Chapter 19
The next few days passed by in a dizzying blur of activity for the prince. With each day that passed, the sense of urgency that was felt by everyone in the kingdom increased exponentially, so that after a few days, the prince and his men were nearly working themselves to death. They rose at dawn and exercised until well after nightfall, pausing only to fall into an exhausted slumber for a few hours each night before rising and repeating the cycle. Sir Edwyn was worried that the men would overexert themselves, that they would be so exhausted by the time they reached Germany that they would be as useless as they would have been without any training. His fears were legitimate and he tried to share them with his friend, but the prince was like a man possessed. Rhain worked harder than any of the rest of the men, often exercising for hours after the rest of the men had collapsed on their pallets.
Rhain appeared to feel a single-minded concentration, but, in truth, his mind was much more distracted than anyone would have thought. It was true that Rhain grew increasingly apprehensive as the day for their departure approached, but he also worked as hard as he did to banish thoughts of quite a different nature from his head.
He could not stop replaying his last night on the battlements with Keelin. He had desperately wanted to tell her of his feelings for her and had even begun to do so when she had reacted in such a manner as to convince Rhain that his address would be repulsive to her. He could not ignore the pain in his heart, no matter how hard he tried. It seemed that the harder he trained, the more his heart ached and yet he felt that if he were to rest, even for a moment, he would be overwhelmed by grief at the idea that Keelin did not love him or at least not as he loved her.
As the days wore on, Rhain tried to convince himself that the outcome had been for the best. He could not ignore the fact that he would be facing very grave danger in Germany and that the chances of his being killed or maimed were quite high. He told himself that it was better for Keelin if she did not love him, if she did not wish to hear his address. If he were to be killed or wounded in Germany, her grief would be much less than it would be if she loved him as he did her. In spite of this conviction, Rhain could not help but suffer from the selfishness of wishing that she had heard his address and that she returned his feelings, so that he could carry her love into Germany with him. He pushed these feelings aside and told himself to think only of Keelin, to think only of what was best for her and he had to admit that the current state of things appeared to be the best state as far as her well-being was concerned.
However, in the end, Rhain decided that he could not bear leaving England without one last interview with the woman he loved. He felt that he needed to leave something of himself behind with her in England and that he needed to carry one last remembrance of her into hostile lands with him. He needed to see her one last time, needed to see her smile just for him, needed to hear the sweetness of her voice as she spoke to him.
The night before he was to leave, Rhain sent for her, requesting her presence in his study. He paced the stone floor of the chamber nervously as he waited, wishing that he had at least had time to bathe and to change his clothing. He was still wearing the simple white shirt, tight black breeches, and black leather boots that he had been wearing to train. The prince had removed his armor and his sword, but still wore studded black leather bracers on his wrists. He had pushed his sweat-dampened hair back from his face and tied it as neatly as he could with a black leather thong. He was sure that he looked terrible and did not smell much better, but his spirits were so low that he was not sure he would have even felt equal to making himself more presentable in the first place.
At long last, a servant opened the door and announced Keelin before quickly disappearing, closing the door behind him. As Keelin advanced toward him, Rhain could see that she looked nearly as exhausted as he felt. She was also nearly as disheveled as he was. Her apron was again spotted with blood from repeated finger prickings and her servant's gown was very wrinkled. Her cap was slightly askew and several thick strands of curly hair had escaped so that they framed her face and clung damply to the back of her neck. There were dark shadows under her eyes and the corners of her mouth were tugged downward with exhaustion. His heart swelled and he wished that he could lay her down on his bed and then sit beside it and watch her sleep.
Her eyes did not meet his and she stopped several feet in front of him to bow before him. He noticed that she was carrying something in her arms, which she held out to him when she rose from her bow.
"I wished to present this to Your Highness," she said to him, her voice sounding a little tentative.
Rhain looked at her inquisitively, but she still would not meet his glance. He took the parcel from her and set it on his desk so that he could unwrap it. When he had removed the layer of linen that was wrapped around it, he could see that it was his surcoat. It was elaborately and beautifully worked, made of crimson velvet edged with double lines of gold ribbon and embroidered in gold thread. The royal crest of a lion roaring and standing on his hind legs while crushing a serpent underfoot was boldly embroidered across the chest and the back. He ran his fingers over the fine stitching in awe. "'Tis magnificent," he said quietly, not taking his eyes off it.
"I-I stitched it for Your Highness. 'Twas more than simple work for me, 'twas an act of friendship. I wished Your Highness to know that, with each thread I stitched, I said a prayer for your safe return. 'Tis my hope that my prayers of protection worked their way into each stitch so that Your Highness may return unscathed." Keelin's voice was low and, as he glanced at her, he could see that she was studying his expression earnestly.
"I know not how to thank you for such a gift," he said to her, sincerely. He looked into her eyes as he spoke. "I shall wear it with pride and honor. I am certain that your prayers shall protect me."
"I hope that Your Highness shall soon return to renew our friendship," she said, her eyes not moving from his.
"That is my hope as well," he told her. "Just as you have brought me a symbol of your friendship, I have a symbol of my own friendship to give you." The prince took a small velvet pouch from his desk and held it out to Keelin. She hesitated, but he gently stretched his arm out to bring the pouch closer to her. Her fingertips brushed his palm as she took it and he could feel that they were rough from the hours of hard work she had put into the stitching of his surcoat.
"'Tis not necessary for Your Highness to give me a token of friendship. 'Tis enough for me to know that such friendship exists," she said, the pouch resting in her hand as she spoke. He saw her caress the pouch briefly and felt a surge of hope within his heart.
"I would not wish to leave for Germany without giving you such a token," he told her. "Alas, it does little to express the depths of my gratitude to you or the strength of the friendship I feel for you."
Keelin blushed slightly and lowered her head. She opened the pouch slowly and then gently pushed aside the scrap of velvet that was within, uncovering his gift. She lifted the gift out of the pouch, turning it slowly in her fingers. It was a ring with a small locket on the top and when she opened the latch, she saw that a lock of his hair lay within. She gasped and he saw that her eyes sparkled with tears.
"Oh, Your Highness, I know not how I could possibly accept such a gift," she said to him.
"I prithee, Keelin, take it and wear it. 'Twill cause me great pain if you refuse it," he said, feeling an ache in his heart. His palms were damp as he waited to see whether she would accept or refuse his gift.
"I have no wish to cause you pain," she said slowly, still turning the ring in her fingers. "I shall keep it until Your Highness returns safely from Germany and then I shall restore it to you, as Your Highness is its proper owner."
Unable to stop himself, Rhain reached out and gently tilted her chin back so that she was looking him in the eye. He allowed his hand to linger for a second before gently skimming his fingers along her jaw line and then letting his hand fall back to his side.
"I shall not accept it when I return," he told her. "'Tis my particular wish that you always have a part of me with you."
Keelin looked as if she wanted to protest, but she seemed to have lost the power of speech. She blushed still more deeply before turning her back to him and moving away a few steps. He heard her take a few deep, shuddering breaths, as if she was trying to control some powerful emotion, and then she turned to face him again.
"There is nothing I can say in the face of such a gift. Know only that my gratitude to Your Highness is so great that I could not possibly express it through my words. I shall pray for Your Highness every day until you return to England." She turned as if she would leave.
"I prithee, Keelin," he said, stopping her in her tracks. He waited until she turned to face him once again. "Put it on and let me see how it looks upon your finger."
Her gaze quickly darted away from his and he could see that her hands were trembling. She fumbled with the ring for a moment before actually managing to slide it on her finger. Rhain crossed the chamber in a few quick strides and took her hand gently in his.
"It looks well upon your finger," he said to her. The prince lowered his head to her hand and kissed the ring gently. He then turned her hand over and gently kissed her sore, pricked finger, wanting to soothe her wounded skin with the touch of his lips. He raised his head and looked into her eyes, clasping her hand gently in his.
"I-I must go now," she said to him, tugging her hand from his. "Godspeed, Your Highness. I shall watch Your Majesties' departure on the morrow, but I wish Your Highness to know that I shall not rest until you return safely to me," she said, her voice passionate. The color in her face deepened even more and she looked suddenly conscious of how she had phrased her wishes. The prince was stunned. He started toward her, wanting desperately to ask her what she meant by her remark, but, in the blink of an eye, she had fled the chamber.
*****
Once free of the prince's study, Keelin fled down the corridors of the castle until she came to an obscure corner. She tucked herself into it so that she would not be noticed by anyone else and then pressed her right hand to her mouth, trying to hold in the sobs that were making ferocious attempts to burst forth. She could not believe that she had said to him what she had. What would he think of her now? She was making her feelings much too plain and she feared that she was only encouraging him to feel something very improper toward her.
She gradually became conscious of the smooth, cool feeling of the gold ring band pressed against her lips. She pulled her hand away from her mouth so that she could see the ring better. The band was simple, without any adornment. The locket was oval-shaped and its face was elaborately and exquisitely carved with a motif of vines and leaves. She beheld it with wonder, unable to believe that the prince could possibly have given her such a gift. She felt certain that she must be dreaming. Her left hand trembled as she lifted it and undid the locket's latch once more. She stared at the precious lock of hair within for a full minute. She felt such a sense of reverence that she did not even dare touch the lock, no matter how badly she wished it. Keelin closed the locket and then pressed its face to her lips, tears running down her face as she kissed it. She realized with a sudden, electric jolt that she was kissing what had graced the prince's lips only a few moments ago and the sense of liquid fire that engulfed her was frightening.
Giving in to the weakness of her knees, Keelin allowed herself to sink down to the stone floor, feelings its coolness and strength through her gown. She could not possibly wear the prince's ring on her finger, no matter how badly she wanted to do so. There would simply be too many questions and she knew that she would be unable to answer them. She would have to come up with another solution. She looked down at her apron and felt a sudden inspiration. It was already coming apart at the bottom and, as she gently tugged along the hem of it, she was easily able to separate a thin strip of cloth from the rest of the apron. With a great deal of reluctance, she pulled the ring from her finger and threaded it onto the strip of cloth. She then tied the cloth around her neck and tucked it inside her gown. The ring was now concealed and, as sorry as she had been to remove it from her finger, she wondered if this solution were not a better one as she realized that the ring now rested against the steady beat of her heart.
Keelin pressed a hand to her heart, holding the ring close to her body. She felt the impropriety of the prince offering her such a gift, but she had known that she had to take it when he said it would cause him great pain if she did not. She would not have taken it under any other circumstances. Still, now that it was in her possession, she was uncertain of how she could possibly have dealt with the disappointment if she had not taken it. It was certainly no substitute for the actual presence of the prince, but at least she now had a part of him with her. She knew that she was standing at the edge of some very fearsome, lonely times and the ring would bring her some comfort. She would daily live in fear of the well-being of the prince, but she knew that if anything should happen to him, at least this piece of him would live on with her.
Such thoughts were quickly becoming intolerable and brought a fresh wave of tears to Keelin's eyes. She was terrified for the prince, but could not tell him because she was certain he was troubled enough without the heavy addition of her apprehensions. As hard as she tried to push her dark thoughts aside, the insidious fear of his death kept creeping into the corners of her mind. If anything were to happen to him, Keelin was not certain how she would live. She did not even want to think of what a life without him would be like and yet she lived in constant fear that she would soon have no choice but to know what such a life was like.
At long last, Keelin gave a long, shuddering sigh and pulled the back of her hand across her eyes. She needed to get back to the sewing chamber to see if anything else needed to be done. She pulled herself up from the floor and tried to compose herself as best she could. When she had managed to gain some measure of control over her emotions, she began walking toward the sewing chamber.
Once in the chamber, Keelin went back to her seat and looked over at Alinda. "Have you anything that I may help you finish?"
"Aye, if you could finish that banner there, 'twould be a great help to me," Alinda replied, barely lifting her head, so intent on her work was she. "Why did His Highness summon you?"
Keelin tried her best to sound nonchalant, to achieve the proper degree of pain and worry in her voice as she spoke. She was so afraid that she would give too much away. "His Highness wished for his surcoat and so I was called to present it."
Alinda looked up and studied her with a look of compassion. "His Highness must feel a great deal of apprehension on the eve of his journey."
"I cannot say precisely what His Highness feels," Keelin lied. "I can only say that His Highness appears as brave and strong as ever. He may feel some degree of worry about the journey, but His Highness did not show any fear that I recognized."
Alinda nodded approvingly and then turned back to her work. "That is just as a prince ought to be," she said. "Although I must confess that I would be most worried if I were to make such a journey."
"And I suppose that some would say that is the difference between women and men. Men face their fears with great courage while women faint away at the very thought," Keelin said ironically.
"That is most untrue," Alinda said, her lips curling in a moue of distaste. "Women may feel things more deeply, but I believe that women face fears that men could never dream of facing. Understand that I do not consider staying at home to be a greater challenge than that of going to war, but would not you rather be on the battlefield than to sit at home and wait and wonder?"
"I confess I would," Keelin said with a sigh. She made a few embellishing stitches around the royal crest on the banner. "I shall hope and pray that this journey may end soon and safely."
"So shall we all," Alinda replied. "'Tis a time of great fear in our kingdom. Still, 'tis all necessary and while we shall both fear for the safety of Their Majesties, just as we ought, at least we may say that we neither of us have a particular loved one who will be a party to the journey."
Keelin was so shocked by this statement that she was sure that her expression in that split second must have made her feelings quite transparent. She recovered herself as quickly as possible, stitching at the banner furiously in a vain attempt to calm herself somewhat. "I suppose that such circumstances may bring us some comfort," she managed to say.
Alinda lifted her head and looked her friend full in the face. "I should think it would bring us a great degree of comfort," she said, her voice sounding a little surprised.
Keelin lifted her head to meet her friend's gaze as she lied through her teeth. "It shall bring me a degree of comfort, but I cannot help but fear for what may become of the kingdom if anything should happen to Their Majesties. I should think that no one would be as liberal and generous of a ruler as His Majesty, do not you? How can I help but fear? I have known no other king than His Majesty and may say that I hope I never shall."
"Aye, that is true," Alinda agreed, turning her head back to her work, much to Keelin's relief. "Who knows what turmoil the kingdom may be thrown into if it were to lose His Majesty? One can only hope that it would not make us more vulnerable to invasion."
Keelin shuddered at her words. "One can only assume that our vulnerability to attack is exactly what the king of France most desires."
"Indeed. Vulnerability to France is the greatest evil of all," Alinda replied.
Keelin did not feel that she could carry on with such a conversation much longer and felt that she might let Alinda's last comment stand as the final remark of their conversation. They were silent for a short while as they concentrated on finishing their work.
"There, I have finished at last," Alinda announced, relief evident in her voice. "It appears as though everyone is nearly finished. We shall soon have our dinner and then we shall be able to sleep at long last."
"Indeed," Keelin replied, putting the finishing stitches on her banner. She knew she would not be able to eat a thing or to sleep a wink, but she did not share this information with Alinda. Even without sleep, she knew that she would find a great deal of relief and repose in the peace that would attend her once everyone else was asleep. It would give her at least a few hours during which she would not be subject to the questions and notice of everyone else.
She passed through the next few hours as best she could and was greatly relieved when, at long last, she found herself quite alone while everyone else in the castle slept. She slipped from the sleeping chamber and found a quite corner of the castle in which to tuck herself. Once assured of being out of the way of anyone's notice, Keelin closed her eyes and began to hope for the safety of the king and his men and especially for the safety of her beloved Prince Rhain. While the rest of the sewing women slept, Keelin spent the whole night in this manner, finding her only comfort in her pleas to heaven.
