Have I mentioned that I do not own one single solitary character or setting
portrayed in this fic. I have no claim upon any part of the wonderful works
of fiction created and owned solely by J.K. Rowling.
************************************************************************
"Hermione, My Dear," continued Dumbledore as if he'd just announced that tea was on its way, "It is my understanding that your parents have made other plans for the holidays, so I am hoping that you will not be sacrificing plans newly made?" The blood drained from Hermione's face as she looked up to meet the black-eyed intensity of Snape's disgusted gaze. His anger was palpable.
"And did you know that I am partial to cheetahs?" continued Dumbledore conversationally.
Four heads swiveled back to him in attentive surprise. "I beg your pardon Professor Dumbledore," said Harry. "What did you say?"
"Ah ha! I knew you weren't listening!"
They all had the grace to look embarrassed. They were so surprised at the pairing of Hermione and Snape that it was as if they hadn't yet processed anything else he'd said. Hermione thought Snape, who had resumed his furious pacing, looked as if was about to spontaneously combust. If they were going to avoid this perfectly awful situation, she realized it would be up to her to keep a cool head.
"Professor Dumbledore," she said with an assumed air of maidenly shyness. "Wouldn't it be more appropriate for me to remain with Sirius and Harry. After all, for me to live in such close quarters for an extended period of time with a man I barely know. Well, needless to say, I don't think my parents would approve, and it doesn't make me feel at all comfortable.
Dumbledore looked steadily at each of them. His expression was inscrutable. He did not offer an immediate reply. After several seconds that felt like minutes, he continued.
"Gentlemen, Ms. Granger, I believe it is time for a little plain speaking. As you are very aware, Voldemort is the Napoleon Bonaparte of the wizarding world in his uncanny ability to defy death. Arthur and I have good reason to believe that this is not a rumor. The plans that we have laid out for you were crafted with the utmost consideration of not only your safety, but that of the school as well. I hope you realize that our goal is to see that each of you has a well-deserved opportunity to reap the benefits of old age. Now, Ms. Granger, I have a question for you. Which option do you think your parents would choose for you, deliverance from a potentially painful death or preservation of your personal honor?"
"I see," replied Hermione crisply. Her quick intellect, for once, failing to come to her rescue with a suitable reply in the face of Dumbledore's undeniable logic and common sense.
"Headmaster," said Snape addressing Dumbledore in a surprisingly calm manner, "You know I will follow your directions to the letter of the law. Although, I must say, I don't see the logic in Ms. Granger haring off to muggle America with me when she would be perfectly safe with Black."
"Believe it or not, Severus, Arthur and I spent a considerable amount of time pondering these same questions. As I am sure you know, I am aware of everything that goes on in this school. Lately, there have been a number of scurrilous gossip magazines that have found an attentive audience amongst our students. Of course, I am never one to scorn an occasional tidbit of information, so naturally I have read them all.
I am well aware of the wizard world's preoccupation with our Ms. Granger and Mr. Potter. According to what I've read, it is considered common knowledge that Harry and Hermione have been secretly indulging in more than a friendly relationship for quite a long time - please don't interrupt me. While I realize that this is not true, there are times that these articles make me wonder. I think that muggle rap song, I believe it was by a talented group of young musicians who referred to themselves as the "Music Factory, sums what I am trying to communicate rather well."
"Do you mean Things That Make You Go Hmmm?" said Sirius laughingly. Harry punched him hard in the side.
"Yes! Yes! The very song!" said Dumbledore excitedly. " It occurred to Arthur and I that if Voldemort is on a blood hunt, and Heaven forbid he is successful, we do not want three out of the four of you together. That could be a terrible loss. Furthermore, you can be sure that Voldemort's people will assume that Harry and Hermione will stay together no matter what the danger or provocation. The last place anyone would think to look for Hermione would be with her supposedly dead professor in one of the largest muggle cities in the world. It helps our plan even more that no one would believe that Severus would ever entertain the idea living in the muggle world.
And finally, it is common knowledge that Severus is not popular with the students, and very much disliked by Hermione and Harry in particular. This latter fact alone renders the idea of the two of them together too incredible for Voldemort's spies to bother even considering such a ploy on our part, let alone investigating it. So you see, if we execute this plan to the letter of its details, no one will suspect a thing."
"Professor Dumbledore, I am sold," said Sirius rising to his feet. "As always, I bow to your superior judgement. Harry, why don't you get a few things together, so we can be on our way."
"Thank you Sirius. Right then! Good! Let's move on with the particulars," said Dumbledore in a jovial tone.
As Harry passed by Hermione's chair, he knelt down and looked into her eyes. "Hermione, you know...." he began, but seemed too uncomfortable to find the right words. "I mean, if there were any way I could, well, you know... Hermione, just be careful," he said casting a meaningful glance in Snape's direction.
"I know Harry," she replied with a calm she did not really feel. "You're a true friend. I'll be thinking of you and Sirius."
In less than one hour, Sirius and Harry departed and left Hermione to her fate with Snape.
"You will be residing in New York City by the way," said Dumbledore casually before continuing genially. Throughout the twentieth century," he said, "Headmasters have invested money in a fantastic muggle game they call the stock market. Hermione, I'm sure you are very familiar with it. It's really quite entertaining. I always wondered if we would someday require any of the muggle profits we've earned over the years. Alas, that day is today. Hermione, I bow to your superior knowledge of all things muggle. Is this enough money for you and Severus to live on for one month? Keep in mind that we have already created quarters for you in the city. This money we send with you now is what you will need to cover all your other expenses."
Hermione looked over at a suitcase of money that suddenly appeared on the table before them. She drew an audible breath, shocked at the sight before her eyes. Inside the black leather bag were stacks of thickly bundled American money in numerous denominations. It looked like something out of a bad spy movie.
"Arthur informs me that there is $750,000 in the suitcase," said Dumbledore. "I hope that is enough because once you leave, we will not have any way to send additional funds to you."
"Professor Dumbledore," said Hermione still in shock, "That is more money than most people could ever spend in a lifetime. I'm not sure I feel so comfortable walking around with that much hard cash."
"Oh, and what do you suggest we do," said Snape nastily, "Open an account with Gringotts and have the funds transferred to an American bank in our names?"
Hermione, stung by his impertinence, matched his nasty tone. "You needn't be so awful you know. Don't you ever give it a rest? I personally find it hard to believe you've mastered potions when you seem incapable of self- managing your temper and character. You are so unfair! So macabre! So ridiculous!" She shouted the last word.
Snape would have replied, but Dumbledore interrupted. He seemed unconcerned, and once again continued speaking as if an altercation between a student and a teacher was a daily occurrence. "Now then," he said. "You will be living as muggle business partners in a platonic relationship, of course. Your names are Sue Johnson and Larry Young. You are writers, and your expertise is in what muggles refer to as paranormal phenomenon. I suppose we wizards are included in that category don't you think? Here, take a look at these."
With a self satisfied air, Dumbledore handed them copies of two books supposedly co-authored by the two of them. The first was entitled, "Ghosts in the Artworld." The second, "Aliens? Real or Ghosts at Play?"
"This is too much," said Hermione. I can't handle this.
"Yes you can my dear," replied Dumbledore soothingly. "Keep in mind, that as authors you'll rarely need to leave your apartment unless you choose to do so. That should make you happy at least Severus. "By the way," he said handing Hermoine a slip of paper, "Here is the address of your apartment. It's on Park Avenue. That ought to cheer you up a bit. I hear that it's a prime New York City location. Now, as you are going to be living as muggles, you need only take your wands. The rest of the things you need such as muggle wear you can purchase in New York. Also, remember to remove your robes and give them to Hagrid before you apparate.
Hermione and Snape nodded in unison. They were too stunned to say anything else. It was all happening so fast.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Oh yes, we await Professor Hagrid who will accompany you on foot to the edge of the Dark Forest. Once there, you will apparate to Times Square. You'll have to make your way to the apartment via muggle transportation."
Before Hermione could even begin to process these last bits of information it was time to leave. She quickly removed a one hundred-dollar bill from one of the bundles before closing the suitcase.
"I hardly think you will need money before we get there," said Snape speaking to her as if she were a small child.
"Fine! I can put it back since I assume you think it would be better to open a large suitcase full of money in a taxi cab."
Snape looked annoyed as he murmured a shrinking charm and shoved the now wallet sized suitcase into a trouser pocket. He felt angry that her barbs during the meeting had affected him even if only mildly. "Oh well," he thought grimly. "She will pay for it later."
He felt frustrated. He knew how vulnerable he was going to be in muggle New York. After all, he'd never spent more than a few hours in any muggle city. He was completely ignorant of the intricacies of their culture, not to mention their archaic machines and gadgets. However, he would cut off his right arm before admitting it to her now. She'd get her gloating moment when she figured it out for herself and not a minute before.
"Oh!" I almost forgot a most important detail," said Dumbledore. "I will not be able to communicate with you by owl. It could draw unwanted attention to you, and it could also expose your cover. Instead, I will communicate with you by utilizing what are called the 'Classifieds' section of a muggle newspaper that you will receive daily. You need only look under the section marked 'Rummage Sales.' This was Arthur Weasly's suggestion. Don't you agree that it's very clever."
"Headmaster, what if we need to contact you?" asked Snape trying to hide the fact that he had no idea what Dumbledore was talking about.
"I'm glad you asked that question Severus. As you know, I receive all the muggle newspapers daily. In fact, you can use 'Rummage Sales' as well. Ah! Here is our esteemed Professor Hagrid to accompany you. Goodbye. Good luck. Please know that I have the utmost confidence in both of you."
Hermione rushed to Hagrid and threw her arms about him as if he were her only link to sanity. "There, there Hermione," said Hagrid with great concern. "You'll be ok. I mean, I know Snape is a nasty git and all, but you'll sew him up right 'n tight in no time at all."
In a loud voice that was supposed to be a whisper he continued, "Personally, if you ask me, I think he's afraid of people. Afraid to let a body get to know him too much, if you know what I mean." He punctuated this strange statement with a wink, leaving Hermione even more bemused than before.
While she was with Hagrid, Dumbledore took Snape aside. In a low voice he said with great severity, "Severus, I have entrusted Ms. Granger to your capabilities and strength. Take good care of her. I cannot think of anyone more skilled than you to ensure her safe return to Hogwarts."
He paused for a moment, and then continued in a strident tone. "I firmly believe that I can trust that you would never take advantage of her personally." He looked directly into Snape's eyes. There was no mistaking his meaning.
"You have nothing to worry about there," Snape snorted inelegantly. "If anything, you should be concerned that we don't murder each other before we get to the Dark Forest." He gave Dumbledore a nod, as he began one of the least palatable tasks he had been assigned since his former dark wizard life. Although unhappy with the situation, as always he was won over by Dumbledore's trust in him. "I promise you that she will return to school and finish the term in all her usual anal retentive glory." Looking at Hermione and Hagrid he muttered, "Let's go," with grim determination.
************************************************************************
"Hermione, My Dear," continued Dumbledore as if he'd just announced that tea was on its way, "It is my understanding that your parents have made other plans for the holidays, so I am hoping that you will not be sacrificing plans newly made?" The blood drained from Hermione's face as she looked up to meet the black-eyed intensity of Snape's disgusted gaze. His anger was palpable.
"And did you know that I am partial to cheetahs?" continued Dumbledore conversationally.
Four heads swiveled back to him in attentive surprise. "I beg your pardon Professor Dumbledore," said Harry. "What did you say?"
"Ah ha! I knew you weren't listening!"
They all had the grace to look embarrassed. They were so surprised at the pairing of Hermione and Snape that it was as if they hadn't yet processed anything else he'd said. Hermione thought Snape, who had resumed his furious pacing, looked as if was about to spontaneously combust. If they were going to avoid this perfectly awful situation, she realized it would be up to her to keep a cool head.
"Professor Dumbledore," she said with an assumed air of maidenly shyness. "Wouldn't it be more appropriate for me to remain with Sirius and Harry. After all, for me to live in such close quarters for an extended period of time with a man I barely know. Well, needless to say, I don't think my parents would approve, and it doesn't make me feel at all comfortable.
Dumbledore looked steadily at each of them. His expression was inscrutable. He did not offer an immediate reply. After several seconds that felt like minutes, he continued.
"Gentlemen, Ms. Granger, I believe it is time for a little plain speaking. As you are very aware, Voldemort is the Napoleon Bonaparte of the wizarding world in his uncanny ability to defy death. Arthur and I have good reason to believe that this is not a rumor. The plans that we have laid out for you were crafted with the utmost consideration of not only your safety, but that of the school as well. I hope you realize that our goal is to see that each of you has a well-deserved opportunity to reap the benefits of old age. Now, Ms. Granger, I have a question for you. Which option do you think your parents would choose for you, deliverance from a potentially painful death or preservation of your personal honor?"
"I see," replied Hermione crisply. Her quick intellect, for once, failing to come to her rescue with a suitable reply in the face of Dumbledore's undeniable logic and common sense.
"Headmaster," said Snape addressing Dumbledore in a surprisingly calm manner, "You know I will follow your directions to the letter of the law. Although, I must say, I don't see the logic in Ms. Granger haring off to muggle America with me when she would be perfectly safe with Black."
"Believe it or not, Severus, Arthur and I spent a considerable amount of time pondering these same questions. As I am sure you know, I am aware of everything that goes on in this school. Lately, there have been a number of scurrilous gossip magazines that have found an attentive audience amongst our students. Of course, I am never one to scorn an occasional tidbit of information, so naturally I have read them all.
I am well aware of the wizard world's preoccupation with our Ms. Granger and Mr. Potter. According to what I've read, it is considered common knowledge that Harry and Hermione have been secretly indulging in more than a friendly relationship for quite a long time - please don't interrupt me. While I realize that this is not true, there are times that these articles make me wonder. I think that muggle rap song, I believe it was by a talented group of young musicians who referred to themselves as the "Music Factory, sums what I am trying to communicate rather well."
"Do you mean Things That Make You Go Hmmm?" said Sirius laughingly. Harry punched him hard in the side.
"Yes! Yes! The very song!" said Dumbledore excitedly. " It occurred to Arthur and I that if Voldemort is on a blood hunt, and Heaven forbid he is successful, we do not want three out of the four of you together. That could be a terrible loss. Furthermore, you can be sure that Voldemort's people will assume that Harry and Hermione will stay together no matter what the danger or provocation. The last place anyone would think to look for Hermione would be with her supposedly dead professor in one of the largest muggle cities in the world. It helps our plan even more that no one would believe that Severus would ever entertain the idea living in the muggle world.
And finally, it is common knowledge that Severus is not popular with the students, and very much disliked by Hermione and Harry in particular. This latter fact alone renders the idea of the two of them together too incredible for Voldemort's spies to bother even considering such a ploy on our part, let alone investigating it. So you see, if we execute this plan to the letter of its details, no one will suspect a thing."
"Professor Dumbledore, I am sold," said Sirius rising to his feet. "As always, I bow to your superior judgement. Harry, why don't you get a few things together, so we can be on our way."
"Thank you Sirius. Right then! Good! Let's move on with the particulars," said Dumbledore in a jovial tone.
As Harry passed by Hermione's chair, he knelt down and looked into her eyes. "Hermione, you know...." he began, but seemed too uncomfortable to find the right words. "I mean, if there were any way I could, well, you know... Hermione, just be careful," he said casting a meaningful glance in Snape's direction.
"I know Harry," she replied with a calm she did not really feel. "You're a true friend. I'll be thinking of you and Sirius."
In less than one hour, Sirius and Harry departed and left Hermione to her fate with Snape.
"You will be residing in New York City by the way," said Dumbledore casually before continuing genially. Throughout the twentieth century," he said, "Headmasters have invested money in a fantastic muggle game they call the stock market. Hermione, I'm sure you are very familiar with it. It's really quite entertaining. I always wondered if we would someday require any of the muggle profits we've earned over the years. Alas, that day is today. Hermione, I bow to your superior knowledge of all things muggle. Is this enough money for you and Severus to live on for one month? Keep in mind that we have already created quarters for you in the city. This money we send with you now is what you will need to cover all your other expenses."
Hermione looked over at a suitcase of money that suddenly appeared on the table before them. She drew an audible breath, shocked at the sight before her eyes. Inside the black leather bag were stacks of thickly bundled American money in numerous denominations. It looked like something out of a bad spy movie.
"Arthur informs me that there is $750,000 in the suitcase," said Dumbledore. "I hope that is enough because once you leave, we will not have any way to send additional funds to you."
"Professor Dumbledore," said Hermione still in shock, "That is more money than most people could ever spend in a lifetime. I'm not sure I feel so comfortable walking around with that much hard cash."
"Oh, and what do you suggest we do," said Snape nastily, "Open an account with Gringotts and have the funds transferred to an American bank in our names?"
Hermione, stung by his impertinence, matched his nasty tone. "You needn't be so awful you know. Don't you ever give it a rest? I personally find it hard to believe you've mastered potions when you seem incapable of self- managing your temper and character. You are so unfair! So macabre! So ridiculous!" She shouted the last word.
Snape would have replied, but Dumbledore interrupted. He seemed unconcerned, and once again continued speaking as if an altercation between a student and a teacher was a daily occurrence. "Now then," he said. "You will be living as muggle business partners in a platonic relationship, of course. Your names are Sue Johnson and Larry Young. You are writers, and your expertise is in what muggles refer to as paranormal phenomenon. I suppose we wizards are included in that category don't you think? Here, take a look at these."
With a self satisfied air, Dumbledore handed them copies of two books supposedly co-authored by the two of them. The first was entitled, "Ghosts in the Artworld." The second, "Aliens? Real or Ghosts at Play?"
"This is too much," said Hermione. I can't handle this.
"Yes you can my dear," replied Dumbledore soothingly. "Keep in mind, that as authors you'll rarely need to leave your apartment unless you choose to do so. That should make you happy at least Severus. "By the way," he said handing Hermoine a slip of paper, "Here is the address of your apartment. It's on Park Avenue. That ought to cheer you up a bit. I hear that it's a prime New York City location. Now, as you are going to be living as muggles, you need only take your wands. The rest of the things you need such as muggle wear you can purchase in New York. Also, remember to remove your robes and give them to Hagrid before you apparate.
Hermione and Snape nodded in unison. They were too stunned to say anything else. It was all happening so fast.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Oh yes, we await Professor Hagrid who will accompany you on foot to the edge of the Dark Forest. Once there, you will apparate to Times Square. You'll have to make your way to the apartment via muggle transportation."
Before Hermione could even begin to process these last bits of information it was time to leave. She quickly removed a one hundred-dollar bill from one of the bundles before closing the suitcase.
"I hardly think you will need money before we get there," said Snape speaking to her as if she were a small child.
"Fine! I can put it back since I assume you think it would be better to open a large suitcase full of money in a taxi cab."
Snape looked annoyed as he murmured a shrinking charm and shoved the now wallet sized suitcase into a trouser pocket. He felt angry that her barbs during the meeting had affected him even if only mildly. "Oh well," he thought grimly. "She will pay for it later."
He felt frustrated. He knew how vulnerable he was going to be in muggle New York. After all, he'd never spent more than a few hours in any muggle city. He was completely ignorant of the intricacies of their culture, not to mention their archaic machines and gadgets. However, he would cut off his right arm before admitting it to her now. She'd get her gloating moment when she figured it out for herself and not a minute before.
"Oh!" I almost forgot a most important detail," said Dumbledore. "I will not be able to communicate with you by owl. It could draw unwanted attention to you, and it could also expose your cover. Instead, I will communicate with you by utilizing what are called the 'Classifieds' section of a muggle newspaper that you will receive daily. You need only look under the section marked 'Rummage Sales.' This was Arthur Weasly's suggestion. Don't you agree that it's very clever."
"Headmaster, what if we need to contact you?" asked Snape trying to hide the fact that he had no idea what Dumbledore was talking about.
"I'm glad you asked that question Severus. As you know, I receive all the muggle newspapers daily. In fact, you can use 'Rummage Sales' as well. Ah! Here is our esteemed Professor Hagrid to accompany you. Goodbye. Good luck. Please know that I have the utmost confidence in both of you."
Hermione rushed to Hagrid and threw her arms about him as if he were her only link to sanity. "There, there Hermione," said Hagrid with great concern. "You'll be ok. I mean, I know Snape is a nasty git and all, but you'll sew him up right 'n tight in no time at all."
In a loud voice that was supposed to be a whisper he continued, "Personally, if you ask me, I think he's afraid of people. Afraid to let a body get to know him too much, if you know what I mean." He punctuated this strange statement with a wink, leaving Hermione even more bemused than before.
While she was with Hagrid, Dumbledore took Snape aside. In a low voice he said with great severity, "Severus, I have entrusted Ms. Granger to your capabilities and strength. Take good care of her. I cannot think of anyone more skilled than you to ensure her safe return to Hogwarts."
He paused for a moment, and then continued in a strident tone. "I firmly believe that I can trust that you would never take advantage of her personally." He looked directly into Snape's eyes. There was no mistaking his meaning.
"You have nothing to worry about there," Snape snorted inelegantly. "If anything, you should be concerned that we don't murder each other before we get to the Dark Forest." He gave Dumbledore a nod, as he began one of the least palatable tasks he had been assigned since his former dark wizard life. Although unhappy with the situation, as always he was won over by Dumbledore's trust in him. "I promise you that she will return to school and finish the term in all her usual anal retentive glory." Looking at Hermione and Hagrid he muttered, "Let's go," with grim determination.
