Part 16 – Truth

Haldir stood at the wall, waiting for the battle to begin, rain running down his face, drops of water catching on his eyelashes and dripping off the tip of his nose. He did not like the rain, but acknowledged that it might give those in the fortress an advantage against the lumbering enemy. Any advantage would be welcome.

"A Eruchîn, ú-dano i faelas a hyn an uben tanatha le faelas!"

Aragorn shouted instructions, telling the elves to show no mercy for they would receive none, an unnecessary command since this was something the elves knew. On the other hand, he silently commended Aragorn for his ability to lead and to motivate. The man would make a worthy king someday, when all this was over and the battle was won.

Despite the immense size of the dark army, Haldir held to the certainty that on this night the Elves and Men would prevail. The fortress was sturdy, and the Uruk-hai, though cruel and strong, moved by brutal instinct rather than intelligent thought. They were vulnerable, their armor weak at the neck and beneath the arm. It would be a vicious fight, but, one by one, they would be cut down as they came with their ladders, clambering like huge malformed spiders over the sides of the wall. His jaw hardened with resolve. He would kill them all himself, if need be.

Like the elves around him, he held his bow in his hand, an arrow nocked and the string pulled back, waiting for the order to strike. Then someone—a human no doubt—let loose an arrow before the command was given, and an Uruk-hai fell dead. The thunderous foot-stomping ceased and for a moment the legions of Uruk-hai were still.

And then they came.

xxx

Amarië slept, lightly and fitfully, fully dressed and ready as Galadriel had instructed. She was prepared, but for what she did not know.

She dreamed of Haldir, of lying in his arms in the woods on a mantle of blue and gold, surrounded by starlike flowers that held a curious, gleaming light in their centers. He was making sweet love to her while all around them the forest sang, its music gentle, filled with peace and harmony. Seven, he whispered as he sprinkled kisses across her face.

Seven? she asked him with a laugh. Seven what?

He smiled down at her. Answers come when the seeker is ready. And he pressed his lips to hers . . .

She woke with a start and sat up, blinking as she instinctively looked around the small, dark room. Then memory returned, and she lay back with a dejected sigh. Of course he was not here; he was far away. But he was still alive. She could feel him.

Ennis, too, was gone. They had not had many minutes together, for he had wanted to see Lornarië, and then it had been time for him to leave. Why it was necessary for him to go to Helm's Deep, Amarië did not understand, but the Lady had said he must and so he would. That he did not question this seemed odd to her, but she had not told him so. Secretly, she found Ennis much changed. Was it because of Lornarië? Or was it Galadriel's influence?

After he had left, she and Lornarië had spoken for a long time. Much had been said, but what most remained in Amarië's mind was the look on the elf-maiden's face when she had said, with a quivery little break in her voice, "Ennis kissed my hand before he left! No one has ever kissed my hand before, at least not in such a way! Not even Ferodir."

Amarië's thoughts returned to her dream, but it only increased her uneasiness, the tension that kept her whole body as taut as a stretched bowstring.

Tonight would be the night, the Lady had said. She must be ready.

xxx

Haldir spun and whirled, his sword flashing as he slaughtered creature after creature, scarcely pausing as he stepped over bodies and on stone made slippery with blood. Despite his belief in eventual victory, Uruk-hai seemed to be everywhere; he could not recall ever fighting in a battle where the elves had been so badly outnumbered. He knew that a few elves had been struck down, but knew not if they were slain or wounded. From the corner of his eye, he could see Orophin, and once he had caught a glimpse of Rúmil, so at least he knew they still lived. As for Ferodir, he had not seen him since the battle began.

"Togo hon dad, Legolas! Dago hon!" yelled Aragorn.

Haldir wondered what Legolas was supposed to bring down, but had no time to look. His blade slid deep into yet another Uruk-hai, his damp hair swinging as he swiveled just in time to block another's swing. And then there came a colossal roar the likes of which he had never heard in his life. For a moment it seemed to him that time stood still as a sizable section of the great wall of the fortress flew apart in a fiery eruption, breaking into chunks of all sizes that went hurtling high in the air along with the bodies of elves, men and Uruk-hai. An instant later, boulder-sized pieces of the wall crashed to the ground in front of the fortress, crushing many Uruk-hai beneath them.

It was unbelievable, and yet it had happened, and Haldir knew that it could spell disaster. By some foul means, the impenetrable had been penetrated.

The fortress had been breached.

xxx

Somehow she must have gone back to sleep, but Amarië woke instantly when Lornarië's hand touched her shoulder. "The Lady says you must come at once. She and Lord Celeborn await you at the mirror. She says it is time."

Amarië sprang from her bed and rushed from the room. Leaving Lornarië behind, she took the steps two at a time, hurrying through the city to the southeast corner where Galadriel's mirror sat. There, she found the Lord and Lady of Lórien standing before the silver basin already filled with water from the stream. Both were staring into it, but when Amarië arrived, they turned to her.

"The battle progresses," Galadriel said gravely. "Things do not go well, but there is still hope."

Amarië hurried forward, her emotions almost out of control. "I should have been here sooner."

"You needed rest," Celeborn informed her, not without gentleness. "You will need great strength for that which you must do. We are here to give you some of ours."

"What must I do?" Icy fear twisted inside Amarië as she peered warily into the water. But she saw nothing, not even her own reflection.

"You will know." The Lady's sapphire eyes probed hers. "Take our hands, child. For you to draw strength from us, we must complete a circle, then you may look into the mirror. Be not afraid. Do what you must, but do not linger. That is your only danger."

Obeying, Amarië accepted the Lord and Lady's hands, then gazed down into the still water. Gradually, the hazy outline of a great fortress appeared. She could see bodies, some lying still, some upright and swinging weapons, but everything was indistinct. Her eyes began to burn, grow heavy. She blinked, and blinked again, but it was no use. She could not keep her eyes open, yet for some reason this did not worry her.

The hands grasping hers seemed to meld with her own, become a part of her, as though she and Galadriel and Celeborn were all one being. Her body trembled, vibrating as though seized with a great power. Her eyes remained closed, but she could see straight through her eyelids. A river of brilliant, flashing lights streamed past. She heard a curious rushing sound, like soft wind whispering through a waterfall of pearls. Swirling colors drew her, lifting her up, and she clearly saw a glowing hand reach out. Her father's hand.

Come, my daughter. It is time.

She could feel her father take her hand, yet at the same time, she knew she was still holding on to Galadriel and Celeborn. Her father's sweet, familiar scent filled her head, the slide of his silken hair soft against her arm. His smile warmed and reassured her.

What must I do? she asked, calmed by her father's presence.

You know what to do. Light has more power than darkness.

Yes, Adar, this I know.

She recognized the place where he was taking her, where they had come so many times before. As always, she gazed around, fascinated by the spinning lights, the small eddies of gold and silver, the sparkle of sun and stars dancing gleefully in ever-shifting threads, shimmering like ithildin under a full moon.

Your love for him shines like a bold beacon in the night. It holds untold power. This I have taught you. Do you remember? Do you remember the lessons? Fëa to fëa, hroa to hroa, you are bound to each other. This makes it possible for you to defend him.

Far below, she could see herself, still standing with closed eyes beside the mirror. She could feel the sizzle of Celeborn and Galadriel's power mingling with her own, adding to the strength and potency of her spirit.

I am the Shield,
she said with growing wonder. This is what you taught me.

They flew upward. It seemed so easy, so effortless, to float within the rainbows, inhaling heady colors and rich sensations. They were soaring high, high above the earth, higher than they had ever gone before. Far below, she could see gleaming rivers and deep forests, snow-capped mountains and vast oceans. Yet she could also see, quite distinctly, two men on horseback, riding fast over the plains.

She pointed. Look. That is Ennis.

His time has come at last, her father agreed. Such joy I feel for him.

They were descending. They passed Ennis, and in what seemed like only seconds, approached the fortress of Helm's Deep. She recognized it at once, knew it from the twisted shadows, the black malice spewing over the rubble. Uruk-hai, thousands of them, crawled across the landscape and within the fortress, the iron blades of their weapons like jagged dragon's teeth set in rotting flesh. Fire and blood, death and destruction, spawned from the gaping, putrid mouth of Isengard.

And he whom she loved so much was lost in it.

You know what to do? You must wait for him to call to you. His call completes the circle. Remember, I cannot go with you. I cannot help.

I remember.

Do not tarry long! Be strong. He will call to you. You must be ready. Do what you must do and then come back!

He released her hand, and she was on her own.

xxx

Ennis signaled to Angus, and they both reined in their sweating horses. "Do you notice anything strange?"

"Strange?" Angus looked about them with a frown. "Aye, the terrain seems different here."

"Look around. Did we not leave Fangorn behind us but a short while ago?"

Angus swiveled, and his eyes widened. "Aye, we did. Where is it?" Under the light of the moon, they should have been able to see it.

"That is my question," Ennis said evenly. "Is this wizardry at work? Or Elvish magic?"

The other man shook his head, and looked a little frightened. "I know not."

Ennis surveyed their surroundings in silence, then stiffened as he suddenly heard a voice speak inside his head. Do not stop, it commanded with great authority. I have given you aid. You are now much closer to your destination than you were before. Go now. Ride swiftly. You have a task.

Ennis drew a breath, unsure what to tell Angus. "I feel we should continue," he said finally, "though I cannot explain my reason."

Angus gave him an odd look, but did not argue. Ennis's sentient mount gave a snort that sounded vaguely approving. Without an order, the horse started forward, and the other followed, leaving Ennis to ponder the meaning of this extraordinary event.

xxx

She could see Haldir clearly now. Uruk-hai surrounded him; they were swarming like roaches, their foul faces mindless with their lust to destroy life.

"Nan barad! Nan barad!"

She heard the command to retreat being shouted and passed on to others. Haldir paused for a second, no more than a breath, to glance sideways, then returned his gaze to the monstrous sea swirling around him. She ached to help, but could do nothing but watch in helpless frustration. She would have liked to look for Rúmil and Orophin and Ferodir, but she dared not take her attention away from Haldir. She must be ready.

"Haldir, nan barad!" A man's voice rose over the clanging of metal.

She saw Haldir nod his understanding and repeat it to those nearby. And then the moment came, the one for which she had been waiting. She saw it rising, the weapon with the hooked end, lifted by the hand of an Uruk-hai. She recognized it at once, recalled its hideous shape from her dreams. It was the tooth.

The bladed tooth.

Gripped with horror, she watched the weapon flash down and strike him, saw his stunned look as he took in what had happened. He clutched his arm against his side, gasping, his face betraying his astonishment and disbelief. Then her blood froze as she saw another Uruk-hai rise up behind him. This one held an axe.

Haldir! She tried to shout a warning, but he did not seem to hear, nor did he see the monster raise the weapon. His pain and shock distracted him, prevented him from sensing what he should have sensed. Why did he not move? Why did he not turn or look around? Call to me! her heart screamed. Hear me!

Amarië, where are you?

It whispered past her like the flutter of a sparrow's wings. In the last possible instant, his soul had answered, reaching out to complete the circle.

She had practiced countless times and knew exactly what to do. She flew to him, cleaving her essence to his back, forming herself into a Shield created by the power and strength and purity of Love. The axe was a weapon of darkness, forged by evil, wielded by hatred. Love was a weapon of the Light. And Light had more power than darkness.

The axe swung down. She was stronger now than she had ever been before. The binding of their hroas grounded and anchored her, giving her extra solidity with which to soften the horrendous force of the blow. When the impact came, she absorbed much of it. She felt the axe slow down as it sliced through her, striking his armor, splitting it, sinking into his flesh. He was wounded, but she felt certain she had saved him, for the axe had not gone deep, nor had it hit his spine.

Meleth nín, she murmured tenderly. I am here.

He was falling to the ground, gazing at those around him who had already fallen. Sweat beaded his brow, but somehow she knew that he had heard her even though he could not answer. He was confused, dazed, losing awareness, losing blood. A man was running toward him, wrapping his arms around him. Whoever this man was, he seemed to care about Haldir. Then the man dropped him, clearly thinking him dead and needing to return to battle. He left Haldir lying with the other bodies. In fact, she acknowledged that he did indeed look dead. But he was not! He had put himself into a healing trance . . . hadn't he? She tried to feel his life force using their connection, but she lacked the strength.

Where was Ferodir?

Much weakened, she glanced around, moving away from Haldir. She had no power to carry him to safety; someone else must do that. She pushed forward wearily, gazing around at the elves within her view. She saw Rúmil lying on the ground, wounded but not dead. Further on, Orophin still fought, though blood flowed from a huge gash on his jaw. At last, she found Ferodir, propped against the exterior wall of the fortress. He had fallen, and his leg was broken, but he held his sword in front of him, still well able to protect himself from any who might approach.

Ferodir, she whispered into his mind. Can you hear me?

She saw his blue eyes widen. "Amarië?" he said incredulously.

Haldir lies among the dead, but still he lives. Do you hear? You must help him!

Ferodir smiled weakly, his intense pain visible. "What, my sweet, no concern for me? Here I sit in the middle of a battle with a broken leg, and all you can think about is the March Warden! I cannot move, my dear."

Amarië hesitated, gazing at Ferodir, then made a decision. She gathered herself into a small ball of Light and enfolded herself around the area of his injury. She heard him gasp, but she did not think it was with pain; then she released him and drew away.

She was far, far weaker now. She had tarried too long, given up too much of her energy. She had not the strength to find her way back, or even to see where she was. Everything was fading, becoming indistinct. She drifted, unable to see Ferodir any more, or even the fortress. It was growing dark. Very dark. Fear gnawed at her heart.

Where was she? She was sliding, losing her purchase. To the east, she could see the great eye of Sauron, huge, lidless, malevolent. Furious.

And she knew that she was lost. Lost in the horrifying darkness of the void.

xxx

Ennis and Angus reached Helm's Deep just in time to see the charge of the Rohirrim down the hill. They had not discussed the fact that they should not have arrived when they did, that it was impossible for them to have gone so far so fast. Some things were better left unspoken. Ennis had spent the remaining hours of travel mulling it over, and had decided to discuss it with the Lady when he returned to Lothlórien. And he fully intended to return.

Later, when it was over, he would remember the battle but hazily, the clashes of swords, the thunder of hooves, the sight of the one known as Gandalf the White mounted upon Shadowfax, the greatest of the wild horses known as the Mearas. Victory was at hand, but as the fighting progressed, Ennis found himself becoming more and more concerned about the welfare of the elves. He almost felt as though they were his people. And for some unknown reason, he believed that the task he had been assigned had much to do with them.

The wounded were being moved into the caves, where there were women with healing skills who could tend to them. Ennis searched among the bodies, and to his surprise came across Ferodir almost immediately. He dismounted his horse and went to him at once, wishing he spoke Elvish. He had learned a few words during his stay in Lórien, but nothing that would avail him now.

"Haldir?" he asked, surveying the dark-haired elf.

Ferodir held out his hand. "Help me. We will find him." He displayed no surprise at Ennis' unexpected appearance.

"You speak my tongue?" Ennis asked in amazement.

"A little," Ferodir admitted with a crooked smile. "Not much."

Despite his injury, Ferodir did not seem to be in pain, which Ennis found rather peculiar. Directing the horse to follow, he supported Ferodir, and they moved along, searching for survivors as they worked their way through the rubble. The bodies of elves lay everywhere, but according to Ferodir, many were not dead. Again and again, he pointed to one, indicating that the elf lived, and Ennis would in turn summon someone nearby to carry the elf into the caves. They found Rúmil lying behind the upper wall, a great split in his armor. He was seriously wounded, but breathing and in a healing trance. A minute later, they found Orophin, also wounded, also alive. His eyes were open and he was conscious.

Ennis discovered that he no longer needed Ferodir to tell him which elves were alive. He was starting to sense them. "That one lives," he said, pointing to an Imladris elf who appeared quite dead.

Ferodir nodded, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he gazed at Ennis. "Yes," he agreed, but did not ask how Ennis knew.

Ennis had no explanation, nor did it seem to be important to seek one at this moment. Finding Haldir had become of paramount importance in his mind. With the passing of every minute, he grew more and more anxious to find the elf who was his sister's husband.

Where was the March Warden?

xxx

Amarië looked around wildly. She knew not what to do. Had she saved Haldir only to lose herself forever?

Adar? Where are you? Adar!

She had been calling and calling, but if her father had answered, she could not hear his voice. Panic clutched at her heart. She must remember her lessons! Ada? she almost sobbed.

Remember the Light.

Who had spoken these words? Not her father. A majestic male voice. One with great authority.

Where was the Light?

Where had it always been? She looked up.

Stars. Multitudes of them.

And at once the darkness receded.

Incredibly, she realized she was hearing the music of the Ainur, the Holy Ones, the first offspring of the One, the primordial spirits who, with Ilúvatar, had created the world. Echoes of those first haunting songs still resounded throughout the very fabric of the universe, and she could hear it, not with her ears but with her essence. All life pulsed with it, every tree, every rock, every creature.

She saw stars in the sky, though it was not the night sky, but another kind of sky.

Not a sky of darkness, but one of Light, filled with the power and might of the One, the Creator known as Eru, Ilúvatar, the Father of All. Each glittering star was an individual soul, its radiance proclaiming its sheer, boundless joy in its own existence. Each stood in its rightful place amid the vast firmament of All That Is.

She focused on the closest stars, those of the Elves, whose immortal souls were bound to Arda. They were scattered, grouped in clusters, bonded by common purpose and culture. They were in Lothlórien, Imladris, Mirkwood, and other places unknown to her. Some were in Valinor, a few were on ships sailing across the sea. Some belonged to those residing peacefully in Mandos. And some were here, at Helm's Deep.

Some glowed red, and, without knowing how, she knew these belonged to the empaths and seers, those whom the Valar had gifted with special abilities. Others, not many, glowed with a soft blue light, but she knew not what that color meant. Many stood in pairs, as though mated. And there were some, not many, who stood even closer, their light reaching out to each other as though they were connected in some extraordinary way.

Where did her star belong? How was she to tell where her place was when there were so many? Could she find her way back?

I am ready, she cried. Ready for answers!

Remember the Light. Proclaim the Truth of Who You Are.

I Am, she whispered. I am part of the Light. Since the dawn of time, I have freely chosen this. I belong in the Sky with the others. With he who is a part of me.

Very good, said the majestic voice. It sounded slightly amused. You are starting to remember.

Remember what? She looked around for the source of the voice, which seemed to come from all directions.

"Child, I am here."

She spun around and saw him—magnificent, tall, dazzling and vibrant, the greatest of the Valar. Manwë, King of Arda, Lord of the West.

She fell upon her knees, knowing him at once. "My lord."

"Amarië. You have done well, but you lingered too long. You were warned of this."

"I know." She lowered her gaze.

"Do you remember? Are the memories returning?"

"Of the time before?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper. "A little, my lord."

"Look at me."

If she had thought Galadriel's eyes ancient and wise, they were nothing compared to those of the Vala, Manwë. He came close and rested his fingers on the center of her forehead, sending a wavelike tingle jolting throughout her essence.

"When you enter the world," he said, "you cannot carry with you all the knowledge you possess. But here, in this place, you are allowed to remember. You and he chose each other at the beginning, knowing and accepting the sacrifice you would have to make to attain that which you desired. Those who are mated, fëa to fëa, enjoy a unique oneness with each other, one that others can never know. But those who are so linked are also called to serve. And you have both borne the pain of your separation with strength and dignity."

"The years apart," she said slowly.

Manwë nodded gravely. "Millennia. Not many had the courage to make that choice, though that path offers rich lessons and rewards. He chose to take physical form and become a guardian of his people. You chose to stay behind so that you could watch over him and protect him until the right and perfect moment came for you to be born."

"But when that time came," she said, as the memories slowly gathered like a sunrise in her mind, "no more elves were being born."

"You knew this was a risk. So it was that Celebrenin's weakness served a great purpose, and for that reason, he was allowed to become your Teacher. Do you remember this?"

"Yes."

And she did remember. Her Truth was that that she was not young, but ancient. She remembered watching over Haldir, protecting him with the power of her love throughout all the long years of his life. She had whispered words of love to him in his dreams, achingly aware that come morning he would never remember. She had been privy to his most secret thoughts, and indeed had chosen her physical form knowing exactly what would be most pleasing to his eye. And she also knew that they had been apart far longer than most. Several times had she turned down opportunities to join him, giving up her place to another whose need was greater.

"Because of your birth, you have the choice of the half-elven. What do you choose?" Manwë sounded mischievous, for he well knew what her answer would be.

Amarië touched her heart. "For me, there is only one choice. I choose life with Haldir. I choose immortality."

"We expected nothing else," said a musical female voice. "Haldir has served his people well and deserves to live. If you chose mortality and died, he would despair and die of a broken heart, and that would not serve your purpose."

Amarië's gaze shifted, and she was again overwhelmed as a tall, breathtakingly beautiful female came into view. Without being told, she knew she was in the presence of Varda, known also as Elbereth, greatest of the Queens of the Valar. The Vala's waist-length hair shone like spun gold, her iridescent gown woven from the light of the stars that she had placed in the night sky, stars formed from the dew of the White Tree Telperion, the Silver Tree of Valinor.

"Many times have you saved his life without his knowledge. This was part of the plan. Yours and his. To be together, bound to each other in all possible ways, has long been the destiny you planned for yourselves. For your love for each other burns as bright and true as the fiery fruit of Laurelin, the Golden Tree of Valinor from whence the sun was wrought."

The lovely Vala smiled graciously. "You have each passed the test of separation and have earned your reward. Henceforth, you will be protected from all harm. Neither sword nor arrow nor axe shall slay you, for as long as you uphold that which is true and good, you and your mate will be shielded by the grace of Manwë and Elbereth. The link between you entitles you to that greatest of all gifts, everlasting passion for each other and for life. You will never tire of each other, nor will you ever feel the weariness of living that weighs so many others down."

Elbereth presented Amarië with her hand, upon which glowed several starlike rings filled with brilliant light. As Amarië pressed her lips to the Vala's fingers, Elbereth said, "You have one more duty to fulfill, though I do not think you will find it burdensome, for it was one of the reasons you chose this path. Haldir's accomplishments and selfless service, your sacrifices and courage, these grant you and your mate the right to be among the Life-Givers of the Slain."

"Six have chosen you," Manwë revealed. "The seventh is a gift."

"Beyond that, the choice is yours," Elbereth added, her voice so soft and kind it washed over Amarië like a warm summer rain.

Life-Givers of the Slain? The words echoed in Amarië's head. Oh, yes. Yes! Now she remembered that too, and the memory filled her with enormous, bursting joy. This was also their destiny, the destiny she and Haldir had freely chosen so very long ago!

But she still had to find her way back.

"There is one who can help you find your way," the King of Arda informed her. "The one who shares your blood can give you needed strength. Even now Ennis begins to embrace his heritage."

"Ennis is already here?" Amarië asked in confusion. "How can that be?"

Manwë inclined his head. "It is so because it is my will. He has a task to do, a lesson to learn, a friendship to tend." His hand swept out, directing her attention. "Look there, Amarië. Even now, it begins."

Once again she could see the fortress of Helm's Deep. She looked for Ennis, and soon found him, bending over the body of her beloved husband, lifting Haldir in his arms as gently as if he were a child. Ferodir stood nearby, leaning against a wall, an odd smile on his lips as he watched them.

Tears welled in Amarië's eyes. "He lives?" she asked tremulously.

"Yes, child, he lives. Many Children of Eru have passed from this world this day, but Haldir of Lórien is not one of them. That is not his destiny."

Suddenly, Amarië noticed the soft blue light surrounding Ennis. She turned back to Manwë, who smiled at her bewilderment.

"Look at yourself," he said.

She obeyed, and for the first time noticed that she also glowed blue.

What did it mean? Why did she not remember? Unless . . . ?

"Yes, Amarië. Blue is the color of the half-elven."

tbc

Elvish Translations:
A Eruchîn, ú-dano i faelas a hyn an uben tanatha le faelas! - O Children-of-Eru, show them no mercy for you shall receive none.
Togo hon dad, Legolas! Dago hon! - Bring him down, Legolas! Kill him!
Nan barad! - To the Keep!
Adar - father
Ada - daddy