Chapter 13
Rhain felt as if he were living in a haze the next day. He went through the motions of his life, but his mind was constantly otherwise engaged. No one seemed to notice except for Edwyn. Rhain saw his friend studying him several times and could not help but notice the growing alarm on Edwyn's face. His friend had always had the uncanny ability to read Rhain's mind and the prince was certain that Edwyn knew what was happening.
It was Edwyn who had found him the previous night and Rhain suspected that his friend had seen Keelin's retreating form. At any rate, the knight certainly did not seem to believe the prince's explanation that he had stepped up into the loft to get some air. Rhain could not blame him. It had been a very lame excuse but the only one he could come up with at the time. Since then, Edwyn had attempted to speak privately with Rhain several times, but they were always occupied with entertaining the Italian royalty and it was all Rhain could do to detach himself from the princess for a few hours of sleep. It was blatantly obvious that she had great ambitions of marrying the English prince.
Rhain was forced to ride with her next to him at the boar hunt, but it suited him well enough. He had no desire to kill any animals that day and the princess was so insipid that she talked the entire time and did not notice that he paid her very little mind. He could see that she was determined to capture his attention, which did not surprise him. Of all the princes of Europe, Rhain lived in the country that was the richest and the strongest, in spite of its precarious position with regard to France. The Italian princess was eager to secure herself of the opulent lifestyle that she seemed to feel certain of living as the future queen of England.
The prince cared nothing at all for her. She was extremely beautiful and he could see why many other men had fallen under her charms, but he did not think her nearly as beautiful as Keelin. He was quite determined to believe that the simple servant woman was the most beautiful angel in the entire world. What was more, the princess had not the same wit, sensibility, or intelligence that Keelin possessed in abundance. Concetta was an exceedingly vain and silly creature who punctuated nearly every sentence with a tittering little laugh that grated on Rhain's nerves. She was also extremely forward and made it blatantly obvious to Rhain that she was willing to please any and all of his whims. This disgusted him. The princess's complete want of virtue made it impossible for Rhain to think of her as anything other than a very bothersome creature.
As it was, he spent all of his time waiting impatiently for the day to end so that he could go to sleep and wake up knowing that he would once again see Keelin. He bore the hunt as best he could, but he felt as if he were about to jump out of his skin. All he could think about was the feel of her work-roughened hand in his and the feel of his palm against the curve of her waist. He thought of her painfully lovely face and how he had nearly been unable to control his urge to wipe all of her tears away.
Those tears intrigued him much more than they should. He could not help but flatter himself that they had been for him, that her heart ached just as his did. He knew that he should not make such assumptions, but he was desperate for any sign of assurance that she shared his feelings. He did not know what he would do if he should find out that she did not love him. The pain would be unbearable.
Rhain was uncertain of exactly what would happen in the forest on the following day. He had asked Keelin to meet him there simply because he wanted to spend some more time with her, but he found himself wondering if perhaps it was time for him to reveal his feelings to her. Still, he could not quite bring himself to resolve upon that course of action. As much as he might hope for a return of his love, he was not yet certain of the nature of Keelin's feelings for him. He was afraid that if he revealed too much too early he would frighten her away. The last thing he could bear would be for her to slip away from the castle in the night. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he became that he would have to tread very lightly until he knew where he stood with the servant woman.
The other major problem standing in Rhain's way was his father. While Princess Concetta was quite content to throw herself at the prince as much as she could, his father had also played a hand in the many hours that Rhain had been forced to spend with her. The king had organized a variety of activities that ensured that Rhain would be spending as much time with the princess as possible. Rhain knew just by looking at the expression on his father's face that the king was convinced that his son would not be able to resist the Italian beauty. What was more, the king was doing all he could to become the best of friends with the Italian king and it was working quite nicely. Rhain often caught the two of them glancing at their children with satisfied smiles on their faces as they exchanged conspiratorial whispers with one another. It made Rhain's stomach turn. He had never fully appreciated the plight of women until now. It was unbearable to be a pawn that was being used to fulfill a father's ambition. Rhain knew that he would have to confront his father, and soon. He would not tell the king of his love for Keelin, but he would let his father know, in no uncertain terms, that he had not the slightest intention of ever wedding the Italian princess, or any other European princess, for that matter. It was a battle to which he was not looking forward.
He felt a blessed sense of relief when the hunt was finally over. A few of his men had made kills and there would be a feast of roasted suckling pig that night. Rhain practically groaned aloud in frustration. He would have had to eat his dinner by the princess's side at any rate, but a feast would chain him to her side for much longer. At least with a simple dinner he might have been able to plead a headache and escape from her for a while, but a feast would require much more of his time. He knew that he was standing on tenuous ground at best and he knew that it was imperative that he be careful not to anger his father now. The king was sure to be much angrier once he heard that his son did not intend to marry Concetta and Rhain was certain that he would be wrathful when he finally learned whom his son did intend to marry. The prince hastily pushed that thought aside. It was a bridge that he would cross once he came to it.
"It has been a pleasure riding at your side all day, my lady," Rhain said as he and Concetta reached the castle. "I look forward to dining with you tonight."
"Today was a simple pleasure when compared to the pleasures that you and I will share in the future, my lord," Concetta said, sliding her hand from her throat to her bosom so that Rhain could not possibly mistake her meaning.
The prince gritted his teeth and forced a smile. "Until tonight," he said. He leapt from his horse and offered her his assistance.
"Aye, until tonight," she responded, sliding her body against his quite indecently as she dismounted her horse.
Rhain dropped his hands from her sides as if he were handling hot coals and swept himself into a low, quick bow before her. As soon as he rose, he hurried away from her. As each step took him further away from her, he could feel the bands of tension surrounding his chest begin to ease. He finally felt as if he could breathe freely once again.
"Where is the fire?" a familiar voice asked, and Rhain turned to see Edwyn catching up with him.
"Somewhere behind me. It seems to have taken the form of an Italian princess," the prince responded dryly.
Edwyn smiled at him. "So you are not taken by the charms of the fair princess?"
"She has precious little to offer by way of charms," Rhain said, his words clipped. "I find her company intolerable. I only wish I knew how much longer I must endure it."
"His Majesty would have it that you would endure it for the rest of your life."
Rhain grimaced. "That has not escaped my notice." He sighed heavily. "'Tis certain that there will be a mighty battle between us once I tell him that I shall never marry that woman. Edwyn, she is the most intolerable woman I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. 'Tis as if my father has decided to torture me for refusing to marry any other woman."
"I think there are many men who would consider such a union anything but torturous," Edwyn said.
"Aye and they are men who neither care for propriety in a wife nor a woman who is their equal. If I were to marry that woman, I should go mad in less than a week. I should have to carry on another crusade merely to separate myself from her for as long as possible."
"I do not know her very well, but I could not help but notice that she is rather…" Edwyn paused as he searched for a polite word.
"Forward? She chases anything with a codpiece. Any man who would marry that woman should not expect her to be a faithful and dutiful wife but rather the bane of his existence. I am certain that she is destined to drive many men to the grave, if she has not done so already. I will certainly not allow her to hasten me on my journey to the afterlife."
"If she displeases you so, then I certainly do not wish for you to marry her. But what will the king say?"
"Need you even ask?" Rhain asked, with a groan. "You and I both know what he will say. Still, what does it matter? He is determined to think the worst of me and I should not like to disappoint him. I only hope that the Italian king will grow bored with the English court and hasten a return to Italy. They have already been here more than a sennight. They cannot stay much longer."
"Perhaps," Edwyn replied. "Or perhaps the Italian king and queen shall not leave until they see you wed to their daughter. What then?"
"I shall wait a while longer. If they do not part for Italy within a sennight, then I shall speak to my father. I only hope that it shall not become necessary for me to do so."
By this time, the two men had reached Rhain's chamber door and the prince leaned against it wearily. He knew that he did not have much time to ready himself for the feast. He must soon hasten to robe himself in silks and velvets so that he might be considered fit to carouse with the Italian princess.
"Rhain, you and I are old friends, are we not?" Edwyn asked, out of the blue.
"Of course we are. Why do you ask?" Rhain was surprised and puzzled by the question.
"As such, we have never had secrets between us, have we?" Edwyn continued.
Rhain straightened his posture, pushing himself away from his door. "Do you suspect me of keeping secrets from you?" His voice held something of a challenge.
Edwyn looked away, fixing his gaze on a spot just above Rhain's right shoulder. He could not meet his friend's eyes. "You have been acting differently lately. I feel as though you seek to avoid my company. Whenever I attempt to speak with you, you make haste to away from me."
"I have been much engaged with the Italian princess, much to my dislike," Rhain said, trying to offer an excuse.
Edwyn met his eyes at last. "Nay. There is something more there. I shall not attempt to force your confidence, if you do not wish to place it in me. I shall merely hope that you will soon see fit to tell me of that which you now conceal."
Rhain sighed, unable to lie to his friend any longer. "I do conceal something, but 'tis not because I do not trust you. I pray you, Edwyn, do not think it a slight against you that I have not confessed it to you. 'Tis simply that I am greatly discomposed by my own thoughts and emotions and must sort through them myself. I shall soon reveal all to you, my friend. You have my word of that."
"You have never given me reason to doubt your word," Edwyn replied. "Although I find myself unsatisfied, I shall have to content myself with your answer, for the present."
"Thank you, my friend," Rhain said. He clapped the knight's shoulder and then went into his chamber to change for the dreaded feast.
*****
Keelin spent the entire day in turmoil. She should never have agreed to meet with the prince in the forest the next day. He had just seemed so determined and she had been so afraid that his determination had made him deaf to the voice that was calling for him. She truly thought that someone would stumble upon them and she could not bear to have someone else see the two of them together like that. She was very protective of her own reputation, but she was far more worried about what kinds of conclusions about the prince someone might draw if they were to see him with her in that manner.
Of course, Keelin also had to be honest with herself. For as worried as she had been about being discovered with the prince, she had also agreed to meet with him in the forest because she so desperately wanted to see him again. Her feelings for him were growing so powerful that they were nearly beyond her control, and that frightened her. There could be no hope for a future for the two of them. If anything were to happen between them, it would only lead to ruination and despair for the prince. She would not be able to bear to see that happen to him.
As hard as she tried, Keelin was not able to completely conceal her feelings and Alinda asked her about them later in the day, as they sat in a quite corner of the castle after their work was done.
"Keelin, are you troubled by something?" Alinda asked.
This time, Keelin did not even attempt to deny it. "Oh, Alinda, my mind is much troubled," she confessed.
"What is it that troubles you?"
"I cannot tell you the exact nature of my trouble and I beg of you not to ask me to reveal anything more to you," Keelin said.
"Very well," Alinda replied, looking a little hurt. "But can you not at least attempt to ease your mind in some way by conversing with me?"
Keelin was quiet for a long moment, turning it over and over in her mind. At last, she decided to speak. "What would you do if you felt strongly inclined to do something that you knew was wrong but which every fiber of your being desired?"
Alinda looked a little alarmed. "I am not certain what you could mean by that," she said, hesitantly.
"'Tis not a crime, if that is what you feared," Keelin said. "Instead 'tis a desire for that which is forbidden, for that which should be thought of as unattainable."
Alinda looked confused for a moment. "Is it something that may cause harm to another?"
Keelin sighed in frustration. "Oh, Alinda, 'tis so complicated. I lack the skill to describe it in this way and I dare not tell you precisely what 'tis. I can only say that 'tis something that seems to be against the laws of nature. However, 'tis difficult to believe that it could be against the laws of nature when 'tis nature that compels me to desire it."
Alinda shook her head sadly. "'Tis much too difficult for me to comprehend. I simply cannot advise you."
Keelin was disappointed, but not surprised. "Nay, of course you cannot," she said. "I myself cannot fully comprehend it."
"I may tell you that if it troubles you so, perhaps you should take that as a sign. Perhaps you should understand your discomfort as a sign that 'tis not right," Alinda said, speaking carefully.
"Aye," Keelin said, her heart sinking. "That is what I thought as well."
Alinda put a comforting arm around her friend's shoulders. "'Tis not always for us to comprehend what we wish for in this life nor is it for us to question why we should not have everything we desire."
"You are perfectly right," Keelin said. "I have long been troubled and 'tis time for me to take the just path and to continue with my life."
"I shall always be here to assist you," Alinda said.
Keelin embraced her friend and the two women smiled at one another. They were interrupted by the entrance of some of the Italian royal family's boisterous servants.
"How
grateful I shall be when those odious Italians have returned to their own
land," Alinda sighed as they watched the two men and two women behave in a very
lecherous manner.
"Aye, so shall I," Keelin
agreed.
"Only imagine if His Highness should marry the princess! We should never escape them then!" Alinda sighed.
"Do not speak such words or you shall put a curse upon us," Keelin groaned, trying to ignore the stab of pain she had felt at her friend's words. "How intolerable it would be were we forced to be always around such people."
"Let us escape it as long as we are able," Alinda said, grabbing her friend and pulling her to the door.
The two women hurried from the chamber and into the hallway, collapsing in giggles at the outrageous behavior they had just witnessed.
"To be fair," Keelin said, "I have witnessed similar licentious behavior among our own servants."
"Aye," Alinda sighed. "If only every servant were as chivalrous as his master. The knights, the peerage, and the members of the royal family are all so chivalrous and elegant," she said dreamily.
"Not all," Keelin said, tightly.
Alinda's eyes widened and she clapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh, forgive me, Keelin. I did not mean…"
"I know you did not," Keelin said, giving her friend a reassuring smile. "'Tis simply that 'tis still difficult for me to think of my life as it once was without a great deal of pain."
"I understand," Alinda said. "Come; let us forget this gloomy talk. 'Tis time we dined with the other servants."
Keelin shot her friend a grateful glance and followed the other woman into the servant's mess. It had helped her to reveal even such a small part of her secret, but Keelin could not help but feel relief at the prospect of being in the middle of a crowd. It was not that Alinda had been prying, but Keelin was very glad that her friend would have no further opportunity to question her. There was no question that concealment was the only safe option for Keelin.
Once dinner was over, all of the sewing women went straight to their chamber. Keelin pretended to listen to their conversation, but her mind kept wandering to thoughts of the prince. As the time for their next meeting drew nearer, Keelin found that she was growing increasingly nervous.
She hurried through the nightly routine of changing into her nightshift and braiding her long hair. Alinda tried to talk to her friend, but Keelin feigned fatigue. She simply needed some time alone with her thoughts.
Once the other women had drifted off to sleep, Keelin rose from her pallet and gazed out the window slit. The night was wild. The moon was full and very bright, but its brilliance was intermittently obscured by the thin shreds of clouds that scudded rapidly across the sky. The wind whistled around the stones of the castle and its eerie sound caused Keelin to hug herself for warmth. It was nearly the witching hour and Keelin began to feel an eerie sensation take hold of her.
Old thoughts returned to haunt her, causing her to wonder where her former master was. She had not thought much about him of late because she had been so wrapped up in her confusion over the prince. It seemed a lifetime since she had lived in his terrible grasp. Still, her fear of him and the pain of that existence were not forgotten. It was as if she had closed the door on that part of her life and locked it, but there was a beast that was on the verge of breaking through the door. She would never rest until the threat of the earl was permanently removed. She was also unable to shake the very unnerving sensation that she would once again find herself in his grasp.
A strange sound jolted Keelin and returned her to her present reality. It took her a moment to realize that the sound was the chattering of her own teeth. She was trembling violently from a combination of fear and cold. She foced herself return to her pallet, wrapping herself in her blanket in an attempt to end her shaking.
It took many more hours before she was finally able to sleep, but it was not a peaceful sleep. Her dreams alternated between nightmares about the earl and unnerving visions of the next day's meeting with the prince.
