Speaking of legions of evil… While all this happens, the Man in Charge of Tabulating the Votes for the Academy Awards gets his own song, perched on the top of Mount Doom.
Academy Awards Person:
Here's a vote for Rings
By a trusted man
Pardon me, Jackson -
You won't be needing it no more.
Shouldn't be too hard to 'fix'.
Add it to the pile
Add it to the stack
Here among the sewer rats
A breath away from Hell
You get accustomed to the smell.
Well someone's got to 'fix' 'em up, my friends
Votes for an independent director
From a land turned upside down
(Holds up a bag of Oscars)
Someone's got to keep these odds and ends
Safely here within our town!
Here's some tasty votes
Pretty little quotes
Wouldn't want to waste 'em
That would really be a crime
(Another vote for Return of the King goes to another Hollywood movie)
Thank you sir, I'm in your debt
Here's another toy
(Grabs a vote for Best Director – Peter Jackson)
Take it from the boy
He spent those years in filming
And he's lived his little time.
Yes, his movies are being watched yet -
But, someone's got to 'fix' them up, my friends
Before the little harvest
Goes to one they watch with glee.
Someone's got to collect their votes and scores
'Fore the Academy votes Fantasy.
It's a world where the dog eats the dog
Where they kill for awards in the street
And that "truth" and "justice",
They don't interfere -
'Cause they're dead as the stiffs at my feet
I raise my eyes to see the movies
And only the Hollywood crap is praised
The Hollywood crap is praised!
He realizes, however, his rather precarious position near the Cracks of Doom. As Frodo and Sam arrive over the top of the mountain – Sam carrying a nearly unconscious Frodo – the mountain gives a rumble and the Academy Awards guy tumbles in. *bwu-ha-ha* Gollum, however, also appears.
Sam:
It's you, Gollum!
I knew you wouldn't wait too long
The faithful servant at his post once more!
(Motions to Frodo)
This man's done no wrong,
And he needs a doctor's care.
Gollum:
I warned you I would not give in
I won't be swayed
Sam:
Another hour yet
And then it's yours
And all our debts are paid.
Gollum:
The man of mercy comes again
And talks of justice
Sam:
Come, time is running short
Look down, Gollum
He's standing in his grave
Give way, Gollum
There is a life to save.
Gollum: (overlapping)
Take him, Samwise,
Before I change my mind
I will be waiting
Stu-pid-fa-ho-bibit…
Sam carries Frodo into the cave of the mountain, wherein bubbles the Cracks of Doom. Gollum, apparently, just isn't that bright… Ah well, he gets another solo to make up for his oversight.
Gollum:
Who is this hobbit?
What sort of devil is he
To have me caught in a trap
And choose to let me go free?
It was his hour at last
To put a seal on my fate
Wipe out the past
And wash me clean off the slate!
All it would take
Was a flick of his knife.
Vengeance was his
And he gave me back my life!
Damned if I'll live in the debt of a thief!
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase.
That is the Ring – the Ring is not mocked
I'll spit his pity right back in his face
A challenge now waits on my soul -
It is either Gollum or Sméagol!
How can I now allow this Ring
To hold dominion over me?
This desperate Ring whom I have hunted…
Master gave me my life. He gave me freedom.
I should have perished by his hand
It was his right.
It was my right to die as well
Instead I live... but live in hell.
And my thoughts fly apart
Can this man be believed?
Shall his sins be forgiven?
Shall his crimes be reprieved?
And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Rings of Doom.
There is nowhere I can turn
The Ring and I will find my tomb!
He bites the Ring from Frodo's finger, then leaps with it into the fires of Mount Doom, destroying the Ring and Sauron forever. The Enemy of the Free Peoples of Middle-Earth was defeated – forever. Nonetheless, at what cost?
(As we survey the carnage of the Chaining of Morgoth)
Varda:
Did you see them
Going off to fight?
Children of the barricade
Who didn't last the night?
Nienna:
Did you see them
Lying where they died?
Someone used to cradle them
And kiss them when they cried.
Yavanna:
Did you see them lying side by side?
(As we survey the carnage of the Last Alliance battle)
Celebrían:
Who will wake them?
Galadriel:
No one ever will.
No one ever told them
That a summer day can kill.
Celebrían:
They were schoolboys
Never held a gun...
Fighting for a new world
That would rise up like the sun.
Galadriel:
Where's that new world now the fighting's done?
(As we survey the carnage of this last War of the Ring)
Galadriel:
Nothing changes.
Nothing ever will.
Éowyn:
Every year another brat, another mouth to fill.
Morwen:
Same old story. What's the use of tears?
What's the use of praying if there's nobody who hears?
All Women:
Turning, turning, turning, turning, turning
Through the years.
Turning, turning, turning through the years
Minutes into hours and the hours into years.
Nothing changes. Nothing ever can.
Round and round the roundabout and back where you began.
Round and round and back where you began!
Aragorn – one evening after the war has ended – pauses to look back on all who made the ultimate sacrifice to see that the Ring would be destroyed… As he sings, the spirits appear
Aragorn:
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone.
Here they talked of revolution.
Here it was they lit the flame.
Here they sang about `tomorrow'
Yet 'tomorrow' their souls claimed.
From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
I can hear them now!
The very words that they had sung
Became their last communion
On the lonely barricade at dawn.
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me
That I live and you are gone.
There's a grief that can't be spoken.
There's a pain goes on and on.
Phantom faces at the window.
Phantom shadows on the floor.
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.
Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will sing no more.
Faramir and Éowyn recover in the Houses of Healing together…
Éowyn:
Every day
You walk with stronger step
You walk with longer step-
The worst is over.
Faramir:
Every day
I wonder every day
Why my father tried
To murder me?
Éowyn:
Don't think about it, Faramir!
With all the years ahead of us!
I will never go away
And we will be together
Every day.
Every day,
We'll remember that night
And the vow that we made:
A heart full of love
A night full of you
The words are old
But always true.
Oh, God, for shame
You did not even know my name!
Faramir:
Dear Éowyn maid -
All other lights seem to fade.
Aragorn enters, unnoticed.
Éowyn:
A heart full of love
No fear, just begin
`My name is Faramir of Gondor'
Faramir:
Éowyn, Éowyn!
Éowyn:
I saw you waiting and I knew.
Faramir:
Waiting for you
At your feet
Éowyn:
At your call
Both:
And it wasn't a dream
Not a dream after all
Aragorn: (interjecting, to himself)
She was never mine to keep.
She is youthful, she is free.
Love is the garden of the young
Let it be... let it be...
A heart full of love
This I give you on this day.
The couples are happy, Aragorn awaits the *real* Arwen – after The Author thwarted a marriage between Aragorn and Movie Arwen – but Frodo finds the Author brooding.
Frodo:
Author, this is a day
I can never forget.
Is gratitude enough
For seeing us through the threat?
Your home shall be with us
And not a day shall pass
But we will prove our love
To you, whom we shall call
An author of us both
An author of us all.
The Author:
Not another word my son,
There's something now that must be done.
You've spoken from the heart
And I must do the same
There is a story, sir,
Of slavery and shame
That you alone must know.
I never told the hobbits
They've had enough of tears
They never heard the truth-
The story you must hear
Of years that would have come…
There lived a maia whose name was Saruman
Tried to steal a Ring, despite our fervent ban.
Entrapped by Ents, he served his time
And yet, by Tolkien, couldn't wash away his crime.
Thanks to Pete
He fell from his tower, and then fell apart
Better than the Scouring, which would break my heart.
Yes, it's a cut that must be faced
But if I condone, I am disgraced
The time has come to journey on
And from this day I must be gone
Who am I?
Who am I?
Frodo:
You're The Author!
What can I do
That will turn you from this?
Author, you cannot leave.
However we try to finish the story
No one will ever believe!
The Author:
It is quite simple
You must go on a journey
A long way away.
Tell them my heart was too full for Grey Havens
It is better this way.
Promise me, Frodo, no one will ever know...
Frodo:
I give my word.
The Author:
...what I have spoken, why I must go.
Frodo:
For the sake of your Inner Purist, it must be so.
