Speaking of legions of evil… While all this happens, the Man in Charge of Tabulating the Votes for the Academy Awards gets his own song, perched on the top of Mount Doom.  

Academy Awards Person:

Here's a vote for Rings

By a trusted man

Pardon me, Jackson - 

You won't be needing it no more.

Shouldn't be too hard to 'fix'.

Add it to the pile

Add it to the stack

Here among the sewer rats

A breath away from Hell

You get accustomed to the smell.

Well someone's got to 'fix' 'em up, my friends

Votes for an independent director

From a land turned upside down

(Holds up a bag of Oscars)

Someone's got to keep these odds and ends

Safely here within our town!

Here's some tasty votes

Pretty little quotes

Wouldn't want to waste 'em

That would really be a crime

(Another vote for Return of the King goes to another Hollywood movie)

Thank you sir, I'm in your debt

Here's another toy

(Grabs a vote for Best Director – Peter Jackson)

Take it from the boy

He spent those years in filming

And he's lived his little time.

Yes, his movies are being watched yet -

But, someone's got to 'fix' them up, my friends

Before the little harvest

Goes to one they watch with glee.

Someone's got to collect their votes and scores

'Fore the Academy votes Fantasy.

It's a world where the dog eats the dog

Where they kill for awards in the street

And that "truth" and "justice",

They don't interfere -

'Cause they're dead as the stiffs at my feet

I raise my eyes to see the movies

And only the Hollywood crap is praised

The Hollywood crap is praised!

He realizes, however, his rather precarious position near the Cracks of Doom. As Frodo and Sam arrive over the top of the mountain – Sam carrying a nearly unconscious Frodo – the mountain gives a rumble and the Academy Awards guy tumbles in. *bwu-ha-ha* Gollum, however, also appears.

Sam:

It's you, Gollum!

I knew you wouldn't wait too long

The faithful servant at his post once more!

(Motions to Frodo)

This man's done no wrong,

And he needs a doctor's care.

Gollum:

I warned you I would not give in

I won't be swayed

Sam:

Another hour yet

And then it's yours

And all our debts are paid.

Gollum:

The man of mercy comes again

And talks of justice

Sam:

Come, time is running short

Look down, Gollum

He's standing in his grave

Give way, Gollum

There is a life to save.

Gollum: (overlapping)

Take him, Samwise,

Before I change my mind

I will be waiting

Stu-pid-fa-ho-bibit…

Sam carries Frodo into the cave of the mountain, wherein bubbles the Cracks of Doom. Gollum, apparently, just isn't that bright… Ah well, he gets another solo to make up for his oversight.

Gollum:

Who is this hobbit?

What sort of devil is he

To have me caught in a trap

And choose to let me go free?

It was his hour at last

To put a seal on my fate

Wipe out the past

And wash me clean off the slate!

All it would take

Was a flick of his knife.

Vengeance was his

And he gave me back my life!

Damned if I'll live in the debt of a thief!

Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase.

That is the Ring – the Ring is not mocked

I'll spit his pity right back in his face

A challenge now waits on my soul -

It is either Gollum or Sméagol!

How can I now allow this Ring

To hold dominion over me?

This desperate Ring whom I have hunted…

Master gave me my life. He gave me freedom.

I should have perished by his hand

It was his right.

It was my right to die as well

Instead I live... but live in hell.

And my thoughts fly apart

Can this man be believed?

Shall his sins be forgiven?

Shall his crimes be reprieved?

And must I now begin to doubt,

Who never doubted all these years?

My heart is stone and still it trembles

The world I have known is lost in shadow.

Is he from heaven or from hell?

And does he know

That granting me my life today

This man has killed me even so?

I am reaching, but I fall

And the stars are black and cold

As I stare into the void

Of a world that cannot hold

I'll escape now from the world

From the world of Rings of Doom.

There is nowhere I can turn

The Ring and I will find my tomb!

He bites the Ring from Frodo's finger, then leaps with it into the fires of Mount Doom, destroying the Ring and Sauron forever. The Enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth was defeated – forever. Nonetheless, at what cost? 

(As we survey the carnage of the Chaining of Morgoth)

Varda: 

Did you see them

Going off to fight?

Children of the barricade

Who didn't last the night?

Nienna:

Did you see them

Lying where they died?

Someone used to cradle them

And kiss them when they cried.

Yavanna:

Did you see them lying side by side?

(As we survey the carnage of the Last Alliance battle)

Celebrían:

Who will wake them?

Galadriel:

No one ever will.

No one ever told them

That a summer day can kill.

Celebrían:

They were schoolboys

Never held a gun...

Fighting for a new world

That would rise up like the sun.

Galadriel:

Where's that new world now the fighting's done?

(As we survey the carnage of this last War of the Ring)

Galadriel:

Nothing changes.

Nothing ever will.

Éowyn:

Every year another brat, another mouth to fill.

Morwen:

Same old story. What's the use of tears?

What's the use of praying if there's nobody who hears?

All Women:

Turning, turning, turning, turning, turning

Through the years.

Turning, turning, turning through the years

Minutes into hours and the hours into years.

Nothing changes. Nothing ever can.

Round and round the roundabout and back where you began.

Round and round and back where you began!

Aragorn – one evening after the war has ended – pauses to look back on all who made the ultimate sacrifice to see that the Ring would be destroyed… As he sings, the spirits appear

Aragorn:

There's a grief that can't be spoken.

There's a pain goes on and on.

Empty chairs at empty tables

Now my friends are dead and gone.

Here they talked of revolution.

Here it was they lit the flame.

Here they sang about `tomorrow'

Yet 'tomorrow' their souls claimed.

From the table in the corner

They could see a world reborn

And they rose with voices ringing

I can hear them now!

The very words that they had sung

Became their last communion

On the lonely barricade at dawn.

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me

That I live and you are gone.

There's a grief that can't be spoken.

There's a pain goes on and on.

Phantom faces at the window.

Phantom shadows on the floor.

Empty chairs at empty tables

Where my friends will meet no more.

Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me

What your sacrifice was for

Empty chairs at empty tables

Where my friends will sing no more.

Faramir and Éowyn recover in the Houses of Healing together…

Éowyn:

Every day

You walk with stronger step

You walk with longer step-

The worst is over.

Faramir:

Every day

I wonder every day

Why my father tried

To murder me?

Éowyn:

Don't think about it, Faramir!

With all the years ahead of us!

I will never go away

And we will be together

Every day.

Every day,

We'll remember that night

And the vow that we made:

A heart full of love

A night full of you

The words are old

But always true.

Oh, God, for shame

You did not even know my name!

Faramir:

Dear Éowyn maid -

All other lights seem to fade.

Aragorn enters, unnoticed.

Éowyn:

A heart full of love

No fear, just begin

`My name is Faramir of Gondor'

Faramir:

Éowyn, Éowyn!

Éowyn:

I saw you waiting and I knew.

Faramir:

Waiting for you

At your feet

Éowyn:

At your call

Both:

And it wasn't a dream

Not a dream after all

Aragorn: (interjecting, to himself)

She was never mine to keep.

She is youthful, she is free.

Love is the garden of the young

Let it be... let it be...

A heart full of love

This I give you on this day.

The couples are happy, Aragorn awaits the *real* Arwen – after The Author thwarted a marriage between Aragorn and Movie Arwen – but Frodo finds the Author brooding.

Frodo:

Author, this is a day

I can never forget.

Is gratitude enough

For seeing us through the threat?

Your home shall be with us

And not a day shall pass

But we will prove our love

To you, whom we shall call

An author of us both

An author of us all.

The Author:

Not another word my son,

There's something now that must be done.

You've spoken from the heart

And I must do the same

There is a story, sir,

Of slavery and shame

That you alone must know.

I never told the hobbits

They've had enough of tears

They never heard the truth-

The story you must hear

Of years that would have come…

There lived a maia whose name was Saruman

Tried to steal a Ring, despite our fervent ban.

Entrapped by Ents, he served his time

And yet, by Tolkien, couldn't wash away his crime.

Thanks to Pete

He fell from his tower, and then fell apart

Better than the Scouring, which would break my heart.

Yes, it's a cut that must be faced

But if I condone, I am disgraced

The time has come to journey on

And from this day I must be gone

Who am I?

Who am I?

Frodo:

You're The Author!

What can I do

That will turn you from this?

Author, you cannot leave.

However we try to finish the story

No one will ever believe!

The Author:

It is quite simple

You must go on a journey

A long way away.

Tell them my heart was too full for Grey Havens

It is better this way.

Promise me, Frodo, no one will ever know...

Frodo:

I give my word.

The Author:

...what I have spoken, why I must go.

Frodo:

For the sake of your Inner Purist, it must be so.