Chapter 5
With the realization of my love for Erik, my entire life changed. The entire purpose of my existence was to make him love me. I knew that this wouldn't be an easy task, considering his devotion to Christine. I knew that something had to change though. I couldn't live without him for very long.
I lay awake one night in my room at the Opera, wondering how to make Erik notice me as more than a friend. During the last few days I had spent with him, I had tried in vain to drop subtle hints. One evening, as we sat by the fire talking, I "accidentally" touched his hand, letting my fingers linger on his palm as long as I dared. He appeared unruffled, however, and continued talking as if he hadn't noticed my touch. I had noticed though, and my fingers tingled long after it was over.
"Oh Erik," I whispered into the darkness, "why won't you love me?" I tossed and turned for a long time. Ever since my feelings for Erik had arisen, sleep evaded me. When I finally did sleep, Erik filled my dreams, and I woke up longing for him in a way I'd never known before.
I was waiting for Christine to change after dress rehearsal. The Viconte entered the lobby. "Good evening Carolyn," he said kissing my hand formally. "Good evening Roual," I said, "how are you?" "A little nervous actually, he conceded. "Why?" I asked. "Well," he said confidentially, "I have some plans for this evening with Christine, and I want everything to be perfect. I'm planning to propose to her, but I'm nervous about whether or not she'll accept." A glimmer of hope shone in my heart. I could barely contain my excitement. If Erik realized that Christine was serious about Roual, his feelings for her might fade. "Don't be nervous," I said. "of course she'll accept." "I hope so," he said.
"So do I," I thought for my own reasons. "You're up to something," Roual said, "I can see it." "Me?" I asked feigning innocence. "Yes, you, now out with it!" He said in a tone of mock severity. A thought struck me. If Roual and I could become allies, then maybe we both would get what we wanted much faster. I told him everything, of my love for Erik, and of Erik's love for Christine. "I know he loves her," Roual said softly, "that's why I am nervous. What if she says no because of him?"
"She won't," I reassured him, "she loves you."
"I know she does," He said, "and I know that you love him, but how? Carolyn, you can't see him. He looks horrible from what Christine has told me. And his temper! You must eventually come to realize the mistake you are making before it's to late. I want to help you, but I don't know if I'd be hurting you in the long run. You are my friend, and if anything would happen to you, I would never forgive myself."
"Nothing will," I said, "the only reason for his temper is his anger at a world that has forsaken and tortured him since the day he was borne. If you knew him like I do, you would realize that it's not his face that matters, but his personality and his soul. That's all that I see of him, and even If I could see more, I would still love him just as much." Tears came to my eyes as I spoke. I was so filled with conflicting emotions. Love, sadness, hope.
With the realization of my love for Erik, my entire life changed. The entire purpose of my existence was to make him love me. I knew that this wouldn't be an easy task, considering his devotion to Christine. I knew that something had to change though. I couldn't live without him for very long.
I lay awake one night in my room at the Opera, wondering how to make Erik notice me as more than a friend. During the last few days I had spent with him, I had tried in vain to drop subtle hints. One evening, as we sat by the fire talking, I "accidentally" touched his hand, letting my fingers linger on his palm as long as I dared. He appeared unruffled, however, and continued talking as if he hadn't noticed my touch. I had noticed though, and my fingers tingled long after it was over.
"Oh Erik," I whispered into the darkness, "why won't you love me?" I tossed and turned for a long time. Ever since my feelings for Erik had arisen, sleep evaded me. When I finally did sleep, Erik filled my dreams, and I woke up longing for him in a way I'd never known before.
I was waiting for Christine to change after dress rehearsal. The Viconte entered the lobby. "Good evening Carolyn," he said kissing my hand formally. "Good evening Roual," I said, "how are you?" "A little nervous actually, he conceded. "Why?" I asked. "Well," he said confidentially, "I have some plans for this evening with Christine, and I want everything to be perfect. I'm planning to propose to her, but I'm nervous about whether or not she'll accept." A glimmer of hope shone in my heart. I could barely contain my excitement. If Erik realized that Christine was serious about Roual, his feelings for her might fade. "Don't be nervous," I said. "of course she'll accept." "I hope so," he said.
"So do I," I thought for my own reasons. "You're up to something," Roual said, "I can see it." "Me?" I asked feigning innocence. "Yes, you, now out with it!" He said in a tone of mock severity. A thought struck me. If Roual and I could become allies, then maybe we both would get what we wanted much faster. I told him everything, of my love for Erik, and of Erik's love for Christine. "I know he loves her," Roual said softly, "that's why I am nervous. What if she says no because of him?"
"She won't," I reassured him, "she loves you."
"I know she does," He said, "and I know that you love him, but how? Carolyn, you can't see him. He looks horrible from what Christine has told me. And his temper! You must eventually come to realize the mistake you are making before it's to late. I want to help you, but I don't know if I'd be hurting you in the long run. You are my friend, and if anything would happen to you, I would never forgive myself."
"Nothing will," I said, "the only reason for his temper is his anger at a world that has forsaken and tortured him since the day he was borne. If you knew him like I do, you would realize that it's not his face that matters, but his personality and his soul. That's all that I see of him, and even If I could see more, I would still love him just as much." Tears came to my eyes as I spoke. I was so filled with conflicting emotions. Love, sadness, hope.
