"We are back and live-"

"And in Australia!!!"

"Um yes Chris and we are in Australia. Anyway our seven contestants are now in the jungle, getting used to their surroundings but little do they know that we are reaching you from just a few minutes away from the camp!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What the hell was that?"

"What? My evil laug-ooooh you mean the snake that just slithered by your foot?"

"SNAKE!? AAAAAAAHHH!"

"Maybe we should cut to the chase, here is what happened in day one. Warning- contains distressing smells"

"Hey…there is no snake…. GRRRR…Chris!!!…"

                                                                     Day 1

Spirits were high in camp today, until everybody found out that, in fact, no alcoholic beverages would be served in camp-not even at nighttime. After finding this out, the mood was pretty low but Irvine tried to cheer matters up by telling a little story about the time he assassinated Edea. Everyone in camp had either heard this story about ten times already or actually watched it happen but they began to listen anyway. Irvine began.

"Did I ever tell you about the time that I assassinated Edea?" There were a few groans and an especially big one from Squall who pointed out that Irvine didn't actually assassinate Edea properly. Then Seifer added that,

"Yeah, you acted like a complete wuss in other words." Irvine ignored this and carried on.

"I knew that I had to shoot her but I just couldn't. I thought about how she had brought me up as a child, it just didn't feel fair. But then I realized that I had to do it. For the good of Dollet, no, for the good of the good of the world! So I shot her, it took all my strength but I did it." Everybody thought that Irvine had been drinking but he swore that he hadn't. Although there was the incident where on the way to the camp, he tripped over a log and then started shouting at it and then every other log that he saw…

Seifer was the first one to brave the toilet or the 'hole in the ground as he called it.' He stole a book from Selphie but once he reached the toilet he realized that it was 'The Princess Diaries.' He frowned when he saw the name of it but started to read it anyway. After Seifer returned he warned every one not to go near the hole in the ground for a while, for health reasons.

Quistis started to act a bit strange. Zell said that he was as bored as hell but then Quistis started to dance. Zell and Selphie joined her. Squall rolled his eyes and said they were embarrassing and then started to talk to Rinoa, and Seifer…he had kind of disappeared.

Quistis then went bright red and yelled.

"I can't take it!" And then ran off to go to the toilet. After she had gone Selphie said.

"Ooooh, that's why she was dancing.

When Quistis returned she was angry she said that the toilet was foul and that she was going to find Seifer. She looked but couldn't find him so just went back to Camp.

We had more luck finding Seifer than Quistis did though. Our cameras found him sitting by the river, contently reading, 'The Princess Diaries.' When Seifer saw the cameras though, he threatened to sue us if we told anybody what he was reading.

When Seifer came back, Quistis immediately confronted him about the smell in the toilet. She said,

"There are six other people in this camp you know! You can't just…" He replied by saying.

"Look you can't do anything about it and I can't do anything about it so just leave it."

In the evening that everybody was sitting around the campfire talking, when suddenly a bag was lowered down from a treetop. Seifer looked up and said,

"Hey look, there's some b*****d in a tree up there!" Rinoa and Selphie ran around screaming and Zell threw twigs at the person in the tree. There was no sound so he threw a stone up there just to make sure. Then there was a scream and a guy fell from a tree in to the camp. He told everyone that he was just lowering food into the camp and that they were all a bunch of ungrateful s**t h***s. Then two cameramen dragged him away. Quistis went up to the bag. It had a note on it, which said,

'Use your elected chef to cook the food.' Everyone looked at each other. They had forgotten to elect a chef. All of a sudden there was a lot of shouting. Evryone in camp seemed to want to be a chef, except for Squall that is. Then, suddenly, Squall began to yell at everyone.

"Look! We're all gonna have to get along so everyone just shut up! I'll be chef!!!"

Dinner was eaten in silence. The only time that anyone spoke was when Irvine said.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I assassinated Edea?"