Here be chapter 6! It is longer than the other chapters too so let's all rejoice!

Mystery of the Random Chests

Chapter 6:

Throughout Hyrule everyone celebrated the death of Navi. A giant party was thrown at Lon Lon Ranch, where the last party when Gannondorf was defeated, was held. Everyone danced and sang songs that usually had NAVI IS DEAD! repeated over and over as the lyrics.

The King of Hyrule sat next to King Zora and chugged down an entire keg of beer in one gulp. He then threw some chickens in his mouth and washed them down with another keg of beer.

Your majesty, perhaps you should lay off the alcohol.... King Zora stated.

You're kidding.... The king said as he threw two kegs in his mouth and swallowed them, Navi's death is a cause for celebration! Anyways, because I'm so fat, the alcohol spreads very thin in my blood.

King Zora noted. While King Zora was large, the King of Hyrule towered over him.

What's this? The King of Hyrule asked, holding up a treasure chest, I was trying to grab another keg of beer and I grab this instead....

That's a treasure chest King Zora answered.

Oh almost forgot about the out of control treasure chests..... The King mumbled flinging the treasure chest high in the air, Oh well these problems always solve themselves. The king drank several more kegs of beer and than started singing NAVI IS DEAD! with everyone else. He soon forgot all about the treasure chests.

Meanwhile at Hyrule Castle

Link moaned as he groggily stepped out of the castle hospital bed. M... ma.... Mario...... Link mumbled.

Oh no another moron is hallucinating again! cried a nurse.

Not another one! cried another nurse.

Oh goddesses, don't they ever stop hallucinating? cried even another nurse.

Where's the doctor? called another random nurse.

W... wha.... where's mario? Link turned to the nearest nurse.

Mario doesn't exist, the nurse reassured Link You are just very injured and were hallucinating about a short fat guy with a mustache who ate magical mushrooms. I can assure such a thing couldn't exist in the real world.

Wha... what about the treasure chests?...... Link asked groggily walking towards the nurse.

Suddenly a treasure chest crashed through the ceiling and conveniently landed right in front of Link.

Link screamed as he tripped over the treasure chest. Link skidded across the squeaky clean hospital floor (it is cleaned all the time to get rid of germs) for several meters.

One of the smarter nurses knelled down by the chest and examined it, From the looks of the chest's velocity, direction, and rate of decent, I calculate that this treasure chest came from Lon Lon Ranch.

That's it! Link yelped. The chests must be coming from Lon Lon Ranch, I remember the King talking about how treasure chests were raised in farms or ranches or something.... With that Link set off to Lon Lon Ranch, for once with a clear idea of what he was doing, in his head.

What? How? I can.... Think! Link thought. Aren't I supposed to be a moron? Wait, I remember.... navi died! That must be it, it was navi who was the source of my moroness. She was always annoying and giving me stupid advice. She made me go insane and pretty much all my brain shut down. Link marched towards Lon Lon Ranch with new intelligence and purpose, which was to stop the treasure chests from breeding anymore and put a stop to the evil behind it all.

Too bad there was nothing to find there but a party full of drunk people.....

And now at Lon Lon Ranch!

NAVI IS DEAD! everyone sang loudly.
NAVI IS DEAD!
NAVI IS DEAD!
NAVI IS DEAD!
YEY NAVI IS DEAD!

Link looked at the party, wide eyed. People were fighting, singing, and drinking beer. Link decided to go talk to the King. He wasn't too hard for Link to spot.

Excuse me... Link interrupted one of the King's jokes

Sooo i picked up this treasure chest and didn't think much of it but then i flicked it and it flew off somewhere. But now that I think about it, I bet it fell in front of that moron Link and he tripped over it! The King laughed along with his royal yes men who followed him everywhere and King Zora.

HAHA what do you think Link's face would look like if he tripped over that chest? laughed King Zora.

Link this! The King of Hyrule laughed while making a stupid looking face with his eyes squinted and his mouth lopsided. Everyone laughed.

Excuse me! Link yelled above the King's laughing.

Wh... what?! The King of Hyrule looked down at Link, Oh didn't see you in my gigantic shadow there Link.

Yes yes the king, his great royalness and fatness, the King of Hyrule says you were hiding in his gigantic shadow, The King's royal yes men said to Link in their usual synchronized creepiness.

The yes men totally changed Links train of thought from thinking of how mean the King was to how creepy the yes men are. Those yes men are soooooooo friggin' creepy! Link blurted out.

Well then, could you go away? The King asked the yes men.

The yes men all said at the same time.

So what is it you want Link? The King asked.

Link began, Well it was about a treasure chest I tripped over in the castle hospital but you seemed to have answered that question while insulting me.... hey you insulted me!

Well yeah you're a moron! The King bellowed. Everyone at the party laughed.

Well you're a moron! Link yelled at the King. Everybody at the party then laughed at the King.

Link's insult totally caught the King off guard so he yelled Link, you are an idiotic moron! for more insultingness than just

Link tried to think of a comeback, Link scratched his head ................... well......... well.................. well YOUR MOM! Link finally blurted out. Everyone at the party gasped.

Well you have no friends! the King insulted Link.

Well you are fat! Link looked at the king, I mean... very very very very very very fat!

You're a lefty! The King bellowed.

Well you can't use a sword if your life depended on it! Link insulted the King.

Well, that's because I don't NEED as sword, while a weakling like you does. I just have to sit on something that usually kills it! the King snorted

Meanwhile at the Iron Knuckle Factory

That's the 3rd time you've been late for ax teleporting this week employee number 1 argued.

Don't blame me, my car broke down. Plus you were the one who was supposed to be paying attention to when an Iron Knuckle snaps its fingers so you can hit the Teleport Ax button, employee number 2 argued back. I bet you were sleeping on the job again.

So, the coffee machine is broken. How am I supposed to stay awake without coffee? employee number 1 said.

What, do I look like the coffee man? employee number 2 replied.

Hey you aren't the one with the 10 hour shifts! employee number 1 complained, How am I supposed to get any sleep?

Maybe if you stopped stopped watching Cartoon Network all night, you would! employee number 2 pointed out.

But Adult Swim is the greatest..... employee number 1 trailed off.

The generic boss of the Iron Knuckle Factory stepped in. He was slightly overweight, wearing a white shirt and a tie. Are you two aware of what happened several days ago? The generic boss asked. For some reason, the axes didn't teleport to Iron Knuckle 2568 when it snapped it's fingers at the right time.

It was his fault! employee number 1 pointed to employee number 2.

No, it was his fault! employee number 2 pointed to employee number 1.

The generic boss cleared his through signaling for the employees to stop, And because of this incident, the Iron Knuckle was lost............ but in the process NAVI WAS KILLED! You are both going to be rewarded with a big fat promotion and a nice bonus.

employees 1 and 2 cheered.

And now in Kokiri Forest

All the Kokiri left for the party at Lon Lon Ranch to celebrate Navi's death... all except one. Mido sat in his house atop his high platform that he usually stood on grumbling about how lame Link was, ...Link is stupid. I hate Link. If Link was an ant i'd squish him. If it wasn't for him I'd probably be married to Saria now! oh and I'd probably rule the world! But nooooooooo Link had to come and screw everything up because he's soooooo stupid! Mido smirked. His plan to get rid of Link was right on track. Mido pulled out his Programming For Dumbies And Lame Forest Leaders book and his insult list. He was intent on finally finishing off Link once and for all. Mido read from his programming book. A treasure chest appeared in front of him. That person who gave me this programming book was really cool, Mido said to himself. This book gives me control of treasure chests. I have no idea on how it works but hey! 11001010101011 Mido said. The treasure chest disappeared. Mido smirked and headed off towards the Lost Woods.

Mido said to himself The Lost Woods leads to a lot of places, I'm sure one way leads to where Links is. After a long time of wandering around and getting lost Mido found an archway. Humph, this better lead to Link so I can finally be rid of him. Mido stepped through the archway and into Goron City.

Suddenly a rock stood up and said Yo Dawg!

Eeeeeep a talking rock! Mido screamed.

Another rock stood up and said Wazzzzzzzup homie! Mido screamed and ran out of Goron City as fast as his small feet could carry him.

One of the Gorons laughed Now that was the shiznit!

Mido ran all the way down Death Mountain and through some village and all the way to Lon Lon Ranch.

The King of Hyrule bellowed ....and you Link, are a tree hugging hippie! I mean you friggin' live in a tree!

And you smell like turd! Link yelled back at the King.

That's because you are right here! The King responded

Link scratched his head trying to think of a comeback. Mido came screaming into Lon Lon Ranch. Mido ran past Link and as he did, Link grabbed Mido's insult list out of his hand. Mido started running in little circles screaming Rocks can't talk! rocks can't talk! Rocks can't talk!

Link cleared his throat and read from Mido's insult list, And you, your majesty, are a chicken foot, light bulb, car washing, eye walking, freak thing!

Mido suddenly realized his insult list was missing. He looked up and saw Link holding it and smirked, So Link, this is finally it!

Link said as he turned around to face Mido.

I'm going to kill you, Mido stated.

The King's yes men all freaked out in unison, Oh no oh no oh no... we're scared! They started running in little circles.

Link felt the urge to laugh but he suppressed and simply replied with sarcasm, And what are you going to do? Beat me with deku sticks?

Oh no Link... much worse. Much worse indeed. In fact I know your worst weakness, Mido said as he pulled out his programming book.

And what is that? Link Asked.

Mido looked up from the book and laughed, Well duh it's treasure chests!

Link felt anger swarm up in him. He drew his sword and yelled It's you! You're the one who is causing the whole treasure chest problem!

Mido simply smiled as he read from the book, A single normal sized treasure chest appeared, as if out of thin air, between Link and Mido. Mido laughed, Let's see you get past that! Hahaha!

Link felt a drop of sweat slide down his cheek. He raised his sword in the air, No Mido, not this time. I will not trip!. Link started walking towards Mido slowly. The closer he got to the treasure chest in-between them, Mido's grin grew wider.

Mido sneered, I don't think so Mr. No Fairy. You are a moron!

Link stopped right in front of the treasure chest separating him and Mido. Link said Navi is what made me a moron. Now that she is dead I'm no longer stupid. So here comes Mr. No Fairy to give you an ass-whippin' for all the havoc you've been causing. Link simply stepped around the chest and charged at Mido with his sword held high.

Mido didn't have time to react as Link's sword sliced at him from every direction. Mido stumbled back and fell on the ground. He searched his pockets for anything useful. He pulled out his How Many Times Link Has Fallen Out Of His House Checklist and held it in front his face. Aha this'll stop you, Mido said.

Link cleanly chopped the piece of paper in half and the two halves fluttered down to the ground. Link pulled out a fire arrow and shot both pieces. They disappeared in the flames. I always hated that checklist, Link stated.

Link lowered his sword to Mido's throat and said Oh now this is funny. Hey Mido why don't you ummmmmm... squawk like a bird.

Link suddenly realized that Mido was also surrounded by a dozen royal guards. Well looks like we caught the one responsible for breaking into the treasure chest farms, one of the guards stated.

Another guard pulled out a scroll, cleared his throat, and began to read from it, You are under arrest by the order of the great King of Hyrule. You have the right to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. You are charged with trespassing, something involving treasure chests that no one cares about, and illegally downloading copyrighted music off the internet. You shall be thrown into the dungeon of Hyrule Castle to await your trial. The guards dragged Mido off kicking and screaming.

Link sighed, Awww man I wanted to hear him squawk.

The King said to Link, So.. that's mido... he really is an idiot isn't he?

Link answered.

The King smirked, Well Mido isn't as much of an idiot as you are.

Link sighed as he looked off into the distance wishing he could hear mido squawk. Wait a minute!

the King bellowed.

Link burned with furry, Well too bad your brain isn't as nearly as big as your body!

The Kind suddenly stopped laughing and looked at Link with piercing eyes. How dare you! he stammered at Link.

Hahahahaha face it!, Link said. I'm better than you at insulting!

No you're not! the King yelled angrily

Yes I am! Link yelled back

No you're not!

Yes I am!

No you're not!

Yes I am!

No you're not!

Yes I am!

Both Link and the King continued for hours until their throats became so dry and hurt they couldn't speak anymore. After the party Link went back to his home in the forest. He began thinking of all the ways he could make Mido squawk during the trial. As Link lay in his bed his thoughts drifted from making Mido sqack too how much sleep he was going to get without Mido running around banging his bell yelling Get up all you tree huggers! Time to eat bark for breakfast! Link soon fell asleep.

-Well that's it for this rather long chapter :) Stay tuned for The Trial in the next glorious chatper 7!