Several years pass, and we get a glimpse of the lives of hobbits in the Shire.

Shire Hobbits:

At the end of the day you're another day older

And that's all you can say for the life of hobbits

Tend the farm or see the pub -

And there's certainly no one complaining!

One more day gossiping 'bout – worst is a snub.

Another day to be living.

At the end of the day you're another day bolder

And the shirt on your back is green or its brown

And the mortals hurry past

They don't hear the wise hobbits crying:

"Take some off to relax and settle down!

Little reason for sighing!"

At the end of the day there's another day dawning

And the sun in the morning is waiting to rise

As the sheep play in the field

And the cute little hobbits get cuter

On the table, a warm meal

And our parents are also our tutors and

We're all a pastoral display

At the end of the day!

Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin, in town for Bilbo's birthday party, gather at the Green Dragon for a pint.

Frodo:

At the end of the day I did nothing with nothing

Sitting flat on my butt reading under a tree

Sam:

The old Gaffer's back at home

And he spouts every old country cliché

Pippin:

And we're now here at the pub

Singing in glee!

Hobbits:

And we're counting our blessings!

Random Hobbit Gossip #1:

Have you heard the latest gossip about Bilbo today?

About the wealth hidden away in Bag End?

Hobbit Gossiper #2:

Lucky for Frodo he didn't stay

Hobbit Gossiper #3:

Take a look at his wealth – we hope that he'll spend!

Hobbit Gossiper #4:

And Frodo, he never knows

That we hobbits all think him quite cracked

Hobbit Gossiper #5:

If Frodo doesn't look out, watch how he goes -

A quest he'll attract!

Workers:

At the end of the day it's another day over

With enough in your pocket to last for a week

Pay the landlord, pay the pub

Keep on giggling as long as you're able

Keep on drinking till you drop

Or go back to dancing on the table

You've got to enjoy your way

At the end of the day!

Gandalf, wondering about Bilbo's Ring, goes to the Gondorian libraries to read more about the One Ring.

Gandalf:

(Grabbing a piece of parchment from the stack)

And what have we here, among innocent letters?

Come on Isildur, let's have all the news!

Ooh... "That evil Sauron has killed off my daddy...

Now I've killed off him...

And his Ring I will not lose!"

We transition back and watch Isildur and Elrond at the Cracks of Doom.

Elrond:

Put that Ring in the fire

It is not for your keeping!

With your brother at home

And a kingdom to rule!

There is nobody here

Who can swear before God

He can handle the Ring -

It is just that evil and cruel.

Elrond begins to walk away, but notices that Isildur hasn't thrown the Ring in the fire yet.

Will someone tear these two apart?

What is this doubting all about?

This is a volcano, not an auction!

Now come on Isildur, put it down

I am a soldier of Gil-Galad

I am an Elf-lord of renown.

I look to you to throw this out

And do it swiftly as you can-

Isildur:

Now I think its time I ran!

Gandalf:

(Looking over the parchments more)

At the end of the day

He's the one who began it

There was a Ring that he put

Around his neck.

There's a Ring that could destroy

You can guess how he bit the dust

You can bet the Ring was still

In the River…

And its boss wasn't dead yet!

Gandalf reads further into the document.

Isildur:

Yes it's true there's a Ring

And the Ring is my Precious

And it appears to be nothing but

Simple and gold.

Except when it's put to a flame

Then the Elvish words came

Yet it's not hot to hold.

Gandalf:

At the end of the day

It'll be nothing but trouble

And there's trouble for all

When there's trouble from one!

While they're earning their daily bread

The hobbits live in mortal danger

He must take the Ring away

Or they're going to meet a powerful stranger

And it's all who'll have to pay

At the end of the day!

I might have known the Ring still lived

I might have known the Ring was his

I might have guessed that little secret

Ah, yes, Bilbo's magical Ring

Heaven knows what evil it will bring -

It is the cause I had no doubt

Of any trouble hereabout

He said he found it in the light

But it will kill us all by night.

I must get back to Frodo

As quick as I can

It'll be nothing but trouble again and again

I must warn him today!

(to his horse, upon setting out for the Shire)

Right my girl. On your way!

The One Ring, realizing that it is on its way to imminent doom and destruction (as well as realizing that the story will soon become plot heavy, and the Ring will not be given many opportunities to sing), sings a tragic song...

The One Ring:

There was a time when I seemed kind

When my voices were soft

And their words inviting

There was a time when I could blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time

Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high

And life worth living

I dreamed that power would never die

I dreamed the carnage I'd be giving

Then I was young and unafraid

And lives were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

But that wizard came at night

With his tale soft as thunder

As he tore my hope apart

And he turned my dream to shame

I slept a summer by Sauron's side

We filled their days with endless horror

Isildur took my Dark Lord in his stride

And he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

The Nazgûl begin their hunt for Frodo and the Ring

Nazgûl #1: I smell hobbits

Smell 'em in the air

Think I'll stab the stuffing

Out of that mattress over there

Nazgûl #2:  Lovely hobbits

Soon their untimely deaths occur.

Seven thousand years

Can make you hungry for murder

Nazgûl #3:

Even undead need some massacre!

Nazgûl:

Tracking Nazgûl

Waiting for a bite

Scaring little children

Since we only come at night

Shrieking Nazgûl

Ready for the call

Mortal men or Elvish Kings

Or any creep at all

Quick and cheap – we're kings of the maul!

Gandalf:

(to Frodo)

Come here, my dear

Let's see this trinket you bear

This Ring of Power...

Frodo:

Gandalf, I'll give it to you...

Gandalf:

Get it out of here!

Frodo:

Gandalf, what's got into you?

Gandalf:

I'll let you know: You're got the Ring of Power. You must destroy.

Frodo:

What do I do?

Gandalf:

Go to Mount Doom.

Frodo:

Please take it yourself.

Gandalf:

I really can't.

Frodo, just try to stay alive!

Gandalf runs off to talk with Saruman. Frodo gears up and prepares to head out with the Ring.

Nazgûl:

Hunting Nazgûl

Waiting in the dark

Ready for a thick one

Or a quick one in the park

Nazgûl #1:

Long death, short death

Any death, my dear -

This is all that we do,

If we want to take all year!

All:

If you like to murder, think Nazgûl for a career!

Nazgûl #1

God, I'm weary!

Sick enough to drop.

Belly burns like fire -

Will the killing ever stop?

The Witch-King:

Cheer up, Nazz-ie.

Show a frightful face.

Plenty more cursed undead if you can't keep up the pace!

Nazgûl #1

Only joking – Nazz-ie knows his place...

Pippin and Merry are wandering Farmer Maggot's land, checking out his crops.

Pippin:

What nice mushrooms!

What sweet corn and lettuce blooms

What luck we've got. They'll make a wonderful stew.

I'll take the lot

While running away from Farmer Maggot's dogs, Merry and Pippin bump into Frodo.

Sam:

Don't touch him! Leave him alone!

Merry:

Let's stick real close.

That rider was looking for you -

Just think of that!

Frodo:

I need some friends.

Pippin:

Hey, wot was that?

Frodo:

What can I do? I need some friends -

They'll keep me from my untimely end!

Nazgûl #3:

Frightful Nazgûl!

Fastest on the street

Caught the Ring-scent in three minutes

And was back up on his feet

Nazgûl #1:

Join the Nazgûls!

Live a life of dread!

Doesn't take a lot of savvy

Just to be undead

Come on, Nazz-ies

What's a Nazgûl for?

Frodo, Merry, and Pippin arrive at Bree, and question Butterbur as to the identity of the strange man in the corner staring at them.

Frodo:  Give me the dirt, who's that bit over there?

Butterbur: A 'Ranger' called – he's got one frightful glare.

I've got a hunch – he's with the bad guys

Frodo: You never know - 

Could be a King in disguise

Come on, Strider, come along and join us!

Come on, Strider!

Frodo trips while singing, and accidentally puts on the Ring. While under its spell, the Ring sings to him…

The Ring:

Come on Frodo, why all the fuss?

You're no grander than the rest of us

Life has dropped you at the bottom of the heap

Join your brothers

The Witch-King

Serve Sauron in your sleep!

As the Nazgûl sneak into the room disguised to look like the hobbits' room –

The Ring:

That's right Frodo, let them have the lot

Aragorn:

(From his room)

That's right Frodo, show them where you're not!

Nazgûl:

Old men, young men, kill 'em as they come

Harbor rats and alley cats and every kind of scum

Poor men, rich men, leaders of the land

See them with their heads cut off

They're never quite as grand

All it takes is a cursed Ring in your hand!

Freaky Nazgûl

Going for a song

Got a lot of critics

But they never last for long

Aragorn:

Come on, Witch-King,

You ain't the only one with a crown.

Don't it make a change

To have an enemy not back down?

Easy targets

Flaming torches to the head

Just as well they never see

The hate that's in your head

Why, oh why, though are all of my enemies undead?!

Aragorn grabs Frodo, and the small Fellowship starts trudging towards Rivendell. Meanwhile, in the stables of Rivendell…

Arwen:

(Overhears talk of rescuing Frodo, and notices Glorfindel heading to Asfaloth)

Here's something new. I think I'll give it a try.

Hey, Glorry - you! You may be a great guy...

But now its time for this primed maiden to fly -

Glorfindel: He's not rescued by you. No, no, Arwen, let me go.

Arwen: Is this a trick? I won't wait more!

Glorfindel: No, not at all!

Arwen:

You've got some nerve,

you First-Age bore

You've got some gall!

It's the same with the Elves

as it is with the Mortals

I get to have fun,

you make yourself scant.

It's not for the geezer to say

`yes ma'am' or `no ma'am'

It's not for the cretin

to pick and to choose

Or to tell me I can't!

She clubs him upside the head with Elrond's Last Alliance sword – he slashes her cheek with his.

Glorfindel:

I'll kill you, you idiot,

try any of that!

Even an Elf who was killed by a balrog 

Won't be upstaged by a rat!

Arwen:

By Elrond, you'll pay for what you've done

This rat will make you bleed, you'll see!

I guarantee, I'll make you suffer

For this disturbance of the peace

For this insult to life and property!

Glorfindel:

I beg you, don't report me, miss

I'll do whatever you may want

Arwen:

Make your excuse to my daddy!

Elrond enters, accompanied by constables.

Elrond:

Tell me quickly what's the story

Whoever saw must quick respond

Let him give a full description

Let him answer to Elrond!

In this land of Elvish refuge

Let one speak who saw it all

Who laid hands on my sweet daughter here?

What's the substance of this brawl?

Arwen:

Daddy, would you believe it

I was crossing from the park

When this First-Age elf attacked me

You can see he left his mark

Elrond:

He will answer for his actions

When you make a full report

You may rest assured, sweetie,

That he will answer to the court.

Glorfindel:

(Frustrated that, still, no one has gone to get Frodo in all this time)

There's a hobbit who sorely needs me

Please Elrond, he's but that high

Holy God, is there no mercy?

If I wait much more, he'll die!

Elrond:

I have heard such protestations

Every day for ten thousand years

Let's have no more explanations

Save your breath and save your tears

Honest work, just reward,

That's the way to please the Lord.

Glorfindel collapses in frustration, Arwen nances off smugly, Elrond orders his sons Elrohir and Elladan to lock Glorfindel in his room. The Heretofore Silent Author steps forward.

The Author:

A moment of your time, Elrond

Sorry to interrupt again…

Elrond:

(Trying to figure out where the author came from)

What the ?!

The Author:

You've done your duty, let him be

Frodo needs some help, not Arwen

Elrond:

What the ?!

Glorfindel:

Can this be?

The Author:

Where will he end -

This hobbit without a friend?

I've seen your face before

Show me some way to help you

How have you come to grief

In a place such as this?

Glorfindel:

Good Author, don't mock me now, I pray

It's hard enough I've lost my pride

You let Peter Jackson send me away

Yes, you were there, and turned aside

I never did no wrong

The Author:

Is it true, what I have done?

Glorfindel:

Poor Frodo's close to dying...

The Author:

To an innocent soul?

Glorfindel:

If there's a God above

The Author:

Had I only known then...

Glorfindel:

He'd let Arwen die instead.

The Author:

In His name my task has just begun

I will see it done!

Elrond:

But Madame Author…?

The Author:

I will see it done!

Elrond:

The actual plot…?

The Author:

I will see it… what? Oh, the plot. Whoops.

Random Elvish People Near the Fords of Bruinen:

Look out! It's a runaway horse!

The gathered crowd looks to the direction of the noise - because of their lack of attention (errr… sorry), Frodo has ridden to the Fords by himself, but is now caught by the lure of the Ring and the Nazgûl on the opposite shore.

Voices

Look at that!

Look at that!

It's Master Frodo Baggins!

Don't approach! Don't go near!

At the risk of your life!

He is caught by the Nazgûl!

Oh, the pitiful man!

Stay away, Turn away!

There is nothing to do!

There is nothing to do!

Gandalf:

Is there anyone here

Who will rescue the man?

Who will help me to drown

All of the Ringwraiths?

Voices

Don't go near him, Mithrandir

The Wraiths are as evil as hell

The old hobbit's a goner for sure

They will kill you as well.

Gandalf and Elrond together manage to wash the Nazgûl away and rescue Frodo.

Frodo:

Gandalf the Grey, I have no words

You come from God, you are a saint.