Never Cross a Sorceress

Disclaimer: Same as before. Maleficent is a Disney owned character, and not my own. However, the eight man Gamma team, and the soldiers of its dimension are my creation. You fellows could use a break from all the angst and action.

~ ~ ~ ~

Cobra Commander sat behind his desk, reading the transcription of the interrogation of the five prisoners that had been captured nearly two weeks ago. So far, Copperhead and Major Bludd were only able to extract a cover story out of them that they were part of an aerial rescue unit and that there were only seven of them. However, several post encounter reports that a few vipers wrote revealed there to be eight commandoes.

A familiar sound and a dark shimmering revealed an all too familiar annoyance. A tall, gaunt woman with long black horns projecting from her head and wearing a black cape emerged. "What do you want Maleficent?" Cobra Commander asked.

"The cooperation of your forces for the subjugation of this world." Maleficent replied.

"I assure you, Madam Sorceress that my men are doing everything they can to work with your Heartless." Cobra Commander replied.

"I understand you captured five human infiltrators from another dimension." Maleficent replied.

"Yes, we have. They claimed they were members of a seven man airborne rescue unit." Cobra Commander asked, "Capturing them was no trouble and we killed two of them."

"How many were there?" Maleficent asked.

"The prisoners said seven, but our post action report says eight." Cobra commander replied.

"Fool! That means that one of them made it to the GI Joe base and warned them of our presence." Maleficent replied.

"Just one minute! I am in command in this world that was our agreement!" Cobra Commander replied, "Our troops handled those eight men well enough and your presence is not needed."

"Moron! Those eight men accounted for at least 372 of your men and my Heartless killed in nearly four days of running gunfights." Maleficent replied, "Even a handful of these operators in any world can seriously ruin my plans."

"YOUR plans?" Cobra Commander replied, "We had a deal."

"I need your troops and bases Cobra Commander, but don't think I can't take them by force. My plans include more than taking this paltry world of yours." Maleficent replied.

Cobra Commander stood up, shouting, "Guards."

He sat back down, blushing under his mask. He looked down at his legs in absolute horror. He saw he was wearing a frilly pink tutu with ballet slippers and pink tights.

"Never cross a sorceress Cobra Commander." Maleficent shouted.

Ripper and Buzzer ran in, "What do you need? Why are you wearing a pink tutu?"

"Nothing. Never mind!" Cobra Commander shouted.

POOF! Maleficent pointed at Buzzer and instantly he was wearing a Heartless cheerleader ensemble complete with pom poms. She pointed at Ripper and turned him into a strange creature with Ripper's face with a mane that resembled the petals of a flower. Now Ripper walked on all fours with pickle slice-like feet, his skin was now a blue with yellow pokka dots and he had a flagstaff like tail with a white flag that had a baseball with a screw going through it.

"Make that never ever cross a sorceress Cobra Commander." Maleficent replied icily as she walked out of the portal through whence she had came.

"Bang! Ha ha ha ha ha!" came the familiar shout. A rocket came flying into the room and exploded on the other side of the room throwing debris, desks, and shelves everywhere.

Metal Head walked into the room, "Did I get her Boss? Huh? Bang! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Metal Head shouted.

Another rocket flew into the ceiling and exploded a huge hole into the roof. Cobra Commander crawled out from under a shelf. "I hate my life...." Cobra Commander groaned.

"Boss, why are you wearing a pink tutu?" Metal Head asked.

"Metal Head, if you wish to remain living you will not ever, ever ask me that question again!" Cobra Commander replied, "Also you will never mention it to any other soul on this facility.

~ ~ ~ ~

Fetterman suppressed a laugh, it was amazing he could even find humor, given his current situation of being blindfolded and handcuffed in the back of a truck. Over the radio he swore he could hear the two drivers, Copperhead and Major Bludd laughing about a piece of information from another COBRA, saying that Cobra Commander was wearing a pink tutu.

Sergeant Rumpler was openly grinning about this little bit of information. "Remind me to put this Metal Head fellow up for the Congressional Medal of Honor after we get out of this sir."

"No talking!" said a viper, hitting Rumpler in the guts. He doubled over.

Presently Rumpler was thrown into a cell while Fetterman was led into an office of some sort. Cobra Commander was standing off at a distance with a wall that went as high as his waist between him and Fetterman. He did a couple pirouettes towards Fetterman.

"Hey twinkle toes, your frills are showing." Fetterman replied. Even though Cobra Commander had thrown on a pair of pants, he was cursed with the fact that the tutu could not be removed and that even if it were somehow removed he would be dancing ballet steps everywhere.

'I'm gonna kill the person who invented spandex.' Cobra Commander thought.

Copperhead knee kicked Fetterman in the ribs, though it was obvious that the COBRA swamp rat was trying not to laugh at his ballet dancing commander. "You are in hell now, Captain Fetterman..." Cobra Commander said with an intimidating voice.

"If this is hell, I wonder how funny heaven is." Fetterman replied sarcastically.

He got another elbow to the cheek by Major Bludd. "That's funny?" Ripper said, "All of a sudden I don't feel like myself."

The sight that greeted the four men was one that was extremely funny. "A strange sight greeted them. Ripper's face was still normal, but the four legged creature with a flower petal mane, a yellow pokka dotted blue hide, pickle like feet, and a flagpole tail with the screw ball flag was obviously not Ripper.

"COBRA! Heartless! Rah! Rah! Rah!" shouted Buzzer as he danced into the room, waving his pom poms around.

"What on earth?" Major Bludd said.

Copperhead was rolling around on the floor, laughing hysterically. Major Bludd was also similarly distracted by the sight. "Rah! Rah! Down with GI Joe! Rah! Rah! Rah!" Buzzer shouted, dancing around, waving his pom poms.

As Copperhead rolled behind Fetterman's chair, Fetterman surreptitiously grabbed his keys. He had a few plans as he watched Cobra Commander do a particularly graceful mid air split and land on his toes doing a pirouette. He, Ripper, and Buzzer indignantly left the room.

Copperhead and Major Bludd both pulled out miniature digital cameras and chased them. "Perfect." Fetterman replied, though he was sore and aching, part of his training included faking injuries. He unlocked his handcuffs and ran to Sergeant Rumpler's cell.

~ ~ ~ ~

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Destro laughed heartily as he saw Cobra Commander's pants fall down, revealing the pink tutu he was desperately trying to hide.

"Curse you Maleficent!!!" Cobra Commander shouted at the air, shaking his fist as he twinkle toe stepped across the floor. He did yet another aerial pirouette.

"Well certainly you're more graceful than usual Commander." The Baroness laughed.

Almost every COBRA in the base was flocking into the halls to watch the insanity. "COBRA COBRA! La La La! Rule the world! Rah! Rah! Rah!" Buzzer yelled, doing a mid-air flip and colliding with Cobra Commander in the middle of his aerial pirouette.

In the security room, all the vipers that were supposed to be monitoring, they didn't see Fetterman helping Rumpler out of his cell because they were too busy laughing at the spectacle of Cobra Commander's newfound ballet skills, Buzzer's recent cheerleading act, and Ripper's new look.

~ ~ ~ ~

Fetterman jumped into the COBRA speed boat and gunner the motors. He got on the radio, "GI Joe, this is Captain Fetterman! Have just escaped from a COBRA prison. Need immediate extraction!"

"You idiots!" Cobra Commander shouted as he bounded across the docks, "They're getting away!"

"Go Team! Go! Capture the escaping soldiers now!" Buzzer shouted, waving pom poms and doing another aerial.

Meanwhile, at the remains of a COBRA base camp: Bilby fired two more rifle rounds at a pair of fleeing Heartless, shooting them in the back of their heads. Low Light took out a third one with his own rifle.

"Bilby, Low Light, get in the helicopter!" Wild Bill shouted, "Give the team some aerial sniper cover."

Xi impaled a Heartless through the head with his claws, getting it's tar black blood all over himself. "That's the last of them Toad." Xi replied.

"Hey, guys, look!" Althea shouted. In one room was a curly haired man, strapped to a gurney.

"He's still alive." Toad said. "Lance, make a hole, we've gotta get him out of here."

Lance used his powers to make a large hole in the ceiling. "Wild Bill, lower us a rope." Lance said over the radio.

They attached the gurney to the rope and lifted the man into the chopper. Blob came back, carrying a fellow with longish curly hair on his back. "I've found another one."

"There's another one somewhere in the building." Stoney groaned weakly.

"I'm on it!" Pietro shouted. In about a second he returned with Link in his arms.

"Quicksilver, Blob, Lance, teleport these three back to the base." Roadblock ordered.

"Yes sir." Lance said.

Over the radio came Cover Girl's voice, "Roadblock, I just got an SOS at these coordinates."

The coordinates appeared on Roadblock's wristcom. "The mass device is overloaded. With all that work it's done a fuse must've exploded."

"I'll get us there!" Wild Bill said over the radio and the remaining Misfits along with Cover Girl and Roadblock got inside the helicopter.

~ ~ ~ ~

"They're getting away you idiots!" Cobra Commander yelled at Copperhead and Major Bludd as they lead an armada of COBRA speedboats after Fetterman and Rumpler.

"Go Offense! Go! Rah! Rah! Rah!" Buzzer shouted.

Cobra Commander pirouetted across the bridge of the boat, and the two Eels on the machineguns were barely suppressing laughter at their commander. Suddenly a helicopter appeared on the horizon.

"Give me a clear shot!" Bilby said over his radio headset.

"You got it!" Wild Bill shouted.

Bilby fired a tracer round at one of the COBRA boats, knocking a Heartless gunner from his perch. Roadblock followed through with his minigun, knocking Heartless and COBRA alike off their boats like pins at a bowling alley.

Wild Bill lowered a rope sling and air lifted Fetterman's boat out of the water. "The Mass Device is fixed." Cover Girl said from the co-pilot's seat.

"RPG!" Bilby shouted. As the rocket streaked towards the helicopter, the helicopter vanished from sight thanks to the workings of the Mass Device.

~ ~ ~ ~

"You fool!" Maleficent shouted at COBRA Commander, "Because of your tomfoolery the prisoners escaped!"

"Excuse me sorceress, you turning Buzzer into COBRA's own personal cheerleader, turning Ripper into God knows what that thing is, and turning me into a ballerina really affected the performance of my troops on the job because they were too busy laughing at me instead of doing their jobs!" Cobra Commander shouted back.

Poof! A tiara appeared on Cobra Commander's head. "Now they have still more cause to laugh at you." Maleficent replied.

"If your troops weren't able to do their jobs because they were too engrossed in your present plight it's no wonder that GI Joe always defeats you." Maleficent replied.

"Ohhh if you weren't a woman and a sorceress...." Cobra Commander glowered.

"Maleficent One! Cobra Commander Zero! YAY! RAH RAH RAH!" Buzzer cheered.

"Well at least your cheerleader know who's bad side not to get on - "Maleficent replied.

"I know: Never cross a sorceress." Cobra Commander replied.

"Ah, it appears you are capable of learning." Maleficent replied, as she undid the curse, "There's hope for you yet."

~ ~ ~ ~

Well, how are you liking this so far? Any suggestions on what could happen next? I'm open to suggestion. Are you for more angst? Action? Humor? Or all of the above? Review and let me know..