Sorry for the long update..... I promise to get updates out wayyyy more often nowadays because I have nothing but free time.

Mystery of the Random Chests

Chapter 5:

Link has been wandering for weeks, although it seemed more like just an hour and a half. Day turned to night and then night turned to day in only a few minutes. This occurrence still baffled Link but he preferred not to remember what happened between him and the sun. Link considered the sun talking quite disturbing so he tried not to think about how fast the days and nights went by.

Meanwhile at the Castle

The King of Hyrule was sitting at a table surrounded by many of his royal yes men. So I gave Link a chest with a stick in it! He actually thought it was going to help him out or something. BWAHAHAHHAHA! What a moron! The King bellowed. All the yes men laughed with him in a strange synchronized way that only royal yes men laugh. He must have actually thought I was helping him too! the King laughed. The yes men laughed along with the King.

Meanwhile in some random spot in Hyrule Link wandered to

CLANK! Link's new amazing stick hit something hard in front of him. Link looked down to realize he almost tripped over a chest. Boy the King's a genius, Link said to himself, This stick is the most amazing advanced piece of equipment I've ever used! Link smiled thinking that the King's generosity is only dwarfed by his sheer size.

Link carefully inched his way around the randomly placed treasure chest and continued on. Link said to himself, Damn, I've been wandering for a while, wandering is supposed to help me figure out what's going on. Why isn't it working? It should wor..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Link screamed as he fell through a hole in the ground. Falling into holes was something Link did quite often so he was quite used to it. Link landed with a thud on his rear end.

Wha? Where am I? Link asked into the darkness. He looked around and could see nothing but pitch black. He looked up but couldn't see the hole he fell though. There was nothing but blackness. Link took a step forward and tripped over something. Link screeched in pain as he hit the ground.

screamed the person Link tripped over.

Huh? What? Who? Link was confused.

It'sa me! Mario! the person yelled excitedly.

It's you? The janitor? I thought you were in africa! What are you doing here.... whoahaha Link stumbled in the darkness, How am I supposed to see you? It's so dang dark down here!

Do whata you alwaysa doa, Link, Mario, the janitor replied.

Attack and kill stuff? Link asked.

Mario replied in the darkness.

Link took out his sword and slashed at the darkness. The darkness screamed in pain. The darkness slashed at Link sending flying back into more darkness which slashed at him some more. Link pulled out his shield to defend against the darkness but it was dark everywhere.

Link screeched as the darkness slashed at him again making him topple over. Link jumped back up and swung his sword at the darkness several more times. The darkness screamed in pain and fled in terror.

I'll be back, this isn't the end.... The darkness snarled angrily as it fled.

The area was suddenly filled with light as the darkness fled. Everything was made of stone. The walls, ground, ceiling, and even the one door the room Link was in was made of stone.

Link took a good look at Mario, Great goddesses! This guy looks weird! was all Link could think. Mario was a short fat man with a mustache who was wearing overalls. On top of his head was a red hat with a big M on it. So what does the M on your hat stand for? Link asked Mario.

Mario just looked at Link funny and then said Let'sa go! and jumped off (rather high) towards the one door in the room. Youa better goa firsta Mario pushed Link through the door.

The room looked exactly the same except inside was a treasure chest in the middle guarded by a fearsome Iron Knuckle. Link drew his sword and shield and prepared for the Iron Knuckle's attack but it just stood there. Link eyed it suspiciously. The Iron Knuckle simply stood there. For a whole 20 minutes Link looked at the Iron Knuckle waiting for it to do something but it stayed motionless.

I think it'sa just a statue, Mario whispered from behind Link.

No, it's a bad guy. Iron Knuckles attack you with big fat axes and it really hurts, Link said to Mario.

But ita hasa no ax, Mario pointed out.

They can make them appear out of thin air by snapping their fingers, Link said. Mario let out a small laugh of disbelief. For another whole 20 minutes Linked looked at the Iron Knuckle.

HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!? came the high pitched screeching voice of Navi. She flew out of a dark corner. IT'S A STUPID IRON KNUCKLE, THEY DON'T MOVE UNTIL YOU WHACK THEM!!! ISN'T THAT FUNNY!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

So...... where did you come from Navi? I thought you got squished by a giant treasure chest, Link said as his hands went to his bow and arrows so he could shoot Navi.

Navi squealed, WELL IT WAS REALLY DARK UNDER THAT BIG CHEST SO THE DARKNESS TOOK ME HERE BUT THEN YOU DEFEATED IT AND I WAS FREED SO NOW I'M BACK AHAHAHAHHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEH SO DO YOU HAVE ANY COFFEE?????? OR MAYBE JUST PURE CAFFEINE??????

Link notched an arrow and took aim with his bow. Wowa thata thing is more annoying thena Toad! Mario exclaimed.

Navi went on NEED NEED NEED COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHHAHAHAHAH LALALALALLALALA HEY LOOK AN IRON KNUCKLE YOU CAN WHACK THEM IT'S SO FUN LALALLALALALAL LET'S WHACK THE IRON KNUCKLE BECAUSE IT IS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY MAYBE IT WILL GIVE US SOME COFFEE!!!! WOULDN'T THAT BE GREAT?!?!?!?!?!?! Navi gave the Iron Knuckle a tiny slap with her tiny hand.

Anda dumber thena goomba, Mario continued insulting Navi.

The Iron Knuckle sprung to life. it groaned. Navi continued screaming about coffee. The Iron Knuckle was about to take a swipe at Navi but realized it had no big fat ax.

Link was taken aback by the awakening of the Iron Knuckle. He threw his bow and arrows onto his back and drew out his sword and shield ready to fight the Iron Knuckle.

the Iron Knuckle grunted. It raised it's hand in the air and snapped its fingers to summon a big fat ax...... but no ax appeared. The Iron Knuckle grunted in anger. Navi continued to yell about coffee. The Iron Knuckle snapped its fingers again and again in vain trying to make an ax appear. Suddenly 50 big fat axes appeared above the Iron Knuckle and Navi (The Iron Knuckle snapped its fingers 50 times). The axes fell, squishing both Navi and the Iron Knuckle under their great weight.

Mario exclaimed. Well thata solves thata problem.

Link walked up to the treasure chest but stopped suddenly before he got to it. Link said as he pulled out his stick. Almost forgot about this. Link walked up to the chest and poked it with the stick several times. Okay good I won't trip over it.

Mario, in one swift jump landed right next to Link. What'sa ina there? Mario asked.

Link shrugged and opened the chest. He said Looks like a dungeon map. The map showed the first room which was labeled Moron Falls Through Hole Here. A door led to the next room which is labeled You Are Here Moron and a door from that room led to the last and third room labeled Super Secret Boss Lair That Even A Moron Can Find. Link scratched his head and figured that he could go through the door into the 3rd Super Secret Boss Lair That Even A Moron Can Find room.

Link shrugged, him and mario went through the door to the last room. The door slammed shut behind Link and Mario.

The room was pitch black. Link waved his hand around in front of his face but couldn't see it.

I told you I would be back! the darkness called to Link. The darkness attacked this time by kicking Link in the shins.

Link screamed as he started hopping around in pain.

It's a so darka! Mario jumped up and down trying to attack the darkness. The darkness kicked Mario in the shins too and mario continued to jump, this time in pain.

The darkness was everywhere so there was no escape. Link put his shield in front of his shins but the darkness kicked him in the butt. Link pulled out his sword and randomly stabbed at the darkness. Because it was everywhere he couldn't miss.

Ouch ooch eeech oooch ouch! The darkness screamed in pain. Aahahhaahahah I'm not going to flee this time! The darkness slashed at both Link and Mario.

Suddenly Link came up with a good idea for once. He notched a light arrow in his bow and fired into the darkness. The light arrow illuminated the darkness like a light bulb turning on with the flip of a switch.

The darkness called out. Its screams got quieter and quieter as the darkness faded from the room.

Whata brighta idea! exclaimed Mario.

Link looked around the room but couldn't see much because the room was mostly taken up by a giant treasure chest.

Wowa thata looksa like the mother ofa alla treasure chests! Mario said.

Link walked up to the chest and pulled out his stick Best not to trip over this big chest, Link said as he looked up at the chest which was at least 3 times his height.

Suddenly the chest jumped in the air and time seemed to stop. Small words appeared in the middle of the air that said Container of Objects and bigger letters appeared under those that said The Mother Of All Treasure Chests. Link knew immediately that the giant chest was the boss of the (rather small) dungeon. Time snapped back to normal and the chest flew straight at Mario.

Mario yelped as he jumped out of the way just in time as the chest landed with a loud bang.

The chest then did something unexpected, it spoke, in a feminine voice, Ahahahha so foolish of you to drop in! I am The Mother Of All Treasure Chests.

Link raised an eyebrow Spock style.

The chest went on, I guess your feeble mind cannot comprehend the fact that I am a mother! I give birth to all treasure chests! After I was freed by SOME PERSON I hid here from those lazy royals. We are through being used by you pathetic hylians, now that we are free, Hyrule is ours!

Whosa the husband? Mario couldn't resist asking.

The Father Of All Treasure Chests, the chest responded. You Link, the chest directed its attention at Link, The tripper of trippers have caused enough trouble for my children, YOU SHALL TRIP YOUR LAST TIME!

Link pulled out his stick and yelled I am not afraid of you! With this stick you cannot make me trip!

What a stick???? Ahahahahhaha what do you think you're going to do with that? The chest laughed and charged at Link.

Link held his stick straight out to meet the oncoming giant treasure chest. The chest smashed into the stick, shattering it into hundreds of pieces. Link yelped in surprise as the chest smashed Link straight into the wall behind him. Now I know what it feels like to be a pancake, Link moaned. The treasure chest smashed the wall with Link several times with its great weight for added effect.

Ahahaha Hyrule will be ours soon! Now that you stupid tripper will be out of the way, our plans were go through without more delay! It's all thanks to THAT PERSON who freed us! The chest bellowed with triumph.

Suddenly a portal opened and Bowser, the Koopa King, stepped out. Well well well where have you been? Bowser asked Mario. I'm due to kidnap Princess Toadstool at 5 o' clock, so we better get going back to the mushroom kingdom for some power star collecting.

Buta me Bowser, wersa fighting a boss righta now, soa pipe off Mario said.

Yeah pipe off, the chest said to Bowser.

No one told you to speak, bitch, Bowser torched The Mother Of All Treasure Chests with his fire breath leaving nothing but a pile of ashes. Bowser then pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Mario. See it's in the schedule, I kidnap the Princess at 5 and you collect 70 power stars and come throw me into some bombs, got it?

Mario nodded and said Let'sa go! Both Mario and Bowser jumped through the portal. The portal closed behind them leaving Link and a pile of ashes in the room.

Link moaned in a weak voice. He fell on the ground and then blanked out.

Meanwhile at the Castle

I bet that stick sure helped Link! The King and his Yes men laughed in synchronization.

One of the Yes men imitated Link, Hey look! I'm dumb and live in a forest with fairies and I can use a stick to help me from tripping over treasure chests because I'm too dumb to use MY TWO EYES! The King and the yes men continued to laugh in their usual creepy way.

A royal messenger rushed into the throne room.

This better be good, I'm making fun of morons again and I hate to be interrupted when I do that, The King bellowed.

Your majesty..... The messenger was out of breath, ......Navi is dead! We found her under a pile of 50 axes and Link knocked. We found them in some hole in the ground.

WHOO HOOOO! The Yes men and the King all cheered in unison, NAVI IS DEAD!

And treasure chests keep appearing around the kingdom, sir. I think Link might now a thing or two about what is going on but right know he's still out cold in the castle hospital......: The messenger went on.

WHO CARES ABOUT TREASURE CHESTS! NAVI IS DEAD! The King cheered. This is a special occasion that calls for a giant parade and a big party where everyone drinks beer!

As Hyrule geared up for a giant party a shadowed figure watched from far away. Although Navi being dead sure was a cause for excitement, the figure had other plans. the figure muttered. The Mother Of All Treasure Chests might be dead but the figure's plans were all on track.

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 6!

- Whew took a while to write. Hope ya'll like it.... now give me reviews a plenty!