"Wow… what IS that thing? Hehe… it's all jiggly."
"That's a PERSON, Dad… A fat, ugly, naked person… Whoa, she's about 3 times the size of fat Majin Buu! Supreme Kai, I think this is the wrong room… or house… or planet… or… something...'
"No, we have the correct room. This is Susan Maria Smith. She is going to defeat the GENERIC EVIL MONSTER."
"WHAT?! Even I, the prince of all Saiyans, was unable to beat the GENERIC EVIL MONSTER! What can this disgusting blob of lard do that I cannot?!"
"She may be a disgusting blob of lard now, Vegeta, but I believe that once we get her back to our universe she will transform into the legendary MaRietTA-suZANnE."
"Marietta Suzanne?"
"No! MaRietTA-suZANnE, randomly capitalized protector of justice, beautifully hyphenated fighter of evil, magically…"
"I don't think you're supposed to be getting this excited over her just yet, Supreme Kai."
"Yeah… not unless you have a thing for fat chicks in party hats."
"That's a party hat? I thought it was a taco."
"No way! If it WAS a taco, she'd have eaten it by now!"
"Hell, I'm surprised she didn't eat it anyway…"
"Ewwww, she's waking up!"
Susan slowly opened her eyes to see Gohan, Vegeta, Kaioshin, Mirai Trunks and Goku standing around her bed.
"WTG? OMF! BBQ!!!" She exclaimed, jumping out of bed and dancing (well, I assume that that's what she was trying to do…) excitedly. The floorboards creaked in protest.
Trunks and Gohan were confused.
"What the… God?" said Trunks, questioningly.
"Oh my fuck…" Gohan whispered thoughtfully.
They turned to look at each other, identical expressions of doubt and distress on their faces.
"Barbeque?!"
~~~~~
While Trunks and Gohan pondered Susan's apparent inability to use simple acronyms correctly, everyone else was hypnotized by her undulating rolls of fat.
"Hot DBZ guys, in my room! Hot DBZ guys, in my room! Hot DBZ guys, in my room! Hot DBZ guys, in my ROOM!" She chanted psychotically, stamping her feet. Anything that happened to be in her path - a chair, some trees, the Empire State Building - she destroyed, after everything on Earth was gone she flew throughout the universe, still chanting and destroying things and ignoring the debris strewn in her wake…
… At least, she WOULD have done that, if a certain Saiyan hadn't caught her eye.
"What the…" Susan walked over to Vegeta.
"What is HE doing here?" she demanded, pointing to Goku, "he's not HOT!"
"Buh… Buh… Buh…" went Vegeta, trying not to throw up.
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" screamed Susan at Goku.
"Hey, I'm the main character!" protested Goku, "You can't… wait a minute, leave? Sure!" He headed for the door.
"No way, Dad. If I'm staying, you're staying," said Gohan firmly, grabbing his arm.
"Darn," said Goku unhappily.
"Darn," agreed Susan, glaring at Goku, "Oh well… what are you guys doing here, anyway?"
"Our universe is being ravaged by the GENERIC EVIL MONSTER. We need you to stop it with the amazing powers you will develop as soon as we take you back to our universe," explained Kaioshin.
"Ohhhh… well, sorry, I only fight name brand evil."
"Actually, in our world GENERIC is a name brand."
"Hmmm… If I actually beat this thing, can I have Trunks as a prize?"
"NO!" exclaimed Trunks, horrified.
"Oh. Well, can I bring my friends?"
"You don't have any friends."
"Could I make some with my amazing powers?"
"…Possibly," said Kaioshin. He was beginning to think that bringing this elephantine lunatic to a universe where she would be vastly powerful (instead of just vastly vast) might not be a very good idea.
There was a long pause, as Susan thought. It took her a while to come to a decision - she wasn't very good at thinking. After about half an hour, she had finally made up her mind.
"OK! I'll do it!"
"Hooray." said everyone, sarcastically.
"Can I have your taco?" asked Goku.
