It's so hard to be a teen-mutant-superhero By: Umbravulpes

Disclaimer: Look mom, I'm on the net! Oh yeah... still don't own this shit...

Authors Note: Oh shi- I mean- darn it! Haven't updated for so long! Oh, why do you pester me so school? Well, the good news is that I've been reading that parody version of Harry Potter and it's making me feel kinda funny... hmm.. maybe that isn't a good thing...

SCENE 10

The Institute The Kitchen (The MUTANTS are having a meeting)

SCOTT:

So it's decided, from now on we'll be called The X-Factored Group of Non- Drinking Aged Pro-Diversity Super Persons, or The X.F.G.O.N.D.A.P.D.S.P. for short.

KITTY:

Now we finally have a politically correct name. X-Men was so sexist.

JEAN:

I still don't see why we couldn't have been called The X-Persons?

ROGUE:

Do we get free mental-care?

SCOTT:

We're all going to need it after this, so yes.

PIETRO:

Has anyone seen Todd? We have all this Chinese food and he's not here eating it.

KURT:

Don't ask me! I don't care if zat dumpass frog throws himself under a bus!

JEAN:

No-one was asking you Kurt.

KURT:

Yeah, vell, don't even zink about asking, cause I hate zat bastard!

LANCE:

Okay...

ROGUE:

My head! My stomac! My heel! I think I'm getting a visit from aunt Flo.

SCOTT:

But Rogue, you don't have an aunt called Flo.

JEAN:

That's not what she's talking about. (whispers something to SCOTT)

SCOTT:

Oh...OH! Meeting's over!

(SCOTT runs away)

ROGUE:

Getting angry...

(PIETRO, LANCE, FRED and KURT leave, fast)

*~*~*~*~*

Somewhere else in The Institute

(The boys are not feeling well)

KURT:

I zink I'm gonna hurl.

FRED:

Why are girls so icky?

PIETRO:

(is hyperventilating)

SCOTT:

(rocking back and forth) Lal lal laa... I'm not listening...

LANCE:

I really don't see why you're acting like this. We know girls do that, there's nothing weird abou it. Just be happy that we don't get it.

SCOTT:

Hey that's right!

KURT:

I forgot about zat fact.

PIETRO:

But what about the stuff we get?

FRED:

Pietro, don't talk about icky stuff! Ew!

LANCE:

It's all natural.

PIETRO:

Since when have you been the school-nurse?

LANCE:

After playing doctor with Kitty.

FRED:

Oh no, here it comes.

PIETRO:

Not another song!

*MY DEFENSES ARE DOWN (Annie Get Your Gun)*

*LANCE*

I've had my way with so many girls

An' was lots of fun.

My scheme was to know many girls

To keep me safe from one

I find it can be done.

My defenses are down

She's broken my resistance

And I don't know where I am

I went into the fight like a lion

But I came out like a lamb.

My defenses are down

She's got me where she wants me

And I can't escape no how

I could speak to my heart when it wakened

But my heart won't listen now.

Like a toothless, clawless tiger,

Like an organ-grinder's bear,

Like a knight without his armor,

Like Samson without his hair.

My defenses are down

I might as well surrender

For the battle can't be won.

But I must confess that I like it,

So there's nothing to be done.

Yes, I must confess that I like it

Being miserable's gonna be fun

*ALL*

His defenses are down

She's broken my resistance

And he's in an awful jam.

*LANCE*

I went into the fight like a lion

*ALL*

But you came out like a lamb.

*LANCE*

My defenses are down

*ALL*

She's got you where she wants you

And you can't escape no how

*LANCE*

I could speak to my heart when it wakened

*ALL* But my heart won't listen now.

*LANCE*

Like a toothless, clawless tiger,

Like an organ-grinder's bear,

*ALL*

Like a knight without his armor,

*LANCE*

Like Samson without his hair.

My defenses are down

*ALL*

I might as well surrender

For the battle can't be won.

*LANCE*

But I must confess that I like it,

So there's nothing to be done.

*ALL*

Yes, I must confess that I like it

Being miserable's gonna be fun

*~*~*~*~*

In a random place in Bayville

(TODD is wandering around aimlessly, and of course he's singing)

*ON MY OWN (Les Miserables)*

*TODD*

And now I'm all alone again

Nowhere to turn, no one to go to

Without a home without a friend

Without a face to say hello to

And now the night is near

I can make believe he's here

Sometimes I walk alone at night

When everybody else is sleeping

I think of him and I'm happy

With the company I'm keeping

The city goes to bed

And I can live inside my head

On my own

Pretending he's beside me

All alone

I walk with him till morning

Without him

I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way I close my eyes

And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him

And although I know that he is blind

Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him

But when the night is over

He is gone

The river's just a river

Without him

The world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere

The streets are full of strangers

I love him

But every day I'm learning

All my life

I've only been pretending

Without me

His world would go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known

I love him

I love him

I love him

But only on my own.

(Unfortunately, TODD has wandered a little too close to the angry MOB)

MOB:

Look! A mutant! Get him! Kill! Kill! Kill!

TODD:

I'm not a mutant, yo! I'm just a kid, wandering the streets, singing love songs.

MOB:

We're not that dump! Kill! Kill! Hate! Hate! Hate!

(The MOB circles TODD)

MOB-MEMBER:

Any last words?

TODD:

Oh, shit... Next season, I want a real superpower...

*~*~*~*~*

In The Intitute's room of The Big TV

(KURT is sitting in front of the TV and looking forlorned)

*MOON (Notre Dame de Paris)*

*KURT*

Moon, you who shine your light.

Bright on the Bayville night.

See, how a man suffers all for love.

Clear, solitary star.

So far, vhen ze day returns.

Please hear.

Up zere so high ze cry of ze vorld.

Please hear ze cry, of a man in pain.

For whom all zose million stars.

Don't shine like zose shining eyes.

He loves vith a mortal love.

Moon

Moon, please don't disappear.

Before you have time to hear.

Just hear.

How cries ze heart of ze human beast.

Please hear ze cry, Nightcrawler cries.

He cries for his heart is full.

His voice over mountains flies.

So high, zat I know it flies to you.

Moon.

See, how zis man aspires.

To join, his poor voice vith angels.

Moon, you who shine your light.

For, poets as zey write.

See, how a man suffers all.

For love.

For love.

KURT:

Vait a minute. Vhy am I singing a song to ze Moon when I'm vatching TV?

NEWSPERSON:

In boring local news: An anti-mutant mob has been roaming around, causing great destruction and mayhem.

(TV shows footage of the MOB setting random fires all over the place)

NEWSPERSON:

Of course no-one is blaming these heroic indivituals, but the mutant scums, who's fault it all is anyway. The brave leader of the mindless mass of cows is James Epstein. According to Epstein, he was chosen by his god, Larry, to destroy all mutants. Starting woith a very nasty smelling one, who keeps saying 'yo' all the time.

KURT:

Todd! I must do something stupid and save him!

(KURT bamfs away)

Author's Note: What a cliffhanger! You've never seen the likes of this folks! You'll never guess what happens next! T-O-A-D! T-O-A-D!