Chapter Three: Depression...
I still don't feel to great. Feel like SHIT I do, and I'm almost proud of it. How could a person feel WELL after learning that they're one of maybe three survivors of their ENTIRE planet? AND have seen their planets destruction up close and personal, not to mention almost being killed themselves... Ug... what in the HELL have I gotten myself into?--er, what has SOMEONE ELSE gotten me into?! Can't say that it's all MY fault, sure I'm bad luck, but geez, I'm not THAT bad.
"How is she?" I hear Riku ask.
"She's awake... But she won't talk." Comes Courtney's answer. I don't see how I could ever talk again...
"Will she be ok?"
"Yeah, she'll be fine. She gets like this sometimes, definitely when there's a major tradgety. I remember when the Twin Towers fell last year, she was quiet for almost an hour. Give her some time, and she'll bust from that room and curse and yell and carry on, maybe run around a little bit, then she'll be back to her usual self. You'll see."
"I sure hope so, she's really making me worry."
"Me too, Riku. Me too."
Sorry guys, but I think this is a little too BIG for me to just become myself again in about an hours time. I don't think I'll EVER be the same, ever... And... How can she be so GOD DAMN CALM?! Doesn't she REALIZE that it's HER PLANET TOO?! Her home as well? Where HER family lived, where she went to school, where she did EVERYTHING?! ... But I suppose everyone has their own way of dealing with things... I want to cry, but I don't even think I have the energy to cry.
"What about you? How are you doing?" Riku's voice once again sounds through the wooden door in front of me.
"Oh, me? I'm ok, for the time being. I'm not exactly sure if it's all soaked in just yet. But for now, I'll be strong for Katie, so when she gets done with her spell, she can be strong for me as I have my breakdown." ... If I ever come out of it...
"It's getting late, maybe you should get some sleep...?"
"Good idea. Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow." The soft glow of candle light enters my room and spreads it's small warmth against my face. "Hey Katie." She says to me, I want to look up at her, but my eyes just don't want to move, sorry C. "You feeling any better?"
No, not really, but I don't reply.
"Listen, don't worry, we'll get through this together. And Riku told us that we can stay here at his home, Destiny Islands, for as long as we need to."
Wait a sec... HIS HOME?! You mean... he's NOT from Earth?
"I know what you're probably thinking, "Wait a sec... He's not from Earth?" but nope, he's not. He told me everything, he told me how he and two of his friends, Sora and Kairi, wished to leave and go to another world. And eventually they're wish came true, but they were all separated and went they're own ways, and eventually Riku came to our planet and enrolled in our school. So that's how he came to be there. Make any sense?"
Nope.
"I didn't think it did, don't think you do either, I know how you don't usually understand most stuff."
What you callin' me stupid?
"Not to call you stupid, just sometimes you don't get it."
True...
"Well, get some rest chicka, and be back to normal tomorrow, you're making Riku all nervous." She laughs a little, I know she's thinking something, she's ALWAYS thinkin' of somethin'. The small orange glow disappears and I hear the rustle of cloth and soon, I sense that she's asleep. Good.
I'm not too sure exactly how long I had sat there before I heard it, but it couldn't have been to awful long. Just hearing it, makes me want to do the same. I always did have the tendency to do it, but only if I saw someone else do it too. Courtney, was crying, there was no mistaking the muffled sobs and sniffs, and my own throat choked up alittle, but I WILL NOT cry. So, not even she is that strong, but still stronger than me, and I admire that. "I'll be strong for Katie, so when she gets done with her spell, she can be strong for me..." And you had better believe I'll do that. If not just because it's the right thing to do, but because I want to live up to her expectations. And if I wasn't such a putz, I'd go over there right now and comfort her, but what would I say? What would I do? I'm not used to this sort of shit, and in my opinion, the best thing one can do in this situation is to let them cry it out and have them seek your advice later. And maybe by then, I WILL be out of my spell, as to be strong. But... not now. Not now...
I'm only human, and therefor, there's only so much of this that I can take. I have feelings too dammit, believe it or not, and hearing her sob her head off is REALLY GETTING TO ME. I don't think I'll stay any saner if I stay here, I need to leave... Somehow I manage to muster up enough energy to pick my weak as all hell body off of the floor where I sat, and headed for the door. Amazingly enough I find my way to the front door of the small house, considering that I was unconcious when they dragged me through here. The view from the treehouse was actually quite beautiful, too bad I don't care enough right now to enjoy it. And I make my way, clumsily enough over to the ladder and head down it... Ug... don't have the strength to keep myself up... Oops... I let go, look ma! No hands, and I'm fallin' down and-- OUCH, sand really hurts when a person falls about 10 feet down onto it... Sand burn...
No strength, none whatsoever, can't pick myself up, can't call for help, can't even cough to get wind back into my starved lungs. Can't do anything, man I feel helpless laying here on my back lookin' up at the endless pool of stars... The stars from Earth were always very pretty... I remember many a time when I would lay out in the field on a summer night and try to count all of them, or memorize the constillations... All of those times are gone now though, and I think everything that I once was has disappeared with them... What's left of me? An empty shell of a person with pointless thoughts of what life used to be. Is there no future for me? I don't even know if I WANT a future... I just want my PAST back... I want everything to go back to the way it WAS! I wish this had never happened! Who are you kiddin' girl? This is it, the past is the past, the future is the future, and now is now. No amount of wishing will help you. This is it, suck it up, get over it and get ready for the next time, because you know there WILL be a next time.
"This is it... This is life..." I hear myself whisper, I sound like a retard... talking about things that I don't even understand, yet it just makes sense. What else am I supposed to do? I wish my mom was here to comfort me, to give me advice, but just like my past... she's gone. My dad, my grandparents, and my brothers... all gone... A warm tear trickles down my cheek... huh... I thought I had decided not to cry...? Guess I really don't have control over anything, and that's just it.
"RIKU! Katie's GONE!" Comes Courtney's frantic voice. So, she noticed that I left... That was nice of her, you know, to notice. But, C-dawg, you don't need to worry about me, I've figured it all out. If I stay right here for the rest of my life... Just staring up at the stars... And reminice... forever, then I'll eventually die of starvation or dehydration, and then be out of my misery, because I'm too damn chicken to comit suicide.
The candle light in the treehouse lights up the area around me, kinda like I had a halo of orange warm light covering me, waiting to take me, while I wasted away in my own sorrow... or something like that. The door opens up there and out comes Riku... in his boxers... scanning the area frantically for my fleeing figure. Dumb cute guy... Just look down and you'll see the decrepid form of Katie Smyth as she withers away in front of your very eyes. Just look down here, that's all. Just down, down here below the light, here in the darkness where I'm slowly being pulled deeper into depression by invisible strings that make movement impossible for me. But, what can I do?
"Nothing, absolutely nothing." I whisper.
He does though, eventually look down, and the look in his sea-green eyes when he catches my brown ones almost made me want to scream for him, when his throat seemed choaked up. I could see his fright, why was he so scared for me? Did he really care that much?
"Oh my god, Katie!" He yells after a minute or so of inicial shock, and he practically threw himself down the ladder. Careful Riku, fallin' from up there hurts like a bitch, I should know, I just did it. And now my body is numb and the bitter taste of blood is playing with my taste-buds, it's not really all that pleasant.
Oh, no, she's not moving... Oh please god, don't let her be dead...!
Not moving, but regretably alive I'm afraid. Once climbing down the ladder he yells for Courtney and she flys from the house and is climbing down the ladder as Riku checks any wounds that I might have. Not too many physically, I don't believe, but my will to live is just about shot. Can't fix that too easily though.
"Will she be ok?!" Courtney's voice was hoarse from cryin'... she'll have a sore throat in the morning.
"I don't know, but we need to get her into the house." Slowly he lifts me up... grrr... have I ever mentioned how I HATE being picked up? Yeah, ok, if I happen to make it through, someone remind me to kick the livin' shit out of him. However the sudden movement makes the blood rush to my head, great I'm going to pass--darkness...
I still don't feel to great. Feel like SHIT I do, and I'm almost proud of it. How could a person feel WELL after learning that they're one of maybe three survivors of their ENTIRE planet? AND have seen their planets destruction up close and personal, not to mention almost being killed themselves... Ug... what in the HELL have I gotten myself into?--er, what has SOMEONE ELSE gotten me into?! Can't say that it's all MY fault, sure I'm bad luck, but geez, I'm not THAT bad.
"How is she?" I hear Riku ask.
"She's awake... But she won't talk." Comes Courtney's answer. I don't see how I could ever talk again...
"Will she be ok?"
"Yeah, she'll be fine. She gets like this sometimes, definitely when there's a major tradgety. I remember when the Twin Towers fell last year, she was quiet for almost an hour. Give her some time, and she'll bust from that room and curse and yell and carry on, maybe run around a little bit, then she'll be back to her usual self. You'll see."
"I sure hope so, she's really making me worry."
"Me too, Riku. Me too."
Sorry guys, but I think this is a little too BIG for me to just become myself again in about an hours time. I don't think I'll EVER be the same, ever... And... How can she be so GOD DAMN CALM?! Doesn't she REALIZE that it's HER PLANET TOO?! Her home as well? Where HER family lived, where she went to school, where she did EVERYTHING?! ... But I suppose everyone has their own way of dealing with things... I want to cry, but I don't even think I have the energy to cry.
"What about you? How are you doing?" Riku's voice once again sounds through the wooden door in front of me.
"Oh, me? I'm ok, for the time being. I'm not exactly sure if it's all soaked in just yet. But for now, I'll be strong for Katie, so when she gets done with her spell, she can be strong for me as I have my breakdown." ... If I ever come out of it...
"It's getting late, maybe you should get some sleep...?"
"Good idea. Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow." The soft glow of candle light enters my room and spreads it's small warmth against my face. "Hey Katie." She says to me, I want to look up at her, but my eyes just don't want to move, sorry C. "You feeling any better?"
No, not really, but I don't reply.
"Listen, don't worry, we'll get through this together. And Riku told us that we can stay here at his home, Destiny Islands, for as long as we need to."
Wait a sec... HIS HOME?! You mean... he's NOT from Earth?
"I know what you're probably thinking, "Wait a sec... He's not from Earth?" but nope, he's not. He told me everything, he told me how he and two of his friends, Sora and Kairi, wished to leave and go to another world. And eventually they're wish came true, but they were all separated and went they're own ways, and eventually Riku came to our planet and enrolled in our school. So that's how he came to be there. Make any sense?"
Nope.
"I didn't think it did, don't think you do either, I know how you don't usually understand most stuff."
What you callin' me stupid?
"Not to call you stupid, just sometimes you don't get it."
True...
"Well, get some rest chicka, and be back to normal tomorrow, you're making Riku all nervous." She laughs a little, I know she's thinking something, she's ALWAYS thinkin' of somethin'. The small orange glow disappears and I hear the rustle of cloth and soon, I sense that she's asleep. Good.
I'm not too sure exactly how long I had sat there before I heard it, but it couldn't have been to awful long. Just hearing it, makes me want to do the same. I always did have the tendency to do it, but only if I saw someone else do it too. Courtney, was crying, there was no mistaking the muffled sobs and sniffs, and my own throat choked up alittle, but I WILL NOT cry. So, not even she is that strong, but still stronger than me, and I admire that. "I'll be strong for Katie, so when she gets done with her spell, she can be strong for me..." And you had better believe I'll do that. If not just because it's the right thing to do, but because I want to live up to her expectations. And if I wasn't such a putz, I'd go over there right now and comfort her, but what would I say? What would I do? I'm not used to this sort of shit, and in my opinion, the best thing one can do in this situation is to let them cry it out and have them seek your advice later. And maybe by then, I WILL be out of my spell, as to be strong. But... not now. Not now...
I'm only human, and therefor, there's only so much of this that I can take. I have feelings too dammit, believe it or not, and hearing her sob her head off is REALLY GETTING TO ME. I don't think I'll stay any saner if I stay here, I need to leave... Somehow I manage to muster up enough energy to pick my weak as all hell body off of the floor where I sat, and headed for the door. Amazingly enough I find my way to the front door of the small house, considering that I was unconcious when they dragged me through here. The view from the treehouse was actually quite beautiful, too bad I don't care enough right now to enjoy it. And I make my way, clumsily enough over to the ladder and head down it... Ug... don't have the strength to keep myself up... Oops... I let go, look ma! No hands, and I'm fallin' down and-- OUCH, sand really hurts when a person falls about 10 feet down onto it... Sand burn...
No strength, none whatsoever, can't pick myself up, can't call for help, can't even cough to get wind back into my starved lungs. Can't do anything, man I feel helpless laying here on my back lookin' up at the endless pool of stars... The stars from Earth were always very pretty... I remember many a time when I would lay out in the field on a summer night and try to count all of them, or memorize the constillations... All of those times are gone now though, and I think everything that I once was has disappeared with them... What's left of me? An empty shell of a person with pointless thoughts of what life used to be. Is there no future for me? I don't even know if I WANT a future... I just want my PAST back... I want everything to go back to the way it WAS! I wish this had never happened! Who are you kiddin' girl? This is it, the past is the past, the future is the future, and now is now. No amount of wishing will help you. This is it, suck it up, get over it and get ready for the next time, because you know there WILL be a next time.
"This is it... This is life..." I hear myself whisper, I sound like a retard... talking about things that I don't even understand, yet it just makes sense. What else am I supposed to do? I wish my mom was here to comfort me, to give me advice, but just like my past... she's gone. My dad, my grandparents, and my brothers... all gone... A warm tear trickles down my cheek... huh... I thought I had decided not to cry...? Guess I really don't have control over anything, and that's just it.
"RIKU! Katie's GONE!" Comes Courtney's frantic voice. So, she noticed that I left... That was nice of her, you know, to notice. But, C-dawg, you don't need to worry about me, I've figured it all out. If I stay right here for the rest of my life... Just staring up at the stars... And reminice... forever, then I'll eventually die of starvation or dehydration, and then be out of my misery, because I'm too damn chicken to comit suicide.
The candle light in the treehouse lights up the area around me, kinda like I had a halo of orange warm light covering me, waiting to take me, while I wasted away in my own sorrow... or something like that. The door opens up there and out comes Riku... in his boxers... scanning the area frantically for my fleeing figure. Dumb cute guy... Just look down and you'll see the decrepid form of Katie Smyth as she withers away in front of your very eyes. Just look down here, that's all. Just down, down here below the light, here in the darkness where I'm slowly being pulled deeper into depression by invisible strings that make movement impossible for me. But, what can I do?
"Nothing, absolutely nothing." I whisper.
He does though, eventually look down, and the look in his sea-green eyes when he catches my brown ones almost made me want to scream for him, when his throat seemed choaked up. I could see his fright, why was he so scared for me? Did he really care that much?
"Oh my god, Katie!" He yells after a minute or so of inicial shock, and he practically threw himself down the ladder. Careful Riku, fallin' from up there hurts like a bitch, I should know, I just did it. And now my body is numb and the bitter taste of blood is playing with my taste-buds, it's not really all that pleasant.
Oh, no, she's not moving... Oh please god, don't let her be dead...!
Not moving, but regretably alive I'm afraid. Once climbing down the ladder he yells for Courtney and she flys from the house and is climbing down the ladder as Riku checks any wounds that I might have. Not too many physically, I don't believe, but my will to live is just about shot. Can't fix that too easily though.
"Will she be ok?!" Courtney's voice was hoarse from cryin'... she'll have a sore throat in the morning.
"I don't know, but we need to get her into the house." Slowly he lifts me up... grrr... have I ever mentioned how I HATE being picked up? Yeah, ok, if I happen to make it through, someone remind me to kick the livin' shit out of him. However the sudden movement makes the blood rush to my head, great I'm going to pass--darkness...
