EXT. THE KITCHENS

LEGOLAS wearing an APRON and a CHEF'S HAT. He is teaching the HOUSE-ELVES how to make LEMBAS.

LEGOLAS: ......And that's all there is too it!

RANDOM HOUSE-ELF 2: We house-elves is eternally grateful to sir, for teaching us how to make this wonderful food!

LEGOLAS: Aww, shucks.

Turns out, LEMBAS doesn't sit to well on a HOUSE-ELVE'S STOMACH.

EXT. THE GREAT HALL of HOGWARTS

Our heroes are all gathered for DINNER, where the only thing being served is LEMBAS.

DUMBLEDORE: This is unusual.

DUMBLEDORE gets up to go check the KITCHENS. He returns a moment later.

DUMBLEDORE: Where have all the House-elves gone?

LEGOLAS has a COUGHING FIT.

DUMBLEDORE : .....and where is Madame Pomphrey?

LEGOLAS thinks to himself that she is PROBABLY still tending to the SICK HOUSE-ELVES.

HARRY: I don't know, sir. Has anyone seen Hermione?

ARWEN has a COUGHING FIT.

RON: And where is Professor Snape? This meal is lacking his sarcasm and death glares.

They all continue to eat in SILENCE. After a moment, SNAPE and GALADRIEL show up. SNAPE has LIPSTICK smeared across his FACE. Shortly after this, the meal is OVER, and our heroes DISAPPEAR, probably to throw up what they just ATE.

PART II

EXT. THE THIRD FLOOR CORRIDOR

The GHOST of BORIMERE and NEARLY HEADLESS NICK are comparing BATTLE WOUNDS.

NEARLY HEADLESS NICK: I got hit in the neck with a blunt axe repeatedly, before I died!

BORIMERE: Yeah, well, I got shot by three arrows!

NEARLY HEADLESS NICK: Oh, boo-hoo. Stop your whining!

BORIMERE: Excuse me?

BORIMERE lays the SMACKDOWN on NEARLY HEADLESS NICK. It is FUNNY because they are BOTH ALREADY DEAD.

MEANWHILE, our VILLAINS are having a showdown.

EXT. SOMEWHERE DARK AND SCARY

SARUMAN: I'm more evil than you are!

VOLDEMORTE: Are not!

SARUMAN: Are too!

VOLDEMORTE: Are not!

SARUMAN and VOLDEMORTE both cast the IMPERIUS CURSE on each other at the SAME TIME. SARUMAN TAP-DANCES and VOLDEMORTE does BACK-HANDSPRINGS, until they are both wiped out by the REMAINS of ARWEN'S FLOOD. Her MANIACAL LAUGHTER is still echoing through the TREES.