All belongs to Joss. Reviews would be great this chap is a little short
building up Buffy's thoughts were harder than expected. Words in brackets
are sub-conscious thoughts. I am sorry if my spoiler notices last time
disturbed anyone, there will be no more of that. Sorry.
Things had gotten progressively worse over the past few months. Her mood, her training, her life, everything was on a downhill slide and she knew why. Spike. That annoying, chip-head, bully was the cause. Everything had changed that night; she had been awful to him shouting at him, calling him names that were totally uncalled for. And when she had gone looking for him the next night and found the crypt empty he heart had sunk. For the next day she was in a daze confused by the feelings of loss and panic she now felt by his absence. His presence although annoying in many ways had been a comfort and now that she didn't have it she was forced to admit that she missed it. A lot.
"Come on move."
She was rearranging bedroom furniture, boredom having driven her to this. Of course he had still been around after she had discovered where he had gone. That had been a shock, but then everything he'd done since then had been a shock. He had stopped following her, stopped showing up on her patrols and when she had needed his help the last few times she had been forced to relay messages through Dawn or call and leave a message. They never argued anymore, he was never around. [I miss him], there it was finally she could admit it. She missed him; there was an ache in her heart that had grown since that night.
"Damn."
Falling to the floor in the middle of her messy room, she began to cry, silent tears streamed down her cheeks. He had not left, true, but even worse he was moving on, right in front of her. She had seen him at the Bronze with new friends, and Tara, and she had felt left out, not belonging with her own friends and not included with his. That night she had cried herself to sleep, and not gone back to the Bronze since. Everyone knew what was bothering her, but they didn't know what to do. She worked, she Slayed, but she was miserable.
"It's not fair."
Dawn had continued to visit him. She had tired to sneak around, but she knew that she was going over there. He had not even invited her over there, that hurt, but that was what she wanted right. No commitment, no love. Well why then was she so miserable? [You know. You love him].
"No!"
Stunned she jumped up and began to pace. Love Spike? Ew! No! [Why not? He nearly died for you, protected your sister, and helped bring you back to the land of the living]. Groaning she headed into the bathroom, sliding down the wall onto the floor.
"I love him."
Simply put it made so much sense. Feeling as though a weight had been lifted off of her she smiled weakly.
"I love him."
[And you've lost him]. No! [Yes]. Had she truly lost him? Getting up she turned the shower on knowing that after school Dawn would be going to see him, she thought she would pay him a little visit as well. Smiling as she stripped, she suddenly thought today was definitely going to get better.
Things had gotten progressively worse over the past few months. Her mood, her training, her life, everything was on a downhill slide and she knew why. Spike. That annoying, chip-head, bully was the cause. Everything had changed that night; she had been awful to him shouting at him, calling him names that were totally uncalled for. And when she had gone looking for him the next night and found the crypt empty he heart had sunk. For the next day she was in a daze confused by the feelings of loss and panic she now felt by his absence. His presence although annoying in many ways had been a comfort and now that she didn't have it she was forced to admit that she missed it. A lot.
"Come on move."
She was rearranging bedroom furniture, boredom having driven her to this. Of course he had still been around after she had discovered where he had gone. That had been a shock, but then everything he'd done since then had been a shock. He had stopped following her, stopped showing up on her patrols and when she had needed his help the last few times she had been forced to relay messages through Dawn or call and leave a message. They never argued anymore, he was never around. [I miss him], there it was finally she could admit it. She missed him; there was an ache in her heart that had grown since that night.
"Damn."
Falling to the floor in the middle of her messy room, she began to cry, silent tears streamed down her cheeks. He had not left, true, but even worse he was moving on, right in front of her. She had seen him at the Bronze with new friends, and Tara, and she had felt left out, not belonging with her own friends and not included with his. That night she had cried herself to sleep, and not gone back to the Bronze since. Everyone knew what was bothering her, but they didn't know what to do. She worked, she Slayed, but she was miserable.
"It's not fair."
Dawn had continued to visit him. She had tired to sneak around, but she knew that she was going over there. He had not even invited her over there, that hurt, but that was what she wanted right. No commitment, no love. Well why then was she so miserable? [You know. You love him].
"No!"
Stunned she jumped up and began to pace. Love Spike? Ew! No! [Why not? He nearly died for you, protected your sister, and helped bring you back to the land of the living]. Groaning she headed into the bathroom, sliding down the wall onto the floor.
"I love him."
Simply put it made so much sense. Feeling as though a weight had been lifted off of her she smiled weakly.
"I love him."
[And you've lost him]. No! [Yes]. Had she truly lost him? Getting up she turned the shower on knowing that after school Dawn would be going to see him, she thought she would pay him a little visit as well. Smiling as she stripped, she suddenly thought today was definitely going to get better.
