A/N:  all lines quoted from "Forever" are property of their writer.

Sorry this chapter is a little short, but I have big plans for the later ones.  Bear with me.  It gets better, I promise!

Please feed me.

          Wednesday dawns bright and early.  The door behind him creaks open, and Xander's head pops out.

            "Hey.  Want some breakfast?"

            Angel's stomach rumbles traitorously, but he shakes his head.  "No,thanks."

            Instead of the door shutting as he had expected, Xander steps out to the porch, joining him on the swing that is the exact replica of the one Buffy's mother had installed so many years ago. 

            Hanging his head, Angel sighs softly.  "Xander.  What do you want?"

            A laugh escapes Xander as he replies, "Nice way to greet me, buddy.  You wanna add a neck chomp with that, too?  Oh, that's right.  You're among the living now.  No more bitey bitey, yum, dinner?  How long has this been in effect?  And why didn't you tell her?"

            Angel jerks his head around at the harsh tone.  Before he can stop himself, his hand shoots out and grasps Xander by the shirt collar.

            "That. Is. Not. Your. Concern."  He breathes hollowly into Xander's face, their eyes an inch apart. 

            "Jesus, relax, Angel," Xander tells him, pushing the restraining hand off. 

A lifetime ago, Angel might have not have let him.  A lifetime ago, Angel might not have stopped at all.

            "It's just that, no word from you for years.  Oh, maybe a phone call now and then, but to suddenly find out you're human?  Only a few days after…"  he stops talking, his voice cracking again.  It's been cracking a lot in the past few days.

            Angel raises his hand again, rubs his temples.  "I can't give you an excuse.  In fact, I don't think I should have to.  You know how I felt…feel… about her.  We just lost touch…it happens.  It was her choice too, you know."

            The two men sit in silence and watch as the sun breaks from behind a bank of low morning clouds.  Xander watches as the older man at first flinches, then basks in the early morning glow.  Closes his eyes.  His face taking on the reddish tinge of the rising orb.  Xander can only gape at the human sitting next to him.  Only slightly freaked out at the difference.

            "Are you gonna tell me how?"  Xander finally breaks into Angel's reverie.  His only answer is the slight nod from the other man. 

            "Soon."

            The afternoon is a waking nightmare for Angel.  Not having had the joy of experiencing too many funerals, except of course for his own family's, he is numb through the whole thing.  Follows the script in the bible handed to him by Xander.  Places a handful of dirt on the coffin with the rest of the mourners before it's lowered into the ground.  Forever this time.  He knows it.

            Gradually, one by one the mourners leave, pressing their hands into Xander's and Buffy's sister's, Dawn, who had shown up with her husband, having almost missed their train from San Fransisco.

            They mostly avoided the tall, brown haired man by Dawn's side, eyes so dark they looked like twin bruises in a ghost pale face.

            Finally it's just Dawn, Xander, and Angel left.  The sky has begun to purple, the glorious So Cal sun making it's trek into the horizon once again.

            Dawn takes Angel's hand in hers, and turns him to face her.  He smiles his crooked smile at her, and she can't decide whether to smile with him or burst into tears.

            So she does both.

            As tears leak down her cheeks, she places her palm on his cheek.  He shudders slightly, and tries to keep his own tears away, but just can't manage it anymore.

            "Angel.  I…God, it's so good to see you.  We've really missed you.  She always missed you.  No matter what she told you.  I know she did.  And I'm so sorry she missed this gift.  You, I mean," she tells him earnestly, and he takes her hand from his face in his  own, and presses a gentle kiss to it, silencing her.

            "Please, Dawn.  I can't do this right now.  I will see you before I leave, I swear.  But I need…some alone time.  Can you guys just leave me here?  I'll meet you back at the house soon."

            Xander places his arm around Dawn's waist, and leads her toward the waiting limo. 

            "Come by the house later, Angel," Xander tells him, and it's not a request.  Angel nods at their backs.  "I promise."

            Dawn looks back at him once as they walk away, and he gives her a halfhearted wave. 

            She gives him a weak smile, and then they're gone.

            He remembers a time long ago, sitting at the base of a tree, in this very cemetary.  Or the rebuilt approximation of it, anyway.

            Let me deal with the needyness.  I can handle it.

            I'm…sorry.

            No, Angel.  I'm so grateful you came.  I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the night.

            His head leans against the base of the oak, and he remembers telling her she was strong enough to do what needed to be done.  She had people around her, friends that cared and would see to her well being.

            I need you here.  I can't do this alone. 

            How's forever work for you?

            The voice seems to echo in his mind, and all his newfound human emotions and aches and pains rise up in him all at once, and all at once it's too much to bear.  He raises his fists to his head, and plants his fingers in his hair, tugging on it, trying to create some sensation other than the overwhelming something he's currently feeling.

            Why hadn't they stayed in touch?  She had told him once that it would be years in coming, if ever. 

            Guess it never came.

            He gets up, and shambles to the gravesite, sinking to his knees in the freshly turned dirt.

            "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispers to the headstone.  "Why didn't you call?" 

            He runs a hand lightly over the raised letters of her name.

            "How did we lose our way?"

TBC.