Several years pass, and we get a glimpse of the lives of hobbits in the Shire.
Shire Hobbits:
At the end of the day you're another day older
And that's all you can say for the life of hobbits
Tend the farm or see the pub -
And there's certainly no one complaining!
One more day gossiping 'bout – worst is a snub.
Another day to be living.
At the end of the day you're another day bolder
And the shirt on your back is green or its brown
And the mortals hurry past
They don't hear the wise hobbits crying:
"Take some off to relax and settle down!
Little reason for sighing!"
At the end of the day there's another day dawning
And the sun in the morning is waiting to rise
As the sheep play in the field
And the cute little hobbits get cuter
On the table, a warm meal
And our parents are also our tutors and
We're all a pastoral display
At the end of the day!
Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin, in town for Bilbo's birthday party, gather at the Green Dragon for a pint.
Frodo:
At the end of the day I did nothing with nothing
Sitting flat on my butt reading under a tree
Sam:
The old Gaffer's back at home
And he spouts every old country cliché
Pippin:
And we're now here at the pub
Singing in glee!
Hobbits:
And we're counting our blessings!
Random Hobbit Gossip #1:
Have you heard the latest gossip about Bilbo today?
About the wealth hidden away in Bag End?
Hobbit Gossiper #2:
Lucky for Frodo he didn't stay
Hobbit Gossiper #3:
Take a look at his wealth – we hope that he'll spend!
Hobbit Gossiper #4:
And Frodo, he never knows
That we hobbits all think him quite cracked
Hobbit Gossiper #5:
If Frodo doesn't look out, watch how he goes -
A quest he'll attract!
Workers:
At the end of the day it's another day over
With enough in your pocket to last for a week
Pay the landlord, pay the pub
Keep on giggling as long as you're able
Keep on drinking till you drop
Or go back to dancing on the table
You've got to enjoy your way
At the end of the day!
Gandalf, wondering about Bilbo's Ring, goes to the Gondorian libraries to read more about the One Ring.
Gandalf:
(Grabbing a piece of parchment from the stack)
And what have we here, among innocent letters?
Come on Isildur, let's have all the news!
Ooh... "That evil Sauron has killed off my daddy...
Now I've killed off him...
And his Ring I will not lose!"
We transition back and watch Isildur and Elrond at the Cracks of Doom.
Elrond:
Put that Ring in the fire
It is not for your keeping!
With your brother at home
And a kingdom to rule!
There is nobody here
Who can swear before God
He can handle the Ring -
It is just that evil and cruel.
Elrond begins to walk away, but notices that Isildur hasn't thrown the Ring in the fire yet.
Will someone tear these two apart?
What is this doubting all about?
This is a volcano, not an auction!
Now come on Isildur, put it down
I am a soldier of Gil-Galad
I am an Elf-lord of renown.
I look to you to throw this out
And do it swiftly as you can-
Isildur:
Now I think its time I ran!
Gandalf:
(Looking over the parchments more)
At the end of the day
He's the one who began it
There was a Ring that he put
Around his neck.
There's a Ring that could destroy
You can guess how he bit the dust
You can bet the Ring was still
In the River…
And its boss wasn't dead yet!
Gandalf reads further into the document.
Isildur:
Yes it's true there's a Ring
And the Ring is my Precious
And it appears to be nothing but
Simple and gold.
Except when it's put to a flame
Then the Elvish words came
Yet it's not hot to hold.
Gandalf:
At the end of the day
It'll be nothing but trouble
And there's trouble for all
When there's trouble from one!
While they're earning their daily bread
The hobbits live in mortal danger
He must take the Ring away
Or they're going to meet a powerful stranger
And it's all who'll have to pay
At the end of the day!
I might have known the Ring still lived
I might have known the Ring was his
I might have guessed that little secret
Ah, yes, Bilbo's magical Ring
Heaven knows what evil it will bring -
It is the cause I had no doubt
Of any trouble hereabout
He said he found it in the light
But it will kill us all by night.
I must get back to Frodo
As quick as I can
It'll be nothing but trouble again and again
I must warn him today!
(to his horse, upon setting out for the Shire)
Right my girl. On your way!
The One Ring, realizing that it is on its way to imminent doom and destruction (as well as realizing that the story will soon become plot heavy, and the Ring will not be given many opportunities to sing), sings a tragic song...
The One Ring:
There was a time when I seemed kind
When my voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when I could blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that power would never die
I dreamed the carnage I'd be giving
Then I was young and unafraid
And lives were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
But that wizard came at night
With his tale soft as thunder
As he tore my hope apart
And he turned my dream to shame
I slept a summer by Sauron's side
We filled their days with endless horror
Isildur took my Dark Lord in his stride
And he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.
The Nazgûl begin their hunt for Frodo and the Ring
Nazgûl #1: I smell hobbits
Smell 'em in the air
Think I'll stab the stuffing
Out of that mattress over there
Nazgûl #2: Lovely hobbits
Soon their untimely deaths occur.
Seven thousand years
Can make you hungry for murder
Nazgûl #3:
Even undead need some massacre!
Nazgûl:
Tracking Nazgûl
Waiting for a bite
Scaring little children
Since we only come at night
Shrieking Nazgûl
Ready for the call
Mortal men or Elvish Kings
Or any creep at all
Quick and cheap – we're kings of the maul!
Gandalf:
(to Frodo)
Come here, my dear
Let's see this trinket you bear
This Ring of Power...
Frodo:
Gandalf, I'll give it to you...
Gandalf:
Get it out of here!
Frodo:
Gandalf, what's got into you?
Gandalf:
I'll let you know: You're got the Ring of Power. You must destroy.
Frodo:
What do I do?
Gandalf:
Go to Mount Doom.
Frodo:
Please take it yourself.
Gandalf:
I really can't.
Frodo, just try to stay alive!
Gandalf runs off to talk with Saruman. Frodo gears up and prepares to head out with the Ring.
Nazgûl:
Hunting Nazgûl
Waiting in the dark
Ready for a thick one
Or a quick one in the park
Nazgûl #1:
Long death, short death
Any death, my dear -
This is all that we do,
If we want to take all year!
All:
If you like to murder, think Nazgûl for a career!
Nazgûl #1
God, I'm weary!
Sick enough to drop.
Belly burns like fire -
Will the killing ever stop?
The Witch-King:
Cheer up, Nazz-ie.
Show a frightful face.
Plenty more cursed undead if you can't keep up the pace!
Nazgûl #1
Only joking – Nazz-ie knows his place...
Pippin and Merry are wandering Farmer Maggot's land, checking out his crops.
Pippin:
What nice mushrooms!
What sweet corn and lettuce blooms
What luck we've got. They'll make a wonderful stew.
I'll take the lot
While running away from Farmer Maggot's dogs, Merry and Pippin bump into Frodo.
Sam:
Don't touch him! Leave him alone!
Merry:
Let's stick real close.
That rider was looking for you -
Just think of that!
Frodo:
I need some friends.
Pippin:
Hey, wot was that?
Frodo:
What can I do? I need some friends -
They'll keep me from my untimely end!
Nazgûl #3:
Frightful Nazgûl!
Fastest on the street
Caught the Ring-scent in three minutes
And was back up on his feet
Nazgûl #1:
Join the Nazgûls!
Live a life of dread!
Doesn't take a lot of savvy
Just to be undead
Come on, Nazz-ies
What's a Nazgûl for?
Frodo, Merry, and Pippin arrive at Bree, and question Butterbur as to the identity of the strange man in the corner staring at them.
Frodo: Give me the dirt, who's that bit over there?
Butterbur: A 'Ranger' called – he's got one frightful glare.
I've got a hunch – he's with the bad guys
Frodo: You never know -
Could be a King in disguise
Come on, Strider, come along and join us!
Come on, Strider!
Frodo trips while singing, and accidentally puts on the Ring. While under its spell, the Ring sings to him…
The Ring:
Come on Frodo, why all the fuss?
You're no grander than the rest of us
Life has dropped you at the bottom of the heap
Join your brothers
The Witch-King
Serve Sauron in your sleep!
As the Nazgûl sneak into the room disguised to look like the hobbits' room –
The Ring:
That's right Frodo, let them have the lot
Aragorn:
(From his room)
That's right Frodo, show them where you're not!
Nazgûl:
Old men, young men, kill 'em as they come
Harbor rats and alley cats and every kind of scum
Poor men, rich men, leaders of the land
See them with their heads cut off
They're never quite as grand
All it takes is a cursed Ring in your hand!
Freaky Nazgûl
Going for a song
Got a lot of critics
But they never last for long
Aragorn:
Come on, Witch-King,
You ain't the only one with a crown.
Don't it make a change
To have an enemy not back down?
Easy targets
Flaming torches to the head
Just as well they never see
The hate that's in your head
Why, oh why, though are all of my enemies undead?!
Aragorn grabs Frodo, and the small Fellowship starts trudging towards Rivendell. Meanwhile, in the stables of Rivendell…
Arwen:
(Overhears talk of rescuing Frodo, and notices Glorfindel heading to Asfaloth)
Here's something new. I think I'll give it a try.
Hey, Glorry - you! You may be a great guy...
But now its time for this primed maiden to fly -
Glorfindel: He's not rescued by you. No, no, Arwen, let me go.
Arwen: Is this a trick? I won't wait more!
Glorfindel: No, not at all!
Arwen:
You've got some nerve,
you First-Age bore
You've got some gall!
It's the same with the Elves
as it is with the Mortals
I get to have fun,
you make yourself scant.
It's not for the geezer to say
`yes ma'am' or `no ma'am'
It's not for the cretin
to pick and to choose
Or to tell me I can't!
She clubs him upside the head with Elrond's Last Alliance sword – he slashes her cheek with his.
Glorfindel:
I'll kill you, you idiot,
try any of that!
Even an Elf who was killed by a balrog
Won't be upstaged by a rat!
Arwen:
By Elrond, you'll pay for what you've done
This rat will make you bleed, you'll see!
I guarantee, I'll make you suffer
For this disturbance of the peace
For this insult to life and property!
Glorfindel:
I beg you, don't report me, miss
I'll do whatever you may want
Arwen:
Make your excuse to my daddy!
Elrond enters, accompanied by constables.
Elrond:
Tell me quickly what's the story
Whoever saw must quick respond
Let him give a full description
Let him answer to Elrond!
In this land of Elvish refuge
Let one speak who saw it all
Who laid hands on my sweet daughter here?
What's the substance of this brawl?
Arwen:
Daddy, would you believe it
I was crossing from the park
When this First-Age elf attacked me
You can see he left his mark
Elrond:
He will answer for his actions
When you make a full report
You may rest assured, sweetie,
That he will answer to the court.
Glorfindel:
(Frustrated that, still, no one has gone to get Frodo in all this time)
There's a hobbit who sorely needs me
Please Elrond, he's but that high
Holy God, is there no mercy?
If I wait much more, he'll die!
Elrond:
I have heard such protestations
Every day for ten thousand years
Let's have no more explanations
Save your breath and save your tears
Honest work, just reward,
That's the way to please the Lord.
Glorfindel collapses in frustration, Arwen nances off smugly, Elrond orders his sons Elrohir and Elladan to lock Glorfindel in his room. The Heretofore Silent Author steps forward.
The Author:
A moment of your time, Elrond
Sorry to interrupt again…
Elrond:
(Trying to figure out where the author came from)
What the ?!
The Author:
You've done your duty, let him be
Frodo needs some help, not Arwen
Elrond:
What the ?!
Glorfindel:
Can this be?
The Author:
Where will he end -
This hobbit without a friend?
I've seen your face before
Show me some way to help you
How have you come to grief
In a place such as this?
Glorfindel:
Good Author, don't mock me now, I pray
It's hard enough I've lost my pride
You let Peter Jackson send me away
Yes, you were there, and turned aside
I never did no wrong
The Author:
Is it true, what I have done?
Glorfindel:
Poor Frodo's close to dying...
The Author:
To an innocent soul?
Glorfindel:
If there's a God above
The Author:
Had I only known then...
Glorfindel:
He'd let Arwen die instead.
The Author:
In His name my task has just begun
I will see it done!
Elrond:
But Madame Author…?
The Author:
I will see it done!
Elrond:
The actual plot…?
The Author:
I will see it… what? Oh, the plot. Whoops.
Random Elvish People Near the Fords of Bruinen:
Look out! It's a runaway horse!
The gathered crowd looks to the direction of the noise - because of their lack of attention (errr… sorry), Frodo has ridden to the Fords by himself, but is now caught by the lure of the Ring and the Nazgûl on the opposite shore.
Voices
Look at that!
Look at that!
It's Master Frodo Baggins!
Don't approach! Don't go near!
At the risk of your life!
He is caught by the Nazgûl!
Oh, the pitiful man!
Stay away, Turn away!
There is nothing to do!
There is nothing to do!
Gandalf:
Is there anyone here
Who will rescue the man?
Who will help me to drown
All of the Ringwraiths?
Voices
Don't go near him, Mithrandir
The Wraiths are as evil as hell
The old hobbit's a goner for sure
They will kill you as well.
Gandalf and Elrond together manage to wash the Nazgûl away and rescue Frodo.
Frodo:
Gandalf the Grey, I have no words
You come from God, you are a saint.
