==================CRASH BANDICOOT===================
===================POOP FICTION=====================

Not as bad as Spyro Poop Fiction. Strange how people review my worst Poop Fiction fic to tell me its crap,
yet no one has reviewed my Chaotix Poop Fiction to tell me how much better it is than Spyro Poop Fiction.
Strange, eh?

[1]
CRASH'S DAY

Crash lay on the beach part of N. Sanity Beach (as he always seems to do), when Aku Aku floated over to him.

Crash: What's wrong this time?
Aku Aku: I think Cortex might be up to something.
Crash: No kidding.
Aku Aku: Crash, I need you to find Cortex's lab. He may be planning to destroy the universe!
Crash: Or he could be planning to have lunch.
Aku Aku: Better safe than sorry.
Crash: Better late than never.
Aku Aku: Better...uh...Drink driving. It's a crime.
Crash: Better value for you.
Sand Crab: And me!
Aku Aku: I give up.
Crash: As usual, I am the victor of our totally random slogan duel.
Aku Aku: No, "I give up" is a slogan.
Crash: Of what?
Aku Aku: Of the suicide company.
Crash: Never heard of it.
Aku Aku: Me either. But you better get going and find Cortex before he does something stupid.

Suddenly a nearby volcano exploded.

Crash: Too late.

So Crash got up, and started walking through the jungle-part of N. Sanity Beach.

Aku Aku: Don't forget your suntan lotion!

But Crash couldn't hear. Because he was listening to the Offspring!
He headbanged as he walked, not noticing the ferocious plants that snapped their teeth at him. Strangely, it was his ignorant headbanging that saved him from getting his head chomped off by a ferocious plant.

Crash: On the way, trying to get where I'd like to stay! Always feeling steered away, by someone trying to tell me, what to say and do. I - hey, this CD is scratched!

Crash pulled out the "Ixnay on the Hombre" CD from his discman and put in "Conspiracy of One".

Crash: Yeah, that's better. Bust out on it! Original Prankster.

Suddenly Crash tripped on a piece of wire carefully strung from one side of the path to the other.

Sand Crab: Haha! April Fools!
Crash: Stupid crab. Make my Discman stuff up.

Crash stood back up, dusted himself off, and pressed the Play button again.

Crash: You're lucky it still works, stupid crab.
Sand Crab: Who's the one who tripped on the wire?
Crash: You.
Sand Crab: No I didn't!
Crash: Yes you did, and you're also the crab that assassinated Knuckles.
Sand Crab: Are you crazy, or just plain stupid?
Crash: A little from Column A, a little from Column B.

Crash continued walking, continued headbanging, and continued escaping being beheaded.

Crash: Beheaded! Watch you spurt like a garden hose. Beheaded! Bloody mess all over my clothes!

Crash continued walking through the several levels, listening to Offspring all the way. It seemed to help his abilities, as he made it all the way to Cortex's secret lab without getting hurt in the slightest.

Crash: Finally. I listened to three CDs for twelve hours, used up about 50 Double-A batteries, but I'm finally at Cortex's lab.

Crash walked up to the door.

Crash: Should I knock, or spin the doors down?
Sand Crab: Do you really need to even think about it?
Crash: Hey, how come you're here?
Sand Crab: I hid in your backpack.
Crash: I don't have a backpack.

(Creepy music)

Sand Crab: Then where do you put your discman?

(Creepy music)

Crash: Cortex's head is big.

(Creepy music)

Sand Crab: You going to knock the door down or not?
Crash: Good point.

Crash spun at the door, and it was destroyed. Splinters flew everywhere, one hitting the sand crab.

Crash: Haha! I got my revenge on you, stupid crab!
Sand Crab: Oh yeah?

The crab jumped and pinched Crash on the bum.

Crash: Oh, so we're a *gay* stupid crab now eh?
Sand Crab: Aaargh! I wasn't acting homosexual, I was hitting the vulnerable spot!
Crash: If you want to act gay, go hang around NBrio or Dingodile.
Sand Crab: I'm not gay! ...where can I find Dingodile?

Crash ran into Cortex's lab, and the sand crab disappeared. He looked around, to find a room with funny crystal-like tiles.

Crash: Hmm, this looks like the "Hidden Palace" level of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Voice: Cortex and Knuckles both bought from the same tile place.

Crash spun around, to find...a vicious evil henchmen of Cortex's that was going to kill him slowly and painfully.
Can't tell you who it is though.

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Next Chapter: Coco's Day
If you enjoyed this, please tell me.
Thanks to The Offspring for making good music that Crash likes to listen to, The Simpsons for funny quotes, and Bi-Lo for borrowing their slogan.
And thanks to Nazza for writing Chaotix Poop Fiction.
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