Life After Africa

Scene One

Kristina has left Michael to himself in the living room. She's really pissed off. As she glances out the window, she sees a huge comet hurling towards the Earth, hell bent on fiery destruction.

KRISTINA: Oh my God!!!

She immediately calls everyone and tells them to meet at Wakka and Andrea's private beach. They all gather and discuss what to do.

WAKKA: Okay. My Blitzball, that Kristina gave me *Casts grateful look to his smart friend* forms a protective shield. It should be able to stop the comet from harming us.

KRISTINA: Sounds like a plan to me! *Notices that Michael isn't there* Where's Michael?

WAKKA + ROCKY: Who cares!

KRISTINA: Not me! He can die!

ANDREA: Okay. So everybody get as close to Wakka as you can. Me first!

They all shuffle in. Wakka places a protective arm around Andrea and the pulls Kristina in next to him.

WAKKA: Gather close. Wives and best friends first. Here we go!

The comet hurdle into the Earth and everything turns into a blazing inferno-like explosion.

Scene Two

We take a look in the prison compound. The comet is seconds away from impact. Gumakalo crawls under his yak for protection. Uncle Dave tries to as well, but Gumakalo pushes him away.

GUMAKALO: No saving for you. You didn't buy my yak. I gonsta have lotsa fun without you, ya.

UNCLE DAVE: Curse yoooouuu! ETC!

Everything goes black for Gumakalo just as the comet hits.

Scene Three

It is now ten minutes after impact. The Earth has been destroyed. The gang is floating in space. They are able to breathe because of the Blitzball's protective shield.

ANDREA: Well, I guess we're the only survivors.

WAKKA: That's good, but we have a big problem. This shield will only last for six months. After that we have no air. Another thing. We have no food.

KRISTINA: I'm afraid that at one point in time we'll have to resort to cannibalism. But first, does anyone have food on them? I have Jumbo Extra Supersize Fries in my bag. *Pulls out huge crate of fries* We need to figure out what we have so we can ration it out.

ANDREA: I have three candy bars. WAKKA: I have two tuna fish sandwiches and a few bottles of water.

ROCKY: Yo, I have five bottles of water and a few burritos, yo.

MONIQUE: I have a bottle of ice tea and a few doughnuts that I packed for lunch this morning.

CHELSEA: I only have some Tic-Tacs.

OAKIE: I have and always will have my superstar smile!

Everyone glares at him.

KRISTINA: I say we eat Oakie first.

Scene Four

The gang has figured that they only have enough food for about two months. Wakka and Kristina are discussing what they should do.

KRISTINA: Well, I really don't want to have to resort to eating people.

WAKKA: Me too. But, like you said, there is Oakie. He's an acorn, so he should be edible.

KRISTINA: Yeah. And plus, he's a giant acorn so he should give us enough food until we can figure out what to do.

WAKKA: Okay. And, by the way, why did you allow Michael to stay behind?

KRISTINA: All he cared about was himself. He never wanted to know what I liked or what I wanted to do. So, I left him. I know you're only my friend, but at least you care about my thoughts and feelings.

WAKKA: Hey c'mere. *They embrace warmly* C'mon let's go tell everyone except Oakie what the plan is.

Scene Five

It has been two months. The gang has run out of food. They all gather and decide just how they should break the news to Oakie.

KRISTINA: I say we gang up on Oakie, cut him up, and ration him out!

EVERYONE: Good idea!

They all look at Oakie. Chelsea walks up to him and puts her arms around him.

CHELSEA: Hey Oakie baby.

OAKIE: Hi Chelsea babe.

Rocky sneaks up on him and punches Oakie out.

KRISTINA: Cut him up quick before he wakes up!

Wakka takes out a machete, which he just so happened to have in his back pocket 'Just in case', and cut Oakie up. They then ration him out evenly.

Scene Six

Chelsea is crying alone in an empty corner of the shield. Wakka notices and comes over to give her a hug. He tries to release, but she refuses to let go.

WAKKA: We did the right thing.

CHELSEA: Oh I know. I'm only crying because I'm homesick for Africa.

WAKKA: Me too. But don't worry. We'll find another place to live soon.

CHELSEA: Can you guarantee that?

WAKKA: No. not really, but I had to say something.

Wakka then smiles faintly and walks away.

Scene Seven

So as you know we had to go all out on our last resort. We ate Chelsea's once beloved, Oakie. He kinda tasted like dust or maybe lint, but that's not the point. Whatever. We are still floating around in space with no food left. The crew is starting to eat one article of clothing every few days just to stay alive. There must be away to get to safety.

ANDREA: *Has her arms over her knees* Wakka?

WAKKA: * Notices that Andrea is munching on her sock* Yes?

ANDREA: I'm sorry for saying that I hated you. I mean, you were right. You definitely fulfilled your promise. I sure am seeing other worlds. *Smiles* Look! There's Jupiter!

WAKKA: *Smiles back* S'okay. I knew you didn't mean it. You're right it is Jupiter!

ROCKY: Hey, hey! Look yo, it's that yo umm. yo umm.. Umm yo, that yo..

KRISTINA: C'mon.

ROCKY: Yo that Gevacamo guy, yo.

Andrea raises her head

ANDREA: You mean Gumakalo?

ROCKY: Yo that's it, yo.

Gumakalo waves at us. He's riding his magical yak, Yakka. It might be magical, but it doesn't provide an air pocket.

ANDREA: Should we let him in?

THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS: Yeah! That Jamakaso is righteous!

ANDREA: Yeah, Gumakalo!

THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS: Yeah, we said Jinrakadoe.

KRISTINA: *Hits her head repetitively on Wakka's shoulder as he laughs*

Wakka waves Gumakalo in to the protective shield. (Please do not ask how he got in or why air didn't or one of us didn't escape the air pocket) He enters.

ANDREA: *Rushes over to him* Are you okay?

GUMAKALO: Ya, I'm fine at the moment just need to catch some air.

ANDREA: Why?

GUMAKALO: Because I've been holding my breath for three months. Yakka doesn't provide any oxygen for me.

ANDREA: *Silence*. okay I'll go with that.

GUMAKALO: Well what are you guys doing here?

SAMANTHA: *Sarcastically* We're having fun! Can't you tell?

GUMAKALO: Okay. It's an awkward place to have fun, ya?

Samantha rolls her eyes.

THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS: Nice to meet you Vermakaho.

GUMAKALO: Ya, you too! It's Gumakalo though, ya?

MONIQUE: Well, now that you guys are all acquainted would you mind telling me who I am? And who are you guys anyway?

EVERYONE: We're your friends!

ROCKY: Yeah, baby. Don't you remember me, yo?

MONIQUE: Honestly, I don't think I want to. What importance do you have to me?

ROCKY: Yo, I'm your husband, yo!

MONIQUE: CAN YOU STOP THAT?!

ROCKY: Stop what, yo?

MONIQUE: The yo's!

ROCKY: Oh okay y. I mean right.

Nikki collapses to her knees and starts to cry.

SAMANTHA: Nikki don't cry we're here for you.

She doesn't respond.

SAMANTHA: Nikki? Nikki?

MONIQUE: *Stares up at her* What's that suppose to mean? ANDREA: It's your name.

MONIQUE: My name? What's that?

KRISTINA: That's who you are.

MONIQUE: So you mean I'm a Nikki? Are we all Nikki's?

KRISTINA: No we all have different names, but you individual title is Nikki. It's what we call you when we want to address you properly. Do you get it?

MONIQUE: I guess, but you are going to have to help me from time to time okay?

KRISTINA: That's what friends are for!

WAKKA: Umm, Gumakalo? What are you doing? I don't like you getting close to Andrea like that, ya.

Gumakalo winks at Andrea.

ANDREA: Wakka, a little help please?

Wakka glares at Gumakalo and puts his arm around Andrea. Wakka swoops in and kisses her. Gumakalo takes the hint and backs off. He casts one last glance at Andrea and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

KRISTINA: *Looks at Andrea* Eww!

MONIQUE: Well, anyway Gumakalo. I'm so glad you found us, but we don't have anything to give you as food. We don't even have any food for ourselves!

GUMAKALO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's no problem. I have Yakka here who can produce milk and cheese for us.

EVERYONE: *Blinks at the unnecessary no* YAY!