Chapter 7

By Amy25 and Kermy

We still remember that small fry. Good news, we got a slinky and one twinkie. We had to split the twinkie though. Bad News, the slinky cut me and now I'm bleeding with out a bandage. Damn you slinky! At least the twinkie didn't harm anyone... Well anyway, time to figure out who that darn intruder is! Enjoy!

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Gandalf, Gimli, Merry, and Pippin were still at camp enjoying the freshly cooked ring-stealing bird that Legolas executed earlier that day. Suddenly, they heard an earsplitting scream coming from the river.

Gandalf and Gimli immediately raced toward the source of the cry of distress and fled into the brush leaving Merry and Pippin by themselves. Merry looked at Pippin.

"Do you think they want their food?" asked Pippin.

"Screw em!" replied Merry.

They took the food hastily.

"Say Pip, do you think they know?" questioned Merry with anxiously.

"Know what, Merry?" replied Pippin innocently.

"Oh, Pippin!" exaggerated Merry, profusely perturbed. "Here, come with me in my flashback!"

"Ok!" complied Pippin. It would his first flashback.

As soon as he said that Mike Myers and Dana Carvey stepped in.

They did spirit fingers up and down from Wayne's World and said "Dudaloo, dudaloo, dudaloo!"

Everything went wavy, and they were back in Chapter 5 when they ran off to go find nourishment.

Merry and Pippin scurried off the trail and into some thick brush. They looked around for a short while before getting acute hunger attacts. Merry spotted a woman with tangled hair and dark circles under her eyes.

"Look Pip, fresh meat with a rat's nest for hair! Let's eat her!" suggested Merry ravenously hungry.

"Ok, Merry," replied Pippin. "No one's around."

The hobbits snuck up to her, and attacked her from behind. They grabbed a hold of her leg and both gnawed at it viciously. She struggled for a while, broke free of their chewing, and stumbled away.

Wayne and Garth did the dudaloo thing again, this time with Merry and Pippin doing it too. They come back to the present.

"Hey, flashbacks are fun!" says Pippin, waving his fingers wildly.

Dr. Evil comes out from behind a tree. "See, you did do that, mmm hmm."

Merry and Pippin stare at him blankly.

"Shit."

He walks back into the brush silently.

Merry and Pippin finish all the bird and sit quietly for a minute.

Suddenly, Pippin realizes something, "Oh, crap! They might have found that girl we were munching on."

Merry's eyes widen. "We can't let that happen. Come on, let's go!"

They scamper off into the brush where Gandalf and Gimli had run off earlier.

Meanwhile when all this is happening, Frodo and Sam were having their own bizarre ordeal.

Frodo had fallen fast asleep under a tree.

He was silently dreaming about things unknown, making soft movements of contentment every once in a while.

In his tranquility, Frodo never thought that he didn't only have Sam pursuing him, but Gollum also.

He was awoken from his slumber by distraught and flustered voices speaking furtively not too far off.

When Frodo was finally completely conscious, he recognized one of the voices. He whirled his head around looking for the unmistakable identity of the voice, but could not discern any faces.

He knew Sam's voice when he heard it. But who was the other person? Who ever it was had a bad lisp and slurred their S's.

[Through Aragorn's stalker's eyes...]

She'd been following the Fellowship for days, watching Aragorn, obsessing over him. 'He will soon be mine. Oh yes, he will be mine.'

She came out of her drooling and noticed that he had noticed her too.

'They saw me!', she thought. She turned and ran as fast she could with her new prized possessions in hand.

She looked at the stolen property with an evil and longing grin, sniffing them and running them across her face and tangled hair.

Her legs were still in pain from those curly-haired midgets that attacked her.

She staggered only about 20 feet when she ran into a long white stick and everything went black.

Gandalf looked down at what had collided into his staff.

He saw a hideous, dirty girl lying unconscious on the ground with men's clothes tightly gripped in her hands.

Gimli screamed and yelled raising his axe, "Oh my, it's Swamp Thang!"

Gandalf smacked him with his staff and said, "We're not in the swamp, genius!" Gandalf was not in the mood for all these shenanigans, let alone Gimli. Plus, his Depends made a squishy sound whenever he walked!

"Hey, wait a minute! Aren't these Aragorn's clothes?" observed Gandalf confused.

Gandalf tried to get the clothes from the thief's grasp, but her fingers were locked tightly.

"I think they are, except that repulsive face looks familiar!" said Gimli baffled.

A light bulb goes off in Gandy's head.

"Oh gracious me, it's Eowyn. I couldn't tell from all that dirt on her face." said Gandalf proud of himself.

"And what are these marks on her legs?" wonders Gimli.

"They look like...bite marks," says Gandalf discombobulated.

Suddenly Eowyn wakes up and realizes that Gandalf is trying to take her cherished stolen goods.

"No! You'll never take these!" Eowyn shouted holding up the articles of clothing before darting off back into the woods.

"Riiiiiiiight," stated Gandalf as he squirmed in his soiled underpants.

"Skank," Gimli said under his breath.

Merry and Pippin are ran through the woods and bumped into a large, out of place tree.

"Well, Hellooooooo. I am TreeeeeBeard. Do you come from the circus, midgets?" greeted the tree.

"Holy crap, Pippin," says Merry in surprise. "It's a talking tree!"

Treebeard looked offended. "Treeee? I'm noooo treeeee."

Pippin raised his eyebrows. "Um, yeah. I think you are."

"Noooo, I'm noooooot," Treebeard claimed.

"Okay. Leaves, branches, bark, roots, TREE," Merry pointed out.

Treebeard took a long moment to survey himself.

"I think he's in denial, Merry," whispered Pippin.

"Heeeeeey," says Treebeard in a sudden revelation. "I aaaaaam a treeeeeee."

"No shit," Merry muttered.

"I ammmm haaaaaaaaving a baaaaaaaaaad daaaaaaay. Fiiiiiiirst, sooooomeoooooone puts clothes on meeeeeee, then I find oooooooout thaaaaaaat I'm a treeeeeeee!" distressed Treebeard.

"Did you see our friends?" inquired Pippin.

He pondered for a moment.

"Weeeeell, there waaaaaas soooome ooooooodd fellooooooow whoooooo waaaaas taaaaalking in Gibberrrrriiiiiish." replied Treebeard pointing behind him.

"Okay, thanks," said Merry, as the two hobbits sped off.

"Nooooooooooooo proooooooobleeeeeeem," said Treebeard, but they were long gone.

They found the whole group together except for Sam and Frodo.

Aragorn was wearing only bright red boxers that said, "Your immortality starts here."

Arwen decided to go with them because she fancied that pair anyway.

They found Frodo and Samwise a few minutes later, and The Fellowship of the Ring continued on.