Deceive Me
by Jess Angel
I shall never forget the day my eyes first glimpsed her - dark brown waves, alabaster skin, and a pair of bewitching eyes. She wore a stark white lab coat, stiff and cold. It did nothing to detract from her loveliness. She was sharp intelligence and soft beauty.
And I had wanted to claim her as my own.
Then, I wanted to believe there remained some semblance of happiness for one such as I.
A killer of men.
A blood tinged soul.
The longer I stayed, the more I came to believe the sweetness of her smile and the innocence of her voice. And yet, I saw through her. …It was a knowledge I should not have dismissed so easily.
I knew she belonged to another. Still, I allowed myself to be drawn in - raising the poisoned chalice to my lips - further adding to my endless cycle of sins.
My desperate soul continued its longing, despite my mind's awareness. I had been aware I was but a mere pawn, a toy. I was just some 'fun' to be had…. Had I only known…
It was not for her.
The charade. Her deceit. It was for him.
I was condemned to be another one of his 'precious' subjects.
Had she ever realized how deep his madness went? Or was she sightless to the truth, just as I. Knowing but refusing to believe. Longing for a reality that would never exist.
Those sick experiments were obsessions that claimed his heart over her.
He would never really love her.
She lured me into her web, and unthinkingly, I let her do so. What harm could he possibly inflict on a deadly assassin of Shinra? I… was a naïve youth. I hadn't been prepared to face a man of his power. I knew death in other ways, but I had not known his. Not until that day…
All this… she had done to please him. It was evident it had pleased him. Anything for his experiments. She would be the greatest of them all. Her and her son.
What a fool I was. I never knew wanting her - wishing to love would cost me this.
The few threads of humanity I had left.
I was no longer a merciless Turk. I had become something worse.
A demon.
A monstrosity.
I was Hell incarnate.
…Before all this, she permitted me to love her one night - ashamed at her lies and empty promises. She pitied me for knowingly falling for them. I believe she pitied herself also… wanting to believe them as well. And still, I seized that one chance like a craving child. I knew it would be my only.
I breathed her broken sighs. I lived in her false taste. …I loved her cheating heart.
Her name, a whispered caress on my lips. My name never passed hers.
A sweet night that was truly only bitter.
As she held me through the darkness, she deceived me.
Once upon a time, I didn't care.
I had been young - an ignorant fool.
Once upon a time…
I had wanted her to.
…Fin.
"Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return."
Job 15:31
Author's Note: This is one of the many different takes on the 'Lucrecia and Hojo' business, taken from Vincent's point of view. Used a phrase from Shakespeare. Anyone recognize it? Comments and constructive criticism cherished.
Macbeth © William Shakespeare
Final Fantasy VII and its characters © Squaresoft, Inc. n.k.a. Square-Enix, Inc.
