LP HP: Second Dose- A Story in Twenty-Eight Snippets

by Tavalya Ra

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J. K. Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. Rowling is a goddess; may she have mercy on my soul for writing this.

Author's Notes: Thank you to Mawkish for putting me up to the challenge of writing this and to everyone who read and commented upon the story in April- especially Skip, who never failed to make me laugh.

To Alicorn- I will try to update daily. Time constraints in the near future may prevent me from going on-line as often as I would like. To risi- Severus has accepted a post as overlord of Sirius's living hell. To Exwhyzed- I would prefer to allow the story to answer your question. Thank you also to melodie and viky_mama for reviewing.

If anyone wishes to archive this story on his or her site, please contact me at clearbluedelphia@yahoo.com.

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Story Note: I am not trying to make any sort of statement through Snape's attitude. His perspective is simply necessary for the plot to continue.

Snippet #6: A Matter of Want

Sirius had lost his appetite, but he prepared dinner anyway. Two hours later, when Severus did not appear, he cleared the dishes and charmed the uneaten food against spoilage.

Returning to the living room, he raised his wand and muttered, "Gossmere!" conjuring his night robes around his body. Another long night alone on the sofa.

No, he suddenly thought. No, I don't want to let this one slide.

He padded upstairs and sneaked into the bedchamber. Severus was sleeping on his side with his face to the wall. Sirius slipped under the covers and wrapped his arm around his waist. It rested perfectly in the newly formed curve of Severus's figure.

"What do you want?" Severus mumbled sourly in the dark.

"To hold you."

"You're sappy."

Sirius snuggled against him. "I love you."

Severus snorted. Sirius kissed the back of his neck and felt him relax into his embrace.

"I didn't meant to upset you, Severus. But you have to understand, this isn't just your life or my life anymore. It's our life. I only want what's best for us. What if something happened with the baby and you needed to go to the Infirmary? How are you going to get there? You can't Apparate and I can't take you there in Animagus form."

Sirius continued, "We don't exactly have a normal situation here- and I don't mean because you're pregnant. Wanted Azkaban escapee? Ex-Death Eater spy? Our circumstances are hardly ideal. And, hey, living in the castle won't exactly be peachy for me. I'll have to be a dog most of the time or stay trapped in your bedroom."

"Sirius Black trapped in my bedroom," Severus muttered. "Oh dear. Whatever will I do with him."

"Please, no handcuffs."

Severus did not laugh. He stayed silent for a moment, then asked, "You really want us to move into the castle?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "Fine. Fine, but not yet. I'm only two months pregnant, Sirius. I'm hardly ready to pop."

The room stole into silence and a troubling thought crept into Sirius's mind. After a few minutes, he decided to voice it.

"Severus, I get the impression that you don't want this baby."

"It's not a matter of want," the other man grumbled. Sirius felt him tense.

"Severus-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" he snapped in agitation. "I do not want to talk about it. I've made my choice and I don't care if you understand or not!"

An irrational, indefinable fear overtook Sirius. He clutched Severus tighter. The other man was quivering.

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Severus did not want this child. The last thing on earth he wanted was this child. Into what sort of life could it possibly be born? Only one of misery.

But his conscience would not allow him any alternative. His past, he knew, would always haunt him; even if Voldemort were to die, he would never escape it. Once, he had murdered and laughed in exaltation at the kill. The man he had been and the man he was now were two very different people, but both were still himself, Severus Snape.

He had crawled on his knees to the Light. Only by the mercy of Albus Dumbledore had he received it.

He told himself his attitude was irrational. That an abortion was hardly the same as an Avada Kedavra. But he could not convince himself. If he killed this baby, his own baby, it would only prove he was still- inside- a monster.