was the best thing for your mother. I loved your grandfather, Lucy. I will feel his loss for a long time but I know that he is in a much better place. He's back with Jenny and together they are going to watch out for you and your baby."
Caressing her stomach tenderly, Lucy suddenly teared up and began to cry. Her own eyes wet with tears, Ginger hugged the younger woman. She held her until at long last Lucy hiccupped and pulled away. Embarrassed, Lucy wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm a little over emotional right now. So much has happened in such a little time. Ginger, I know you promised Mom never to try to take Grandma's place in our lives and you never have but even still I hope that you'll still feel like a part of our family."
Ginger smiled. "Try to keep me away. I knew I could never take your grandmother's place any more than your grandfather could take my first husband's place in my kids' lives but that never stopped me from loving all of you as my own."
**********
Annie closed the bedroom door behind her. The funeral had been hard, perhaps even harder than her mother's funeral had been. Downstairs, the house was full of well-meaning parishioners and friends offering their condolences. Feeling her composure ebbing away minute by minute, she'd finally excused herself to escape to the sanctity of her bedroom. Eric had given her a worried look but had left her alone. She appreciated the fact that he seemed to realize she needed the moment alone.
Lying on her bed, she began to sob in earnest. She couldn't believe her father was dead. Even at her age, she felt like an orphan now that both her parents were gone. She knew it was an irrational feeling. She was a grown woman with a husband and seven kids and was still reeling from the news that soon she would be a grandmother as well. But even all that didn't take away the profound sense of loss she was currently feeling.
Reaching for a tissue, she was surprised to see the envelope carrying the letter from her father on her bedside. She had forgotten she had put it there before getting ready for the funeral. Not wanting to read it but wanting a fresh connection to her father, she sat up and opened the envelope. It contained a single sheet of paper. Taking a shaky breath, she read her father's final words to her.
Dearest Annie,
Today I did something I never thought would be possible; I forgot who your mother was. I knew that this disease would be horrible and that I would ultimately lose my memories of everyone I held dear. Somehow though, I think I believed that the memories of my life with Jenny would be too sacred, too important for me to ever forget. I can live with not remembering where I put my house keys or if I like broccoli with or without cheese but I can't stand the thought of forgetting the most important person to ever enter my life. Don't get me wrong, Annie; I love Ginger and I'll forever be grateful that she came into my life. She has made these last couple of years livable and worthwhile but she could never completely take Jenny's place in my heart. Not that she ever tried, mind you. I would rather be with her in Heaven with my memories intact that alive on Earth locked in a pitiful state of forgetfulness. If I go today or next week, know that I love you, Eric and the kids. I'm glad I was able to see Lucy walk down the aisle to the man she loves. I hope she and Kevin will know all the love in their lives that I had with Jenny. I love you Kiddo but I'm ready to dance in your mother's arms once more.
Love you,
Daddy
**************
Eric found Annie a couple of hours later still clutching the letter and crying. He held her in his arms and read the letter she offered him to read. Once he was finished, he was crying as well. Finally Annie pulled away.
"He never said he was going to end his own life; only that he was ready to die."
Eric nodded. "I know. I understand how he feels. I couldn't imagine not being able to remember who you are or all the wonderful times we've shared together. You make up all the best parts of my life; I don't know how I could live without you. But if God forbid I had to, I would rely on those memories to see me through."
"I feel the same way. I guess we'll never know exactly what happened on that road but at least now I know for sure that Dad was prepared for the moment and maybe even embraced it a little. Even if I wasn't ready for this moment, he was and I have to accept that."
"I love you." Eric kissed Annie tenderly and then hugged her again.
"I love you too. I owe Ginger an apology; I acted so hateful to her."
"Later, for now, let's just hold each other for a little while and be glad we can."
Annie nodded and melted against her husband. And for a moment, just a moment, that moment was all that mattered to either of them.
THE END
