PART 7: Desperately Wanting

Days went by before Carter saw Abby again. He had given up on calling her. He went thru the motions but that's all that there was. Yet there was nothing more to it than that. He couldn't see going on with her. He had tried to salvage the relationship once and look where it got him. Right back to square one.

"Luka." Carter said cornering him in the hall.

"What is it?" Luka asked him.

"Is it to late for me to go with you?" Carter asked.

"No we are short handed doctors, I'm sure that they could use you. They need all the help that they can get right now." Luka said, "I you sure that you want to go there right now?"

Luka knew that Carter had been thru a lot right now.

"Yeah I want to go." he said, "I've been thinking about this for awhile now. I can't see any reason not to go now."

"If you think you are up to it." Luka said, "just make sure that you are cause you might not like what you see, this isn't going to be an easy trip.'

"I know." He said.

Carter hadn't seen Abby standing just down the hallway.

"There's a chance that we might not come back. There's a lot of heavy fighting there."

"Luka, stop trying to change my mind, you're not going to be able to do it." Carter said.

Abby stood there in shock. He was going to go. After all this time that he said he wouldn't go, now here he was pretty much shutting the door. Two could play this game. Abby went down the hallway to make a phone call.

"Abby who are you talking to?" Luka asked her.

"Making a decision that should have been made awhile ago." She said to him, "when do you leave for the Congo?"

"Tomorrow morning." He said to her, "Why?"

"Just curious to see if we wouldn't be on the same flight." She said.

"You're going to Africa?" Luka was a little surprised. He hadn't expected that response from her.

"Yes I am. What do you think that they only let doctor's help out? You know someone has to be there to help out the doctors and that's where RN's come in handy." She said.

"Abby do you know what you are getting yourself into. This isn't a walk in the park."

"Luka if you and Carter can go then there's no reason why I can't go to." She said.

"This is a war zone Abby. People will be dying left and right. Everything there is primitive. There's nothing what like you have here other than patients." He said to her, "I wish you wouldn't."

"You wish she wouldn't what Luka." Carter said walking up behind them.

"Nothing Carter." Abby said.

"She signed up to go with us Carter. Abby has decided that she wants to travel to Africa to help out." Luka said to him.

"God Abby why did you have to do that. You don't need to be there." He said to her. "That is the last place that you need to be, you could get hurt."

"If the two of you can go then there isn't any reason then that I can't go either." She said.

"I don't want you to go." He said to her, "you don't need to be there."

"Why, because I could get hurt." She said, "Because something could happen to me?"

"Yes of course," Carter said to her. He couldn't' bear the thought of something happening to her, because she had decided to chase him to Africa.

"Did you stop and think that is why I didn't want you to go." She said. "Do you think that I would want you going somewhere where something could happen to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me. Please Abby reconsider."

"No I won't." She said, "you go, then I go."

That had settled it Abby was going with them. As much as Carter didn't want her to go, there was little that he could do about it now.

Part 8: I hope you had the time of your life.

Abby boarded the plane. Carter had been gone for over a week now. She wasn't able to leave when Luka and Carter did, so she would be joining them. She was nervous, but now she knew that if anything was going to happen she would be there. She didn't want to be so far away from him right now. Things weren't good between them. She wasn't sure if this would bring them any closer together or if it would push them further away. The flight was long, and it was late when she finally got there. She stepped out of the truck. What she saw shocked her. She didn't know what to expect, but she didn't expect this. The hospital was no more than a shack of a building.

"Bon Jour Ms. Lockhart," she heard someone talking to her.

"Yes, and you are?" Abby asked.

"I'm Gillian." She said to her, "I help get the nurses oriented her."

"That's nice." Abby said, "by the way please call me Abby everyone else does."

"Glad to have you here Abby. Let me show you around." She said.

"Are Dr. Carter and Kovach here?" Abby asked.

"Who?" Gillian asked?

"Luka and John?" She said.

"Oh," She said smiling, "Luka, no they are not here."

"Where are they?" Abby asked.

"They took a group out to do immunizations. We can't refrigerate them here very well, so when they come in we have to take them out right away. Carter went on a team and he was going to meet up with Luka." She said.

"When will they be back?" She asked.

"They should have been back two days ago." She said, "but don't worry that happens a lot around here. I am sure that they are just are fine."

Gillian took Abby around and got her acquainted with the way that things were going to work. Abby started to settle into the way it was. She just hoped that nothing had happened to either of them. The next two days Abby did nothing but help people. She worked in the triage area-helping sort out everything that came thru the doors. Every night she went to bed tired. But she was hopeful that Carter and Luka would be back soon, safe and sound.

She was standing outside in the dark smoking, when Gillian walked up to her.

"Are you doing okay?" She asked.

"Yeah I'm doing okay." She said, "I'm just worried about them that's all."

"I'm worried about them too but Luka can take care of himself." She said.

A truck came screaming up to where they were standing, "Come on" Gillian said to Abby "It's an emergency vehicle."

Abby watched as Gillian threw open the back door.

"We came under fire. I've got three that have been shot." He said.

She watched as he climbed out. Her heart skipped a beat, until she saw Carter behind him. Abby signed in relief. She took the first one that they pulled out of the truck. She knew that Carter wouldn't be far behind him. At least they were both safe.

She helped to stabilize the patient. Then she turned to look at Carter. He was having trouble getting his patient to level out to wait for surgery. "Abby," Gillian said, "here bag." Abby took the ambi bag from Gillian and started bagging Carter's patient. The lights flickered and then went out. Abby listened as people ran around trying to get the generator going so that they could take care of the critical patients. She never missed a squeeze of the bag.

The managed to keep him alive long enough for the surgeon to finish with the other patients and get to there's. They were almost done when the generator ran out of fuel. "I've lost a pulse." Abby said to them. "He's not breathing."

Carter went into high gear. He almost seemed hell bent on saving this patient. Abby watched as he tried everything that he knew before the surgeon told him to stop. He looked at Gillian.

"Tell them that I am sorry." He said to her.

"They know already." Gillian said.

Abby watched Carter snap his gloves off and walk out of the room. She tried not to worry about him. There wasn't anything that anyone could have done. She walked back to her room; she was tired and needed some sleep. She was about to lie down when Gillian walked in.

"The guys are still up if you want to come and talk." She said as she noticed that Abby was getting ready to go to bed. "We're going to have something to drink, come and join us."

"I can't." Abby said.

"Sure you can." Gillian said. "Come on."

"Okay." Abby said following her into the other room.

She was shocked to see Luka sitting there smoking a cigarette and Carter with one to his lips as well, but what shocked her even more was that Carter had a drink in front of him. She had never seen him drink before. He hadn't drank since he had gotten back from rehab. She wasn't going to say anything. He had probably only done it because he had a rough day.

Abby sat down at the table across from Luka. He handed her a smoke.

"You want this," He asked.

"Yeah," She said.

"It's okay," Carter said to her as he took a long drag off of the one that he had.

"I wasn't asking you for permission Carter." She said.

"That's not what I meant." He said as he watched Gillian put the mostly rum with a splash in front of her. "That's what I mean, I don't care."

He puzzled her. He was acting weird. She just assumed that it was because of everything that they had seen. This wasn't what she expected, but then she didn't know what to expect when she had left Chicago.

"I'm going to bed," Gillian said, "and I hope that someone will be joining me."

"Good night Gillian." Carter said to her, "it won't be me."

"Good night Carter, Abby." Luka said following her into the bedroom.

Abby sat there quietly. She didn't know what to say. It's not like they were on the best speaking terms right now. But the silence was almost nerve wracking between them.

"You don't have to sit here with me." Carter said.

"I haven't seen you in over a week," She said, "but I won't stay here if I'm not wanted."

Abby rose from the table. She wished that she could find a way to fix this. But she didn't know if there was anything that could fix it.

"I didn't mean it like that." He said.

"How did you mean it Carter? I know that this isn't the ideal place, and things are what we are used to, little alone what we thought that we would be seeing." She said to him, "but it doesn't matter anymore does it. I wasn't there when you needed me and now you don't want me around at all."

'That's not totally true Abby." John said to her.

"Tell me what parts not true."

"I do want you around." He said playing with his drink.

"You have an odd way of showing that Carter." She said to him, "I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long day and I'm sure that there's lots that will need to be done."

Abby started to walk away from the table when John grabbed her arm. And kissed her passionately.

"I still love you." He said pulling her closer to him. "I was just hurt and I didn't know how to deal with all the pain Abby. I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." She said, "goodnight."

Abby walked away from Carter and left him standing there beside the table. She wasn't sure why she didn't stay there in his arms where she felt safe, but something told her to walk away from him and give it more time. Not to rush things. He'd come back to her when he was fully ready.