Chapter 31
The next few days were bewildering to Keelin. She felt like there was so much that she did not know and she was ashamed by her ignorance. She was eager to please and tried her best to follow the queen's example, but often felt her own inadequacy. It seemed she was always too open during times that called for reserve, too lively when she should have been serious, too quiet when she should have been communicative. There were so many social rules to live by that she began to feel quite sorry for those of a more privileged birth indeed. There was a code of society among those of a lower birth, but it was much less restrictive than the code that existed for the persons of rank. She felt like even if she tried to learn only one social rule each day for the rest of her life she would never be able to fully understand or remember each of them. It was very discouraging.
She was also having a difficult time adjusting to the order of her new life. It took her a few days before her uneasiness over having her ladies dress and ready her began to dissipate and that was only because they were so kind to her and so lively that she began to derive great pleasure from their amusing prattle as they readied her. However, she could not get over her lack of privacy. It seemed that there was always a servant at hand somewhere and she had to constantly remind herself to dismiss each and every one of them when she wanted some time alone. As a servant, she had been accustomed to doing everything for herself and she could not become accustomed to there always being someone present to do every small task for her. It made her begin to feel quite idle.
Most awkward of all was her unease at doling out commands. It was not that the queen was tyrannical, but she gave every direction to her servant with an air of indisputable authority. Keelin found that it embarrassed her to even have servants. When she needed them to do something for her, she often asked them in a very apologetic manner, as if she were sorry to disturb them even though it was their duty to see to it that she had everything she wanted. This attitude worked both for and against her. It made her quite a favorite with the good servants, but it also allowed the unscrupulous servants to take advantage of her.
Lastly, she did not think she would ever grow accustomed to the expense and luxury that constantly surrounded her. The day after the feast, she was again measured for some new gowns, but in the meantime she was given some that had originally been meant for the queen or other ladies of rank. The silks, satins, and velvets in their vibrant colors were beautiful and tempting, but she could not get used to the feel of them against her skin. She was every day tempted to return to her old linen peasant garb for the sheer sake of comfort. Not only were the fabrics she was to wear heavy, she was also now laced into every manner of tight undergarment from whalebone stays to stiff underskirts. She often felt three times her normal size as she tried to maneuver her way through the castle in all her many layers of clothing. She favored lighter brocaded silks and satins without stiff underskirts on the days when she did not have an important dinner or introduction, which afforded her some relief from her elaborate dress. Still, every gown that she now owned and that was in the process of being made for her had a train and she found herself constantly tripping over it.
In spite of all this confusion and discomfort, Keelin was not unhappy. Her hours were occupied by pursuits that were pleasurable and beneficial to her at the same time. She began to learn how to play musical instruments and began to study foreign languages so that she might make courteous remarks to visiting nobles. She saw a play for the first time and was introduced to some of the works of the great poets, playwrights, and novelists. Keelin was also beginning to learn about horsemanship, so that she might ride with Rhain once the war was over.
Keelin was also never without enjoyable companionship, especially when it came to her future mother-in-law. She found the queen to be a very kind woman and grew to enjoy her company immensely. They would often converse for hours on every variety of subject and Keelin found that the queen had a keen mind and an eye for observation. Keelin felt grateful for the queen's kindness and was very thankful for the queen's accepting her so quickly and unequivocally. The queen seemed to enjoy Keelin's company just as much as Keelin enjoyed that of the queen.
Fortunately, she also met several members of the nobility who were of particular interest to her. She was on her guard with them for, in spite of their kindness, she feared that they masked their true feelings, but she felt that there were several that she could grow to like very much in time. It embarrassed her that some of the women were quick to adopt any style of hair or dress that Keelin adopted, but she also knew that this was a sincere form of flattery and tried to think of it as such. If they did not truly accept her, she was certain that they would snub anything and everything that had anything to do with her in the slightest regard.
She felt most comfortable amongst the knights and their ladies, and most especially around Edwyn. She was gratified by their unquestioning acceptance of her and proud that she was to marry the man who inspired such loyalty. That the knights trusted him implicitly was evident and they sought to recommend themselves to his future bride, trusting that they would find her to be every bit as trustworthy and amiable as they found him.
The one thing that made all her discomforts worth suffering was the time that she had to spend with Rhain each day. It was far too brief for their liking, but they both understood the importance of the many meetings that he had to attend and the many messages he had to dispatch. It only made the short times they had to spend together even more precious. They often escaped to the forest or had secret rendezvous on the battlements at night, treasuring the opportunity to haunt the very scenes of their former meetings. They told one another of the longing they had felt after each meeting, of the growing sense of urgency that drew them together more and more often, and of their attempts to ignore feelings that each had felt too dangerous in their own turn. Keelin truly felt akin to Rhain, as if he were a part of her, as if his presence in her life filled a great void and made her complete.
As for the people of the kingdom, Keelin found that public opinion was divided. She suspected that the opinions of the nobility were much the same but the nobility was much more discreet about their feelings. The public, however, had no political intrigues with which to concern themselves and the announcement of Keelin's betrothal to the king was met with openly diverse reactions. There were those who accepted her betrothal with great joy and approbation, feeling that it was perfectly appropriate for the king to marry a woman of the peasant class. Indeed, there were those who thought it a mark of the king's high regard for his people. On the other hand, there were those who thought their marriage highly improper and felt a great deal of mistrust with regard to their sovereign. Many thought this was simply a ploy on his part to coax them into obedience and submission. They did not believe that he could truly love a peasant enough to treasure her as a wife. They were certain he would find a way to divorce her as soon as possible and marry a woman of better standing once the war had ended. It hurt Keelin that some of the people had such suspicions, but she could not blame them. She could only hope that she could win them over in the end.
Keelin made very few requests during those days, but she did request that Alinda also be removed from the sewing chamber so that Alinda could be made her one of her ladies. Initially, Alinda seemed to feel very awkward around Keelin and was uncertain of how to behave around her, but the two women soon shared the same easy friendship that they had before Keelin had become betrothed to the king. Alinda often marveled over her friends' betrothal but was quick to say that she did not doubt that the king could love her friend; she just thought it extraordinary that two people of such a difference in rank would one day be wed. Keelin could not help but agree with her.
About a fortnight after Rhain's proposal, he came to dine with her in his study, as was often their habit. It was usually the only time they were able to spend alone together. On this night, however, he had very important news for her.
"Good evening, my darling," he said to her once he had entered the chamber and seen the door shut behind him. There was not a servant in sight and Keelin felt herself relax. He strode over to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her tenderly. "How I have missed you today."
"I too have missed you," she said to him. "I am glad that you are here with me."
"So am I. I am gladder than you can possibly know. Come now, let us eat our dinner. I have had some news," he said, taking her by the hand and leading her to the table.
"What is it?" she asked, her curiosity nearly overwhelming her.
He helped her seat herself and then took his own seat. He poured them each a goblet of wine before answering her question. She leaned forward in her seat and studied him intently until he spoke. She fervently hoped that it was good news.
"I have heard from the kings of Italy and Germany," he said, taking a sip of his wine.
"Well?" she questioned impatiently. "Is it good or bad? I pray you, tell me immediately. You know I cannot bear the anticipation."
"'Tis both good and bad," Rhain said. He took another sip of his wine and then set his goblet aside. He turned his gaze on her and she studied his face intently, trying to read his thoughts. He turned his eyes away from her and leaned back in his chair.
"It would seem that the king of Spain is in league with the king of France," Rhain said. "He knew of the French king's ambush against my father and was a party to the planning. Although none of his men were present, he agreed to distract the German king and to keep word of the French king's delayed arrival from being dispatched."
Keelin gasped in horror. "Must you declare war against Spain as well?"
"I cannot avoid it," Rhain said, his eyes returning to her face. He too leaned forward in his chair. "It seems that the Spanish king has sent soldiers, armor, and weapons into France. 'Tis certain that they are preparing for a war with England."
"What shall you do?" Keelin asked, feeling fear stab at her heart. "Have you enough men to face both countries at once?"
"Spain is quite weak, but France is nearly as strong as England. I do not think I have the resources to be victorious against them in war on my own. I have also had word that France and Spain have solicited the support of Italy and Germany."
Keelin's eyes grew large with horror. "And what was the result?"
"The Italian king is very weak and reluctant to go to war at all for he has neither the resources nor the men. He has declared himself a friend of England, but is uncertain of whether he can be of any aid to us. The German king flatly refused an alliance with Spain and France, declaring himself a friend and ally of the English and adding that he considered my father's slaying as an attack against his own land. This comes as no surprise to me, though I am greatly relieved because of it. He had pledged his soldiers and support to me the day of the attack."
Keelin felt a twinge of relief at this news, although she was still anxious at the thought of her beloved Rhain riding off to war. She knew that it was necessary, but she had held onto the slim hope that a peaceful compromise could be reached. It now seemed that was impossible and she felt that the day when Rhain would need to set sail for France was now imminent and close at hand.
Rhain took another sip of his wine and pushed some food around on his plate before continuing. "The German and Italian kings arrive here on the morrow. I have spent much of the day preparing for their visit. We shall try to ascertain just how Italy may be able to aide us and King Ludwig and I will discuss our strategy. I am afraid that war with France is imminent and the sooner it begins, the better."
Keelin lost all appetite for her dinner. "Have you prepared a celebration in honor of the visit?"
"Nay. The German king has no queen but the Italian king will not bring his lady as this is strictly a meeting for the purposes of discussing war, but I do intend to have a feast on the morrow and I ask that you be present. It has already been announced that I am betrothed and both kings would like to meet you."
"Of course. I will do anything to help you, you know that," she said to him, her voice urgent.
"I do know that," Rhain said with a weak smile. "That knowledge gives me strength."
He rose from his chair, his food untouched, and walked over to one of his windows, gazing out of it. Keelin rose as well, her own plate untouched and unwanted, and walked over to Rhain. She studied him for a moment, feeling her heart swell with love, concern, and fear. He was dressed in a loose shirt, tight breeches, leather jerkin, high leather boots, and bracers, his usual uniform on the days when he trained with his men. A few strands of his auburn hair had escaped from the leather thong that held the rest back and she reached forward to tenderly coax them into place. Rhain caught her hand and kissed her palm.
"I fear not for myself," he told her. "I fear for my mother and most especially for you. You once told Sir Edwyn that Mordrid would strike at me in the manner he would consider most painful to me. You must know that I am terrified at the thought that something may happen to you during the course of this war. Mordrid will know that he may torture me most by pursuing you."
Keelin felt a twinge of fear. She knew that he was right, but she did not want him to worry. He needed to concentrate and she worried that his fears for her might distract him. She tried to smile at him reassuringly.
"Do not you think that I shall be perfectly safe here? I do. This is a fine, strong castle and Mordrid shall be unable to penetrate its walls. What is more, you shall be on French soil and he will be too busy fighting to spare the time and men to seek me here." She did not quite believe her own words, but hoped that Rhain would.
"Do you really think so?" he asked, relief evident in his voice. "Aye, I suppose you are right. How could he ever hope to take you away from here? Any attempt would be both futile and foolish."
"Indeed," Keelin said, relieved that Rhain had seemed to seize upon her reassurances.
He drew her into his arms and kissed her. "I do not know what I would do if any harm should ever befall you. I think I should be beside myself, driven to madness."
"May God forbid," Keelin said.
"I shall protect you to the very forfeit of my own life," he vowed. "Nothing shall stop me from being certain to protect you, at any cost."
"I know, my love," she said, gently. She was gratified by his words, but wanted to get him off the subject, afraid to allow him to linger over his fears. She turned to gaze out the window. "Does not the forest look lovely as it is now, all glazed over with frost?"
Rhain wrapped his arms around her, her back against his chest, and rested his chin on her head. "Indeed it does, although I mourn for the change, for it means that I can no longer steal off into the forest in the hopes of catching you strolling there alone. I should hate for us both to turn into pillars of ice."
"That would be wretched indeed," Keelin said, laughing lightly. "How I should hate to stand there with you in my sight but be unable to touch you."
"Torture indeed," Rhain replied, and she was relieved to hear that his voice sounded lighter and happier than it had a few minutes ago.
A knock sounded at the door and Rhain groaned. Keelin sighed and turned to give him a brief kiss on the lips. "You must go see who it is," she told him.
"It makes me most angry to be interrupted during this paltry amount of time I have to spend with you," he said, and she could hear the displeasure in his voice.
"'Tis most unpleasant to me as well, but only think, darling, that once this business has ended, we shall be wed and have hour upon hour to spend with one another without interruption."
Rhain sighed again, but smiled and embraced her. "Thank you for reminding me," he said.
He turned away from her and moved toward the door. Keelin remained in her spot, watching him as he opened the door. Lord Edwyn was standing on the other side and he looked very sorry indeed to have interrupted him. Keelin thought he look well wearing his chain and medallion of office, having recently been gifted with the titles of Earl of Kent and Secretary of State, but tonight was not a night for pleasantries. With an apologetic glance toward her, he told Rhain that a message of the utmost importance had arrived, requiring his immediate attention.
"Forgive me, Keelin, for interrupting your dinner," Edwyn said to her.
"You need not ask my forgiveness, Edwyn," she told him. "Affairs of the state must come first at this time."
Edwyn bowed to her and looked away while Rhain embraced her briefly and gave her a short kiss before leaving her.
"I am sorry that we have had but a few minutes together today," he said regretfully. "We shall not have many more on the morrow."
"I am sorry too, but you must go now. Until this business is laid to rest, we shall always have precious little time together."
"Good night, my love. I shall come for you on the morrow, when the ships begin to arrive."
"Good night," Keelin replied.
Rhain closed the door and left and Keelin sat at the table for a few minutes, sipping at some wine and trying to get herself to eat, but with little success. She finally pushed her plate away and stepped to the door to summon the servants. All but one of them was set to work clearing the chamber. The last was dispatched to find Alinda and bring her to Keelin's chamber. In these days of great tension, one of Keelin's few reliefs was to discuss her fears with her friend.
Alinda was waiting for her when she returned and she eyed Keelin critically when she had entered and dismissed her servants.
"You have had nothing to eat today, I am certain of it," Alinda announced.
Keelin sighed and smiled. "I am afraid I cannot fool you. Indeed, I have not."
"You must eat or you shall waste away to nothing. You are so thin already."
"There will be time enough for eating when this war is over," Keelin said, dismissing her friend's worries. "You look well enough for the both of us," she added.
Now that Alinda was one of Keelin's ladies, she was no longer a servant in the sewing chamber. She spent her days with the queen's and future queen's other ladies, stitching and gossiping the hours away. She assured Keelin that she was deliriously happy with her new position as it gave her a chance to get to know the notables of the court and to watch their interactions with one another. It was all very amusing, she assured Keelin. Alinda learned of the most interesting things. People were always talking carelessly when they thought no one was listening. Most of them seemed to find the queen's ladies so much a part of the background scenery that they seemed to speak far too freely when they ought to have held their tongues. Alinda knew of every last intrigue at court, from who was having an affair with whom, to how many soldiers were garrisoned inside the castle. Had Alinda any less integrity than she possessed, Keelin feared that she might learn a vast deal too much of things that she ought not to know.
Today, Alinda was dressed in a silk gown of deep blue, her hair concealed beneath a matching headdress. She told Keelin that one of her favorite things about being a lady to the future queen was her new wardrobe. Unlike Keelin, she delighted in the expensive fabrics and the elaborate layers of the gowns. Fortunately for Keelin, she had a good eye for fashion and was able to offer invaluable advice on matters of dress whenever Keelin needed it. Keelin did not know what she would have done without Alinda.
"Is something troubling you?" Alinda asked her.
"Indeed there is," Keelin said, with a sigh. She told Alinda of Rhain's messages and his fears for Keelin's safety. She finished with an account of her own fears on the subject and Alinda regarded her with much sympathy.
"It must be most difficult indeed to feel that the man you love is in so much danger," she said.
"'Tis more difficult than I can express," Keelin said. "I do not worry so much for myself but for him. It pains me to see him in such a state."
"Come now, you must not be so gloomy. You must rest assured in the thought that His Majesty will be victorious."
"You are right, of course. 'Tis simply that I cannot shake my unease. Something seems out of place and that worries me. There cannot be any distractions while this war is carried out. The slightest change in plan could overturn the entire balance of power and lead to England's defeat. We cannot be too careful to avoid the unexpected."
"All will go just as planned, I am certain of it," Alinda said, her voice holding a lot more confidence than Keelin felt. "You shall see that you have worried yourself over nothing."
"I do hope you are right," Keelin said, with a sigh. She decided to change the subject for the current topic of conversation left her much too tense. "Now, there is the matter of the visit from the kings of Italy and Germany on the morrow. What shall I wear for such a meeting?"
Alinda rose from her chair and paced around her friend, studying her from head to toe. "As much as you will not like it, you must be dressed in full splendor. I believe you should wear your scarlet gown with the underskirt of gold brocade, complete with farthingale, and of course you should wear your hair…"
Keelin groaned and held up a hand. "Enough," she said, with a smile. "I do not know why I ask you to torture me in this manner. You need not carry on for I now understand you. 'Twill be bad enough to wear such garments. I do not need you to give me a full description of them and remind me of why it is that I so detest wearing them."
Alinda smiled at her friend, but shook her head. "Tsk, Keelin. Is this any way for the future Queen of England to speak? You should delight in your position and the influence you may have over the fashions of the day."
"I shall only delight in them if I succeed in doing away with the fashionable farthingale. Indeed, I feel that I could hardly make a greater contribution to the women of the realm than that of bringing about its demise," Keelin said, rolling her eyes.
Alinda laughed. "What shall I do? There are those who will never appreciate what is in fashion and I fear, my darling Keelin, that you are one of them. You are quite singular indeed. Most of the ladies that I know would delight in wearing your gowns."
"Then let them!" Keelin exclaimed. It felt good to joke with her friend in this manner. It helped to relieve the almost constant tension she felt lately. "In fact, I believe that I shall begin to parade about in breeches and boots. Are they not far more utilitarian? Aye, that is it. I shall bring that into fashion so that soon all ladies are dressing like men."
"Vile, most vile indeed," Alinda said, and Keelin could tell that her friend was half-joking and half-horrified at the idea.
"Ah well, it shall not be my fault then if I trip the king of Italy with my train because I am able to exercise so little control over it."
The two women giggled over the image until Alinda finally struck a pose of mock anger and said to her friend, "You are hopeless. You shall never make a properly fashionable queen."
"Thank heaven for that," Keelin said, with a sigh. She dropped into a chair and rubbed at her eyes wearily.
"I think 'tis time for me to go," Alinda said, her voice sounding sympathetic.
Keelin turned to look at her friend. "I suppose I had better rest now," she said, reluctantly.
"Aye, you should," Alinda said firmly. "I shall see you on the morrow for the feast." She walked toward the door and opened it, stopping to peek around it at her friend before leaving. "And, Keelin, if you should need to talk, do not hesitate to send for me."
Keelin rose from her seat and crossed the chamber swiftly to embrace her friend. "Thank you, Alinda. I cannot tell you how much your friendship means to me. 'Tis one of my greatest comforts."
"I am always glad to be of service to you," Alinda replied, hugging Keelin back affectionately. "Now, off to bed with you. You shall need to be rested for you are to have a grand day on the morrow."
"Aye, so it is," Keelin replied. "I promise you I shall lay my head upon my pillow the moment you leave me."
"Good night, my friend," Alinda said. "May you dream the sweetest dreams."
"May you as well," Keelin answered. With that, her friend was gone.
Keelin's ladies entered a moment later to help her prepare for bed. She was not wearing a very elaborate gown, so it did not take them long. She gave them instructions as to her crimson gown with the farthingale so that they could have it ready for her on the morrow. When they had finally finished fussing over her, they left the chamber and Keelin climbed into bed with a sense of great relief. She was exhausted and, within a few moments of closing her eyes, she fell into a deep sleep.
