Chapter 2 By: Amy25 and Kermy

I forgot, we don't own anything, unfortunatly. We live in a cardboard box on the side of the road. People sometimes spit on us. Have pity on us and review!

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Anyway, the night was approaching and Gandalf desperately needed to change his Depends, so they called it a night.

As they were setting up camp, Aragorn announced he was going to attempt to bathe in the river. While exiting the vicinity, he heard a burst of applause. He shrugged and went down to the riverside.

They finished their applause and went back to setting up camp. Sam was busying himself preparing the supper.

"What's on the menu tonight young Samwise?" questioned Gimli.

"Po-tay-toes." replied Sam.

"And a side order of rotten beard food, right Gamgee?" said Gimli bursting into manic laughter. Everyone stared.

"Ew." said Sam, going back to stewing his taters.

Legolas was sitting on soft leaves on the woodland floor admiring himself in a puddle of water and tying and retying his green leather boots.

While all this was happening, an innocent chipmunk scurried up to Frodo with an acorn and big googly eyes.

"What a cute little creature!" swooned Frodo. He reached out to pet it, but before he could Sam stomped all over the chipmunk and cried, "I'll save you Mista Frodo!"

The acorn rolled out from under his huge, hairy foot, and Frodo began to cry.

Merry and Pippin saw the incident and rushed over.

"I get the chipmunk, you can have the acorn, Merry," Pippin declared.

"Yummy!" Merry exclaimed.

Sam pulled the annihilated woodland creature from his bare foot, gave it to Pippin, and went back to his cooking.

Meanwhile, Aragorn neared the water's edge. As he was about to enter the cool refreshing water, he spotted a dark figure in the distance and decided to investigate. When he got pretty close to the individual, Aragorn saw that she had her hands submerged in the river frantically scrubbing.

"Damn permanent marker!" she muttered furiously.

"Arwen, is that you?" asked Aragorn. "What are you doing here?"

Arwen spun around and quickly hid her hands behind her back. "Um... just washing up."

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you later," Aragorn turned to leave.

Arwen gave a huge sigh of relief.

Aragorn stopped abruptly. "I almost forgot, isn't this your pendant?" He turned to face her.

"Ack!" Arwen tackled him to the ground, snatching the incredibly gaudy pendant from his neck and tossing it into the river.

"What was that for?" asked Aragorn confused.

"Oh, just destroying the evidence. I mean, I just love you so much!" she replied and threw her arms around his greasy neck. She shivered in disgust.

"Oh, okay, baby." said Aragorn delighted.

Arwen quickly ended the embrace between them and rode off on her horse into the sunset.

"Bye my love!" yelled Aragorn unsuspectingly.

He walked into the woods love-struck and returned to camp even dirtier from the tackle.

Legolas was scouting the premises when spots out Aragorn. Legolas walked toward him resisting the urge to shoot the filthy man with an arrow. He decided not to, and just gave Aragorn the famous sexy Elven pout. "I thought you were going to take a bath my friend," he said, keeping a safe distance away from the stench.

"No, not tonight, Lego. I ran into Arwen down at the ravine. She is so amazing. She makes me feel as if I could fly. My heart is bursting with love for that magnificent elf. I would die a thousand deaths for her and give her the stars if I could. She completes me." replied Aragorn as he stared off into space.

"Riiiiiiight. So, no bath then?" asked Legolas.

Aragorn came back from his wondering and managed to get out, "No."

They walked back to camp in silence and with Legolas pinching his nose to keep the foul smell out of his undefiled lungs.

Back at camp, Gandalf was entertaining himself and the hobbits by hitting Boromir repeatedly on the back of his head with his staff. Boromir didn't seem to notice, but looked around every once in a while, saying aloud, "Where is that coming from?" They stared, pointed, and laughed in delight at the poor excuse for a grown man.

Legolas entered the camp grounds with Aragorn who was still dazed. Everyone turned at the smell of wildflowers and crap, which is obviously not a good combination. The Fellowship's faces fell when they learned that he was still unsanitary.

"I thought you were going to de-grime yourself in the river?" asked Frodo.

"Sorry, little halfling. Maybe next movie," Aragorn said.

They all gave up on him and resorted to eating Sam's 'po-tay-toes'. Gimli skipped out on the fresh food and ate his "special left-overs". Then it was time for bed.

Sam slept right next to Frodo ready to pounce on any potential threat. Merry and Pippin had already fallen asleep from exhaustion from constantly stuffing their faces. Gandalf continued to pound Boromir on the head until he got bored and fell asleep. Aragorn eventually dozed off only to dream about Arwen.

Legolas saw this as an opportunity. He took out his Ralph Lauren Fern Fantasy cologne which was his favorite, but the strongest stuff he had with him. He sneaked his flawless self over to where Aragorn was sleeping.

Before he could spray him with the sweet smelling fragrance, his task was interrupted by Gandalf who woke up to change his Depends and was attracted to Legolas's hair like a moth to the flame. It was gleaming in the light of the full moon. He walked over to the immaculate elf and the man.

(A/N- Take out the part about the Depends, and the last two paragraphs could be from a gay romance fanfic...hehehe)

Gandalf quickly picked up on Lego's plan and gave him two thumbs up. He went back to his prior engagement of changing his adult diaper...right next to a sleeping Gimli.

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That's disgusting, isn't it? I hope you liked it. Now review! Or Gandalf will smack you with his stick. More funniness in the 3rd chapter...