Part Four: I Cry At Night

Carter turned and walked away from her, he was frustrated but didn't want to take it out on her. He had almost been on the edge of hitting her. He couldn't do that ever. She was just being herself and that is what he said that he wanted from her, but damn it was all so confusing. This wasn't supposed to be this complicated. It wasn't supposed to be so hard to love someone. He had to work so hard with his relationship, some days he wondered why he fought so hard to stay with Abby. But the answer was always the same, because he loved her. He couldn't deny that.

He didn't want to be demanding of her, yet there was a little voice in his head telling him that he needed more from her. The street needed to go both ways not just one. He knew why she was doing this even if she wasn't going to admit it to him yet. Finding out that he was going to propose but changed his mind thru her into frenzy. Or so he thought to himself. He walked back to the jeep and sat there for a minute. Carter pounded on the steering wheel in frustration. Did he want to go after her; could he let her walk away from him this angry. Did he want to stay this angry with her, or just take here in his arms and try to find a way to make this all go away? He didn't want her mad over this any more than he wanted to be upset about it. But he did need things to change, and maybe the only way that they would change is if he did. Maybe things would look up in the morning.

Carter climbed into bed. He wasn't happy with the way that he had left things with Abby. He didn't like fighting with her and he wasn't happy with all the time that they had spent apart over the last week. He silently admitted to himself that he loved her. He knew he did. Things just weren't the way that they were supposed to be. He needed to figure out how he could fix that. Now if it was just something that he could fix. Nothing was right in his life right now and he had a feeling that it never would be.

He reached over as if to grab the phone. When suddenly he stopped. It didn't feel right to call her this late at night. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do. When he left her, he had told himself that things would look better in the morning. Things always looked different in the light of day. Maybe when he saw Abby at the hospital things would look different and they could start anew once again. Carter laid his head down on the pillow and cried himself to sleep.

Abby had coffee with Alex that night like she had planned. Talking with Alex helped her to see more of the big picture of things. Alex had pointed out to her, how she was always dropping things to go running to her family whenever they needed her, and covering up the bad and trying parts of her life with nicotine and alcohol. No matter how hard she wanted to just be one of the girls it just wasn't going to happen. And it would take time for her to adjust to being the one who had the role of designated driver not one of the drinkers in the group. She might have felt that she had it under control but most of the time she was just telling herself that so she wouldn't feel guilty about going out to the bar the night before. This was just another face of the illness that she was letting prevent her from fully walking away. This time however, she was determined that she was going beat the alcohol.

Abby sat on her windowsill looking out over the city. The night had changed since she had left Carter angry. The clouds had cleared and there was a soft breeze now blowing. Not quite what you would expect for February in Chicago. There were stars in the sky but most of them were faint from the city lights. She wished upon the first one that she saw. And hoped that someday her wish would come true, for she wouldn't share it with anyone.

She just couldn't understand herself, and why she couldn't talk to Carter like she talked to Alex. She was so open and flowing with her feelings, not defensive like she was with him. He was her boyfriend, yet she never let him in on anything that was happening to her. She knew that this needed to change. She was back to the same dilemma, how she could change the way that she interacted with Carter.

Abby climbed into bed. Tomorrow would be another day and then she could figure out how to work on fixing things. Make things right with Carter once again. She didn't like the way that things had been left between the two of them.


Part 5: I can be your Hero

Carter awoke to the sound of a blaring alarm clock. He rolled over and hit the snooze button. It was to early for this and he didn't feel like going to work this morning. He lay in bed for another ten minutes before the alarm buzzed again with it's ominous warning that he was going to be late if he laid there much longer. He walked out and got into the shower. This wasn't how he wanted to start his morning. He looked in the mirror and saw that his eyes were all red and puffy from crying himself to sleep last night. He was miserable with out Abby. He wondered if she was as miserable as he was with out him there. She didn't seem to be to unhappy when he saw her last. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe this was the end for them. More damage had been done to their relationship than what he thought that they could fix. This just wasn't the way that things were supposed to work out. It was supposed to be happy ever after for the two of them not splits Ville. He couldn't get her off his mind no matter what he did. She was there every minute of every day. Yet he couldn't swallow his pride long enough to say that something was wrong and that maybe he was sorry and that they could work on what was wrong with their relationship. He turned on the radio the song that was playing brought tears to his eyes.

"Would you dance, if I asked you to dance, would you run and never look back, would you cry, if you saw me crying, would you save my soul tonight. Would you tremble if I touched your lips, would you laugh please tell me yes." He knew that he needed to apologize to Abby. He needed to find her and set things right, he was wrong and he didn't want to go another day with out her in his life. She was the world to him. He couldn't deny that any longer. He might not have been ready to pop the question, but he was ready and willing to have her wake up beside him every day of the year. He put his clothes on and headed to the ER. He had to work, but he was going to make sure that they had sometime together later. There was nothing more that he wanted right now than to have her in his arms.

Abby walked thru the doors of the ER. She wasn't happy to be at work today. It just seemed like not that long ago she had left and had the fight with Carter. She wanted to be at home under the cover with them pulled up tight up around her head. Not facing the world today would suit her just fine. She punched in on the time clock to start her 8-hour shift. That was the only good thing about not being a doctor. She didn't have to work the long hours. Where they had to stay for at least 12 hours on a good day she could punch out the clock at the same time every day no matter what.

She put her things in her locker and started taking care of patients. She knew that Carter had already been there for a couple of hours. He was scheduled off at four, the same time that she would be getting out there if she had any luck. She still needed to do the nurses schedule for the next month, but she could do that sitting on her couch at home with her feet propped up. She went around helping patients and following doctor's orders all morning long. She was beginning to wish that the day would end soon. It was dragging on more than she wanted it to. Everyone needed something, and they needed it twenty minutes ago. Or so it seemed.

Abby went into the lounge grabbed a cup of coffee and flopped down on the couch. It was nearly time for her to be off. The day had gone by faster than what she thought it had. Carter came into the lounge. He had been watching for Abby to take a break for more than an hour now. He hadn't gotten a chance all morning to talk to her. That's all that had been on his mind. They had a lot of time to make up for that they had missed. He wasn't going to spend another hour with out her.

"Abby, I'm sorry." He said to her, "I've been thinking and all this time that we've been apart, I've been miserable. I don't want it to end this way."

"John, I don't want it to end either. So what are we going to do?" She asked him.

"Start over." He said. "That's where we go from here, we start over. I love you for who you are and I am not going to try to change you Abby."

"That's good to hear John," She said to him. "I can't change for you, but I can change for me."

"I know that. Let's go home." He said to her, he wanted to get her out of here, take her home and just lay there with her next to him for as long as they could.