Anyway, I do not own one single solitary character or setting portrayed in this fic. I have no claim upon any part of the wonderful works of fiction created and owned solely by J.K. Rowling.

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Merging into the pedestrian traffic hand in hand, and with shopping bags, was not as easy as apparating into it. Snape's gloved hand tightened involuntarily over Hermione's as he guided her, "God only knew where."

They had just passed through some sort of tunnel constructed of wood that stretched the length of an entire block. As they emerged into the not so fresh air, a tall, muscular, blond, young man wearing a black leather jacket and a cowboy hat approached Hermione. Snape, continuing to walk with her hand grasped tightly in his, unknowingly created a barrier with their hands that forced her to walk right into the man.

"Oh, pardon me," she said as she straightened herself out. As she looked up, she was caught in the intense gaze of the most amazingly blue eyes she had ever seen. On the other side of the man's back, Severus angrily tried to propel Hermione around him so they could continue on their way. But Hermione was unwilling to cooperate. The young man, apparently liking what he saw, turned a perfectly white, even toothed smile on her.

"Happy Holidays to ya Mam," he drawled in a deep southern accent.

Hermione, completely at a loss for words, merely continued to stare up at him open-mouthed.

"Oh for pity's sake this is disgusting!" Snape's impatient comment served to jolt Hermione from her catatonic state, but it didn't bring forth any of her usual sensible behavior.

"Are you an American cowboy?" she flirtatiously asked the man in the hat as crowds of people swirled on either side of the three of them.

"And are you a British lady?" he asked in a voice tone that could just as easily have said, "And are you a whore?"

They were never able to answer each other because Snape viciously tugged Hermione around the man and up the sidewalk.

"Ouch!" she cried out. "What's the matter with you?"

As Snape continued to pull her away, the man followed after her holding out a booklet. Stretching her other arm toward him, she barely managed to grasp it before he disappeared completely from view.

"Merry Christmas My Lady!" he yelled after her.

Hermione did not even have a moment to look at what he had given to her, but she was suddenly aware of other people holding up similar books and offering them to those passing by for five dollars. She realized that the blond god had given her a gift. Inordinately pleased with herself, she was still smiling dreamily when Snape came to a sudden halt.

Giving her a savage shake with both hands he nastily said, "Come down from the clouds Girlie, and help us get where we are to go." Then he muttered under his breath, "How the hell does one find transportation in this heinous cesspool of muggles?"

If looks could kill, then Severus Snape would have fallen dead where he stood from the malevolent expression on Hermione's face. Irritably, she stepped in front of him and began to walk at a furious pace jerking him abruptly behind her and holding his hand in a vise-like grip. It was her turn to drag him around for a change, and she was going to enjoy it. She continued in this manner for two full blocks enjoying every "oomph" and expletive she heard emitting from Snape like a volcano each time he bumped into someone.

Finally, she unconsciously mirrored the actions of her parents as she dragged Snape behind her to the next corner and out into the street. She placed her hand into the air and successfully hailed a rapidly approaching taxi.

Neither of them had time to think as they scuttled into the back seat of the cab. Severus presented the piece of paper with their address, and the driver took off pressing them abruptly back into their seats with the sudden forward movement of the car.

The driver had not gone a full block when Hermione rounded viciously on Snape. "You arrogant, nasty, bugger! For as long as we are jailed together in this place, do not....And I mean, do not, refer to me as 'girlie' again! Do you understand me?"

"And how would you prefer I address you?" asked Snape equally as nasty. "My Lady perhaps?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed to slits, as she shot back, "At least he wasn't a rudesby like you!"

"Oh you think him a gentleman do you? Listen here Gir, I mean Ms. Granger, handsome does not a gentleman make."

"How I wish Harry and Ron could be here with us right now," she replied in a suddenly wistful and sweet voice. "In fact, I wish all the young men of Hogwarts were here to take advantage of our Potions Master's lecture entitled, "How to Be a Gentleman Instead of a Nasty Git Like Me."

Snape had the good grace to look embarrassed. He knew he was the last person on earth who would ever be considered a person of gentlemanly behaviour. In an effort to change the hostile atmosphere, he quickly eyed the booklet given to Hermione by the cowboy. "By the way," he asked, "What did your fair American Romeo gift you with Ms. Granger?"

"Oh!" she replied remembering the booklet for the first time. She picked it up and began to read the title quietly to herself. "The Best Positions in the Kama Sutra. Hmmm... Curious...." she said as she began to leaf through the booklet. As she turned each successive page, she began to turn a deeper shade of red.

"Well?" asked Snape with a disinterest that rapidly became fascination as Hermione tried to stuff the thing into her coat pocket. Leaping across her lap with the agility of a panther, he snatched the book from her hand before she realized he had even moved.

"No!" she shouted in dismay as she lunged for the booklet, which he held in an impregnable grasp above his head. "Give it back Severus Snape!"

"I didn't realize that we had progressed to addressing each other by our first names. However, I'm glad you've done so. This Ms. Granger this, and Professor that, was bound to become tiresome very quickly. Oh, and no. No, you will not get this back until I've taken a look at your, ahhh, Christmas gift."

Without hesitation Severus began to leaf through the booklet, but didn't get very far because it slipped from his fingers as he began to laugh uproariously. The booklet fell open on the seat between them brazenly displaying its contents to the entire back seat of the cab. It consisted of numerous pictures of a couple engaged in a variety of sex acts. Hermione, while still a virgin at almost eighteen years of age, twenty- two when she remembered the time tuner, was completely floored by what she saw the people doing in the booklet. She had never dreamed...."This is what people do?" she questioned in embarrassed fascination.

All her shamefully curious thoughts and questions evaporated as she began to refocus her attention on the man beside her. She had thought his smile was intriguing earlier, but to see and hear this man laugh was a sight to behold. It was as if a naughty angel with a baritone laugh had replaced the brooding and obnoxious Professor Snape.

Of course, there is always something about laughing that renders it an activity that cannot be done alone. Suddenly, Hermione found herself consumed with the ridiculousness of their entire situation. She began to laugh with him. This prompted him to further hilarity as their eyes met and held in shared amusement. Neither of them was aware of the cabby regarding them in his rear view mirror.

"Foreigners," he said while shaking his head in disgust.