This chapter is nice and long thanks to me having nothing better to do than write this pure utter nonsense!

Mystery of the Random Chests

Chapter 4:

Mido ran as fast as he could back to Kokiri Forest. It was night again and he was being chased by line of 20 stalchildren. Mido screamed as he barley missed tripping over a chest.

He could hear all the Stalchilderen's high pitched He he he he's get closer as he ran.

Why am I scared of these stupid things? Me, the great Mido a coward like Link? I'll show them who's boss! I'll do to them just what I did to Link!
thought Mido. Mido turned towards the perfect line of Stalchildren coming at him and muttered One chest after another fell on the line of stalchildren, making boney crushing sounds. When the last stalchild was squished there was a perfect line of treasure chests. Mido smirked to himself........

MEANWHILE IN ANOTHER PLACE MIDO ISN'T IN AND PROBABLY WON'T BE FOR THE NEXT MINUTE!!!!!!

Link snuck past the guards and made it to the halfway mark between the Castle Gate and Hyrule Caste itself. screamed Link as he tripped. Link picked his face up out of the dirt and looked at what he tripped over, expecting to see another treasure chest. Instead he saw a Hylian Guard. DId I just trip over a guard?! Link said to himself, Didn't the guard even see me? Am I getting stupider? Well let's find out.

Link pulled out a Super IQ Meter 2000.5 and scanned himself with it. The Super IQ Meter 2000.5 read Your IQ is 32.

Nope, my IQ's just the same as it always been... Link muttered to himself. He then proceeded to scan a nearby rock. The rock's IQ is Zero read the Super IQ Meter 2000.5.

Hello guard? Link asked the guard. The guard just stood there staring off into space. Excuse me.... but did I just trip over you? Link continued. The guard continued to stare off into space as if Link weren't there. Hello???? Are you an idiot!?!?! Can't you see I just tripped over you!!!! Link shouted into the guards face.

The guard sneezed.

I knew the guards around Hyrule Castle were dumber than me.... but geeze..... Link muttered to himself. Link then decided to scan the guard with his Super IQ Meter 2000.5. The numbers on the Super IQ Meter 2000.5 started shooting down into the negatives, far beyond anything Link could count too. Link shoved the Super IQ Meter 2000.5 in his left ear (where do you think he keeps all his stuff?) and continued on his little trek to the castle passing by the super dumb guards absolutely unnoticed.

Link just got to the drawbridge when he heard a voice, Hey you stop right there.... Link turned and saw a man wearing a uniform being confronted by a guard.

Hmmmm mighty dumb aren't we today? the man wearing the KFC uniform asked the guard.

No, but your mom will be dumbstruck' when I'm through with you.... grumbled the guard. The guard raised his spear right above the man's head.

the man chuckled. Can't you tell why I'm here? The guard continued to grumble angrily under his breath. The man wearing the KFC uniform continued, Why I'm here to save you from this chicken problem you seem to be having, see I'm here to collect the chickens for frying so people can eat them....

I don't care what you are here for, no one is allowed into the castle, to fry chickens or to take over Hyrule! stammered the guard.

Fine then we'll just have to do this the easy way, the man went on, I'm going to use my greatest power! Bad Jokes!!! This is the KFC specialty joke, deep fried! The was about to bring the spear crashing down on the man's head when the man began, A man walks into a fan shop and asks the salesperson Can I get a new fan? I don't like my old one,' and the salesperson asks why?' and the man goes My old fan blows'

The guard dropped the spear right then and his eye's glazed over. He began to stare off to nowhere. Hehehe it worked perfectly. This place is such a mess with all these strange people, creatures, and treasure chests, but they have so much chicken. The man drooled, Yes yes yes soooo much chicken, KFC has fallen on hard times, heck they can't even use the name Kentucky Fried Chicken anymore because we can't even make real chicken anymore.... but now we'll be able to make tons of it! Hehehehe so much money! Pity I have to use the secret KFC Guy Mind Trick.... oh well these peoples' intelligence will return within a few years or so.... hehehehe.

Lower the gates! yelled the KFC man. The drawbridge into the castle surprisingly lowered, the gate keepers afraid of the KFC guy's power.

Link, equally surprisingly watched all this unnoticed, walked into the castle too.

Who are you.... the KFC guy finally noticed Link but couldn't finish his sentence because they were suddenly surrounded by 20 guards shouting at them to surrender. Did you hear the joke about the broom? It is sweeping the nation! the KFC guy pulled off another KFC Guy Mind Trick. The guards stopped suddenly and fainted at how bad the joke was. And now for you, the KFC guy turned to Link.

Oh my god your jokes are so terrible, growled Link reaching for his sword, I should kill you on the spot for how bad those jokes were.... Link was interrupted by a very loud and very low pitched laughing.

Muhahahahahhhah KFC guy, KFC guy, KFC guy.... bellowed the King of Hyrule as he entered the super great entrance hall of Hyrule surrounded by all his goonies and guards. The King was very fat and had a very long beard.

You'll let the chickens go or it'll be the end of you! yelled the KFC guy.

The King continued to bellow.

screeched Princess Zelda in a high pitched voice. She was standing next to the King and seemed very small compared to him.

Fine then... continued the KFC guy, What happens when you throw a red rock in a green sea? It gets wet.

Several of the people around the King screamed or fainted at how bad the joke was.

Weak minded fools, it is a KFC Guy Mind Trick! The King said in his rather loud voice.

You can either profit from this or die! screamed the KFC guy, trying to be louder than the King.

The King took intentionally took a big hard step forward vibrating the castle with a huge seismic shock wave. A trap door fell open under the KFC guy and he fell in screaming. Everyone started cheering and going towards some grated holes in the floor to see what happened to the KFC guy. Link followed everyone else and peered through the grated floor, eagerly waiting to see what horrible fate will become of the KFC guy.

KFC guy, KFC guy, Kill the KFC guy, Muahhahahahhhaha! Bellowed the King.

Everyone cheered even louder watching the KFC guard in the pit he has fallen in. There were several bones in one corner of the pit, while in the other a lot of blood. I gate opened on one side and a giant Chicken stepped out. Link began to cheer along with the rest of the crowd.

Cluck cluck cluck, clucked the giant chicken.

squeaked Princess Zelda.

The KFC guy threw every bad joke he had at the giant chicken but it didn't do a thing as the Chicken came nearer and nearer to him clucking in hunger. Lucky for everyone else, there was lots of cheering so no one had to hear the jokes. The KFC pulled out a giant speaker and yelled through a microphone into the speaker, everyone just kept cheering, the chicken getting ever closer. Wait! What I have to say isn't a bad joke.

Everything stopped at once as if time stood still, no one cheered and the chicken stopped clucking and getting closer.

Look doesn't anyone think that this seems a little too much like Star Wars? the KFC guy asked over the speaker. Link scratched his head, wondering what Star Wars was.

No one made a sound except the King, Who cares? You are an idiot, now everyone continue cheering, and chicken, eat the damn moron already! Muahhahahahahaha! Time seemed to start up again as everything obeyed the super duper authority and obesity (no offense to fat people, the King is supposed to be absurdly fat that no person can amount to his weight) of the King of Hyrule.

The giant chicken pecked the KFC guy several times hard into the ground and everyone cheered. He rolled to the side dodging another peck from the chicken and pulled out a cash register. He began yelling out loud to himself as if he was casting a magic spell Welcome to KFC, how can I take your order?! Oh you would like a #4 Super Chicken Delight, Extra Crispy! That will be 12 rupees please! Thank You! The KFC guy pushed a button on his cash register and the giant chicken instantly turned into Super Chicken Delight, Extra Crispy.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Boooooooooooo! The King booed rather loudly. Everyone, including Link started booing too.

The KFC guy pushed another button on his, seemingly magical, cash register and the grate in the floor flew off and he, with his cash register, flew out of the pit to right in front of the great huge King of Hyrule. I told you, my king, that you would either profit from this or die. It seems that you have chosen death. The king too a step back, afraid. The KFC raised his hand, ready to push a button on his magical cash register when 30 guards rushed him. How many Hylian Kings does it take to screw in a light bulb? 125, one to hold the bulb and 124 to turn the caste! Ahahahahhahah! the KFC guy mind tricked. The nearest guards fainted, the rest either became stupefied or ran away in horror. The KFC guy started ranting, Ahahahhahahahahah there is no resistance to KFC, this world will be ours just like so many others full of plump, delicious, spicy, and extra crispy chicken! Your defenses are terrible, easily overcome by a bad joke! ahahahhahhahahha!

SHUT THE HELL UP! screamed Link in a furry. Link pulled out his sword and stabbed the KFC guy in the chest.

The KFC guy directed all his attention at Link. Ouch that hurt! Well angry aren't we?! No we're hungry. Hmmmm you'll make a great Extra Spicy Chicken Meal.... no how about a 24 Chicken Wing Basket with extra sauce on the side! the KFC guy was thinking of what button to push on his magical cash register.

LINK'S RIGHT, SHUT THE HELL UP! bellowed the King who proceeded to have a nice comfy sit on the KFC guy. The KFC guy was instantly reduced to a smatter of purple primordial ooze on the floor. All the King's guards and goonies became bored because it was all over so they all left leaving Link, Zelda, the King, and the KFC Guy (as purple primordial ooze) in the great entrance hall of Hyrule Castle.

Link looked at the King, cranking his neck to see all of him and asked, Why didn't you do that to Gannondorf?

Because Gannondorf didn't try and take all the chickens in Hyrule! The King responded.

Why do you care about the chickens so much? Link asked.

Because, my dear boy, I eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I live off a steady diet of Hyrule Cucco's, replied the King.

Your diet is nothing but chickens? asked Link.

Why yes Link, what do you think a King of my size eats? I ate almost all the cows in Hyrule until I realized that I wouldn't be able to have milk if I ate all of them up. Anyway.... why are you here Link? the King asked.

Well I'm trying to figure out where all these damn treasure chests are coming from. Link responded.

Why don't you go ask the Janitor about that? asked Princess Zelda.

I tried but Navi screwed everything up and sent the Janitor off to Africa..... so I thought you guys might be able to help me, Link Said.

I think I know what's going on with the treasure chests, said Zelda, I think it's time for us and Link to have THE TALK.

Yes yes.... THE TALK.... Link all this is partially our fault I'm sorry to say..... mumbled the King.

What do you mean by THE TALK? Link asked.

The King began, Well Link, when a male and female treasure chest love each other very much.... they umm.... have baby treasure chests.

asked Link scratching his head.

Well how else do you think more treasure chests are made? They don't just appear out of thin air ya know, the King went on, We have secret Treasure Chest Farms where we breed treasure chests and place the treasure chests with useful objects in them in the dungeons around Hyrule. We do this incase some dope like Gannondorf comes along so an average moron like you could save us and be hero.

I'm nothing more than a moron? screeched Link.

Why yes of course, answered the King, We royals got too lazy saving our own asses all the time so we created our Treasure Chests Farms so we can sit back while people like you do all the work for us. There was a problem though..... a few days ago one of our farms got out of control and the treasure chests started reproducing rapidly..... someone must have messed around with them.... several of the chests escaped and.... well you get the idea right?

Link was scratching his head so the King explained to Link everything 20 more times until Link finally understood what the King meant. Link finally realized everything.

So we got to figure out who's behind messing around with my farms and stop them, Link, so the treasure chests don't keep multiplying or Hyrule will turn into one big giant Treasure Chest!

No way! gasped Zelda.

said the King as he pulled out a treasure chest from one of his giant pockets and put it on the ground in front of Link, I think you get the idea.

Link was scratching his head while the King turned around and walked down the hall. The castle shook with every step he took. Link turned to Zelda and asked, Why are the halls so the castle so big?

Oh that's because my father is so huge, Zelda replied. Zelda then motioned to the chest in front of Link.

Link walked up to the chest and tripped over it. Link screamed as his face went splat into what was left over of the KFC guy. Link got up wiping the purple ooze off his face.

Your supposed to open the chest, Link, that's why my father gave it to you, Zelda laughed.

Link kicked the chest open and pulled out a stick. What the heck am I supposed to use this for? Link asked Zelda.

Why it's supposed to help you tell if a chest is in front of you so you don't trip over it, Zelda continued to laugh.

How does it work? Link asked while studying the stick.

You wave it around in front of you to feel around for chests, Zelda explained.

Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh I see, Link understood. Zelda turned and walked down the hall leaving Link all alone. Aren't you going to help me out? Link called to Zelda.

No way, last time I tried helping you out with Gannondorf and all I had to dress up as a MAN! Zelda yelled back, Sorry but if I help you out this time, goddesses know what I'll have to dress up as then.

Link stood in the giant enterance hall alone for a little while until a thought formed in his head. I'll wander around Hyrule until I figure something out. It always works.

So Link left the castle to wander around Hyrule, waving his newley earned stick around in front of him to keep from tripping over treasure chests.

What will happen now that Link has the untlimate new gadget, a stick?
Will Link ever find anything out by wandering around aimlessly?
How many more chests will Link have to trip over to figure out what's going on?
Find out in our next chapter!
As a super secret I'll tell you what the next Chapter will be named! You will be on of the few lucky ones to know before the chapter comes out. The next chapter will be named: Chapter 5! WOW! Isn't that amazing?!! Yup is sure is.... so please review!