DILIGENTLY DOUBTFUL

by cat

Disclaimers: over and over again, no one is reading, but still:

guess whom JAG belongs to? This time it's someone completely different

(no, not true, it's still DPB, NBC and CBS, which is a pity, because if

I would own them, I'd have Harm a twinbrother, who would get Mac,

to be nice to all the Harm/Mac shippers out there and Harm would finally

get his Meg back.)

summary: Meg listens to a song in the radio on her way home from work.

The songs are "Bathwater" and "Simple Kind Of Life" - No Doubt.

The title is a quote from that song and everything in this story is used

without permission and for entertainment only, now enjoy

Note: contains a little bad language

Diligently Doubtful

Another day at JAG has come to an end and I'm on my way back home again.

Each day it is getting harder for me to work with you because I can

feel the growing attraction between us. I'm trying hard to pretend it is

just some flirtation, but the way we look at each other makes it hard to

believe that. Today it had happened again. You were staring at me as if

you were undressing me in your thoughts. But I don't mind at all

because I want my fantasies about you just standing up from your desk,

walking up to me, emptying my own desk in a quick movement that is

sending everything to the ground, then laying me down on my empty desk

and fucking me hard to come true so badly. But nothing ever happens. And

what would happen if? What if we were a couple?

I want to abandon these thoughts, so I turn on the radio. The song that

sounds up is "Bathwater" from the new No Doubt album "Return of Saturn".

I tapp my fingers on the stearing wheel with the rhythm of the song.

~ You and your museum of lovers

The precious collection you've housed in your covers

My simpleness threatened by my own admission ~

Great, just great, that makes me think about Harm even more. A museum of

lovers, I bet he has something like that as well. A big one, I bet. The

latest additons Allison Krennik and Maria Elena Carmelita Moreno

Gutierrez.

~ And the bags are much too heavy

In my insecure condition

My pregnant mind is fat full with envy again ~

I know exactly that I have fallen for you and that if you ever decide,

that you could have some fun with me, I'd give in. But for now I'm

jealous. Yeah, the song is right, my mind is full with envy. I envy all

those babes, who get to have their fun with you.

~ But I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Love to think that you couldn't love another

I can't help it...you're my kind of man ~

And here I go again, back to my fantasies. Not the sexuals this time,

but those about you and me as the perfect couple. The two of us for

ever. The dream of marrying you. I want that so bad, but still, it's

never going to happen, all I have are my dreams.

~ Wanted and adored by attractive women

Bountiful selection at your discretion

I know I'm diving into my own destruction ~

That's also true. I notice all the glances and glimpses. You get them

everywhere. But I can understand all these women who adore you from the

first moment on so good. It hasn't been different with me. I saw you and

you had my heart, now you're not giving it back again. I don't even want

you to, though I know it's my destruction. You'll never be able to give

me what I'm looking for, just because you don't love me as I love you.

I know that sooner or later you're going to break my heart.

~ So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?

I don't fit in so why do you want me?

And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying ~

I know that you want me too, I can tell it from the way you're looking

at me. But why? I'm not at all the type of girl your dating usually. And

the taming thing: well, I do try to tame you and sometimes I think it

works. Like last week when you wanted to go on one of your lunch breaks

and leave me alone with all the paperwork again. But I asked you to stay

and help me and you did. I was so proud then. But then a couple of days

ago, you went again. But I'll keep on trying Mister Rabb.

~ 'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater

Love to think that you couldn't love another

I'm on your list with all your other women

But I still love to wash in your old bathwater

You make me feel like I couldn't love another

I can't help it...you're my kind of man ~

That would be too wonderful to be true, if I was the one you'd love.

Just me, Meg Austin and no one else. But my name is just another one in

your little black book. I wonder how many other cities you have already.

This is so sad because I know that if I can't have you, I'll never be

able to really be happy. I could settle for the second best, but still,

it wouldn't be you. It's not that I don't have enough opportunities,

but all I want is you. If I can't have you, I don't want nobody else.

~ Why do the good girls always want the bad boys? ~

Am I a good girl? Are you a bad boy? Well, I bet many people would say

so. I'm just the little stupid blonde and naive Meg Austin, who has

fallen for her naughty partner, who is dating every single skirt

around. But is that true? Well at least I'm not at all that innocent as

I appear and I know that you know that.

~ So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles

Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble

Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions ~

Kisses and cuddles? I'd love to kiss and cuddle you. Well, I kissed ya

once, but that doesn't really count. It was right after your promotion.

You smiled at me pretty surprised afterwards. I bet you hadn't expected

this, but was it only the promotion or maybe also the kiss? Promotion,

that brings me back to the fact that we can never really be a couple

even if we wanted to. The biggest of all the contradictions that make me

choke. I love you, and I want you, but on the other hand there are our

careers and the Navy with all the regulations. I accepted that a long

time ago. But now I wish they would just allow us to follow our

instincts.

~ 'Cause I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Love to think that you couldn't love another

Share a toothbrush...you're my kind of man

I still love to wash in your old bathwater

Make me feel like I couldn't love another

I can't help it...you're my kind of man ~

Yes you are. You are my kind of man. You're even a little bit like my

daddy. I bet he'd like you. Man, I'm so in love with you. Help me, what

shall I do? I can't help it, you're my kind of man. Exactly. I can't

control my feelings. I know I have to listen to my mind, but I want to

listen to my heart. I didn't exactly choose to fall in you. Or did I?

Are we in control about that? Or is it just fate? Or maybe even just

coincidence? You were around, so oops, I fell in love with you? How

could that happen?

~ No I can't help myself

I can't help myself

I still love to wash in your old bathwater ~

You know what? If I could, I'd even do that. My cloths would smell like

you and I'd never wear anything else again. I pull up in front of my

house. I'm home again, so what do I do now? The usual: drink enough to

fall asleep and dream about you and me, every day together, always. Will

my fantasys ever come true? My life is in your hands, you just don't

know it yet. Another song from the new No Doubt album comes to my mind.

~ And all I wanted was the simple things,

A simple kind of life

And all I needed was a simple man

So I could be a wife ~

Again Gwen Stefani is exactly verbalizing my feelings. I don't exactly

remember the whole song, but I know, that it fits again in the passages

that I do remember.

~ I always thought I'd be a mom

Sometimes I wish for a mistake

The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get

You seem like you'd be a good dad ~

Yes, I want to have kids. But only with you. Imagine what a family we

would be. You'd be the best dad a kid could dream about. I had this plan

once. Oh, yeah, one of my stupid ideas, make you drunk and seduce you.

I'd do that over and over again until I'd get pregnant. At least I'd

have a small part of what I want. Our baby, wouldn't that be wonderful?

~ Now all the simple things are simply too complicated for my life

How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?

A selfish kind of life

When all I ever wanted was the simple things

A simple kind of life ~

Yes, what is so easy for others is so complicated for us. Others would

just meet, feel attracted and act on this attraction. They'd live for

what would come out of it. But we? We are hindered by Navy regs. That

makes the simple things complicated, doesn't it?

Yes, my dreams have become selfish. I don't care what anybody else says

anymore. I want you, no matter what. But I know that it is selfish and

not to realize.

All I ever wanted was the simple life I've seen on TV, that what most of

my friends had, but what I never knew because my mom never had it.

It's starting to rain, I stay in my car and start to cry.

THE END

Ok all, this was the first time that I wrote something in a pov style. I

hope you like it, so please send me feedback and let me know, what you

think.

thanx