Aragorn and Arwen lead the wedding procession down the streets of Minas Tirith, the crowds singing behind them.
Gondorians:
Ring out the bells upon this day of days!
May all the angels of the Lord above
In jubilation sing their songs of praise!
And crown this blessed time with peace and love.
The procession becomes a dancing celebration. A waltz is played.
Gandalf:
The Baron and Baroness de King Kong wish to pay their respects to the groom!
Peter Jackson:
I forget where we met
Lothlorien or was it somewhere nearer?
Where Haldir slipped some beer
Into Galadriel's far-seeing mirror?
Aragorn:
No, `Baron de King Kong'
In the Elf-homes I no longer belong.
You should run – Pete Jackson!
Do you think I don't know who you are?
Movie Arwen:
He's not fooled. Told you so.
Show M'lord what you've come here to show.
Tell the boy what you know!
Applause from the dancers as the waltz finishes.
Aragorn:
When I look at you, I think of my Queen.
Her name was more than you deserved – you shared of yore
But now she is with me and happier, I hope,
Than dead in war!
The waltz starts up again.
Peter Jackson:
So it goes, heaven knows
Some of my plot-lines really did blow.
Movie Arwen:
You've got cash and a heart
You could give us a bit of a start!
We can prove, plain as ink
PJ's changes weren't as bad you think.
Peter Jackson:
There's a tale I could tell
Arwen:
Video releases we're willing to sell...
Peter Jackson:
There's a man named Bakshi
Make cuts and plot changes even worse than me!
I'm sure you'd agree!
Movie Arwen:
Pity to distribute them after our movies like this
But a couple more Oscars surely wouldn't come amiss.
Aragorn:
In God's name say what you have to say.
Peter Jackson:
But first you pay!
What I saw, clear as light,
A Balrog in fuzzy bedroom slippers that night.
Frodo and Sam – potato man!
Boromir the Viking – where's the song about Spam?
Ours came here, never fear.
Even got people to the books revere!
Peter Jackson points to Aragorn's ring – the Ring of Barahir which appears on Aragorn's hands during the movie.
Aragorn:
I know this! This is mine!
Surely this is some heavenly sign!
Peter Jackson:
One thing more, mark this well
We even mention when Sauron first fell.
Aragorn:
Then it's true, then I'm right
The movies are more joy than a blight!
As for you, take this too!
(Hands him a Best Director and Best Picture Oscar, now that the Academy Awards guy is buried in lava)
God forgive us the things that we do.
Come my love, come Arwen,
This movie's blessings will certainly begin!
Merry and Pippin, meanwhile, have had a happy time of wandering the world.
Merry and Pippin:
Ain't it a laugh?
Ain't it a treat?
Hob-nobbin' here
Among the elite?
Here comes a Prince
There goes an Elf.
This one's a Dwarf -
None as cool as myself!
Middle-Earth at my feet
Middle-Earth in the dust
And here's me breaking bread
With the upper crust!
Beggar at the feast!
Master of the dance!
Life is easy pickings
If you grab your chance.
Everywhere we go
We find the partyin' folk
Doing what they really love
And who can take a joke!
Singing on the tops of tables
Flirting with the tavern lass.
Yes, we're the ones who make it
Despite some mistakes, despite being called crass!
Watch the buggers dance
Watch 'em till they drop
Keep your wits about you
And you stand on top!
Masters of the land
Always get our share
Clear away all the Dark Lords
And we're still there!
We know where the wind is blowing
Pipeweed is the stuff we smell.
And since we're not in the epilogue
I guess this'll have to be our farewell!
Frodo stands alone at the Grey Havens, looking over the waters
Frodo:
Alone I wait in the shadows
I count the hours till I can sleep
I dreamed a dream Hobbiton stood by
It made them weep to know I died.
Alone at the end of the day
Upon this wedding night I pray
Take these children, my Lord, to thy embrace
And show them grace.
God on high
Hear my prayer
Take me now
To thy care
Where You are
Let me be
Take me now
Take me there
Bring me home
Bring me home.
Galadriel, along with the other Elves preparing to depart, appear beside Frodo.
Galadriel:
Frodo, I bless your name
Frodo:
I am ready, Galadriel
Galadriel:
Frodo, lay down your burden
Frodo:
At the end of my days
Galadriel:
You destroyed Sauron's Ring
Frodo:
It took the rest of my life.
Galadriel:
And you'll see Eternal Spring...
Sam and Rosie ride up suddenly, and in tears.
Sam:
Frodo, Frodo, I do not understand!
Are you alright? They said you'd gone away.
Frodo:
Samwise, my friend, is the quest over now?
Thank God, thank God, I've lived to see this day.
Sam:
It's you who must forgive a thoughtless fool
It's you who must forgive a thankless man
It's thanks to you that I am living
And again I lay down my life at your feet.
Rosie, this hobbit is a saint.
When the Ring threatened us
He took it from Hobbiton
Weighed a bloody ton
Then brought me home to you!
Frodo: (to Sam)
Now you are here
Again beside me
Now I can leave in peace
For now my life is blessed...
Sam:
You will live, Frodo, you're going to live
It's too soon, too soon to say goodbye!
Frodo:
Yes, Samwise, forbid me now to die
I'll obey,
I will try.
(He hands Sam Bilbo's Red Book – There and Back Again)
On this page
I write my last confession.
Read it well
When I at last am sleeping.
It's the story
Of those who always loved peace.
Your master gave his life for Hobbiton
Then gave it to your keeping.
The other Elves, including Glorfindel and Haldir appear.
Galadriel:
Come with me
Where Rings will never bind you
All your grief
At last, at last behind you.
Lord in Heaven,
Look down on him in mercy.
Frodo:
Forgive me all my trespasses
And take me to your glory.
Glorfindel and Haldir:
Take my hand
And lead me to salvation.
Take my love,
For love is everlasting.
The Elves and Frodo:
And remember
The truth that once was spoken
To love another person
Is to see the face of God!
Chorus:
Do you hear the people sing
Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light.
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.
They will live again in freedom
In the garden of Mandos.
They will walk behind the plough-share,
They will put away the sword.
The chain will be broken
And all men will have their reward.
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the War of the Ring
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the War of the Ring
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes...
Tomorrow comes!
