Part two: Without you, I'm not me
Abby sat looking out the window. It was late and she knew that Carter was off at midnight. She glanced over at the clock. It was 3 am. She wasn't sure what to think. He didn't say anything about not coming over tonight. He was usually always over at her apartment now after work. This had to have something to do with last night. But why wouldn't he have at least called her to let her know that he wouldn't be over tonight. He had to have gone back to his apartment.
Abby walked over to the phone and took it off the cradle. She carried it over to the window where she had been sitting. She held it in her hand, she was thinking about calling him. To find out why he had decided not to come over, to make sure that he was all right. She dialed his number into the phone and sat there not hitting send. Something was telling her inside not to call him. She was going to wait for him to make the next move. She had already taken two large steps today in changing her life to be what she wanted it to be.
She had gone into that AA meeting and after she had done that she went and got the patch. She was going to stop smoking for good this time. The two habits of hers that Carter hated she was changing. But she was determined that she wasn't going to change for him. She was changing herself for her. She wanted this and she needed this. She hadn't been happy with what she saw in the mirror for some time now, and she was going to take the steps to change it positively. She cleared Carter's number out of the phone and called her sponsor instead. She knew that she could call her day or night any time that she needed to and there would always be an ear that was willing to listen to her no matter what she needed to say.
"Hello," a voice said groggily answering the phone.
"Alex, it's Abby."
"Abby" the voice perked up, "is everything alright?"
"Yeah I just needed someone to talk to." Abby said to her.
"You know that I am always here for you as long as you need me." Alex said trying to reassure Abby that she had done the right thing by calling her. "What's on your mind?"
"It's Carter." She said.
Alex knew that Abby needed someone who understood where she was coming from and to support her as much as possible. "What about him Abby?"
"He didn't come over tonight. And I don't know, something is wrong between us and I don't know how…."
"You don't have to fix it Abby." Alex said cutting her off, "you don't have to fix it right now. You have enough that you are trying to fix per se and you don't need to worry about Carter right now."
Earlier in the day Abby had told her all about Carter and what had been going between them.
"I feel like I need to. I don't like the way that this feels." Abby said sounding more relaxed.
"Abby honey it's three in the morning. My advice to you is to sleep on it, see what happens tomorrow you aren't going to be able to do anything about it right now unless you call him and talk to him. Did you do that already?" Alex asked.
"No I have thought about it but I haven't done it yet. I don't know if I can." She said.
"You need to take things one step at a time, and if you're not ready for this step then you don' t have to take it yet Abby."
"I know, thanks Alex."
Alex could tell that Abby was more relaxed now and not as uptight as when she first called. Alex could hear in Abby's voice that she was tired, and needed sleep but this was forefront in her mind right now. "Abby why don't you go and try to get some sleep you can talk to Carter later when you think that you are ready. You're relationship can wait. Why don't you and I go and get some coffee tomorrow and we can talk then go to the AA meeting." Alex asked.
"That sounds good. I think I will go and head to bed. I am kind of tired, good night Alex, thanks." Abby said into the phone.
"Good night Abby." Alex said hanging up the phone.
Abby walked over and put the phone back in the cradle. She wasn't going to call Carter, not tonight at least. She climbed into bed and with in 5 minutes of her head hitting the pillow she was fast asleep.
