Disclaimer: Joss still owns it all and he won't share it with me. pout
Songs: I Want to be Sedated by
the Ramones
Goodbye to You by Michelle
Branch
I have many quotes from the show in this chapter and would like to give credit to the writers of BTVS. In addition, credit goes to Buffyworld.com whereas I would never have been able to remember all those quotes. Thanks.
A/N: In my universe there is no Kennedy. I didn't like her on the show and never thought she was Willow's type. She was way too pushy for Willow.
Chapter 2 - Goodbye to You
"I smell something yummy!" said Dawn as she bounced down the stairs. Her eyes widened almost comically as she took in the enormous platters of eggs, bacon, biscuits, donuts, bowls of fresh fruit, pancakes, waffles, and French toast. "Where did all of this food come from?"
"Oh, Angel called up Wolfram and Hart and had them bring in all the food," said Willow as she took a bite of her waffle.
"Wolfram and Hart…I've never heard of them. Are they like a restaurant that delivers?" as she walked around the table fixing her plate.
Willow giggled as she heard this. "No silly they are a law firm."
Dawn's eyebrows shot up when hearing this. "Well is that something different they do in L.A. cause I have never heard of a law firm that delivers food? Oh, I know it's like those gas stations that are half gas station and half McDonalds!"
Willow smirked. "No, Angel is the head honcho there now, so all of their resources are at his disposal."
"Cool," said Dawn as she munched on a piece of bacon, "Definitely gonna take advantage of this. It's been awhile since I've seen so much food."
"Well eat up there's plenty more where that came from," stated Angel heading towards Willow as he strolled into the kitchen. He casually leaned up against the counter looking at Willow, "Has Buffy been down yet?"
"Nope, not yet." said Willow as she eyed him warily.
Angel turned around running his fingers through his hair and sighed.
Willow looked up meeting Dawn's eyes and then looked back down sighing deeply. Glancing back at Angel, she stood up and walked over to him. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He turned around and she slowly pulled him into an embrace. Her head resting on his shoulder she mumbled, "She's hurting right now and she needs us more than ever. We have to be there for her."
Angel held Willow rather awkwardly as he tried to comfort her. He pulled back from her embrace slightly. "I know, but I feel like I am responsible for her pain. I am the one who gave her that amulet. I didn't know that much about it and discouraged her from wearing it because of this. I was going to wear the amulet myself, but Buffy wouldn't hear of it. I never thought that she would give it to Spike to wear. I didn't know it would kill him. I know that Spike and I didn't get along, but he was my childe and I feel a great loss now that he's gone. You know she has kept to herself since she got here and hasn't left that room. She refuses to discuss any of what happened and I heard her crying last night. She was crying for him. I wanted to go to her, but I knew she wouldn't let me in. She's not sleeping or eating. She has not left that room in three days and three nights! How many times have you seen her come out and eat something?"
Willow's eyes shown with unshed tears as her heart went out to her friend upstairs. She had tried to get Buffy to open up on the bus ride to L.A., but Buffy had insisted that she was ok. Willow had known instinctually that Buffy was trying to be strong for them all. In addition, when Willow had asked what had happened with Spike, Buffy had refused to answer. She had closed herself off for the rest of the trip not speaking to anyone. "Angel she won't talk to anyone right now. She needs some time to herself. You have to understand what Buffy must be going through. There must be the big guilt thing going on. You know she treated Spike badly for last few years. Even after, he had proclaimed his love to her and had proved himself repeatedly. They had grown very close the last few weeks before the fight with the First. I truly believe that she had fallen in love with him. Nevertheless, she has not confirmed or denied it. Moreover, if she did fall in love with him think of what she must be going through to have lost him so quickly after realizing that love. I mean…………..the heartbreak would have to be immense. My heart breaks for her. She needs time because that is the only thing that will help her now."
Upstairs Buffy sat in the window looking down with unseeing eyes at the people as they went about their everyday lives. It wasn't that long ago that she would have loved to be one of those people. Now she just wanted her vampire back. She wanted Spike. She wanted to be able to go to bed at night with his arms wrapped around her tight. Now she would never feel his arms again. Why…………why did he have to die? It wasn't fair. She had denied him for so long. Never told him how she truly felt. She had loved him almost from the time they had brought that house down together. She smiled remembering that memory. They had brought it down with their frantic, violent lovemaking. She remembered how he had looked at her almost in awe. She had felt like she was on a pedestal and he was worshiping her. She missed him so much! She would move heaven and earth just to feel his arms around her again. She walked across the room and leaned over the duffle bag. It was full of Spike's things. She had grabbed his CD's and a few of his black t-shirts and black jeans just in case something happened and they couldn't get back to the house. Xander and Wood had taken everyone's things to the school and had loaded them on the bus. She was grateful that she had gotten a few of her own things out as well. There were her mom's picture albums, some odd and end mementos and of course Mr. Gordo. She leaned over Spike's duffle bag and grabbed her own pulling out Mr. Gordo. She smiled as she looked at her stuffed pig. How many times had she called Spike a pig? She wondered if he had ever known that her favorite stuffed animal was one. Her smile soon faded as she caught a glimpse of one of Spike's trademark black t-shirts hanging out of the bag she had packed for him. The tears flowed anew as she pulled the t-shirt from the bag and brought it up to her face. She inhaled deeply. It still smelled like him. Smoke with a faint wisp of liquor. She held the t-shirt tightly to her body wishing he were wearing it right now. She was never going to see him again. There was a whole world of wrong with that. She stood up, then walked across the room, and reached for some tissue. Dabbing the tears on her face she walked back across the room and sat down in front of Spike's duffle back. She reached for his CD's and started looking through them. Of course, he would have had the prerequisite Sex Pistols, and the Ramones. Smiling she put the Ramones CD in the CD player selected the track she wanted to play and pressed play.
Twenty-twenty-twenty-four
hours to go
I wanna be sedated
Nothing to do, no where to go, oh
I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport, put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry, before I go insane
I can't control my fingers, I can't control my brain
Oh no oh oh oh oh
She remembered when she had heard Spike singing this song for the first time.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
He begins to hum, tapping his fingers on the steering
wheel. Buffy gives him a look, which he
doesn't notice.
SPIKE: (sings) I wanna be
sedated... (stops singing, looks at
Buffy) Do you like the Ramones?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That was the first time he had admitted his feelings for her. She sighed and looked through the rest of the CD's. She stopped as she got to Michelle Branch's. She took the Ramones CD out of the CD player and put it back in its case. Sitting it aside, she took the Michelle Branch CD out of the case, put it in the CD Player, selected the track she wanted to play, and pressed the play button.
Of all the things
I've believed in
I just want to
Get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
Oh
But I do not cry
Counting the days
That pass me by
She couldn't believe he had this CD. It wasn't his type music, but she knew why he had it. This CD had the song that was playing at the Bronze the night they kissed beneath the stairs. Their kiss had been so passionate. He had ignited something in her that night.
I've been searching
Deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing
Are starting to get old
It feels like
I'm starting all over again
The last three years
Were just pretend
Even then, he had known, but she had denied him. Her tears steadily made their way down her face as she hung her head. She wished she could see him just one more time. She wrapped her arms around herself.
And I said
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to
She had thought that they would have more time. She had put them on hold until after the fight with the First and now he was gone. He hadn't believed her admission of love at the end, but part of her wanted to believe that he had just said that so she would leave.
I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seems that
I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and
You chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
She closed her eyes as she remembered.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Spike: Nice work, luv.
Buffy: Who are you? Spike: You'll find out on Saturday.
Buffy: What happens on Saturday?
Spike: I kill you.
Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike. Switch!
Spike: I'd rather be fightin' you anyway.
Buffy: Mutual.
Spike (to Buffy & Angel): I may be love's bitch, but I'm man enough to admit it.
Spike (to Buffy): Just say yes and make me the happiest man on earth.
Buffy: You were stealing?
Spike: Well, yeah. Can't exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I?
Buffy: Wait, are those pictures of me?
Spike: Are you naked under there?
Spike: You can't deny it. There's something between us.
Buffy: Loathing. Disgust.
Spike: Heat. Desire.
Spike: I love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut ... my throat ... I'm
drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you.
Spike: I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's....
(Spike to Buffy): Every night, I save you...
(Spike to Buffy): Are you up for some rough and tumble?
Spike: I'm in love with you!
(Spike to Buffy): I seem to recall a certain amount of connecting.
(Spike to Buffy): A 100+ years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of- you. (Buffy looks away; he reaches toward her face)Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me.(a tear rolls down Buffy's cheek)I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.
(Spike to Buffy): It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but-
Spike: Well, you're not staying here. You can't buy me off with shiny beads and
sweet talk. You got Angel breath. I'm not gonna just let you whack me back and
forth like a rubber ball. I've got my
pride, you know.
Buffy: I understand. (turns to walk
away)
Spike: (cuts her off) Clearly you
don't, 'cause the whole "having my pride" thing was just a smokescreen.
Buffy: (sighs with relief) Oh, thank God.
Spike: I don't know what I would have done
if you'd have gone up those stairs.
Spike: (amazed) I can feel it, Buffy.
Buffy: What?
Spike: (looks at her) My soul. It's
really there. Kind of stings.
Buffy: (worried)
Spike!
Spike: I mean it! I gotta do this. (holds out his hand to stop her)
Buffy laces her fingers through Spike's, and
they burst into flame together.
Buffy: (softly, looks into his eyes) I love you.
Spike: No, you don't. But thanks for
saying it. (another earthquake; Buffy
lets go of his hand) Now go!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Opening her eyes, she sighed as she stood up. She walked across the room putting the CD case back in Spike's duffle bag and then retrieved one of his t-shirts. She walked over to the bed and laid down clutching the t-shirt to her breast. She closed her eyes and listened to the rest of the song as she drifted off to sleep.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to
And it hurts to want everything
And nothing at the same time
I want what's yours
And I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything
I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to
The one thing that
I tried to hold on to
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
~*~
TBC
Please R/R as it really really helps with the writing.
