Disclaimer: No ownie.

Note: This chapter is NOT FOR CHILDREN. Or anyone else, for that matter. And I didn't name this chapter.

--

"I'm going to kill you, Seto," was the only thought resounding in Jou's mind at the moment. He was walking into the lobby of Ring Corp, on his way to the liaison with Yami. After asking the desk clerk the way to Yami's room, Jou was off.
"Oh, please," Jou thought, "don't let him touch me."
As he stepped into the dark room, he rubbed his eyes. "Uh... Yami?"
"Hello, Akira."
Jou could see Yami's faint silhouette in another doorway. "Your voice... it's, ah... have you hit puberty or something?"
Yami gave a low laugh, actually sounding male, unlike when in the casino.
He lit a couple of candles, allowing Jou to see a bit better-
Not that he wanted to. Yami's new outfit was even worse than the dress. He wore an open bathrobe over a pair of thong underwear.
"Good god!" Jou exclaimed upon seeing the clothes.
Yami tackled him, leaning on Jou's arms and legs. "I'll tell you everything you want to know if you stay here tonight..." He said softly, lowering his head so much their noses were touching.
'Come ON, Jou! Think! What would Kaiba do?' He thought.
*Seto in his head* 'I'd do it, if it meant getting the job done.'
'Argh! Damn Kaiba!'
Yami laughed low in his throat, stealing a kiss from Jou. The blonde's eye twitched.
'So Kaiba would do it, so what. I ain't doin' it. This is wrong on so many levels.'
Yami continued to assault him, while Jou desperately tried to think of a way out.
'Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong... oooh! Idea!'
He managed to fake a grin. "Yami... this is, uh, great and all... but, uh..." His mind was in overdrive.
Yami gave him a questioning look.
"I... ah, I have a fetish for jeans!"
Yami was silent for a moment. "Jeans?"
"Uh, yeah! Nothin' turns me on like a great pair of jeans!"
Yami smiled. "Alright! I'll be right back!" He got up and pranced into a back room.
Disturbed by seeing Yami prance, Jou got up to search the apartment.
"Nothing..." He sighed, leafing through a series of what had looked like important documents.
Time was short, for Yami could return any minute. "If I were a crazy cross dressing guy, where would I hide stuff?"
"Why don't you ask the 'crazy cross dressing guy' and find out?" A voice purred, and someone tackled him from behind.
Jou squeaked in surprise and glanced back at Yami. "Uhh..." His brain failed to function.
"I love it when you're literate," Yami murmured, straddling Jou's hips.
His brain finally clicked. "AAGH! No no no no no!"
"What's wrong? I'm wearing jeans, just like you wanted!"
"Uh... I'm..." He thought of the only possible thing he could say to change the situation somehow. "I'm, uh, a virgin?"
"Oh!" Yami purred, "Well, well..."
'Damnit! That didn't help!' Jou inwardly swore.
"That just makes this all the more fun..." Yami moved in to kiss Jou.
The blonde shoved Yami off of him, more than a bit frightened- and disturbed. He noticed Yami's confused look as the shorter man lifted himself off the floor and he laughed nervously. "Uhm... accident?"
Yami growled and leapt on him again. "You sure?"
"Yes! Very sure!" Jou said, "Just a reflex!"
"Where, pray tell, do you get a reflex like that?"
"Uhm... my wife?"
"We've established that he isn't your wife."
"Oh... yeah..."
"But he tackles you like that?"
"... Yes?"
"Even though you're a virgin?"
"Yes?" Jou meeped.
Yami sighed, kissing him. "If you insist, blondie."
Jou was terrified, to say the least. He really didn't like getting advances from a man he didn't even like. And then, of course, there was the matter of his virginity...
What would Kaiba say? That was too easy. He'd say, "Quit whining and take it like a man!"
Jou couldn't suppress the whimper that rose into his throat.
Yami stroked the side of his face with a finger. "Don't worry... I'll be gentle..."
'That's not what I'm worried about!' Jou thought bitterly.
Yami noticed the expression, and grinned. "You wouldn't be uncomfortable, now would you?"
"Uh, no! Of course not!" Jou stuttered.
"Good..." Yami kissed him, deeper this time, earning a discontent muffle.
Jou untangled himself from Yami. "Uhh... could I use your bathroom?"
"Sure, it's right through that door."
Jou hurried inside, slamming and locking the door behind him. This would buy him a few minutes to figure out what to do.
'Damn! The window's too small!' He inwardly hissed, spitting and rubbing where Yami had kissed him.
"Kaiba... you'll pay for this..." Jou said under his breath, "You will PAY."
There was a loud knock on the door. "Akira! What's taking so long?"
Jou looked at the door incredulously. He had been in the bathroom for what, ten seconds?! "I haven't even got my pants down yet!" he snapped.
"You can take off your pants out here," Yami purred.
"Oh no I can't," Jou muttered.
"Come on, Akira!" Yami called, "If you don't need to go, come back..."
Jou glared daggers at the door. "Yami..."
"Of course, if I'm scaring you... I could change." The last words were spoken as Yami walked into the bathroom, now wearing a shirt.
Jou blinked. "How did you... Wait... I locked that door. How'd you get in?"
"I have l33t lockpicking skillz."
"Crap."
"What was that, /Akira/?" Yami said in a harsh voice, stepping closer.
"I mean, that's interesting..."
Yami smirked slightly. "I've had enough of your nervousness." He produced a whip from god-knows-where and cracked it about an inch away from Jou. The blonde cried out. "Now, Akira, on your knees!"
"What the hell is wrong with you?!"
The whip cracked again and Jou dropped obediently to his knees.
Yami grinned sadistically. "Now... back into the main room..."
"On my knees?!"
"Yes. On your knees. And from now on, no more talking without permission!"
Another crack of the whip got Jou moving.
Yami laughed somewhat maniacally. He produced a leather collar, probably from the same pocket of hammerspace as the whip, and fastened it around Jou's neck.
Degraded and disturbed, Jou awaited the next command in dread.
'I bet Kaiba would /love/ to see this...' He thought, gulping.
"Akira..." Yami said slowly, then leant down, grabbed Jou's hair, and pulled him into a mind-blowing kiss. Though it would have been more mind-blowing if Jou weren't totally freaked by whatever Yami was up to.
"Now get down and lick my boots!"
"But you aren't wearing any-"
"SILENCE!" Yami cracked the whip again. "Lick my feet!"
"Eew..."
The whip came down again and Jou started lapping at Yami's feet like a dog.
"Akira!"
Jou looked up to see a crazed look in Yami's eyes, who leant down and pushed him back, straddling him.
"I'm not one for patience, Akira..."
Jou whimpered as Yami leaned in...

***

Jou was huddled in an armchair, rocking slightly as silent tears ran down his face. "I feel sooo violated."
Yami was cheerily preparing some tea. "So," he started conversationally, "how come you were screaming 'Seto'?"
Jou's eyes went wide. "I didn't!"
"You did."
"You lie!"
"I /never/ lie, Akira." Yami said, grinning.
"... Oh." Jou looked down, curling up even tighter. "I still didn't."
"Your tea's almost ready..."
Jou leaned against the armrest of the chair and felt something poke his leg. He looked down, and there it was: the folder he was looking for was sandwiched between the chair cushion and the armrest.
Making sure Yami wasn't looking, he shoved the folder into the backpack he just happened to have with him (Maybe he got it from hammerspace. ^^; ) and hurried out of the apartment.
"Do you like sugar in your tea?" Upon receiving no answer, Yami peeked out of the kitchenette. "Akira?" But the apartment was empty. "Damnit!"