Chapter 6



I woke up the next morning feeling happier and lighter than I had in a long time. Christine was standing in the hall when I immerged from my room.

"Oh Carolyn! I have the most wonderful news!"

I knew what she was going to tell me, but I pretended not to know. "What is it?" I asked. "Did the managers offer you another lead role?"

"No," she said, "it's something even better than that."

"What is it?" I asked barely able to contain my own excitement. She had said yes! My heart danced with relief. "Raoul and I are engaged!"

I hugged her tightly. "Congratulations! What does your ring look like? Can I see it?" She handed it to me. It felt like a very large diamond with little diamonds surrounding it. My assumptions proved to be correct. "It's beautiful. When will the wedding be?"

"I don't know," she said.

I sensed tension in her voice. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing," Christine said quickly.

"Tell me," I said gently, "I won't tell anyone I promise."

"Well," she said hesitantly, "I don't know how Erik will react to all of this. I don't really want to be the one to tell him. I am rather frightened of his reaction."

"Don't be," I reassured her, "he's really very gentle. I'm sure he might be upset at first, but eventually he'll have to accept it." I hoped with all of my heart that he would. "He just has to," I added.

"Oh?" Christine said curiously, "Am I correct in assuming that you have more than a friendly interest in Erik?"

My face grew very hot. "Did Roual tell you? That's the last time I'll ever tell him a secret!"

"No," she said, "I guessed. Does Erik suspect anything?"

"No," I said wistfully, "I wish he would though. He's completely devoted to you. It's not your fault, but I want him to love me more than anything."

"I know you do," she said gently, "but you don't know him as well as I do. You don't know what you are getting yourself into Carolyn. He's very nice most of the time, but at other times...… She left the sentence unfinished.

"I know all of that," I said, "but when we're together, I don't see that side of him. Even if I did I would still love him. I love the person that he is when we're together, and even if he gets angry, he'll always become that person again. He's not a mean man. He's angry at the world. That's what I was trying to explain to Raoul last night."

"I know," Christine said, "and in my heart I know you're right, but be careful."

"I will," I said, "but I have nothing to fear."

******************************


During my lesson that evening, Erik seemed very tense. Finally, when I had finished all of my exercises I asked, "Erik, do you know about Raoul and Christine?" There was a long silence.

"Yes," he finally said in a choked voice, "Why couldn't she love me?" There were tears in his voice, and my heart went out to him, but I also knew that he needed to accept the fact that Christine didn't love him, and move on with his life.

"Erik," I said gently yet firmly, "I realize that you love Christine very much. She's a great beauty and a wonderful person. But she loves Roual, and they are going to be married."

"If I weren't so ugly she would love me!" He burst out angrily.

"Maybe not though," I said quietly, "she would have been meant to be with Raoul regardless of what you looked like. You need to accept the fact that you can't have her. You need to move on with your life. You need to focus your attention on someone else, someone who will love you in return."

"Someone like me," I wanted to add, but this wasn't the time to declare my undying love.

"No one will ever love me," he said miserably. I wanted to tell him that I always would, but I didn't want to scare him away. Erik was very vulnerable right now, and there was no telling what his reaction would be if I told him.

"Someone will," I said, "but you can't wait your whole life for her love. You won't ever have her love. I don't mean to be so blunt with you, but it's the truth, as painful as it must be for you to hear it."

"I will never give up hope!" He sobbed angrily. "I love her! I can't move on."

"You have to dammit!" I shouted, releasing all of the emotions I had held in for weeks. "You can't live your whole life waiting for her!"

"How did you become so wise and young Mademoiselle?" He stormed.

"I lived through what you're going through now, and I know that it hurts. No pain is greater than that of a lost love. But I've learned to live my life again. I've learned from my mistakes. I know better how to handle myself next time."

"For you,' Erik said sadly, "there will be a next time, but for me…"

"Don't say that!"

"Why? It's the truth. Who would ever love me?"

I felt as though my heart would break. I wanted so badly to throw caution to the wind and confess my love for him, but it wasn't the right time. "You will find someone. For every person, there is someone who is meant to be that person's soul mate."

"Not for me," Erik said. Surprisingly, I felt anger surge within me.

"Erik," I stormed, "I can only imagine the kind of life you've had, but you need to move on. This obsession has gone on long enough." I knew immediately that I had reacted hastily.

"Obsession!" Erik raged, "That's all that you think this is? An obsession that I'll eventually tire of? You know nothing of true love! I love her with all of my soul! Obsession!"

His words tore at my heart. I felt tears sting my eyes. "Erik, I…" There was no answer. "Erik!" I cried, "Erik! Where are you?" I was met with a depressing silence.

"I know of true love," I cried into the silence, "a love that is stronger than any human bond. I hope that some day you will feel that kind of love." My words were still answered by silence. The room began to spin. I shakily made my way to the couch and collapsed onto it crying as though my heart would break. It truly felt as though it would break at that moment.