Hullo again everyone. Sorry bout the time it took to get this up but I had
some troubles with the song again. I've decided to go back to Pony's POV
for this chapter. but there will be others at times too just not now hehe.
Um back yeah this is Holdin On by Saliva. And also if anyone has any songs
they would like to see on here or ideas please leave it in a review or
email thanks! It would be very helpful thanks! But first thanks to:
SodapopC -thanks a lot. Unwell is one of my favourite songs too! Hehe. Um thanks for the great review and keep reading! =D
kimmerkay -lmao yes the agony. Hehe well you're now free from it. Thanks for the review!! =D
CrazeLilDreamer -thank you so much! I'm glad u liked it! Hehe! Hey it's cool to be crazy =D
DallysGirl4Life -hehe thanks for another great review! Keep reading! =D
crazy4nc128 -lmao soda how dare u make someone cry! Lmao thanks a lot man hehe!=D
crazy4nc128 -hehe its okie, no prob. I'm sure u reviewed. Hehe thanks again tho!!! =D
Scarlett7 -hehe thanks a lot! I'm so glad you liked it! Hehe!=D
GirlsDontCri -hehe thanks. Took me long enough to pick it lmao! =D
And as always.I own nothing.
The day's reality around the bend.
Pain and misery my only friend
It's now so bright out. I guess it's still only morning though so it would be. I roll over in my bed thinking over what had happened.
There I was falling, eyes closed prepared for the end. But when I finally stopped falling I realized that it hadn't hurt like I expected it to. I did sorta have the wind knocked out of me though but that's it.
I opened my eyes and noticed I was laying on something white. Maybe I had died on impact and that's why I hadn't felt anything. I thought I was in heaven. But I knew I didn't belong in heaven.
I took a good look around realizing Steve and Soda and Two-bit and I guess some fire fighters had caught me in a sheet or something. Why had they saved me?
I've knew I couldn't be in heaven because I was already in hell.
I raise a toast and I salute the end.
Six feet in the ground is where the living begins.
I wish they hadn't of saved me. I know I won't be able to go on until I've paid my dues. I don't know any other way than to sacrifice my life. But they had stopped me and dragged me back here. And now I'm once again stuck in this world.
After they had gently placed the sheet down Soda immediately jumped on me. Man he was hugging me tightly. For a second I thought maybe he'd strangle me to death but I wasn't that lucky.
Two-bit and Steve and eventually Darry once he got down started making a fuss. And the firefighters, after talking some to Darry finally left.
I came in my room. The rest of the guys followed. I guess I wasn't trusted to be left alone.
I got to get on with living or get the hell on with dying.
Shove a million dollars in my pocket but there ain't no pacifying me.
I can't take this pain anymore. I need to die. But nobody seems to want to let me. So I need to get healthy and start living again. But I can't do that either. I'm stuck on the fence right now. And I must admit I need to get off soon. I don't care on which side.
They've been talking about me for awhile. It's like I'm not even there. So I just keep gazing off into the distance and pretending like I don't hear.
Soda says. "I wish I knew what's wrong with him. I wish he'd at least talk to us."
Steve sighs. "You know I don't mean this harshly. But it's obvious. He's gone nuts."
Soda whispers. "Shh. He's right there."
Steve answers again. "He can't hear what's going on."
Anyone can see, what's happening to me.
My life's out of reach of my arms but I'm holding on.
I've been shutting myself out lately. I know I have. But I couldn't do it any longer. They wanted me to talk. I would. I couldn't guarantee how much but I would. I mean I was forgetting to sound what my voice sounded like.
I let out a small sarcastic laugh. Everyone turned toward me immediately. And I continued without taking my eyes off the wall and without blinking. "I may be crazy but that doesn't mean I'm deaf."
I knew I said it harsh and not joking. But I didn't care anymore.
I'm living in a dream, and no one hears me scream.
I'm breaking at the seams of life but I'm holding on.
In my nightmares I wake up screaming and someone's always there. But lately its like I'm screaming inside. But no one can hear me scream. Frankly if they did I'm not sure if they'd even care. If they cared they would have let me hit the ground.
I'm already dead inside. But yet I still move and breathe like a living person. Why?
Soda approaches me first. "Pon, you're not crazy."
I laugh loudly and harshly causing him to back up.
I've created a world that is devoid of love.
I'm praying to God and up to Heaven above.
My heart and my soul have turned to push and shove.
It's enough to kill me but it's never enough.
Oh but I am crazy Soda. If only you knew.
I'm on my own now. But that's okay. I don't want anybody else. Besides I have the voices in my head. They're the only company I need even if they are unwanted. So go on and think I'm crazy. Because I know its true.
I got to get on with living or get the hell on with dying.
Shove a million dollars in my pocket but there ain't no pacifying me.
Darry gives it a shot. He comes closer to me slowly and places a hand on my shoulder.
"Come on Ponyboy, we care about you and want to help you."
I just laugh harshly and loudly again.
Anyone can see, what's happening to me.
My life's out of reach of my arms but I'm holding on.
When no one says anything I respond completely without emotion. "If you cared about me you would have let me die.""
No one says anything after that. They seem to move to the kitchen. But I know they're still watching me.
I'm glad they're gone. I don't feel like talking anymore. To be honest with you my voice is rather annoying. No wonder I haven't talked in so long. The very sound of it makes me want to drill a hole in the side of my head and fill it with nitrochloric acid.
I'm living in a dream, and no one hears me scream.
I'm breaking at the seams of life but I'm holding on
And then the voices come back. And I finally really listen to them. I've finally figured out who they are.
"You failed like you always do. Can't even kill yourself right. If you were more like me."
"They're right Pony. You failed."
"We're disappointed in you. You better try again."
"You can kill two of your supposed best friends but not yourself."
I stopped realizing the second voice had crossed over. It used to be the voice of reason and hope. Even though it didn't get through as well as the rest most of the time it at least still believed in me. And now I realized who it was.
It was me. I hadn't even realized before it had been so long since I heard my own voice. But now I'm sure. I've even lost total faith in myself.
And the other voices. I don't know how I couldn't have realized it before. The first voice. It belonged to Dally. It was quite evident. I could hear the same tone of recklessness he always had.
And the third voice. It was a mixture of two. Two voices I hadn't heard in awhile but I knew for sure that it was mom and dad. They were disappointed in me.
And the last voice. It was so quiet and unsure. It belonged to Johnny. I sighed out loud.
Even they wanted me dead. So it must be the right thing. They had never come through so clear before.
The second voice, my own continued.
"You failure. You can't do anything right. Just hurry up and get it over with before you kill someone else or ruin another person's life."
I hated that voice. Oh how badly I wanted a drill.
SodapopC -thanks a lot. Unwell is one of my favourite songs too! Hehe. Um thanks for the great review and keep reading! =D
kimmerkay -lmao yes the agony. Hehe well you're now free from it. Thanks for the review!! =D
CrazeLilDreamer -thank you so much! I'm glad u liked it! Hehe! Hey it's cool to be crazy =D
DallysGirl4Life -hehe thanks for another great review! Keep reading! =D
crazy4nc128 -lmao soda how dare u make someone cry! Lmao thanks a lot man hehe!=D
crazy4nc128 -hehe its okie, no prob. I'm sure u reviewed. Hehe thanks again tho!!! =D
Scarlett7 -hehe thanks a lot! I'm so glad you liked it! Hehe!=D
GirlsDontCri -hehe thanks. Took me long enough to pick it lmao! =D
And as always.I own nothing.
The day's reality around the bend.
Pain and misery my only friend
It's now so bright out. I guess it's still only morning though so it would be. I roll over in my bed thinking over what had happened.
There I was falling, eyes closed prepared for the end. But when I finally stopped falling I realized that it hadn't hurt like I expected it to. I did sorta have the wind knocked out of me though but that's it.
I opened my eyes and noticed I was laying on something white. Maybe I had died on impact and that's why I hadn't felt anything. I thought I was in heaven. But I knew I didn't belong in heaven.
I took a good look around realizing Steve and Soda and Two-bit and I guess some fire fighters had caught me in a sheet or something. Why had they saved me?
I've knew I couldn't be in heaven because I was already in hell.
I raise a toast and I salute the end.
Six feet in the ground is where the living begins.
I wish they hadn't of saved me. I know I won't be able to go on until I've paid my dues. I don't know any other way than to sacrifice my life. But they had stopped me and dragged me back here. And now I'm once again stuck in this world.
After they had gently placed the sheet down Soda immediately jumped on me. Man he was hugging me tightly. For a second I thought maybe he'd strangle me to death but I wasn't that lucky.
Two-bit and Steve and eventually Darry once he got down started making a fuss. And the firefighters, after talking some to Darry finally left.
I came in my room. The rest of the guys followed. I guess I wasn't trusted to be left alone.
I got to get on with living or get the hell on with dying.
Shove a million dollars in my pocket but there ain't no pacifying me.
I can't take this pain anymore. I need to die. But nobody seems to want to let me. So I need to get healthy and start living again. But I can't do that either. I'm stuck on the fence right now. And I must admit I need to get off soon. I don't care on which side.
They've been talking about me for awhile. It's like I'm not even there. So I just keep gazing off into the distance and pretending like I don't hear.
Soda says. "I wish I knew what's wrong with him. I wish he'd at least talk to us."
Steve sighs. "You know I don't mean this harshly. But it's obvious. He's gone nuts."
Soda whispers. "Shh. He's right there."
Steve answers again. "He can't hear what's going on."
Anyone can see, what's happening to me.
My life's out of reach of my arms but I'm holding on.
I've been shutting myself out lately. I know I have. But I couldn't do it any longer. They wanted me to talk. I would. I couldn't guarantee how much but I would. I mean I was forgetting to sound what my voice sounded like.
I let out a small sarcastic laugh. Everyone turned toward me immediately. And I continued without taking my eyes off the wall and without blinking. "I may be crazy but that doesn't mean I'm deaf."
I knew I said it harsh and not joking. But I didn't care anymore.
I'm living in a dream, and no one hears me scream.
I'm breaking at the seams of life but I'm holding on.
In my nightmares I wake up screaming and someone's always there. But lately its like I'm screaming inside. But no one can hear me scream. Frankly if they did I'm not sure if they'd even care. If they cared they would have let me hit the ground.
I'm already dead inside. But yet I still move and breathe like a living person. Why?
Soda approaches me first. "Pon, you're not crazy."
I laugh loudly and harshly causing him to back up.
I've created a world that is devoid of love.
I'm praying to God and up to Heaven above.
My heart and my soul have turned to push and shove.
It's enough to kill me but it's never enough.
Oh but I am crazy Soda. If only you knew.
I'm on my own now. But that's okay. I don't want anybody else. Besides I have the voices in my head. They're the only company I need even if they are unwanted. So go on and think I'm crazy. Because I know its true.
I got to get on with living or get the hell on with dying.
Shove a million dollars in my pocket but there ain't no pacifying me.
Darry gives it a shot. He comes closer to me slowly and places a hand on my shoulder.
"Come on Ponyboy, we care about you and want to help you."
I just laugh harshly and loudly again.
Anyone can see, what's happening to me.
My life's out of reach of my arms but I'm holding on.
When no one says anything I respond completely without emotion. "If you cared about me you would have let me die.""
No one says anything after that. They seem to move to the kitchen. But I know they're still watching me.
I'm glad they're gone. I don't feel like talking anymore. To be honest with you my voice is rather annoying. No wonder I haven't talked in so long. The very sound of it makes me want to drill a hole in the side of my head and fill it with nitrochloric acid.
I'm living in a dream, and no one hears me scream.
I'm breaking at the seams of life but I'm holding on
And then the voices come back. And I finally really listen to them. I've finally figured out who they are.
"You failed like you always do. Can't even kill yourself right. If you were more like me."
"They're right Pony. You failed."
"We're disappointed in you. You better try again."
"You can kill two of your supposed best friends but not yourself."
I stopped realizing the second voice had crossed over. It used to be the voice of reason and hope. Even though it didn't get through as well as the rest most of the time it at least still believed in me. And now I realized who it was.
It was me. I hadn't even realized before it had been so long since I heard my own voice. But now I'm sure. I've even lost total faith in myself.
And the other voices. I don't know how I couldn't have realized it before. The first voice. It belonged to Dally. It was quite evident. I could hear the same tone of recklessness he always had.
And the third voice. It was a mixture of two. Two voices I hadn't heard in awhile but I knew for sure that it was mom and dad. They were disappointed in me.
And the last voice. It was so quiet and unsure. It belonged to Johnny. I sighed out loud.
Even they wanted me dead. So it must be the right thing. They had never come through so clear before.
The second voice, my own continued.
"You failure. You can't do anything right. Just hurry up and get it over with before you kill someone else or ruin another person's life."
I hated that voice. Oh how badly I wanted a drill.
