Chapter 7: Sweet Sorrow
Malcolm awoke to find the lights on and sickbay abuzz with activity. Ensign Cutler was holding the baby, who was now wrapped in a blanket, up close to her shoulder and walking back and forth, jiggling him up and down and whispering "shhhhhh" softly into his ear. It seemed to be working because his cries soon quieted. Malcolm watched her silently and wondered how she knew to do that.
Phlox hurried by with a small bottle half-full of a white liquid. "Ah, Lieutenant, you've awakened just in time. It's feeding time."
Malcolm rubbed the sleep from his eyes, shook off the nightmare along with the blanket, and stood, uncertainly, steadying himself with a hand on the biobed.
"Come over here and sit in the recliner," Phlox said, patting the easy chair with one hand and gesturing to Malcolm with the other.
Malcolm shook his head. "I don't know how to feed a baby."
"Then you'll learn. It's really very simple."
"I'll just watch this time."
"Nonsense. You wanted to learn how to care for the baby, and feeding is an important part of that. Come on." Phlox patted the chair again, and this time Malcolm crossed to it reluctantly and sat. Cutler approached with a big smile on her face. She was still jiggling the baby up and down, and Malcolm found himself wondering if it was necessary to do that all the time when one was holding a baby.
"Lean back, Lieutenant, and get comfortable," she said. Malcolm shifted awkwardly in the chair.
"How should I hold him?"
"Put your arms out."
Malcolm complied, stiffly, and Cutler leaned over him and carefully shifted the baby from her arms to his. Malcolm sat up very straight and held his arms out slightly from his body to avoid crushing the baby. When the tiny body squirmed slightly, Malcolm tightened his grip and looked up at Cutler anxiously.
"Just relax, Lieutenant," she said. "Here, this will help." She put a pillow under Malcolm's elbow and gently pushed his arm down so it was resting against the pillow. "There, that's better."
"Are you ready, Lieutenant?" Phlox asked, and Malcolm nodded, hesitantly. Phlox moved in front of the chair and held out the bottle. Malcolm just looked at it.
"I don't have any free hands," he said, brows furrowed.
"Try holding the baby in just one arm."
Malcolm shifted, gracelessly, until the baby's head was nestled in the crook of his left elbow and his left hand was supporting the baby's hips. Then he carefully worked his right hand free to take the bottle.
"Ah, much better. You see, you're a natural at this," Phlox beamed. Malcolm didn't return the smile. He didn't think he was a natural at this. In fact, he was sure he was a complete and utter disaster when it came to infant care.
"Now, touch his cheek with the nipple, just lightly."
"His cheek? Don't I want it to go into his mouth?"
"Just be patient. When you touch his cheek, he should turn toward the nipple and open his mouth. Then you can put the nipple into his mouth."
Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, especially because both Phlox and Cutler were leaning over him with encouraging smiles on their faces, Malcolm touched the baby's cheek with the nipple. Just as Phlox had predicted, the tiny head turned desperately toward the nipple, and his mouth opened wide. Malcolm jammed the nipple into the gaping maw, and the baby began to suck noisily, his blue eyes very wide.
Malcolm looked up at Phlox with a surprised little smile on his face. "I did it."
Phlox returned the grin. "Yes, you did. Excellent!"
"How much will he eat?"
"As much as he wants."
"How will I know when he's done?"
"You'll know. When he stops sucking and loses interest, he's probably done."
"All right." Malcolm settled back in the chair just a little, the surprised smile still on his lips.
"Well, I don't think you need me for a while. When he's finished, I'll show you how to burp him. Ensign, why don't you go rest now? I'll call you if I need you."
"Yes, Doctor. Lieutenant, you look great. I'll see you later."
Malcolm nodded distractedly at her and returned his attention to the baby, who was still sucking greedily. A trickle of milk oozed out of the corner of the baby's mouth and dripped down to his chin, which Malcolm noticed for the first time had a tiny cleft in it, like his did.
The rest of the baby's face: cheekbones, mouth, ears, even delicately upswept eyebrows, looked so much like T'Pol that it took Malcolm's breath away. He had told himself that he couldn't open his heart, even a crack, that he had to protect himself from the emotions that threatened to swallow him up, but now, looking into the face of his son, suddenly that self- protection didn't seem so important anymore.
The baby had worked one hand free from the blanket that cocooned him, and latched onto Malcolm's finger, and Malcolm suddenly felt tears spring to his eyes. One tear slipped down his cheek, but he had no free hands to wipe it away so it dripped silently off his chin and was absorbed into the blanket. Another drop quickly followed, and then another. Whereas before he had cried out of loneliness and despair, his tears now were bittersweet, filled with a heart-rending combination of sorrow and joy.
"Aidan," Malcolm whispered. "Hello, Aidan. I'm your daddy."
++
Three months later . . .
Malcolm threw a quick glance at the chronometer as he stuffed a handful of diapers into his shoulderbag. Five minutes left. He spotted Aidan's stuffed "Pooh bear," which had been a gift from Hoshi, lying half under the bed. He scooped it up and tossed it into the bag.
Malcolm picked up his photos from off his nightstand. He had chosen one of the entire crew in particular to take with them because he and T'Pol were standing side-by-side, and T'Pol even had a tiny smile on her face. He carefully slipped the photos into the outside pocket of his suitcase, which lay open on the floor.
He took one last look over the contents of the suitcase. T'Pol's copy of Surak's Meditations, along with a small candle, lay on top, and he tucked them down into a side pocket for safe-keeping.
Malcolm carefully snapped the suitcase shut and stood it up. It seemed pitifully small to contain everything he owned in the universe. He had given most of T'Pol's things away to various crewmembers, for them to remember her by, although he had kept a few things for Aidan, so that he could know his mother.
With a sigh, Malcolm stood and turned back to the bed, and his downcast expression melted into a contented smile. Just enough time for one last diaper change, he thought. He bent over Aidan, who was lying on the bed kicking his legs vigorously, and tickled him under the chin. He was rewarded with a toothless grin and a trickle of spit-up.
"Oops." Malcolm dug a burp cloth out of the shoulderbag and wiped the spit- up away. "I'll bet we'll need that cloth again later, don't you think?" he said with a goofy grin at the baby, who giggled and cooed in reply. Malcolm dropped the cloth onto the bed, then quickly changed the diaper, which was only wet.
He was just finishing sealing the tapes when there was a quiet knock at the door. He reached up over Aidan's head and tapped the comm. "Come in," he said while snapping up the legs of the baby's sleeper. He tossed the cloth onto his shoulder, then gently picked up the baby and turned around to see Hoshi standing in the doorway smiling at him.
"Hi, Malcolm. I didn't want to ring the bell in case Aidan was sleeping."
"Hello, Hoshi. No, he's wide awake."
"Are you ready to go?"
"Just about." Balancing the baby with one arm, Malcolm scooped up the shoulderbag and put the strap over his other shoulder.
"I can carry your suitcase."
"Thanks."
Hoshi stepped forward, took the handle of the suitcase and began to pull it out the door. Malcolm followed, but hesitated in the doorway. This would likely be the last time he would ever set foot in this room, he realized. His last few moments as a member of the crew of Enterprise.
He looked around the room for a moment, but realized that he felt no special attachment to it. Blank gray walls, stripped down single bunk, empty desk. There was nothing in this room that he would miss. He smiled down at his infant son, who was now snuggled against his shoulder, and kissed him on the tip of one pointed ear.
"Computer, lights off." The room dimmed, and Malcolm stepped out into the corridor after Hoshi, who was waiting for him with a sad smile.
"Ready?"
He nodded at her and they proceeded down the corridor in silence. Malcolm's thoughts turned, as they often did these days, to the future, which still seemed very insecure and uncertain. The familiar anxiety settled in his stomach. He still didn't know where he was going to live, or how he would support himself and Aidan. These questions would have to be answered, and soon. And he would have to answer them himself, as he could expect no one else to help him. One of the things that had attracted him to the military was the chain of command. Someone else gave the orders and he followed them. It was safer that way. Now that safety net was to be taken away, and Malcolm felt he was walking a very narrow tightrope.
When they reached the docking port, Malcolm wasn't surprised to see the captain, Travis, and Trip waiting for him. Archer and Mayweather nodded and smiled at him. Trip nodded a second later, and his smile was somewhat less enthusiastic. When Malcolm returned the smile, Trip looked away and took a step back so that he was behind the captain's shoulder. Malcolm stifled a sigh. So it's still like that, is it? He thought.
"There's my favorite crewmember!" Archer said jovially. He bent over Aidan and tickled him on the neck, which elicited a giggle. "Can I take him?"
"Of course." Malcolm passed over the baby, and Archer took him, jiggling him up and down slightly. "Careful, he just ate."
Malcolm noticed out of the corner of his eye that Trip was watching the baby with a wistful expression on his face, but he didn't ask to hold him, so Malcolm didn't offer.
Hoshi and Travis both gathered around Archer and the baby, leaving Malcolm and Trip both standing back away from the group. Malcolm tried again to catch Trip's eye, but was unsuccessful. From a few steps away, Trip was still looking over Archer's shoulder, his eyebrows drawn together, chewing the inside of his lip.
Watching Trip, Malcolm felt a deep pang of regret. They had never managed to patch things up between them, mainly because Trip had avoided almost all contact. His few visits had been awkward and short. He had never asked to hold the baby, and the one time Malcolm had offered, Trip had refused. Malcolm knew why, of course. Guilt. It practically rolled off Trip in waves, which Malcolm found almost overwhelming. After three months, Malcolm had nearly managed to shake the deep depression he had experienced after T'Pol's death, but every time Trip was around, the darkness crashed in around him again. Finally Malcolm had decided it wasn't worth it. He couldn't fix what was wrong with Trip. Trip would have to do it himself. So Malcolm had washed his hands of all responsibility for Trip's emotional condition, and tried to move on. He felt he had to, for Aidan's sake. But it still hurt.
A deep clunking heralded the arrival of the transport. The lights on the control panel glowed red and then green, and Travis stepped forward and opened the airlock.
Malcolm was still watching his friends coo over his baby, so he was surprised to hear a familiar voice. "Malcolm!!"
He looked up and saw Maddie, hurrying toward him with her arms out. Still in shock, he opened his arms. She ran into them and he engulfed her in a hug.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, pushing her back to arm's length to look at her.
"I couldn't let my brother come home and not be here to greet him, could I?"
Malcolm looked up at Archer, who was grinning from ear to ear. Archer winked at him, and Malcolm nodded his thanks.
"Now I hear you're bringing home a little addition. Where is he?" Maddie scanned the group, and when her gaze fell on the baby, her eyes lit up. "Oh, Malcolm, he's beautiful."
A small grin tugged at Malcolm's mouth. "Well, I think so."
Maddie crossed to Archer, who willingly handed over the baby. She took him awkwardly, like she didn't know where to put her hands. "He's so light. I haven't held a baby in a long time. Look at those ears! Oh, how marvelous!"
Malcolm's grin widened to see his very single, very childless sister so excited over a baby. Maddie had always said she never wanted children of her own, and privately she had told Malcolm she thought most babies were incredibly ugly.
"Malcolm, you really must come to San Francisco to live so I can be near this adorable baby."
"I haven't decided where we're going to live yet."
"Oh, but you must! It's beautiful there, and the weather will remind you of home. But you've been there before, haven't you? Of course. That's where the Academy is." She bent over the baby again, one finger tracing his ear. "Oh, he's beautiful. I'm so jealous!" Hoshi leaned in with her and both women cooed at Aidan until he giggled in delight.
"All right, folks, the transport's waiting," said Archer. "Malcolm, we're sorry to lose you."
Malcolm held out his hand, but Archer ignored it and instead pulled him in for a long hug. "Write to us, ok?" he said, and Malcolm nodded against his shoulder. Next Travis and Hoshi came over and Malcolm embraced each of them.
"I hope we can see you again soon," Hoshi said. "We'll be at Jupiter Station for a couple of weeks, you know. And they're talking about giving us some leave before we head out again. Maybe we can visit, help you get settled."
"I'd like that."
"Let us know where you end up," said Travis.
"Send lots of pictures," Archer put in.
"I will."
Although he was involved in conversation with Hoshi, Travis and the captain, Malcolm was peripherally aware that Trip was talking to Aidan, who was still in Maddie's arms. "Goodbye, little man," he heard Trip say, softly. "Don't forget your Uncle Trip."
Trip looked up and their eyes met, briefly, and before Trip's gaze flicked away again, Malcolm got a glimpse of the pain in his eyes. He felt his heart soften, and he knew he couldn't leave things like this between them. He took a step toward Trip, but Trip backed up, hands in his pockets, head down.
"Trip, can I talk to you?" he asked quietly.
Trip's head popped up, eyes wary, and then he shrugged. "I guess so."
Malcolm put his hand on Trip's back and steered him around the corner. Trip continued to chew the inside of his lip, eyes looking everywhere but at Malcolm.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to say that--I don't blame you for what happened."
"I know you don't. I blame myself," Trip said dully.
"Trip, I forgive you."
"What--what do you mean?"
"I forgive you. It's over and done with. No more guilt."
"You forgive me?" There was a tiny spark in Trip's eye now.
"Yes. I'm not going to let unforgiveness and bitterness ruin my life and my relationships like my father has."
Trip's lip quirked up into a half-smile. "I told ya you weren't like him."
"I've decided you're right. I've also decided something else."
"What?"
"Aidan's middle name will be Charles, after you."
The grin spread. "Really? Aidan Charles Reed. Sounds good."
Trip grabbed Malcolm in an enthusiastic hug, which Malcolm returned wholeheartedly. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he was light as a feather.
When they parted, Trip sniffled and swiped at his eyes with his sleeve. Malcolm patted him on the shoulder. "Goodbye, Uncle Trip."
Trip shook his head. "No, not goodbye. See you later . . . Daddy."
Malcolm chuckled softly. "All right. See you later." At that moment, he heard a loud cry coming from around the corner, a cry that quickly worked itself up into a wail.
"Er, Malcolm?" came Maddie's voice.
"Coming," he called, then added to Trip, "duty calls."
He rounded the corner and took Aidan, who was now red-faced and screaming, from Maddie's arms, put him up on his shoulder, and gently patted his back. The baby quieted immediately. Malcolm looked up to see his crewmates and sister staring at him with identical grins on their faces.
"Looks like you've got the magic touch, Malcolm," Archer said.
Malcolm gave him an embarrassed smile. "Well, everyone, I'll see you all later."
With his son in his arms, he hoisted the duffel up over his shoulder and turned away from his friends, toward the shuttle, toward the future. He still didn't know exactly what would happen when he stepped off the ship, but he knew he wasn't alone, and that fact in itself made the journey bearable.
++
A/N: OK, maybe there are happy endings. At least bittersweet endings, anyway. Just the epilogue left to go.
Malcolm awoke to find the lights on and sickbay abuzz with activity. Ensign Cutler was holding the baby, who was now wrapped in a blanket, up close to her shoulder and walking back and forth, jiggling him up and down and whispering "shhhhhh" softly into his ear. It seemed to be working because his cries soon quieted. Malcolm watched her silently and wondered how she knew to do that.
Phlox hurried by with a small bottle half-full of a white liquid. "Ah, Lieutenant, you've awakened just in time. It's feeding time."
Malcolm rubbed the sleep from his eyes, shook off the nightmare along with the blanket, and stood, uncertainly, steadying himself with a hand on the biobed.
"Come over here and sit in the recliner," Phlox said, patting the easy chair with one hand and gesturing to Malcolm with the other.
Malcolm shook his head. "I don't know how to feed a baby."
"Then you'll learn. It's really very simple."
"I'll just watch this time."
"Nonsense. You wanted to learn how to care for the baby, and feeding is an important part of that. Come on." Phlox patted the chair again, and this time Malcolm crossed to it reluctantly and sat. Cutler approached with a big smile on her face. She was still jiggling the baby up and down, and Malcolm found himself wondering if it was necessary to do that all the time when one was holding a baby.
"Lean back, Lieutenant, and get comfortable," she said. Malcolm shifted awkwardly in the chair.
"How should I hold him?"
"Put your arms out."
Malcolm complied, stiffly, and Cutler leaned over him and carefully shifted the baby from her arms to his. Malcolm sat up very straight and held his arms out slightly from his body to avoid crushing the baby. When the tiny body squirmed slightly, Malcolm tightened his grip and looked up at Cutler anxiously.
"Just relax, Lieutenant," she said. "Here, this will help." She put a pillow under Malcolm's elbow and gently pushed his arm down so it was resting against the pillow. "There, that's better."
"Are you ready, Lieutenant?" Phlox asked, and Malcolm nodded, hesitantly. Phlox moved in front of the chair and held out the bottle. Malcolm just looked at it.
"I don't have any free hands," he said, brows furrowed.
"Try holding the baby in just one arm."
Malcolm shifted, gracelessly, until the baby's head was nestled in the crook of his left elbow and his left hand was supporting the baby's hips. Then he carefully worked his right hand free to take the bottle.
"Ah, much better. You see, you're a natural at this," Phlox beamed. Malcolm didn't return the smile. He didn't think he was a natural at this. In fact, he was sure he was a complete and utter disaster when it came to infant care.
"Now, touch his cheek with the nipple, just lightly."
"His cheek? Don't I want it to go into his mouth?"
"Just be patient. When you touch his cheek, he should turn toward the nipple and open his mouth. Then you can put the nipple into his mouth."
Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, especially because both Phlox and Cutler were leaning over him with encouraging smiles on their faces, Malcolm touched the baby's cheek with the nipple. Just as Phlox had predicted, the tiny head turned desperately toward the nipple, and his mouth opened wide. Malcolm jammed the nipple into the gaping maw, and the baby began to suck noisily, his blue eyes very wide.
Malcolm looked up at Phlox with a surprised little smile on his face. "I did it."
Phlox returned the grin. "Yes, you did. Excellent!"
"How much will he eat?"
"As much as he wants."
"How will I know when he's done?"
"You'll know. When he stops sucking and loses interest, he's probably done."
"All right." Malcolm settled back in the chair just a little, the surprised smile still on his lips.
"Well, I don't think you need me for a while. When he's finished, I'll show you how to burp him. Ensign, why don't you go rest now? I'll call you if I need you."
"Yes, Doctor. Lieutenant, you look great. I'll see you later."
Malcolm nodded distractedly at her and returned his attention to the baby, who was still sucking greedily. A trickle of milk oozed out of the corner of the baby's mouth and dripped down to his chin, which Malcolm noticed for the first time had a tiny cleft in it, like his did.
The rest of the baby's face: cheekbones, mouth, ears, even delicately upswept eyebrows, looked so much like T'Pol that it took Malcolm's breath away. He had told himself that he couldn't open his heart, even a crack, that he had to protect himself from the emotions that threatened to swallow him up, but now, looking into the face of his son, suddenly that self- protection didn't seem so important anymore.
The baby had worked one hand free from the blanket that cocooned him, and latched onto Malcolm's finger, and Malcolm suddenly felt tears spring to his eyes. One tear slipped down his cheek, but he had no free hands to wipe it away so it dripped silently off his chin and was absorbed into the blanket. Another drop quickly followed, and then another. Whereas before he had cried out of loneliness and despair, his tears now were bittersweet, filled with a heart-rending combination of sorrow and joy.
"Aidan," Malcolm whispered. "Hello, Aidan. I'm your daddy."
++
Three months later . . .
Malcolm threw a quick glance at the chronometer as he stuffed a handful of diapers into his shoulderbag. Five minutes left. He spotted Aidan's stuffed "Pooh bear," which had been a gift from Hoshi, lying half under the bed. He scooped it up and tossed it into the bag.
Malcolm picked up his photos from off his nightstand. He had chosen one of the entire crew in particular to take with them because he and T'Pol were standing side-by-side, and T'Pol even had a tiny smile on her face. He carefully slipped the photos into the outside pocket of his suitcase, which lay open on the floor.
He took one last look over the contents of the suitcase. T'Pol's copy of Surak's Meditations, along with a small candle, lay on top, and he tucked them down into a side pocket for safe-keeping.
Malcolm carefully snapped the suitcase shut and stood it up. It seemed pitifully small to contain everything he owned in the universe. He had given most of T'Pol's things away to various crewmembers, for them to remember her by, although he had kept a few things for Aidan, so that he could know his mother.
With a sigh, Malcolm stood and turned back to the bed, and his downcast expression melted into a contented smile. Just enough time for one last diaper change, he thought. He bent over Aidan, who was lying on the bed kicking his legs vigorously, and tickled him under the chin. He was rewarded with a toothless grin and a trickle of spit-up.
"Oops." Malcolm dug a burp cloth out of the shoulderbag and wiped the spit- up away. "I'll bet we'll need that cloth again later, don't you think?" he said with a goofy grin at the baby, who giggled and cooed in reply. Malcolm dropped the cloth onto the bed, then quickly changed the diaper, which was only wet.
He was just finishing sealing the tapes when there was a quiet knock at the door. He reached up over Aidan's head and tapped the comm. "Come in," he said while snapping up the legs of the baby's sleeper. He tossed the cloth onto his shoulder, then gently picked up the baby and turned around to see Hoshi standing in the doorway smiling at him.
"Hi, Malcolm. I didn't want to ring the bell in case Aidan was sleeping."
"Hello, Hoshi. No, he's wide awake."
"Are you ready to go?"
"Just about." Balancing the baby with one arm, Malcolm scooped up the shoulderbag and put the strap over his other shoulder.
"I can carry your suitcase."
"Thanks."
Hoshi stepped forward, took the handle of the suitcase and began to pull it out the door. Malcolm followed, but hesitated in the doorway. This would likely be the last time he would ever set foot in this room, he realized. His last few moments as a member of the crew of Enterprise.
He looked around the room for a moment, but realized that he felt no special attachment to it. Blank gray walls, stripped down single bunk, empty desk. There was nothing in this room that he would miss. He smiled down at his infant son, who was now snuggled against his shoulder, and kissed him on the tip of one pointed ear.
"Computer, lights off." The room dimmed, and Malcolm stepped out into the corridor after Hoshi, who was waiting for him with a sad smile.
"Ready?"
He nodded at her and they proceeded down the corridor in silence. Malcolm's thoughts turned, as they often did these days, to the future, which still seemed very insecure and uncertain. The familiar anxiety settled in his stomach. He still didn't know where he was going to live, or how he would support himself and Aidan. These questions would have to be answered, and soon. And he would have to answer them himself, as he could expect no one else to help him. One of the things that had attracted him to the military was the chain of command. Someone else gave the orders and he followed them. It was safer that way. Now that safety net was to be taken away, and Malcolm felt he was walking a very narrow tightrope.
When they reached the docking port, Malcolm wasn't surprised to see the captain, Travis, and Trip waiting for him. Archer and Mayweather nodded and smiled at him. Trip nodded a second later, and his smile was somewhat less enthusiastic. When Malcolm returned the smile, Trip looked away and took a step back so that he was behind the captain's shoulder. Malcolm stifled a sigh. So it's still like that, is it? He thought.
"There's my favorite crewmember!" Archer said jovially. He bent over Aidan and tickled him on the neck, which elicited a giggle. "Can I take him?"
"Of course." Malcolm passed over the baby, and Archer took him, jiggling him up and down slightly. "Careful, he just ate."
Malcolm noticed out of the corner of his eye that Trip was watching the baby with a wistful expression on his face, but he didn't ask to hold him, so Malcolm didn't offer.
Hoshi and Travis both gathered around Archer and the baby, leaving Malcolm and Trip both standing back away from the group. Malcolm tried again to catch Trip's eye, but was unsuccessful. From a few steps away, Trip was still looking over Archer's shoulder, his eyebrows drawn together, chewing the inside of his lip.
Watching Trip, Malcolm felt a deep pang of regret. They had never managed to patch things up between them, mainly because Trip had avoided almost all contact. His few visits had been awkward and short. He had never asked to hold the baby, and the one time Malcolm had offered, Trip had refused. Malcolm knew why, of course. Guilt. It practically rolled off Trip in waves, which Malcolm found almost overwhelming. After three months, Malcolm had nearly managed to shake the deep depression he had experienced after T'Pol's death, but every time Trip was around, the darkness crashed in around him again. Finally Malcolm had decided it wasn't worth it. He couldn't fix what was wrong with Trip. Trip would have to do it himself. So Malcolm had washed his hands of all responsibility for Trip's emotional condition, and tried to move on. He felt he had to, for Aidan's sake. But it still hurt.
A deep clunking heralded the arrival of the transport. The lights on the control panel glowed red and then green, and Travis stepped forward and opened the airlock.
Malcolm was still watching his friends coo over his baby, so he was surprised to hear a familiar voice. "Malcolm!!"
He looked up and saw Maddie, hurrying toward him with her arms out. Still in shock, he opened his arms. She ran into them and he engulfed her in a hug.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, pushing her back to arm's length to look at her.
"I couldn't let my brother come home and not be here to greet him, could I?"
Malcolm looked up at Archer, who was grinning from ear to ear. Archer winked at him, and Malcolm nodded his thanks.
"Now I hear you're bringing home a little addition. Where is he?" Maddie scanned the group, and when her gaze fell on the baby, her eyes lit up. "Oh, Malcolm, he's beautiful."
A small grin tugged at Malcolm's mouth. "Well, I think so."
Maddie crossed to Archer, who willingly handed over the baby. She took him awkwardly, like she didn't know where to put her hands. "He's so light. I haven't held a baby in a long time. Look at those ears! Oh, how marvelous!"
Malcolm's grin widened to see his very single, very childless sister so excited over a baby. Maddie had always said she never wanted children of her own, and privately she had told Malcolm she thought most babies were incredibly ugly.
"Malcolm, you really must come to San Francisco to live so I can be near this adorable baby."
"I haven't decided where we're going to live yet."
"Oh, but you must! It's beautiful there, and the weather will remind you of home. But you've been there before, haven't you? Of course. That's where the Academy is." She bent over the baby again, one finger tracing his ear. "Oh, he's beautiful. I'm so jealous!" Hoshi leaned in with her and both women cooed at Aidan until he giggled in delight.
"All right, folks, the transport's waiting," said Archer. "Malcolm, we're sorry to lose you."
Malcolm held out his hand, but Archer ignored it and instead pulled him in for a long hug. "Write to us, ok?" he said, and Malcolm nodded against his shoulder. Next Travis and Hoshi came over and Malcolm embraced each of them.
"I hope we can see you again soon," Hoshi said. "We'll be at Jupiter Station for a couple of weeks, you know. And they're talking about giving us some leave before we head out again. Maybe we can visit, help you get settled."
"I'd like that."
"Let us know where you end up," said Travis.
"Send lots of pictures," Archer put in.
"I will."
Although he was involved in conversation with Hoshi, Travis and the captain, Malcolm was peripherally aware that Trip was talking to Aidan, who was still in Maddie's arms. "Goodbye, little man," he heard Trip say, softly. "Don't forget your Uncle Trip."
Trip looked up and their eyes met, briefly, and before Trip's gaze flicked away again, Malcolm got a glimpse of the pain in his eyes. He felt his heart soften, and he knew he couldn't leave things like this between them. He took a step toward Trip, but Trip backed up, hands in his pockets, head down.
"Trip, can I talk to you?" he asked quietly.
Trip's head popped up, eyes wary, and then he shrugged. "I guess so."
Malcolm put his hand on Trip's back and steered him around the corner. Trip continued to chew the inside of his lip, eyes looking everywhere but at Malcolm.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to say that--I don't blame you for what happened."
"I know you don't. I blame myself," Trip said dully.
"Trip, I forgive you."
"What--what do you mean?"
"I forgive you. It's over and done with. No more guilt."
"You forgive me?" There was a tiny spark in Trip's eye now.
"Yes. I'm not going to let unforgiveness and bitterness ruin my life and my relationships like my father has."
Trip's lip quirked up into a half-smile. "I told ya you weren't like him."
"I've decided you're right. I've also decided something else."
"What?"
"Aidan's middle name will be Charles, after you."
The grin spread. "Really? Aidan Charles Reed. Sounds good."
Trip grabbed Malcolm in an enthusiastic hug, which Malcolm returned wholeheartedly. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and he was light as a feather.
When they parted, Trip sniffled and swiped at his eyes with his sleeve. Malcolm patted him on the shoulder. "Goodbye, Uncle Trip."
Trip shook his head. "No, not goodbye. See you later . . . Daddy."
Malcolm chuckled softly. "All right. See you later." At that moment, he heard a loud cry coming from around the corner, a cry that quickly worked itself up into a wail.
"Er, Malcolm?" came Maddie's voice.
"Coming," he called, then added to Trip, "duty calls."
He rounded the corner and took Aidan, who was now red-faced and screaming, from Maddie's arms, put him up on his shoulder, and gently patted his back. The baby quieted immediately. Malcolm looked up to see his crewmates and sister staring at him with identical grins on their faces.
"Looks like you've got the magic touch, Malcolm," Archer said.
Malcolm gave him an embarrassed smile. "Well, everyone, I'll see you all later."
With his son in his arms, he hoisted the duffel up over his shoulder and turned away from his friends, toward the shuttle, toward the future. He still didn't know exactly what would happen when he stepped off the ship, but he knew he wasn't alone, and that fact in itself made the journey bearable.
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A/N: OK, maybe there are happy endings. At least bittersweet endings, anyway. Just the epilogue left to go.
