Part Ten: Resutation
Abby tried to pull herself together enough to grab her bag. She had put the epi in there. She always carried epi. She looked at Luka and Gillian who were trying desperately to save his life. Carter had been shot in the arm and the chest. He was bleeding badly. They needed to stop his blood loss before it was too late and Carter bled to death. Abby was next to them now. She was terrified.
"Don't you leave me John Carter?" She yelled at him, "you can't leave Carter, I need you, I love you. Do you hear me Carter. I love you! Damn it Carter don't die!"
Luka took the bag from her. What she had would help. Now if he could just get the bleeding to stop. The amount of blood that Carter had lost worried Luka. He couldn't get him to a trauma center fast enough to save him. Anything that was going to be done to save Carter's life had to be done here and now. At least Luka had both Gillian and Abby to help him. Luka scooped Carter's lifeless body up and headed inside the clinic. There was a trail of bright red blood from where Carter had been shot to the clinic where Luka had laid him down. Abby followed Luka into the small clinic where he began to work on Carter. She was soaked in Carter's blood from where he had fallen on her. She couldn't believe that there was so much.
"Abby are you hurt." Gillian said to her.
"No, I'm not, it's his." Abby said to her looking at Carter. "We have to save him Gillian, you can't let Carter die on me." She said to her.
Abby looked at Luka, the pain in her eyes, she needed him to save him. She had waited so long for him, for them to be together. The thought of him never being there for her again scared her. She needed him more than she ever knew. And here she was faced with the possibility of losing him forever. That was something that she couldn't handle. There was still so much that had been left unsaid between them. She knew that if Carter hadn't jumped on top of her, she would be the one lying there.
Luka could see the pain. He knew that she needed Carter. He didn't know what he would have done if that had been Gillian that they were going to shoot. Carter didn't think twice about jumping in front of Abby to save her life. They were meant to be together. And he was going to make sure that it happened. He was not going to take his best friend home in a body bag.
"Carter, please baby please." Abby said, "fight. Stay here with me. Don't let go."
The bullet had severed an artery in John arm. Every time his heart beat the blood flowed from the wound. Abby tied a tourniquet about where it had gone into his arm to slow the blood loss until Luka would be able to suture it to stop the bleeding. Luka looked all over to find where the rest of the blood was coming from. It was everywhere. There was an entrance wound on the left side of Carter chest. It went in at the 6th intercostals space. There was no exit wound. Luka could not find where the bullet had left Carter's body.
Luka fought with everything that he could. He wanted, he needed, to keep his friend alive, to keep him here with them.
Abby watched as if it was all in slow motion. This couldn't be happening. No not here. Carter couldn't die not now. Abby took his hand in hers.
"I'm here, I'm not leaving with out you Carter." She said, "Please don't leave me."
Abby watched as Carter's chest rose and fell for what would be the last time. Tears flowed from her eyes. "No, no!" She screamed, "Carter you can't leave me. Don't you leave me? I'm not ready yet."
"Abby, I'm sorry." Luka said to her. "He's gone."
"I know." She said falling down on her knees. "I don't want him to be. Luka, he can't be. There was so much that we had left to do."
Abby let the tears flow freely. The pain cut into her like a dull knife. She could feel it ripping and tearing at her, from all sides till she was numb. Her heart had been ripped from her chest. Her mind drifted into the what and ifs. Grief and anger had started to set in. She looked around her, death and destruction was all that surrounded her. People were dying all around her for what, nothing more than the right to own and rule a piece of land. She looked at Luka, "I shouldn't have come. If I hadn't been here, he would have done that." Anger set in, "He shouldn't have done that. I should be the one laying there not him." She cried harder than she thought humanly possible. This wasn't how life was supposed to turn out. It wasn't supposed to be like this at all.
Luka took her in his arms and let her cry. She needed a friend; she needed some to help her. Most of all she needed to go home. This wasn't where she should be anymore.
Epilogue: Out of Africa
Abby had caught the next plane back to Chicago with Luka by her side. She had to take him home, bring him back to Chicago to be with his family. His friends and family needed to be able to say goodbye. She was teary eyed as Susan met them at the gate. Susan took Abby into her arms hugging her. Susan offerent Abby her condolences as she drove them back to Abby's apartment. Abby sat surrounded by the silence of her apartment. There were still some of his belongings scattered around her place.
She picked up his shirt that was sitting in the laundry pile. She hugged the shirt close to her, taking in his scent. She didn't try to hold back the tears anymore. She stretched out on the bed and cried herself to sleep.
The days turned into weeks, each one a little easier than the one before. Nothing was the same anymore. County felt emptier now with out him. Abby had reluctantly returned back to work. The twelve-hour shifts helped to fill the empiness she felt. Some days she missed him more than others. She half expected him to come out of an exam room or to be sitting in the lounge. She would frequently go up and sit on the roof, shed what tears needed to be shed, then go back down to the ER and finish her shift. She was more than eager to cover the shifts that there was no one else to fill spending more and more time at the hospital than at home. Keeping so busy helped in a way to keep her mind from wandering into what might have happened, if she hadn't have gone and gotten on that plane for Africa. That trip had opened her eyes to things that she never couple have imagined and to horrors that she wished she never experienced. It made County appear like a walk in the park.
Since she had gotten back, Abby never once complained about the patient load. She had seen cared for at one time more people in the Congo than she did at County. Juggling eight patients at a time was nothingg for her now.
Even with the horrid conditions there and what she had witnessed there. She found herself wanting to go back. She needed to help more than she had the first time. Her motives for going the first time were at what they should've been. She had only gone because that's where John had gone. She needed to follow him to make things right between them. She hadn't given any thought to the people living there, only that she had asked John not to go because it was dangerous in he had gone anyway. Would he still be alive today if she hadn't gone on the plane?
She caught herself. She couldn't think that way, not now, not ever. The guerrillas had killed him, not her. She was there when it happened and she would've been in Chicago when it happened if she hadn't gotten on that plane.
Abby found herself picking up the phone and calling, like she had done in May. She was going back to Africa. She would continue the work that John had so willingly done it may be in the process bring her some peace.
The plane ride was just as long as she remembered it. Kisangani was hot and humid. This small hospital was still full of people need to be taking care of. The only difference that she could pick up one was that's Carter wasn't there with her this time. She could almost feel Carter there with her.
Abby spent the first day in Africa treating patients in the triage area. She worked with a doctor who spoke French. She picked up a few words here and there as she went through the day. She was so busy with the patients that that the day flew by. As the sun went down Abby walked into the cafeteria for some dinner she said that under the table watching the others around her she was utterly exhausted from the jet lag in being on her feet all day. She finished at dinner and headed to her cabin. As he laid in the in the dark her mind wandered Carter had been gone for six weeks now although It felt like an eternity that she had been without him. She slowly drifted off to sleep the sun came up earlier than what she had wished. She dressed and found a cup of coffee to jump-start her into her day. She had into the triage area where yet another new doctorr was starting.
She could tell they he was unsure of these conditions malaria diphtheria and polio cases were coming in to day. Abby was getting used to seeing beings the diseases that were not seen in developed countries. As much as she wanted to read these people of these irrevocable diseases, there wasn't away. But the kids that she helps during the day gave her a wonderful feeling.
A shipment of vaccines came in late the fourth night Abby was In Africa. She was extremely nervous to go out on the immunization team; she swallowed hard before agreeing on going out. Abby didn't sleep well that night she tossed and turned. But Abby new that she needed to help out with this and face her fear of a repeat of her last immunization run. Carter wasn't with her this time, she was going out with another doctor to give the immunizations sleep finally came to Abby allowing a little reprieve from her long day and short night.
She awoke the next morning, grabbed her coffee and a small bag before heading out to meet the vaccination team they packed up and headed out down thereafter road, Abby to get this site and a change of scenery. Abby watched the people who were moving slowly along the side of the road where refugees fleeing from the relentless civil war. Abby could almost see the pain and fear their eyes, the pain of the loss of husbands, children and homes. She tried her best to keep her pain and fear from her face no one could understand why she though she needed to do this. She was unsure if she could explain it to herself just why she was there in Africa, Sosa after the war In Africa had taken Carter away from her. She was going to do what she had come there to do and nothing was going to stop her this time.
They spent two days of the small clinic, the first day they spent giving out immunization and a second day helping the staff out. The third day they packed up and headed back to Kisangani, the mission was unevenful and successful.
Abby announced that a week in Africa. She had fully adjusted to her new time zone and the jet lag. She had two more weeks left in her time there. The time flew by fast. It felt like she had just gotten there the day before yesterday. On her nineteenth day In Africa Abby started to feel exhausted. She should get off the bed she could. She worked with no problems through the morning, but she was dragging at lunch. She sat down to your lunch and closed her eyes for just a moment and was an hour later by clinic worker said to find her.
She went back to work again for another hour went by as Abby struggle to stay on her feet. She felt her stomach start to turn on her. The doctors she was working with paper and look and she ran out. She found garbage just outside the triage area and emptied her stomach. She was unsure why she thousand sick she went back inside to the triage area, was a doctor she ran out looked at her a moment before speaking, "are you okay?" Dr. McGill asked?
"Yes," Abby said, "I will be just fine."
" Are you sure? Maybe you should go lay down for awhile." Dr. McGill told her.
"No I him find really, lunch didn't agree with me. "
He just nodded and let her go back to helping him with a barrage of patients flooding the hospital triage area. Abby made it through the rest of the day without incident. She had done what to lie down for a while. She was still exhausted but she only had two more days left before she was having home to Chicago.
Abby dreamt of Carter that night. He was standing in front of her, smiling. Abby walked over to him, she could feel his strong arms around her, the sense of his cologne filling her senses. She melted against him, yet he didn't say anything to her. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Carter reached down and wiped the tears from her face before slowly backing away from her.
Abby opened her eyes to the sunlight streaming into the room to let the tears from her own eyes. It was just a dream, a dream that was too real. His smile touched her to the core. They get this morning she had a newfoundd sense of columnists that surrounded her. There was something different aboutt the way she felt that she couldn't put her finger on.
At the start at her last entry harsh. She would be getting on a plane for Chicago in the morning. She enjoyed her time in Kisangani. The was now ready to go back home and settle into her life In Chicago and go on with her life without Carter.
Abby threw up twice during the day. Dr. McGill didn't say anything to her about this. He just gave her time to recover and regroup herself once again come the end of the day Abby was exhausted. She lies down on the bed in Kisangani for the last time. She laid back and closed her eyes as she drifted off to sleep. This time she had made it through her African experience.
Later back In Chicago……….
Abby was once again working in the ER. She still wasn't up to speed, but she attributed this to the emotional roller coaster of the last ten weeks. The turmoil with Carter, the trip to Africa, Carter's death and then going back to Africa alone to finish what she had started.
"Abby, "Susan called again.
"Yes Susan."
"Are you ok?" Susan asked. "You don't look so good."
"Yes, I am fine."
"Abby you're turning green around the edges. You don't need to lie to me."
"I'm a little nauseated, but really I'm fine. "
"Let me look you over and make sure they didn't come home from Africa with some disease. "
"Susan, if I agree to do that do you promise to leave me alone and let me work. "She asked.
"If there's nothing wrong with you then yes I promise."
Abby threw her arms in the air and followed Susan into an exam room, she knew that there was nothing wrong with her other than some lingering jet lat. Susan gave Abby a quick exam not seeing anything out of the ordinary wrong with her. She drew some blood and sent it down to the lab.
"Why don't you lay back down and get a quick nap in while we wait for your labs to come back. If they don't show anything, then you are free to go back to work." Susan said to her.
"I think that you're over reacting Susan, but I won't argue with you."
Susan smiled as she left the room, "I'll be back as soon as I get them."
Abby just nodded as she laid back on the gurney. A short nap wasn't going to hurt.
Susan saw her other patients as she waited for Abby's labs to come back. A half hour passed and Susan still hadn't gotten them back. She decided to give the lab more time when she saw Abby sleep in the exam room.
The blood work came back an hour later. Everything looked good Susan noticed as she started to look down the list. Then there was the answer staring Susan right in the face. Everything made sense now as to why Abby was so tired and she looked so green this morning. Susan walked into Abby's exam room, "Abby."
"Yeah," She said as she opened her eyes hearing Susan's voice.
"I have your lab results." Susan said
"See I told you nothing was wrong."
"Well you're right there, nothing is wrong. Abby you're pregnant."
"Oh," she said softly. She wondered how she had missed the signs herself. She had just attributed the way she had been feeling to jet lag and bad food.
"Are you okay?" Susan asked noticing her friend had gone quiet.
"Yeah I am. It's just going to take some adjusting to."
"Is it John's baby?"
Abby just nodded. "I didn't think that this was going to happen. I didn't think that this was going to be the way things would be. I was so sure that we would work things out and that he would come from Africa and we would go back to the way things were. I knew Africa was dangerous and that's why I didn't want him to go. He went and I followed, why I don't know. But I never expected him not to be on that flight home with me."
Susan hugged her friend tightly. "None of us expected that Abby. Carter loved you very much. And right now I am certain that he is smiling down on you from heaven wishing he could be here now."
Abby wiped a tear from her eye, "I know that he is."
Susan pulled over the sonosite that was sitting on the gurney next to them, "let's check on this little one of yours."
She ran the sonosite over Abby's abdomen, showing her the baby. "I'd say by the look of things that you are about 15 weeks Abby."
"Things have been so hectic lately that I just haven't had time to slow down and listen to what my body has been trying to tell me."
"Everything looks fine Abby, don't beat yourself up." Susan said.
Susan finished and headed out of the room to give Abby some time to adjust to everything that was happening to her. She knew that her friend was both happy and yet sad at the same time. John had wanted children, and he had loved Abby greatly. She was his world, and Susan knew that John was Abby's world as well. And now here she was pregnant with his baby and having to go on alone in the world.
In a few months Abby would have a small piece of John to care for and keep his memory alive forever. Abby sighed. No wonder in her dream in Africa he was smiling at her. He knew that this was happening. He was happy for her. She wouldn't have to go on thru live with out him. She would have their child to comfort, to teach, and to most of all make sure that no matter what, knew what his daddy was like. She said a small silent prayer. That whatever happened in life, that this child would know that John Carter was a wonderful man, doctor and friend, but the most compassionate man she had ever known.
