A Witch's Journal

Part 5: Try, Try Again


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May 22, 2001

Shallow cuts. A lot of them. The dress soaked up most of the blood. Buffy freed her and lowered her to the floor.

"I have something to tell you. Dawn, stay awake."

But she couldn't. Her eyes closed.

"I can't stay, Dawn. You're going to be OK. The others are going to be here soon. But I have to go. I wish you could hear me. I love you."


Time: October 2, 2001

I've had this notebook for a while. Tara gave it to me. I swear I wrote in it before. I guess not.

I found it! I cried like a baby when I held it. Careful not to drop it, of course. It's priceless. It feels so real now. Only a few more things and I'll be able to bring her back. But The Urn of Osiris is the main thing. It was worth everything I had to do to get it.

I wish I could tell the others. But after Joyce they wouldn't understand.

The spell I am going to use is completely different. That thing wasn't Joyce. It hardly even looked like her. I would never risk bringing Buffy back that way. I know what I'm doing.

I just can't risk telling them - they might try to stop me. Especially Giles. He still blames me for what Dawn did. He doesn't say much about it any more but I know he's thinking it.

Poor Dawn. She just couldn't take any more.

This is for Dawn more than anyone - but I have to act fast. She isn't getting better. She had lost so much blood, and then Buffy.

There is always someone with her now. Giles reads to her. Xander and Tara just talk to her. She doesn't answer.

I wish I could tell Dawn, but for months she had those horrible nightmares about that thing that came out of her mother's grave - even if we didn't let her see what we did.


A Steep Decline

October 16, 2001

Giles looked like he might crush the eyeglasses in his hands.

"After Dawn botched the resurrection of her mother... After what we had to do with ...it. She risked the same thing with Buffy," Giles gritted out trying to keep his voice down.

"Look. It's done. It didn't turn out like that. Do you want things the way they were?"

Xander glanced at the doorway making sure no one was there to overhear them.

"This will only get worse. She should have never attempted it alone."

"Did she have a choice? Remember the marauding demon gangs, Dawn nearly catatonic."

"Have you looked at Willow? Have you seen things melt in her hands? Why do you think Tara won't have anything to do with her?"

"It's only the aftereffects. It will pass."

"Is that what she told you?"

Xander didn't answer.


October 23, 2001

I know I wrote in this thing before. But the words just aren't there. I hope it wasn't anything important.

It's so hard to write now. The pencil wants to move on its own. I guess I'll just let it.

I'm going to enchant the notebook. I'm placing it outside of this reality. When I say the magic word, poof, it reappears. Neat, huh. No dinky little diary lock.

I'm sure Giles would disapprove. He acts like magic is poison. He treats me like I'm a criminal. It was me and magic that brought Buffy back to us and he... He'll come around.

Dawn is doing so much better since Buffy came back. She's gaining back the weight she lost. She might even start school in a month or so.

I was so afraid of the way Buffy would react seeing her sister like that. But we just couldn't reach Dawn. Once we told her Buffy was gone, we lost her. She wasn't eating, she wasn't healing. She was sinking into herself, fading away from us.

But I brought Buffy back just in time and she reached her. They're so close now.

Joyce would be so proud of them. It's not right that she isn't here.

No, I'm not going to try and raise the dead. I know that's not the answer in her case.

It's much simpler than that.


A Stitch in Time

February 26, 2001

Xander and Willow sat on either side of Buffy in the hospital hallway. Giles struggled with the vending machine. Tara tried to help and Dawn just watched all set with her bag of chips.

"I can't believe your Mom bumped her head after everything," Xander said shaking his head.

"I know. She seems OK though. And they're running a million tests to make sure her brain is unscrambled."

"That's good."

"Yeah, I had to drag her here though. She was going to blow it off."

"And she was supposed to go out on the date last night," Willow remembered.

"Yeah. I can't find the guy's number or I'd call him."

"I'm sure he'll understand," Willow reassured her.

"Unless he's a robot," Xander joked.

"Oh, the robot girl! I forgot about her."

"I'm sure it will keep."


As Katrina ran for help, April squeezed Warren until he died. She was sad afterward until she ran out of power.


Anywhere but Here

September 25, 2001

Dear Tara, Willow, and Xander,

I'm sure you recognize the Hagia Sophia in the background and that's the two of us at the start of the tour. Dawn said it's a big, scary, red church with teeth. She took lots of pictures. It'll all be on her website soon. I know you keep up with that. But I wanted you to have a real letter and a real photo.

I didn't want you to think I'm cutting you out of Dawn's life. I know you loved Buffy, and Dawn too. But I couldn't let her stay in that place. At first it was just to get her far away. But now I'm showing her things. I want Dawn to see the world. I want her to know what her sister died for.

It's still so hard. We lost something precious, irreplaceable. For a while I felt we were lost too. Then I thought maybe lost things are with other lost things, maybe all lost things go to the same place. We're just looking for that place. I don't think that makes much sense. I guess I feel that Buffy is still a part of the world. She made the world better. She saved it. I have to hold on to that.

I just wanted you all to know that we think of you and hope you are all doing well.

Love,

Joyce


October 9, 2001

We did it! Buffy is alive. We brought her back. Giles is on his way back from England. But we couldn't reach Dawn and her Mom. Buffy is sort of frantic. After she almost lost them both last year, I don't blame her. She is ready to go to Istanbul and track them down from there. That was the last place we heard from them two weeks ago.

But she won't have to go anywhere. It's not a resurrection. It's just a locator spell. Child's play. They'll be so happy when they find out about Buffy.

I want Buffy to have her life back. She still seems lost. She has made a hundred phone calls to find her Mom and Dawn. She only asked about her Dad once. She has given up on him.

There's something Joyce wrote, about lost things. I have this feeling that something is a little off.

I think I'm going to tweak the locator spell a little.


to be continued