Whatever happened to us?
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of ER. They belong to WB and NBC. I am just borrowing them for a creative outlet. No money is going to be made off writing this.
Author's Note: This takes place in Season 9. I am writing it to take place after a boy falling Out Of The Sky. (Ep. 9-15) It will probably follow the story line up until the Season Finale or so. I haven't decided yet. So if you have seen up until then there are no big surprises. Anything that happens after Ep. 922 is how I think that things so go, after that doesn't follow the story line. (Well, Season 10's not here yet.) This is what I think should happen or not happen between Carter and Abby after the rooftop proposal.
Part 1: Next to me, next to you
Abby awoke to a familiar sound, Carter snoring. He was sound asleep next to her. He was her pillar of strength now. She couldn't picture her life with out him in it. They had only officially been a couple for a few months now, ever since the smallpox scare, but it was long enough that she wouldn't change anything in the world with him.
Last night was still boggling her mind. She didn't know what to make of it. Carter had taken her to dinner in the restaurant, just the two of them. They had the entire place to themselves but he hadn't said anything to her at all. The part the unnerved her most was when they had gotten home and she was making tea. She had found the ring in his pocket. She wasn't an idiot, she knew that Carter was going to ask her to marry him, but something had happened, something that had made him change his mind. He had asked her on the roof that night after Eric's plane had disappeared, but she thought that he was joking. Something had made him change his mind and she wasn't sure what that could have been. It could have been a number of things. Her drinking, she knew in her heart that had to be the majority of it. She thought back to their conversation at the dinner table. He had talked about people changing. Abby knew that people couldn't change. Maybe she was wrong. She got up and decided to go out for a walk while Carter slept. She wanted to get away for a little while, to clear her head and think. Maybe the fresh, cold air would help bring to her mind what Carter saw wrong with the way things were between them.
She headed out into the bright Chicago day. It was warmer than she thought it would be. Much warmer than it had been last night, and the wind had completely gone away. She strolled down the street walking and thinking. She loved Carter, she knew that he loved her, but yet that wasn't going to be enough for them to make it long term. How could Carter love her? She was always in the middle of some crisis and that is the way that her life would always be. Eric was bipolar and not knowing where he was right now wasn't a surprise, but her life would be on hold until he decided to come back to them, or they got that other phone call. When she looked up she was standing in front of the building where her AA group met. What would a meeting hurt? She had gotten completely sober once before. And it wasn't like her drinking was out of control. She went out a few times with her girlfriends for a night out after a hard day at the ER. There wasn't anything wrong with that, except for the fact that she was an alcoholic. She should have been able to go out with them and not drink. This was something that she needed to do, not just for her, but also for her relationship with Carter. She wanted that to work more than anything in the world, and she was willing to do just about anything to make it work. But she also knew deep inside that she had to be doing this for the right reasons, for her, not for him. She headed into the building and headed into her first AA meeting in a long time.
Carter rolled over and realized that he was in an empty bed. He got up and looked around the apartment, Abby was nowhere to be found. He climbed into the shower and got ready for his shift. He was working the noon to midnight shift at County today. It was like any other day; the only difference was that he hadn't asked Abby to marry him like he had planned. Something just didn't feel right last night. He had set it up like he imagined it should have been like, but the timing was off. There were some things that they needed to work thru together first. Some how he knew that in the end this would work out for them both. He loved her, and he couldn't deny that. She meant the world to him, yet marriage was a commitment that he didn't think she was ready to make to him. Only time would tell what was going to happen between the two of them. He was uncertain of where fate was going to take them.
Carter's jeep was still in the shop, he was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to get it fixed. It needed new brakes but this seemed to be taking forever. He climbed up the stairs to catch the EL. Another day in the ER right now was just what he needed to take his mind off what had happened last night. The distraction would be good for him. As far as he knew Abby didn't know what he was planning on, but didn't do. It wasn't his intention to hurt her, ever.
He climbed off the EL and headed into the ER. It was already starting to fill up. Ever since the other hospital had closed, County was getting more than it's fair share of patients. It seemed that every one knew that if you didn't have health insurance and needed care, County was the place to go. County would take care of anyone. Carter threw his belongings into his locker, grabbed his stethoscope and headed out to take care of Chicago's less fortunate, or those who were less fortunate to land at County.
"Jerry what have we got today?" He asked the desk clerk.
"Today's special Dr. Carter is gastroenteritis." He said laughing.
"Oh that is just the thing I was so looking forward to." Carter said picking up a chart, "have things been this busy all morning or is it just starting to pick up."
"Don't flatter yourself Carter," Dr. Lewis said as she walked up to the desk.
"I wasn't Susan." He said looking at her, "I can't help it if I am one of Chicago's finest."
Carter walked off down the hall with a chart in his hands. Susan followed behind him. She wanted to know how things went last night with Abby. She didn't want to wait until Abby got into the hospital later in the day to ask either. She didn't even know if Abby was working today.
"Carter, wait up." She called out to him.
"I'll talk to you later Susan." He said heading into the exam room. Carter didn't feel like dealing with Susan. She knew that he was going to ask Abby and he didn't want to explain to her why he hadn't either.
Susan wasn't sure why Carter didn't want to stop and talk to her, but she had a feeling in her stomach that it had something to do with last night and the way that things went. Had Abby told him no. Oh well she would get to the bottom of it later, right now they had a waiting room full of patients that needed to be seen.
Carter busied himself taking care of people the rest of the day. There didn't seem to be a lull in the patients all day. It was a light trauma day, and for that he was thankful. He had enough on his mind with out having to worry about fixing someone who was critically ill. The day went by much faster than he thought it would. He looked up at the clock it was 10 minutes until midnight. The day was almost over. He hadn't seen Abby all day today. He thought that she might be working tonight, but she hadn't shown up when the nurses changed shifts at 7. So it was obvious that she wasn't on tonight. He headed into the lounge after handing off what patients he had left in the ER. He was almost happy to be leaving. He thought about going back to Abby's but decided against it tonight. He would go home to his apartment, he needed some time and space to himself.
Carter walked up the stairs to his apartment. It had been quite awhile since he had stayed there overnight. He sat down on the couch and ran his fingers thru his hair. What had happened to change his mind about marrying Abby? He knew in his heart that you couldn't make people change. He loved Abby just the way she was. It was that Abby that he had fallen in love with, not someone else. It had become accustomed to the way things were between them. It wasn't perfect, but that was the way that it was. She needed him. He had promised her that he would be there no matter what. He had even come home early from his vacation because he knew that even though she wouldn't admit it, she needed him. He had spent an entire day working in the ER when he didn't have to be there, just to be there for her. He dealt with Maggie, because he knew Abby couldn't. The talk in the car with Maggie, hadn't told him anything that he didn't already know. It was Abby's life experiences that made her who she was. Just has it been his life experiences that had made him who he was. There was no going back and undoing any of those. Why hadn't he asked her? Something had scared him at the last minute. There was a number of things that Carter could easily blame it on, but he needed to figure out in his own mind what it was that made him put that ring back in his pocket and walk away from the one woman he had a real relationship with. The one woman who didn't care that he came from a family with money. What would he say to her now if she found out that he was planning on asking her but didn't? This was getting more complicated by the minute.
He stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes. He didn't realize that he was tired. But he soon fell asleep. Once again finding himself wondering about Abby and himself 23 hours out of 24 again.
