*Nine*
Feeling of Defeat

Cal and Zipper quickly dressed. Zipper was a bit embarrassed that she had slept with an engaged man. But she still felt it was right. 'After all Jack will be dead… and Cal will be free from Rose. She doesn't want him… So I can still live in this time and be happy, only with Cal.' She kept telling herself over and over again as she got dressed. 'My God, what am I saying. Jack will be dead? He's my friend. And Cal… he'll try to kill him. God, am I losing it?' She asked herself.

"What are you thinking about?" Cal asked from behind her. He sat on the edge of the bed tying his shoes.

Zipper sat at the vanity, brushing her hair and watching him in the mirror. She turned to him, and smiled. "Nothing." She replied.

Of course he had no idea that Rose would leave him. But he knew something was starting to happen between Jack and Rose. Not to mention, he would prefer a marriage to money, then to someone he'd have to support. Supporting a wife is one thing. But he'd have to support her mother too. And Ruth could be quite demanding.

He walked over to her. He knelt down to kiss her again. "When are you going to tell him?"

Then she remembered Lowe. God, how she still loved him. She knew she had to cancel the engagement. But, it would be the hardest thing she ever had to do. She thought to herself. Then she saw, in her mind, an image of him with that woman.

"I'll tell him right now." She said.

Cal smiled, then nodded. "Good. No sense in wasting any time, right?"

"Right." She smiled. Cal had definitely made her feel quite a bit better.

She stood from her vanity chair. She wrapped her arms around him, kissing him again. He then followed her out to the sitting room. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Frank sitting in his high-backed chair.

"Frank, how long have you been back?"

"About fifteen minutes. I didn't even know you were here." He chuckled. "Here, I picked this up at the Marconi office."

He extended a piece of stationary to her. She quickly took it and unfolded it's single crease it read. "Darling, We're delighted for you. You have our blessing. Frank may sign for us. Love- Mother and Father."

Cal read over her shoulder. He didn't care, he knew her mind was already made up, not to marry Officer Lowe.

She laid the paper on the mantle, then turned back to Frank. "Well all well and good. Except I'm not marrying him." She said sternly.

"Why not? And Mr. Hockley, may I ask what you were doing in Miss. Rosenberg's room?" Frank asked, a bit suspicious.

"It doesn't matter why I have chosen not to marry him. And Mr. Hockley needed help deciding on jewelry for Miss. DeWitt Bukater. Isn't that right Mr. Hockley?"

"Yes. Quite right." He said with a nervous laugh.

Frank nodded. Still not believing them but, not wanting to interfere.

"Well, Mr. Hockley, I'll see you tomorrow, I'm sure." She said.

He nodded. He kissed her hand. Then left the room.

"Michaela. Are you positive that everything is alright?" Frank asked.

"Never better." She lied. She wanted to just forget this day. Forget that she saw officer Lowe's arms around another woman. Even forget about Cal's new friendship. If that's what it was. She wasn't certain.

She didn't say any more and she left the room. Going directly to the boat deck. The cold night air hit her hard as she opened the door. It nearly knocked the breath out of her. She folded her arms around herself, she should have grabbed a coat she thought.

She searched the starboard side of the ship. But didn't see Lowe anywhere. Then when she started back the way she had come. Towards the bow. She spotted him, leaving the officer's quarters, and standing on the bridge. A cup of tea in hand.

He spotted her coming right away. He had been expecting to meet with her tonight.

"Michaela!" He called down with a smile.

She averted her eyes. Immediately he knew something was wrong, he started down to her. Finally they stood face to face.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She still couldn't look him in the eye. She felt she had betrayed him, in sleeping with Cal. Which she had. But had he not done the same to her. Suddenly she was over come with anger.

"Oh you know damn well what's wrong." She said, her voice rising.

"Michaela? What did I do?" He asked. He tried to touch her shoulder, but she pulled away from him.

"You don't know?! Do you think I'm blind, or something? You can see the bow rail from the promenade deck, Mr. Lowe." She said.

"Mr. Lowe? Why are you calling me this? And what did you see? Michaela? What's gotten into you?"

"I thought you loved me! Not some slut from steerage."

"Wh-what?" He stammered.

"I saw you, OFFICER LOWE! Now tell me the truth. Now!" She demanded.

"Saw me what? Michaela, there must be some misunderstanding."

She grabbed his cup of tea and splashed the warm tea over his uniform. Then slammed the cup and dish to the deck.

"There is no misunderstanding I saw it with my own eyes!" She yelled.

Lowe looked at her completely confused. What was she talking about?

Murdoch, hearing all the commotion, comes out of the quarters and walks over to them.

"Lowe, Miss. Rosenberg. What's going on here?" Murdoch asked.

"Officer Lowe acted in a completely improper way! Now, Mr. Murdoch, if you'll excuse us. I am busy yelling at my ex-fiancé." She said, rather rudely, to the first officer.

"Ex? What? Michaela… I think I at least deserve an explanation." Lowe said.

"What did he do?" Murdoch asked, knowing it was his duty to listen to arguments, in case there should be need of assistance. Of course he couldn't figure out what his friend, Officer Lowe, could have done to make a lady this angry.

"It's the night before our wedding. He's out here with his arms all over this other woman. Don't deny it. I saw it with my own eyes. Some third class woman. I just can't believe I trusted you. You took advantage of me. You're an officer of a great ship, how can you be so-so-s- Argh- I don't even know!" Zipper yelled in Lowe's face.

Murdoch looked at his fellow officer, knowing that if he was being accused of inappropriate behavior, the master-at-arms should be informed.

"Want me to get the master-at-arms?" Murdoch asked, almost sadly. He couldn't believe Harold Lowe could act so irresponsibly.

"No, Will. Don't." Lowe pleaded. "I didn't do anything."

Officer Murdoch, didn't look at him, he only stared at Zipper waiting for her reply. She thought about it a long time. She knew how much the sea meant to Officer Lowe. So no matter what he did to her, she didn't want to ruin his dreams of being a captain someday.

"No, Mr. Murdoch. It's fine." Zipper said solemnly.

Officer Lowe sighed with relief. "Michaela. Can't you just let me explain?"

"No, Officer Lowe. I think I'm finished here. You can't possibly have anything to say, that could change my mind." She turned and walked away from him. Heading for the steerage party.

William Murdoch turned to Lowe. "What really happened?" He asked his friend.

"There was just this passenger that wanted to see the water splashing out from beneath the keel. So I put my arm around her so she could lean over the rail. I didn't do anything, Will, I swear that." He said, looking Murdoch straight in the eye.

Murdoch nodded. "I believe you, Harold. I'm sorry."

Lowe nodded. He looked back to where Zipper went through the door, back into the ship.

"Guess, I better tell the captain." Lowe said, sounding defeated.

"No, not just yet. Try to make her understand first." Murdoch replied.

"I can't. You heard her. She won't listen to me." Lowe answered.

"Well, Captain's asleep anyway. There's not much more you can do tonight." Murdoch placed a hand on his shoulder. "Listen, You have to get back to work. I'm sorry. But your first priority is Fifth Officer of this ship."

Lowe nodded, knowing he was right. Murdoch left. He needed to get some rest.

Lowe bent down and picked up the broken pieces of the china tea cup. He threw them over the rail, watching them disappear into the water.

He knew he loved Michaela. He would have never done anything to hurt her. How could she think that. She must not have loved him like he loved her. Or so he told himself.

Finally he admitted defeat and started on his long, lonely rounds of the starboard side of the ship.