AN/ yay, new chapter. Not going to bother you with annoying author notes,
I'll get right to the story.
After I reply to the reviews of course.
Oddwen: what? You like Leggy bashing? Well, I have to admit, so do I, but I thought our darling elf could do with a break. Why did u quit your job at BK? *Shrug* not really my business.hmm, terminator. yes. good idea. Oh yea, read some of your stories the other day, the review thing wouldn't work. The Pippin's diary one is very funny, heck, so are almost all of the others! Thanks for the review!
Claire: Hey! Thanks for the review! Means a lot to me. Glad to know you love this fic makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. ( Ah, Gimli's costume, surprised you didn't guess. but you'll just have to wait till the party for that!
Kiss the Flame: Funny? Yay! Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy (we Luvs ren and stimpy too, especially powdered toast man. Tee hee) Legolas in the bath, an image of my perverted elf fancying brain. Nice thought, yes we NEED more Legolas yummy ness. If I feel good I might make him walk around with no top on. mwa haa. You jealous of Hex and Cotume's flowers huh? How come? I might have more in store for the rest of you!
Miranda@lotr.com: you said I had to write more so here I am writing more. Happy? Well, I bet you'd be happier if I said you COULD have your random appearance. Don't forget the fic still goes on AFTER the party. Will see if I can do something special for you then. But for now, you will have to be content with a random appearance somewhere or you could gatecrash the party. Haldir might want some help. You liked Pippin's mobile? Mmm, deep- fried stuff, yum.
Snowmane: don't like Parodies huh? Glad you liked this one because a parody it is not. Btw, please put your arse back on; there are hobbits around here! Please!
Kiftyuthonaerantae: which websites do you think Gandalf should give the fellowship's details too? Hmm, that's an idea worth thinking about. Thanks for that! Party should be soon, couple of chapters maybe. Enjoy this one!
Holly: Frodo, just like me, never seems to get mail. I luv getting mail but no one ever sends me any. *grumble* I know exactly what you mean with the stupid 'site experiencing overload' thing. so annoying. Especially when you really want to read something and it wont load! Arg! Glad, VERY glad you think the last chappie was worth the wait? Aww, thankies!
Aelimir: almost fell out of your chair? Good thing you didn't, cos it's a bit hard to read stuff on the computer screen from the floor. ( With Frodo's light bulb bit, I've always wanted to do that, hehe. And I do agree with you, I should go easier on Gandalf, I only just noticed ive been leaving him out a lot lately. Don't worry; he'll get plenty of action during the party! You can be sure of that!
LotRseer3350: Thingo, great word isn't it. You want to steal Frodo's mail? Ah! That explains why he never gets any! Home shopping, how about Gandalf? Or Gimli, or. RIMOROB!! (Boromir hast been in this fic yet. where is he I wonder?) Well, here is the update, hope you forgive me for taking so long.
Achoo: Mr Bean's problem? Ah, well Mr Bean is actually this dude called Ryan who's in some of my classes at school, he's a bit of an anti-Legolas person and thinks I'm a bit of a sick puppy for writing about Legolas in the bath. I think its ok.
Legolas stalker/ Laura/ lorenzo1/ Archibald/ Willoughby/ stupid/ Blondie/ hey kid move/ sandwich/ shuddup Laura/ the mystik foo foo, ruler of the air: if you get any more names I'm just gonna call you Laura or Legolas stalker, takes too long for me to type em all properly! Well, what can I say, thankyou so much! You reviews mean heaps to me! Luv them I do! Bubba will keep on writing till her fingers drop off, then she'll find some superglue, glue em back on and write some more. Deep fried cell phone sounds yummy, only the deep-fried bit though.
Inweofnargothrond: a lot of damage? Hmm, that gives me an idea, an evil idea. Cracker jacks, cool! I want one! Sound yummy! We have those sorta thingos here too, 'cept they're not called cracker jacks and they don't have the prize thingy. You know what candyfloss is? Well, fairy floss is the exact same thing. Really yummy! Merry's ketchup McFlurry, well, ive never actually heard that Eminen song, I don't really listen to any of his, in my opinion, eminem is a wanker. sorry if you like him. Speaking of music, Avril is even eviller than I realised. *shudder* also hate the windows you talked about. how come they won't go down properly! Arg! Annoying! When I get my licence, (which could take a while, I'm only 13.: P) I want a red Mini cooper, with the number plate either hobbit or Pippin. Oh dear, I seem to be ranting on again. Enjoy this chappie! Oh wait, one more thing, Gardening Australia is this really ANNOYING, BAD, BORING show on TV! Ack! Dull dull dull! No one in his or her right mind, except perhaps my grandma, would willingly watch it!
Anelith: yay! Deep fried phone was a success! And the cars! I'd rather have a red mini cooper myself, but I thought Legolas's car should be a really good one and Haldir HAD to have something pink that was unexpected! Here is the update. hope I didn't leave you hanging.
Saturndragon: purple hair? Definitely, I just dyed mine this reddish purple, looks really cool! Anything and everything. no Avril though. *shudder* enjoy this chappie!
Mr Bean: hey! Guess what! Have a look at my website! Updated I did, clever? Hehe. Got my hair cut too, REALLY short now. Hehe, and this reddish purple colour. But it'll probably be back to normal colour by the time school's back. You probably don't care much about what I'm saying do you? Hmm, didn't think so. *Sigh* I love Leggie, why you disgusted? Wait, don't answer that.
Paladin Dragoon: hey hey! Your reviews are always great to read! Thanks! Deep-fried. Yummies. Poor old cell phone. still works though. Hehe. Plenty of Pizza and pepper for Loki, plenty of evilness. Good idea with Gandalf! Hehe. Cya next chappie!
Marissa03: sorry I didn't reply to your review in the last chapter. I only just read it when I was putting the other one online. You think I'm funny? Goody! Hehe, be prepared for more me!! Or not. Maybe that's not such a good thing. Anyway, enjoy!
Nomad: hey chum! I see your Internet's working again. When you read this you'll probably be in New Zealand. Say hi to your parents for me! You waiting for some action? Maybe not here, but definitely soon, party in a few chapters! Enjoy!
Phew that took a while. Before I write the disclaimer, I just need to say that there will be no updates of anything in the next two weeks. I'm on school holidays and I'm going to Queensland, gold coast! Yay, sea, sun, sand. but sadly no computers and that means no fanfiction. Please don't get cross with me for not updating, now you know why.
And the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I just finished eating some ice cream, with sprinkles. But what I'd really like is an elf with sprinkles. Hehe. Much to my dismay and annoyance, I can have my elf with sprinkles so I have to write about my elf with sprinkles without actually hurting him. And you know that elf. guess who. he would cry if I ate his friends, and maybe the annoying hobbits too, and I don't want Leggsie to cry, so unfortunately, I cant hurt any other member of the fellowship, too much. Everything recognisable belongs to fantastic Mr Tolkien, reviewers own themselves and I would never actually WANT to own Avril Lavigne.
All right, here is chapter 11! Enjoy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Previously, in 'The fellowship and the elf next door', Pippin deep fried his phone, Merry made a Mcflurry, Lamoo cut up Legolas's jeans. The elf got a new car and was in a reasonably good mood and Frodo collected the mail.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(AN/ ok, this will be quick,)
Basically, everyone arrived home, Gandalf came out of his room, Gimli appeared from wherever he'd been all day, Haldir and Lamoo came back from buying party whistles and confetti and Sam was busy cooking.
Sam hummed while he sprinkled some herbs on the yummy stuff he was cooking. Giving the pot of sauce a quick stir, the hobbit left his 'garnishing' to place some potatoes in the oven.
Lamoo and Haldir were sitting at the kitchen table watching Sam cook. Haldir had brought Lamoo back to the fellowship's for dinner and everyone was in a fairly good mood so there were no objections.
Legolas was having a shower, Aragorn was reading his magazine, 'cheese lovers monthly', and Frodo, Merry and Pippin were working on their costumes for the party. As for Gimli and Gandalf, the dwarf was sitting at the table; writing out invitations and Gandalf was licking stamps.
The bathroom door opened and steam came gushing out into the hall. Legolas appeared looking very refreshed as well as clean, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and another wrapped around his head.
"Ah, much better." He said to himself with a smile. "Whatcha cooking Sam?" Legolas asked the hobbit, noticing the delightful smell wafting around the kitchen.
Sam beamed, pleased that someone had noticed he'd made a special effort with tonight's meal. "Well Mr Legolas," he began. "First comes a yummy pumpkin soup with lovely crusty rolls."
Legolas licked his lips.
Sam continued. "Then there's Pork chops with apple sauce and potatoes and salad."
Everyone in the room sighed happily.
"And for desert cherry pie and vanilla ice cream." Sam announced putting his hands on his hips, still beaming.
"That," Legolas replied. "Sounds great."
Sam almost burst with joy; no one had ever complimented his cooking. But then, Legolas hadn't eaten it yet.
The elf seated himself next to Haldir and shook his hair out of the towel wrapped around his head. A hairbrush seemed to appear out of nowhere and Legolas set to work de-knotting his hair. It didn't exactly take much; there were no knots anyway.
Lamoo frowned. How come her hair couldn't do that instead of becoming a messy birds nest of brown fuzz?
Sam picked up a tiny little bell and rang it. But instead of making a delicate tinkling sound, a massive boom, like that of a gong, rang throughout the house. Haldir flinched and put his hands over his ears. But the ringing in his ears caused by silver bell continued.
All thoughts were forgotten when Sam placed the food on the dining table. The fellowship plus Haldir and Lamoo, dug into the food. All except Sam, he waited politely for everyone else to eat theirs first. No one ever assumed there was a reason for this.
Pippin was first to go. The hobbit was hungrily lapping up applesauce when he suddenly fell unconscious onto his plate. No one turned a head; Pippin was prone to going out cold at odd times. It wasn't until Gandalf and Aragorn collapsed into their plates that anyone started to notice something was happening.
Lamoo apparently didn't, she continued wolfing down her food, with sauce smeared all over her face and potato spilt in her lap, as well as a large soup stain down the front of Legolas's jersey, that she was still wearing. All of a sudden, she gave a moan and her eyes went all unfocused. She too fell, but not face first onto the table, Lamoo toppled over sideways and landed on the floor.
Legolas and Haldir looked down as Lamoo fell to the floor and they too toppled over. Merry winced and got up to fetch a tea towel. The hobbit shook his head and threw the towel over Legolas's back side; his towel had sort of begun to fall off.
Soon the only conscious members at the table were Sam, Gimli, Merry and Frodo. Sam had a rather evil grin plastered on his face, Frodo was looking rather giddy and Merry was poking at his pork with a spoon. As for Gimli, nothing seemed to be affecting him, the dwarf still had his head buried his food, potato and bits of lettuce sticking in his beard.
"Whassa ma'er?" The dwarf mumbled through a mouthful food, desert now.
Frodo shrugged and began to speak. "Why is everyone un." he began before this hobbit too sunk back into his seat and slid out of it onto the floor.
"Frodo?" Merry said cautiously. "Frodo?" he repeated, a little more panic in his voice. "Sam, what's happening?"
Sam put on his most innocent face and shrugged.
Merry narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. Soon the hobbit began to feel blackness nibbling at the edge of his mind. Sleep..
Merry collapsed. Now it was only Gimli and Sam. Sam was getting inpatient, how long did it take for sleeping pills to take effect on dwarves? Merry, Pippin, Gandalf and Aragorn were all snoring contentedly into their piles of dinner, Legolas and Frodo were both lying on the floor, their limbs bent at odd angles, Legolas's towel had began to come undone at the back, and out of decency, Merry had thrown a tea towel over the elf's bare backside. Lamoo was curled up in a ball while Haldir had sort of collapsed on top of her. Gimli however was still gleefully bolting down his food. Sam was now getting very, very impatient.
He made sure Gimli was busy looking at his cherry pie and ice cream, and went to fetch the rolling pin. Sneakily grabbing it out of a drawer, the hobbit crept behind Gimli. Raising the rolling pin above his head Sam brought it down hard on top of Gimli's. The dwarf didn't even flinch. The impact he did not even seem to notice. Sam sighed crossly and whacked Gimli again. Nothing worked. Sighing again in an exasperated way, Sam dropped the rolling pin and trotted into Aragorn's room.
He nicked the sword that was lying on the bed, all tucked in, a little teddy bear next to it. (Aragorn made sure his blade was happy.) Un- sheathing it, the hobbit gripped the hilt. With a yell, he brought the hilt of it to collide with the side of Gimli's head. This time the hobbit was pleased with the effect. Gimli mumbled something incoherent and slumped forward into his desert.
Sam threw the sword down, panting and gave an evil cackle. Running into his own room, he ran straight to the desk, on which sat a fat, black permanent marker. Smirking Sam grabbed it and dashed back out to the dining room. Popping off the top, the hobbit twiddled the pen in his fingers before deciding on a victim.
Aragorn seemed to be in the deepest sleep to the hobbit hauled him backwards out of his plate and wiped the mess all over his face off with a tea towel (a different tea towel, not Legolas's one.) Sam laughed again and began to draw. He was not the world's best artist, but if he wanted to graffiti someone's face, he could do a pretty good job.
Taking the marker, he carefully drew a thick black moustache with a matching goatee on Aragorn's face. The ranger still hadn't had a proper shave in a while so Sam found it challenging to navigate the pen around all the scraggy stubble. Still, even with this challenge presenting itself, Sam drew a lovely moustache, goatee plus a monocle on the ranger's face.
The hobbit moved onto his next victim. That was of course, after he went to fetch his coloured markers. Pulling out the bright blue one, Sam moved over to Legolas. After rolling him over, Sam played noughts and crosses (AN/ aka tic-tac-toe) on Legolas's face. The elf's hair was still wet so the naughty hobbit thought about seeing if it would spike up with the right amount of gel and careful blow-drying. But, he decided, he would do that last, just in case anyone woke up. The sleeping tablet box had said that one tablet was supposed to keep you out cold for a few hours; Sam had slipped about four into each person's food. They should be out for a while. With another grin, he drew fake scars all over Legolas's face and coloured the elf's nose in purple. After colouring in the elf's eyebrows red and his eyelids green, Sam moved along.
Merry and Pippin were both slumped in their food so Sam decided to work with that. Using the applesauce that was plopped on Pippin's plate, the hobbit used it to gel Merry's hair. Furrowing his brow, the hobbit wandered over to the pantry, deciding he needed more materials to work with. Grabbing a few things, such as ketchup, yoghurt, some chilli sauce and honey, Sam set about smearing them all over Merry and Pippin's faces. After he had lugged Frodo off the floor, he did the same to him too. Not to forget his trusty felt tips, the hobbit decided to give each of his friends clown type makeup. Pleased with his work, Sam moved on yet again.
"Not much I can do with Gandalf,' he thought to himself as he surveyed the slumbering wizard. With a shrug, Sam did the best he could, squirting ketchup into Gandalf's hair and bear, which previously was white, the wizards hair ended up a shocking shade of reddish pink. With a frown, Sam decided he'd better not try anything else on Gandalf, even though he looked like a complete loopy loo, Sam knew Gandalf was pretty powerful, when it came to the art of.. Ready for it?. drum roll please. cooking pasta. yes, cooking pasta. Sam was terrified of Pasta, especially Fettuccini. That's why he never cooked it.
Sam left Gandalf to slumber in peace and went to see what he could do to mutate Lamoo and Haldir's faces. Crouching down next to the snoozing Lamoo, Sam drew whiskers on her face, a few pretend scars, a moustache as well as a little sign on her forehead that said 'back in 5 minutes'. Sam didn't know what possessed him to write that, but he did. On Haldir's face, the hobbit drew, with his trusty back marker, a big hairy mole. And another, and another. Soon Haldir's face was nothing by a nose a mouth, two eyes and a collection of hairy moles.
Satisfied, the hobbit went on to draw more various things on every face bar his own, which had not yet been touched by his art, as he called it.
Aragorn groaned and his eyelids flickered open. Luckily for Sam, he had bolted as soon as he heard the ranger moan. Now hiding in the panty, Sam was convinced he was safe. How wrong he was.
There was a series of ear splitting yells as well as a cuss word or two, or three, or one hundred and sixteen, from various people as they awoke and, seeing each other's faces, realised they'd been struck by someone who's mind was bent on pure evil.
Lamoo giggled as she counted the drawn moles and Haldir's face. He was still asleep but those awake were making enough noise to wake a herd of hibernating dolphins! (AN/ yes, I know dolphins don't hibernate. how stupid do you think I am? Wait, don't answer that.) Aragorn screamed when he saw his reflection in the window. Legolas stood up, blushing then remembering to grab his towel. Wrapping it securely round his waist, the elf picked up a spoon and gasped as he looked at his own reflection mirrored on the back of the spoon.
Merry, Pippin and Frodo were all pointing a laughing at one another before each of them realised they were as bad as everyone else.
"What in the name of Lamoo's flying farts happened here!?" bellowed Gimli.
"Isn't it obvious shorty?" replied Legolas dryly.
Gimli rolled his eyes and decided it would be best to ignore the elf, so much for Legolas's good mood that day. "Hobbits? Any ideas? How about you author person?"
Merry, Pippin and Frodo looked at each other and shrugged, as did Lamoo, who was furiously trying to wipe off the 'back in 5 minutes' sign.
"How should I know?" she asked. "By the way, I do have a name."
"Oh?"
Lamoo rolled her eyes and decided to ignore Gimli. He was being a meanie.
"Lauren, LAUREN!!!" she bellowed.
"Lauren?! I thought you were Lamoo," remarked Gandalf.
"Ha!" Pippin broke in, " I knew you didn't know everything!"
Gandalf scowled. "Be quiet," he growled, "I'll make some pasta." the wizard let the threat hang. There was no response from either of the three hobbits standing before him.
"We like pasta," Frodo said. "It's Sam who is scared of it."
"Speaking of the pudgy hobbit, where is he?" Haldir asked,
Everyone looked around and for the first time seemed to notice Sam was not present.
"SAMWISE GAMGEE!!!" bellowed Gandalf, as he along with the others seemed to piece together what had happened. There was a small, frightened squeak from the pantry and everyone stormed into the kitchen.
Legolas was first to the cupboard. Before he threw open the door, ready to murder the hobbit that had played noughts and crosses on his face and given him red eyebrows, the elf grabbed a very sharp knife out of the top drawer. Putting on a smooth, seemingly calm voice, he rapped on the door and spoke. "Sam?" There was another squeak. "It's me, Lego. Not going to hurt you." He said. 'Much' was the thought that bounced around Legolas's mind. "Come out, I've got some chocolate, and Lamoo wants to give you a hug. She loves her whiskers."
"I have whiskers?!" Lamoo cried. She picked up a saucepan and gaped at her reflection on the side.
"Shh," Haldir put his hand over Lamoo's mouth and nodded towards the door.
Lamoo nodded and put down the saucepan. Catching on to Legolas's plan she spoke in the gentlest, kindest voice she could muster. "Sammy? It's Lamoo. Like Legolas said, we've a present for you. It was a wonderful dinner and my whiskers are so beautiful." She said
"But Aragorn's there." Sam replied, his voice muffled from inside the pantry.
"No he's not." Retorted Legolas. "He was being a bad boy, we sent him to his room."
"Hey!" Aragorn remarked.
"Shh!"
"Oh," came the reply from the ranger.
"So, what do you say?" Legolas asked the hobbit.
Sam sighed audibly from inside the cupboard. "Ok,"
Legolas grinned evilly, not for the first time, and careful opened the door. Sam screamed when he saw the elf standing there, his face livid, clutching a chef's knife in one hand and holding Aragorn back with the other. Dropping his calm voice the elf yelled. "HOW DARE YOU COLOUR MY NOSE PURPLE FAT HOBBIT!!!" he roared, brandishing the knife.
The front door suddenly burst open and in came Elrond, Arwen, Galadriel, the twins and surprisingly, Boromir as well as a small blonde personage.
"Alright, break it up!" yelled Elrond over the top of the scuffle.
Legolas and Aragorn as well as Merry all chose to ignore this comment and instead they sprang onto Sam, hoping to main him horribly before killing him.
"I said BREAK IT UP!" roared Elrond again, raising his voice. Nothing happened so Elrond nodded to the twins, Boromir, Galadriel and Arwen. All five of them set about restraining the rabid elf, furious ranger and infuriated hobbit. It took both Elrohir and Elladan to hold Aragorn back, Merry was sat on by the small blonde and Arwen grabbed Legolas by the hair and dragged him down while Galadriel held a hammer ready to knock the elf out if he did anything hasty. Boromir grabbed the elf by his shoulders and forced him onto the floor, even though Legolas put up a huge fight.
"Thankyou," squeaked Sam, stepping out of the pantry and coming to stand behind Elrond.
"No problem." The elf with the eyebrows replied.
"What happened?" asked the small blonde who was sitting on Merry and tickling his feet.
"Sam drew on our faces, he cant deny it!" replied Aragorn, who's legs had been tied together with a skipping rope. Elrohir was forcing the ranger's head onto the bench while his twin held Aragorn's hands behind his back.
"Sam?" Elrond enquired.
"Eep."
"Did you do something?"
"Um, yes." The hobbit replied. "But I'm gonna go now."
Elrond shrugged and let the hobbit retreat to the safety of his bedroom. Once he was sure the hobbit's door was locked from the inside, he gave the signal for Legolas Aragorn and Merry to be released.
Lamoo helped the small blonde off Merry's back and immediately realised who the itsy person was. "Ainsley?"
"Hiya!" Ainsley replied.
"Who's this?" Frodo asked.
"My sister, Frodo, this is Ainsley. Claudie, this is the smelly hobbit I write about all the time." Lamoo replied. "By the way, why did you stop Leggie from killing Sam?"
"Leggie?!"
"Shut up elf." Lamoo said.
Ainsley smiled. "Cos I was playing hopscotch at Rimorob's and he didn't want to leave me alone at his place. Didn't trust me I suppose." She said.
Lamoo nodded. "We should go." She said simply, looking at her watch. "Mum will eat us alive if we're not home soon."
Ainsley nodded and she and Lamoo strode out of the house.
"Thank God!" Boromir said with a sigh of relief. "Was that little midget Lamoo's sister?"
Pippin nodded but shrugged. "I guess."
Boromir frowned. "That's where she gets her evilness and annoying traits from."
"Just a question," Elladan broke in. "who the hell is Rimorob?"
Boromir sighed and shook his head. "Don't worry elf." He said.
"Hey Rimorob," Legolas said, catching on. "I thought you were dead."
Boromir shook his head. "No. You idiots pushed me over the waterfall, after Gimli shot me." He replied.
"Gimli?!"
"Yes, the dwarf. You might be surprised." Boromir replied again with a sigh.
Everyone shrugged and dropped the subject. Suddenly, once he noticed Arwen was not holding his hair in her claw like fingers anymore, Legolas stood up. "Well, you're not moving in here with us." He said bluntly.
Boromir shrugged. "That's no problem. Why would I want to be in the same street as dizzy wizzy, smelly hobbits, a ranger who hates my guts."
"I so do not hate you!"
"Fine, a ranger who doesn't know the meaning of the word bath, a dwarf."
"What's wrong with dwarves?"
"Everything!" replied the Gondorian. "They smell, cant cook, short, did I mention they smell, they're cranky, bitchy at times."
"Humph."
"Not to mention an elf who acts like he has bloody PMS every bloody day!"
Legolas's eyes blazed with anger. "At least I don't carry a dinner plate around everywhere, and I don't have any ugly bumfluff, let alone your legs. Could you imagine what would happen if I had your legs?! Ugh!"
Boromir's eyes narrowed. "The dinner plate as you call it, is a shield, the bum fluff you called my stubble is very manly and I happen to like me legs, as do all my fan girls!"
"You don't have any fan girls! No body likes you!" Legolas retorted.
Pippin decided to add a comment to the conversation. "Lego,"
"What?!"
"You just sounded disturbingly like Gollum."
Legolas sneered at the hobbit who was sent to cower behind Elrond who was still standing in the middle of the kitchen.
Boromir cleared his throat. "I do too have fan girls, too many to same any off the top of my head."
"Yea, whatever."
"Well at least I don't have to shoot wimpy arrows to defend myself, and I don't wear tights, not do I look like a girl!" Boromir said crossly, hoping to make the elf say something smart arsey back at him.
To everyone watching, Legolas seemed to become very dangerous at that particular moment. Lifting his head and raising his eyebrows in a would be calm way, the elf retaliated. "Dear human, may I remind you that it was arrows that supposedly killed you?" Legolas dropped the calm act. "And these are not tights! I do not wear tights! These are Leggings! LEGGINGS!!!" the elf roared.
Merry and Frodo muttered something to each other that sounded remarkably like "no tights, yea, except for his ballet ones."
Legolas, hearing what the hobbits had said, rounded on Merry and Frodo. "You're next." He said in a dangerously low voice.
Both hobbits gulped.
"Legolas," broke in Arwen. " I have an idea."
"Oh?"
"I suggest you go and have a nice soak in the tub and cool down your temper a bit."
"Wrong thing to say." Muttered Aragorn to Gandalf.
"The tub? As in bathtub? I don't think so. Last time I took a bath, that loony authoress person walked in, while I was playing with my duckies!" Legolas cried. "I'm going to bed."
"Good idea." Elrond said, hoping the elf would be somewhat clam by morning.
Arwen and Galadriel escorted Legolas to his room, mainly to make sure he didn't try to bolt and attack Boromir, or kick down Sam's door, but also because this particular male elf was still only wearing a towel. No shirt or anything else really. Aragorn was all right in Arwen's opinion, a bit on the smelly and hairy side. As for Celeborn, Galadriel was almost certain she had never seen him without a shirt on without being drunk. Both females rather enjoyed perving on other males, especially good looking ones. And as far as Legolas was concerned, in the eyes of almost every female he met, he was the meaning of good looking, which was an understatement.
"Um, goodnight." Legolas said, feeling a bit uncomfortable with Arwen's hands on his back and Galadriel's on his shoulder.
"Nightie night." Galadriel replied.
Legolas raised an eyebrow and hurried into his room, breaking free of Arwen and Galadriel. He then slammed the door behind him and pushed his desk in front of it. With a sigh the elf rummaged through his wardrobe for a pair of boxers. Ducking behind the cupboard door, so purvey Lamoo couldn't write about it, Legolas changed.
He then flopped into bed and screamed into his pillow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Uh, Boromir?"
"Mm?"
"We should get going. I don't really want to be here in the morning when Legolas hets up." Elrohir said.
Boromir nodded and followed everyone else out of the house.
"Night,"
"Bye,"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Frodo slipped between the covers and fell asleep, hoping Sam would let them get take away tomorrow night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC
AN/ everyone happy? Long chappie! Sorry it took so long though. As I said before, definitely no updates in the next 2 weeks. If I read and review your stories, no reviews either, sorry. Going on holidays and as far as I now, I can't get access to a computer. Should have lots of fresh ideas when I get back though.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Bye, must go and pack, leaving tomorrow.
Love Lamoo
Oh yea, don't forget to review!
After I reply to the reviews of course.
Oddwen: what? You like Leggy bashing? Well, I have to admit, so do I, but I thought our darling elf could do with a break. Why did u quit your job at BK? *Shrug* not really my business.hmm, terminator. yes. good idea. Oh yea, read some of your stories the other day, the review thing wouldn't work. The Pippin's diary one is very funny, heck, so are almost all of the others! Thanks for the review!
Claire: Hey! Thanks for the review! Means a lot to me. Glad to know you love this fic makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. ( Ah, Gimli's costume, surprised you didn't guess. but you'll just have to wait till the party for that!
Kiss the Flame: Funny? Yay! Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy (we Luvs ren and stimpy too, especially powdered toast man. Tee hee) Legolas in the bath, an image of my perverted elf fancying brain. Nice thought, yes we NEED more Legolas yummy ness. If I feel good I might make him walk around with no top on. mwa haa. You jealous of Hex and Cotume's flowers huh? How come? I might have more in store for the rest of you!
Miranda@lotr.com: you said I had to write more so here I am writing more. Happy? Well, I bet you'd be happier if I said you COULD have your random appearance. Don't forget the fic still goes on AFTER the party. Will see if I can do something special for you then. But for now, you will have to be content with a random appearance somewhere or you could gatecrash the party. Haldir might want some help. You liked Pippin's mobile? Mmm, deep- fried stuff, yum.
Snowmane: don't like Parodies huh? Glad you liked this one because a parody it is not. Btw, please put your arse back on; there are hobbits around here! Please!
Kiftyuthonaerantae: which websites do you think Gandalf should give the fellowship's details too? Hmm, that's an idea worth thinking about. Thanks for that! Party should be soon, couple of chapters maybe. Enjoy this one!
Holly: Frodo, just like me, never seems to get mail. I luv getting mail but no one ever sends me any. *grumble* I know exactly what you mean with the stupid 'site experiencing overload' thing. so annoying. Especially when you really want to read something and it wont load! Arg! Glad, VERY glad you think the last chappie was worth the wait? Aww, thankies!
Aelimir: almost fell out of your chair? Good thing you didn't, cos it's a bit hard to read stuff on the computer screen from the floor. ( With Frodo's light bulb bit, I've always wanted to do that, hehe. And I do agree with you, I should go easier on Gandalf, I only just noticed ive been leaving him out a lot lately. Don't worry; he'll get plenty of action during the party! You can be sure of that!
LotRseer3350: Thingo, great word isn't it. You want to steal Frodo's mail? Ah! That explains why he never gets any! Home shopping, how about Gandalf? Or Gimli, or. RIMOROB!! (Boromir hast been in this fic yet. where is he I wonder?) Well, here is the update, hope you forgive me for taking so long.
Achoo: Mr Bean's problem? Ah, well Mr Bean is actually this dude called Ryan who's in some of my classes at school, he's a bit of an anti-Legolas person and thinks I'm a bit of a sick puppy for writing about Legolas in the bath. I think its ok.
Legolas stalker/ Laura/ lorenzo1/ Archibald/ Willoughby/ stupid/ Blondie/ hey kid move/ sandwich/ shuddup Laura/ the mystik foo foo, ruler of the air: if you get any more names I'm just gonna call you Laura or Legolas stalker, takes too long for me to type em all properly! Well, what can I say, thankyou so much! You reviews mean heaps to me! Luv them I do! Bubba will keep on writing till her fingers drop off, then she'll find some superglue, glue em back on and write some more. Deep fried cell phone sounds yummy, only the deep-fried bit though.
Inweofnargothrond: a lot of damage? Hmm, that gives me an idea, an evil idea. Cracker jacks, cool! I want one! Sound yummy! We have those sorta thingos here too, 'cept they're not called cracker jacks and they don't have the prize thingy. You know what candyfloss is? Well, fairy floss is the exact same thing. Really yummy! Merry's ketchup McFlurry, well, ive never actually heard that Eminen song, I don't really listen to any of his, in my opinion, eminem is a wanker. sorry if you like him. Speaking of music, Avril is even eviller than I realised. *shudder* also hate the windows you talked about. how come they won't go down properly! Arg! Annoying! When I get my licence, (which could take a while, I'm only 13.: P) I want a red Mini cooper, with the number plate either hobbit or Pippin. Oh dear, I seem to be ranting on again. Enjoy this chappie! Oh wait, one more thing, Gardening Australia is this really ANNOYING, BAD, BORING show on TV! Ack! Dull dull dull! No one in his or her right mind, except perhaps my grandma, would willingly watch it!
Anelith: yay! Deep fried phone was a success! And the cars! I'd rather have a red mini cooper myself, but I thought Legolas's car should be a really good one and Haldir HAD to have something pink that was unexpected! Here is the update. hope I didn't leave you hanging.
Saturndragon: purple hair? Definitely, I just dyed mine this reddish purple, looks really cool! Anything and everything. no Avril though. *shudder* enjoy this chappie!
Mr Bean: hey! Guess what! Have a look at my website! Updated I did, clever? Hehe. Got my hair cut too, REALLY short now. Hehe, and this reddish purple colour. But it'll probably be back to normal colour by the time school's back. You probably don't care much about what I'm saying do you? Hmm, didn't think so. *Sigh* I love Leggie, why you disgusted? Wait, don't answer that.
Paladin Dragoon: hey hey! Your reviews are always great to read! Thanks! Deep-fried. Yummies. Poor old cell phone. still works though. Hehe. Plenty of Pizza and pepper for Loki, plenty of evilness. Good idea with Gandalf! Hehe. Cya next chappie!
Marissa03: sorry I didn't reply to your review in the last chapter. I only just read it when I was putting the other one online. You think I'm funny? Goody! Hehe, be prepared for more me!! Or not. Maybe that's not such a good thing. Anyway, enjoy!
Nomad: hey chum! I see your Internet's working again. When you read this you'll probably be in New Zealand. Say hi to your parents for me! You waiting for some action? Maybe not here, but definitely soon, party in a few chapters! Enjoy!
Phew that took a while. Before I write the disclaimer, I just need to say that there will be no updates of anything in the next two weeks. I'm on school holidays and I'm going to Queensland, gold coast! Yay, sea, sun, sand. but sadly no computers and that means no fanfiction. Please don't get cross with me for not updating, now you know why.
And the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I just finished eating some ice cream, with sprinkles. But what I'd really like is an elf with sprinkles. Hehe. Much to my dismay and annoyance, I can have my elf with sprinkles so I have to write about my elf with sprinkles without actually hurting him. And you know that elf. guess who. he would cry if I ate his friends, and maybe the annoying hobbits too, and I don't want Leggsie to cry, so unfortunately, I cant hurt any other member of the fellowship, too much. Everything recognisable belongs to fantastic Mr Tolkien, reviewers own themselves and I would never actually WANT to own Avril Lavigne.
All right, here is chapter 11! Enjoy!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Previously, in 'The fellowship and the elf next door', Pippin deep fried his phone, Merry made a Mcflurry, Lamoo cut up Legolas's jeans. The elf got a new car and was in a reasonably good mood and Frodo collected the mail.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(AN/ ok, this will be quick,)
Basically, everyone arrived home, Gandalf came out of his room, Gimli appeared from wherever he'd been all day, Haldir and Lamoo came back from buying party whistles and confetti and Sam was busy cooking.
Sam hummed while he sprinkled some herbs on the yummy stuff he was cooking. Giving the pot of sauce a quick stir, the hobbit left his 'garnishing' to place some potatoes in the oven.
Lamoo and Haldir were sitting at the kitchen table watching Sam cook. Haldir had brought Lamoo back to the fellowship's for dinner and everyone was in a fairly good mood so there were no objections.
Legolas was having a shower, Aragorn was reading his magazine, 'cheese lovers monthly', and Frodo, Merry and Pippin were working on their costumes for the party. As for Gimli and Gandalf, the dwarf was sitting at the table; writing out invitations and Gandalf was licking stamps.
The bathroom door opened and steam came gushing out into the hall. Legolas appeared looking very refreshed as well as clean, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and another wrapped around his head.
"Ah, much better." He said to himself with a smile. "Whatcha cooking Sam?" Legolas asked the hobbit, noticing the delightful smell wafting around the kitchen.
Sam beamed, pleased that someone had noticed he'd made a special effort with tonight's meal. "Well Mr Legolas," he began. "First comes a yummy pumpkin soup with lovely crusty rolls."
Legolas licked his lips.
Sam continued. "Then there's Pork chops with apple sauce and potatoes and salad."
Everyone in the room sighed happily.
"And for desert cherry pie and vanilla ice cream." Sam announced putting his hands on his hips, still beaming.
"That," Legolas replied. "Sounds great."
Sam almost burst with joy; no one had ever complimented his cooking. But then, Legolas hadn't eaten it yet.
The elf seated himself next to Haldir and shook his hair out of the towel wrapped around his head. A hairbrush seemed to appear out of nowhere and Legolas set to work de-knotting his hair. It didn't exactly take much; there were no knots anyway.
Lamoo frowned. How come her hair couldn't do that instead of becoming a messy birds nest of brown fuzz?
Sam picked up a tiny little bell and rang it. But instead of making a delicate tinkling sound, a massive boom, like that of a gong, rang throughout the house. Haldir flinched and put his hands over his ears. But the ringing in his ears caused by silver bell continued.
All thoughts were forgotten when Sam placed the food on the dining table. The fellowship plus Haldir and Lamoo, dug into the food. All except Sam, he waited politely for everyone else to eat theirs first. No one ever assumed there was a reason for this.
Pippin was first to go. The hobbit was hungrily lapping up applesauce when he suddenly fell unconscious onto his plate. No one turned a head; Pippin was prone to going out cold at odd times. It wasn't until Gandalf and Aragorn collapsed into their plates that anyone started to notice something was happening.
Lamoo apparently didn't, she continued wolfing down her food, with sauce smeared all over her face and potato spilt in her lap, as well as a large soup stain down the front of Legolas's jersey, that she was still wearing. All of a sudden, she gave a moan and her eyes went all unfocused. She too fell, but not face first onto the table, Lamoo toppled over sideways and landed on the floor.
Legolas and Haldir looked down as Lamoo fell to the floor and they too toppled over. Merry winced and got up to fetch a tea towel. The hobbit shook his head and threw the towel over Legolas's back side; his towel had sort of begun to fall off.
Soon the only conscious members at the table were Sam, Gimli, Merry and Frodo. Sam had a rather evil grin plastered on his face, Frodo was looking rather giddy and Merry was poking at his pork with a spoon. As for Gimli, nothing seemed to be affecting him, the dwarf still had his head buried his food, potato and bits of lettuce sticking in his beard.
"Whassa ma'er?" The dwarf mumbled through a mouthful food, desert now.
Frodo shrugged and began to speak. "Why is everyone un." he began before this hobbit too sunk back into his seat and slid out of it onto the floor.
"Frodo?" Merry said cautiously. "Frodo?" he repeated, a little more panic in his voice. "Sam, what's happening?"
Sam put on his most innocent face and shrugged.
Merry narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. Soon the hobbit began to feel blackness nibbling at the edge of his mind. Sleep..
Merry collapsed. Now it was only Gimli and Sam. Sam was getting inpatient, how long did it take for sleeping pills to take effect on dwarves? Merry, Pippin, Gandalf and Aragorn were all snoring contentedly into their piles of dinner, Legolas and Frodo were both lying on the floor, their limbs bent at odd angles, Legolas's towel had began to come undone at the back, and out of decency, Merry had thrown a tea towel over the elf's bare backside. Lamoo was curled up in a ball while Haldir had sort of collapsed on top of her. Gimli however was still gleefully bolting down his food. Sam was now getting very, very impatient.
He made sure Gimli was busy looking at his cherry pie and ice cream, and went to fetch the rolling pin. Sneakily grabbing it out of a drawer, the hobbit crept behind Gimli. Raising the rolling pin above his head Sam brought it down hard on top of Gimli's. The dwarf didn't even flinch. The impact he did not even seem to notice. Sam sighed crossly and whacked Gimli again. Nothing worked. Sighing again in an exasperated way, Sam dropped the rolling pin and trotted into Aragorn's room.
He nicked the sword that was lying on the bed, all tucked in, a little teddy bear next to it. (Aragorn made sure his blade was happy.) Un- sheathing it, the hobbit gripped the hilt. With a yell, he brought the hilt of it to collide with the side of Gimli's head. This time the hobbit was pleased with the effect. Gimli mumbled something incoherent and slumped forward into his desert.
Sam threw the sword down, panting and gave an evil cackle. Running into his own room, he ran straight to the desk, on which sat a fat, black permanent marker. Smirking Sam grabbed it and dashed back out to the dining room. Popping off the top, the hobbit twiddled the pen in his fingers before deciding on a victim.
Aragorn seemed to be in the deepest sleep to the hobbit hauled him backwards out of his plate and wiped the mess all over his face off with a tea towel (a different tea towel, not Legolas's one.) Sam laughed again and began to draw. He was not the world's best artist, but if he wanted to graffiti someone's face, he could do a pretty good job.
Taking the marker, he carefully drew a thick black moustache with a matching goatee on Aragorn's face. The ranger still hadn't had a proper shave in a while so Sam found it challenging to navigate the pen around all the scraggy stubble. Still, even with this challenge presenting itself, Sam drew a lovely moustache, goatee plus a monocle on the ranger's face.
The hobbit moved onto his next victim. That was of course, after he went to fetch his coloured markers. Pulling out the bright blue one, Sam moved over to Legolas. After rolling him over, Sam played noughts and crosses (AN/ aka tic-tac-toe) on Legolas's face. The elf's hair was still wet so the naughty hobbit thought about seeing if it would spike up with the right amount of gel and careful blow-drying. But, he decided, he would do that last, just in case anyone woke up. The sleeping tablet box had said that one tablet was supposed to keep you out cold for a few hours; Sam had slipped about four into each person's food. They should be out for a while. With another grin, he drew fake scars all over Legolas's face and coloured the elf's nose in purple. After colouring in the elf's eyebrows red and his eyelids green, Sam moved along.
Merry and Pippin were both slumped in their food so Sam decided to work with that. Using the applesauce that was plopped on Pippin's plate, the hobbit used it to gel Merry's hair. Furrowing his brow, the hobbit wandered over to the pantry, deciding he needed more materials to work with. Grabbing a few things, such as ketchup, yoghurt, some chilli sauce and honey, Sam set about smearing them all over Merry and Pippin's faces. After he had lugged Frodo off the floor, he did the same to him too. Not to forget his trusty felt tips, the hobbit decided to give each of his friends clown type makeup. Pleased with his work, Sam moved on yet again.
"Not much I can do with Gandalf,' he thought to himself as he surveyed the slumbering wizard. With a shrug, Sam did the best he could, squirting ketchup into Gandalf's hair and bear, which previously was white, the wizards hair ended up a shocking shade of reddish pink. With a frown, Sam decided he'd better not try anything else on Gandalf, even though he looked like a complete loopy loo, Sam knew Gandalf was pretty powerful, when it came to the art of.. Ready for it?. drum roll please. cooking pasta. yes, cooking pasta. Sam was terrified of Pasta, especially Fettuccini. That's why he never cooked it.
Sam left Gandalf to slumber in peace and went to see what he could do to mutate Lamoo and Haldir's faces. Crouching down next to the snoozing Lamoo, Sam drew whiskers on her face, a few pretend scars, a moustache as well as a little sign on her forehead that said 'back in 5 minutes'. Sam didn't know what possessed him to write that, but he did. On Haldir's face, the hobbit drew, with his trusty back marker, a big hairy mole. And another, and another. Soon Haldir's face was nothing by a nose a mouth, two eyes and a collection of hairy moles.
Satisfied, the hobbit went on to draw more various things on every face bar his own, which had not yet been touched by his art, as he called it.
Aragorn groaned and his eyelids flickered open. Luckily for Sam, he had bolted as soon as he heard the ranger moan. Now hiding in the panty, Sam was convinced he was safe. How wrong he was.
There was a series of ear splitting yells as well as a cuss word or two, or three, or one hundred and sixteen, from various people as they awoke and, seeing each other's faces, realised they'd been struck by someone who's mind was bent on pure evil.
Lamoo giggled as she counted the drawn moles and Haldir's face. He was still asleep but those awake were making enough noise to wake a herd of hibernating dolphins! (AN/ yes, I know dolphins don't hibernate. how stupid do you think I am? Wait, don't answer that.) Aragorn screamed when he saw his reflection in the window. Legolas stood up, blushing then remembering to grab his towel. Wrapping it securely round his waist, the elf picked up a spoon and gasped as he looked at his own reflection mirrored on the back of the spoon.
Merry, Pippin and Frodo were all pointing a laughing at one another before each of them realised they were as bad as everyone else.
"What in the name of Lamoo's flying farts happened here!?" bellowed Gimli.
"Isn't it obvious shorty?" replied Legolas dryly.
Gimli rolled his eyes and decided it would be best to ignore the elf, so much for Legolas's good mood that day. "Hobbits? Any ideas? How about you author person?"
Merry, Pippin and Frodo looked at each other and shrugged, as did Lamoo, who was furiously trying to wipe off the 'back in 5 minutes' sign.
"How should I know?" she asked. "By the way, I do have a name."
"Oh?"
Lamoo rolled her eyes and decided to ignore Gimli. He was being a meanie.
"Lauren, LAUREN!!!" she bellowed.
"Lauren?! I thought you were Lamoo," remarked Gandalf.
"Ha!" Pippin broke in, " I knew you didn't know everything!"
Gandalf scowled. "Be quiet," he growled, "I'll make some pasta." the wizard let the threat hang. There was no response from either of the three hobbits standing before him.
"We like pasta," Frodo said. "It's Sam who is scared of it."
"Speaking of the pudgy hobbit, where is he?" Haldir asked,
Everyone looked around and for the first time seemed to notice Sam was not present.
"SAMWISE GAMGEE!!!" bellowed Gandalf, as he along with the others seemed to piece together what had happened. There was a small, frightened squeak from the pantry and everyone stormed into the kitchen.
Legolas was first to the cupboard. Before he threw open the door, ready to murder the hobbit that had played noughts and crosses on his face and given him red eyebrows, the elf grabbed a very sharp knife out of the top drawer. Putting on a smooth, seemingly calm voice, he rapped on the door and spoke. "Sam?" There was another squeak. "It's me, Lego. Not going to hurt you." He said. 'Much' was the thought that bounced around Legolas's mind. "Come out, I've got some chocolate, and Lamoo wants to give you a hug. She loves her whiskers."
"I have whiskers?!" Lamoo cried. She picked up a saucepan and gaped at her reflection on the side.
"Shh," Haldir put his hand over Lamoo's mouth and nodded towards the door.
Lamoo nodded and put down the saucepan. Catching on to Legolas's plan she spoke in the gentlest, kindest voice she could muster. "Sammy? It's Lamoo. Like Legolas said, we've a present for you. It was a wonderful dinner and my whiskers are so beautiful." She said
"But Aragorn's there." Sam replied, his voice muffled from inside the pantry.
"No he's not." Retorted Legolas. "He was being a bad boy, we sent him to his room."
"Hey!" Aragorn remarked.
"Shh!"
"Oh," came the reply from the ranger.
"So, what do you say?" Legolas asked the hobbit.
Sam sighed audibly from inside the cupboard. "Ok,"
Legolas grinned evilly, not for the first time, and careful opened the door. Sam screamed when he saw the elf standing there, his face livid, clutching a chef's knife in one hand and holding Aragorn back with the other. Dropping his calm voice the elf yelled. "HOW DARE YOU COLOUR MY NOSE PURPLE FAT HOBBIT!!!" he roared, brandishing the knife.
The front door suddenly burst open and in came Elrond, Arwen, Galadriel, the twins and surprisingly, Boromir as well as a small blonde personage.
"Alright, break it up!" yelled Elrond over the top of the scuffle.
Legolas and Aragorn as well as Merry all chose to ignore this comment and instead they sprang onto Sam, hoping to main him horribly before killing him.
"I said BREAK IT UP!" roared Elrond again, raising his voice. Nothing happened so Elrond nodded to the twins, Boromir, Galadriel and Arwen. All five of them set about restraining the rabid elf, furious ranger and infuriated hobbit. It took both Elrohir and Elladan to hold Aragorn back, Merry was sat on by the small blonde and Arwen grabbed Legolas by the hair and dragged him down while Galadriel held a hammer ready to knock the elf out if he did anything hasty. Boromir grabbed the elf by his shoulders and forced him onto the floor, even though Legolas put up a huge fight.
"Thankyou," squeaked Sam, stepping out of the pantry and coming to stand behind Elrond.
"No problem." The elf with the eyebrows replied.
"What happened?" asked the small blonde who was sitting on Merry and tickling his feet.
"Sam drew on our faces, he cant deny it!" replied Aragorn, who's legs had been tied together with a skipping rope. Elrohir was forcing the ranger's head onto the bench while his twin held Aragorn's hands behind his back.
"Sam?" Elrond enquired.
"Eep."
"Did you do something?"
"Um, yes." The hobbit replied. "But I'm gonna go now."
Elrond shrugged and let the hobbit retreat to the safety of his bedroom. Once he was sure the hobbit's door was locked from the inside, he gave the signal for Legolas Aragorn and Merry to be released.
Lamoo helped the small blonde off Merry's back and immediately realised who the itsy person was. "Ainsley?"
"Hiya!" Ainsley replied.
"Who's this?" Frodo asked.
"My sister, Frodo, this is Ainsley. Claudie, this is the smelly hobbit I write about all the time." Lamoo replied. "By the way, why did you stop Leggie from killing Sam?"
"Leggie?!"
"Shut up elf." Lamoo said.
Ainsley smiled. "Cos I was playing hopscotch at Rimorob's and he didn't want to leave me alone at his place. Didn't trust me I suppose." She said.
Lamoo nodded. "We should go." She said simply, looking at her watch. "Mum will eat us alive if we're not home soon."
Ainsley nodded and she and Lamoo strode out of the house.
"Thank God!" Boromir said with a sigh of relief. "Was that little midget Lamoo's sister?"
Pippin nodded but shrugged. "I guess."
Boromir frowned. "That's where she gets her evilness and annoying traits from."
"Just a question," Elladan broke in. "who the hell is Rimorob?"
Boromir sighed and shook his head. "Don't worry elf." He said.
"Hey Rimorob," Legolas said, catching on. "I thought you were dead."
Boromir shook his head. "No. You idiots pushed me over the waterfall, after Gimli shot me." He replied.
"Gimli?!"
"Yes, the dwarf. You might be surprised." Boromir replied again with a sigh.
Everyone shrugged and dropped the subject. Suddenly, once he noticed Arwen was not holding his hair in her claw like fingers anymore, Legolas stood up. "Well, you're not moving in here with us." He said bluntly.
Boromir shrugged. "That's no problem. Why would I want to be in the same street as dizzy wizzy, smelly hobbits, a ranger who hates my guts."
"I so do not hate you!"
"Fine, a ranger who doesn't know the meaning of the word bath, a dwarf."
"What's wrong with dwarves?"
"Everything!" replied the Gondorian. "They smell, cant cook, short, did I mention they smell, they're cranky, bitchy at times."
"Humph."
"Not to mention an elf who acts like he has bloody PMS every bloody day!"
Legolas's eyes blazed with anger. "At least I don't carry a dinner plate around everywhere, and I don't have any ugly bumfluff, let alone your legs. Could you imagine what would happen if I had your legs?! Ugh!"
Boromir's eyes narrowed. "The dinner plate as you call it, is a shield, the bum fluff you called my stubble is very manly and I happen to like me legs, as do all my fan girls!"
"You don't have any fan girls! No body likes you!" Legolas retorted.
Pippin decided to add a comment to the conversation. "Lego,"
"What?!"
"You just sounded disturbingly like Gollum."
Legolas sneered at the hobbit who was sent to cower behind Elrond who was still standing in the middle of the kitchen.
Boromir cleared his throat. "I do too have fan girls, too many to same any off the top of my head."
"Yea, whatever."
"Well at least I don't have to shoot wimpy arrows to defend myself, and I don't wear tights, not do I look like a girl!" Boromir said crossly, hoping to make the elf say something smart arsey back at him.
To everyone watching, Legolas seemed to become very dangerous at that particular moment. Lifting his head and raising his eyebrows in a would be calm way, the elf retaliated. "Dear human, may I remind you that it was arrows that supposedly killed you?" Legolas dropped the calm act. "And these are not tights! I do not wear tights! These are Leggings! LEGGINGS!!!" the elf roared.
Merry and Frodo muttered something to each other that sounded remarkably like "no tights, yea, except for his ballet ones."
Legolas, hearing what the hobbits had said, rounded on Merry and Frodo. "You're next." He said in a dangerously low voice.
Both hobbits gulped.
"Legolas," broke in Arwen. " I have an idea."
"Oh?"
"I suggest you go and have a nice soak in the tub and cool down your temper a bit."
"Wrong thing to say." Muttered Aragorn to Gandalf.
"The tub? As in bathtub? I don't think so. Last time I took a bath, that loony authoress person walked in, while I was playing with my duckies!" Legolas cried. "I'm going to bed."
"Good idea." Elrond said, hoping the elf would be somewhat clam by morning.
Arwen and Galadriel escorted Legolas to his room, mainly to make sure he didn't try to bolt and attack Boromir, or kick down Sam's door, but also because this particular male elf was still only wearing a towel. No shirt or anything else really. Aragorn was all right in Arwen's opinion, a bit on the smelly and hairy side. As for Celeborn, Galadriel was almost certain she had never seen him without a shirt on without being drunk. Both females rather enjoyed perving on other males, especially good looking ones. And as far as Legolas was concerned, in the eyes of almost every female he met, he was the meaning of good looking, which was an understatement.
"Um, goodnight." Legolas said, feeling a bit uncomfortable with Arwen's hands on his back and Galadriel's on his shoulder.
"Nightie night." Galadriel replied.
Legolas raised an eyebrow and hurried into his room, breaking free of Arwen and Galadriel. He then slammed the door behind him and pushed his desk in front of it. With a sigh the elf rummaged through his wardrobe for a pair of boxers. Ducking behind the cupboard door, so purvey Lamoo couldn't write about it, Legolas changed.
He then flopped into bed and screamed into his pillow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Uh, Boromir?"
"Mm?"
"We should get going. I don't really want to be here in the morning when Legolas hets up." Elrohir said.
Boromir nodded and followed everyone else out of the house.
"Night,"
"Bye,"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Frodo slipped between the covers and fell asleep, hoping Sam would let them get take away tomorrow night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC
AN/ everyone happy? Long chappie! Sorry it took so long though. As I said before, definitely no updates in the next 2 weeks. If I read and review your stories, no reviews either, sorry. Going on holidays and as far as I now, I can't get access to a computer. Should have lots of fresh ideas when I get back though.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Bye, must go and pack, leaving tomorrow.
Love Lamoo
Oh yea, don't forget to review!
