Title: "A Talk Between Friends"
Author: Lila
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: Carly, Jason
Spoiler: none
Length: one-shot
Summary: Carly and Jason, further on up the road.
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of "General Hospital"
Author's Note: This is a very old story I wrote a few years ago but is still applicable nowadays. As I said back then, I'm not sure what this is. I heard the song, got inspired, and this is what resulted. I hope you enjoy. Song courtesy of The Moody Blues
"The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live."
- Joan Borysenko
The saying was true, Jason Morgan decided, "the more things change the more they really do stay the same." He was back in one of his old haunts, a faceless bar on a nameless street that catered to the lost and broken-hearted. He had never expected to see this place again, to walk through its familiar door and relive old memories. But now he was back, to repay a friend he abandoned in her time of need.
The place looked exactly the way he remembered it. The air was still smoky, the pool table still crowed, the people's faces still those of the downtrodden. He saw her the instant he came through the door. She was sitting at their table, a half empty beer in front of her. He couldn't see her face through the hazy air, but he didn't need to – he'd have recognized her blindfolded. She looked up as he walked in and smiled, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
She' was lucky, the years hadn't taken their toll on her. Her skin was as smooth as the day he met her, and only a few laugh lines fanned from the corners of her eyes. She was still beautiful. She'd always be beautiful. Only her eyes betrayed her age. They were dark, haunted in her fragile face, far too knowing for someone so young. She was barely thirty-five years old, yet her eyes were far older. She'd seen too much in her few years, felt too much pain. That's why he was back, to see her and make amends.
He ran a hand through his hair and made his way to her table. He wondered if she'd notice the changes in him. He was almost forty, yet he looked far younger. His body was still fit and his hair was free of gray. He knew he looked good; he'd always looked good. He just wondered if she'd appreciate it anymore. He glanced around the bar, taking in the other patrons and customers. The jukebox was playing a loud, thumping beat and the dance floor was packed. He watched the dancers, memories flashing before his eyes of younger versions of themselves, fighting to find their place in this weary town.
"Is this, um, a private game? Or can anyone play?"
"It's your quarter."
"Do you wanna break?"
"No, no. You go ahead."
"I don't take favors. Why don't we lag for it?"
He smiled at the memories, wishing he could be that innocent again. But times had changed, as well as people, and he'd never be as free as he was then. The song changed as he neared her table and the couples seemed to melt into one another. She smiled as he neared the table and gestured to the empty chair.
"I didn't think you'd come," she said.
He dropped into the chair and looked at her from across the table. "Didn't I promise to always catch you when you fall?"
She smiled weakly and tears brimmed in her eyes. "It's so good to have you back. I need you so much."
He smiled in return. "It's good to be back."
He reached across the table and took her hand in his. "How are you holding up?"
She looked at him through tear-filled brown eyes. "Okay, I guess. I have to be strong for the kids. I–I miss him so much, Jase."
He squeezed her hand. "I know. I miss him too. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for the funeral."
"It's okay. You had things to do."
He shook his head. "No, I should have been there. You needed me."
"You're here now and that's what counts."
"I'm not leaving again, Carly. I'm back for good."
"I'm so glad. I've missed you so much."
"How are things going?"
"Good, or at least as good as they can be. I keep busy running the club. I'm opening a new one in New York City in the fall and that takes up a lot of my time. I run carpools for the kids…" she trailed off, her eyes tearing again. She pulled her hand back and wiped the tears from her eyes. "They'll be so happy you're here."
"How are they?" Jason asked carefully, not wanting to upset her more. "I have presents for them."
"Michael's almost thirteen now. He starts high school in September. He's playing football and gotten really big."
"And the girls?"
"They're doing okay. They still don't really understand where their daddy went, but they're coping."
"Carly," Jason started hesitantly. "I know this is very difficult for you, but I need you to answer some questions for me."
"About what?"
"Sonny, and how he died."
"No!" she said firmly. "You read the police report. You know how he died."
"I know the official reason, but you and I both know that's no where near the truth. Carly, I've been out of the loop for a long time. I need to know what happened."
"Why? What will it change? My husband will still be dead and my kids will still be fatherless!"
"To protect you and your family. Sonny's death wasn't an accident, and whoever had him killed will come after you. I know Zander's taking care of things for now, but his heart isn't in it. He can't protect you forever."
"I'll be fine," Carly hissed. "I can take care of myself."
"Carly, you're not as strong as you think– and you're not invulnerable. Remember Sonny being shot in the snow? The shootout at Luke's club? Brenda getting shot at in the shower? Sonny had a lot of protection, but he couldn't control everyone. It's going to be worse now that he's gone."
She glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest. He winced at the anger in her eyes, but after a few minutes realization set in and her features softened. "Okay," she agreed softly. "What do you want to know?"
He smiled sympathetically and took her hand again, giving her his silent support. He rubbed the palm of her hand with his thumb and she relaxed a little, the anger disappearing from her eyes. "I need to know exactly what happened that night, Carly. Every detail, no matter how trivial it seems."
She took a deep breath and ran a hand through her hair. "I don't even know where to start."
"Let's go with the beginning. What were you doing that night?"
She nodded her head. "We were supposed to go to dinner at the No Name and then dancing at club." She rubbed her temples slightly and her forehead pinched as she struggled to remember. "There was something wrong with that night. I had a bad feeling, but I couldn't place what was off. Michael had sprained his wrist at football practice and the girls were extra whiny. Ali kept begging me to stay home and Ginny had a fever. I remember thinking it was odd that something was wrong with all of them at the same time, but I chalked it up to them being young. I mean, they're kids. They get hurt all the time."
"What happened next?"
"We went to dinner and then to the club. We were having a great time, laughing and dancing and celebrating because I'd just gotten city approval to start renovations for the new club. Then. . ." she trails off.
"Carly, I know this is hard. What else happened?"
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them they were clouded with confusion and grief, but she continued the story. "He went to get the car," she whispered. "I was saying goodbye to Zander and he went to get the car with Johnny. We were talking–laughing–and we heard a shot. I knew it was Sonny. I just knew. I ran outside and he was lying there…he's dead and Johnny's still in a coma. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I never got to say "I love you" one last time."
Jason squeezed her hand again. "He knew you loved him."
She looked at him with anguished eyes. "Did he? Did I say it enough? We were always too busy fighting to say, "I love you."
Jason smiled. "Someone once told me that "just because two people argue doesn't mean they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do." Sonny knew you loved him just as much as he loved you. Everyone knew it."
"But that doesn't change anything. He's still dead and you still think I'm in danger."
Jason leaned forward slightly. "Tell me, what was Sonny like right before his death? Did he mention anything to you?"
Carly laughed harshly. "You know we never talked about business. But now that you mention it, he did seem distracted. He was on the phone with Benny a lot."
Jason's forehead knit into a frown. "That's what I thought. Carly, I didn't want to tell you this, but something's going down. Sonny's death wasn't an accident."
"I know. People don't get shot in parking lots by accident."
"It's dangerous here. You shouldn't be alone."
"I've done dangerous before. I can take care of myself."
"And risk being killed? Whoever murdered Sonny isn't going to stop. He's going to come after every member of Sonny's family until there's no one left. People are already scrambling to take over his territory and I can't hold them off forever. There's going to a full out street war and you're going to get caught in the crossfire. I've already alerted Juan, Courtney, and Mike and they'll be okay, but you're in danger."
"So you'll stay with me and keep my safe. I trust you, Jase."
"I know you do. But there's something else."
"Spit it out."
"I want to take you away for a while."
"No!" Carly cried.
"I want to take you away, at least until things settle down," Jason said calmly, trying to reason with her.
"Absolutely not!" she protested.
"You need to get away, Carly," Jason insisted. "Just until you heal and it's safe for you in Port Charles."
Carly pulled her hand out of Jason's grasp and shoved her hair off her face. "Just who do you think you are, Jason Morgan? You think that after ten years you can come back here and expect me to cater to your every beck and call? Well, guess what? Times have changed; I'm not that pathetic girl who needed your approval to survive. I have a life here, a family. I've learned to face my demons, Jase. I'm not running."
"I thought you wanted my help."
"I do. I want your support, your friendship. But I want it here, not in some far off place."
"I just want to help you heal, Carly. You can't do that here. You live in the same house; you're surrounded by all of his things. It's okay to run every now and then. No one will hold it against you if you go away for a few months to heal. You've suffered a major loss, Carly. You have the right to mourn."
She shook her head tearfully. "No, I don't. I have three children, a business. I can't just drop everything because I'm having a hard time. It's not that simple."
"It is that simple. You don't want to be here anymore. I can see it in your eyes. I know that's what you're thinking."
"You don't know anything about me."
He smiled knowingly. "C'mon, Carly. I know you better than you know yourself. It's the same for me. That's how it's always been. You're dying here. You can't hold it in forever."
"I have to be strong-"
"Being strong doesn't mean not grieving. You say you want to be strong for your children, but that means accepting he's really gone. I'm not asking much, just for you to pack up your things and spend a few months relaxing and moving on with your life."
She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair. "Why is this so important to you, Jase? Why are you pushing this trip so hard?"
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Because I owe you," he said softly. "I left you when you needed me and I want to make up for it."
"What are you talking about?" she asked.
"Right after you married Sonny the first time. I left you to fend for yourself when I knew you needed me. It was too hard for me to stay so I left-and look what happened: Sonny got shot, you turned him into the FBI, you went through a messy divorce…I keep thinking that maybe if I stayed, none of this would have happened."
It was Carly's turn to comfort him. "It's not your fault, Jase. You said so yourself."
He looked at her sadly, his blue eyes watery. "I should have been here. I should have helped him run the territory. If I had been here he wouldn't have gotten shot and died alone…" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I feel responsible, Carly. I want to make it up to you."
"I don't want your pity."
"I'm not offering it. I just want you to forgive me."
She smiled genuinely for the first time all night. "There's nothing to forgive. You had your reasons for leaving, just like I have mine for staying."
"Having a reason doesn't make it right. Carly, it's not good for you to be here. Please, let me take you away."
"Where to? Paris? London? Hong Kong? I can't just leave everything behind and start a new life in a place I know nothing about."
"We'll going to Sonny's island. I know you feel at peace there. You always feel at peace near the ocean."
"Jase–"
"I'm not talking about a permanent move. Just until you can get your life back together and the kids accept Sonny's death."
"I can't leave," Carly said hollowly. "Everything I know and love is here. I need stability. I need things that are familiar to me. I can't leave."
"You need change. You can't live in old memories, Carly. We'll take the kids and rest on the island. When you come back, you'll be a better person. I promise you."
She looked into his blue eyes, into the soul of a man she'd trusted for fifteen years. She knew he'd never let her down, always be there to take care of her. She knew he was right, too. She hated admitting it, but she couldn't avoid the truth in his eyes any longer. She was falling apart in Port Charles, living in memories of her life with a dead man. Their room was untouched, his clothes still in the closet, his opera CDs and pots and pans exactly where he left them. Every morning was a struggle to get out of bed and make it through the day, and the only reason she did it was for her children. Last week, when the kids were at school, she'd sat in her bathroom counting sleeping pills and wondering if she had enough. She couldn't go on like this, not if she wanted to come out okay. She owed it to her children to heal, to move one with her life–a life without Sonny. Being on the island would be good for everyone. The kids could get away from all the commotion, all the memories of Port Charles and learn to accept their father's death.
She looked at Jason again, saw the trust in his eyes, and agreed. "Okay," she said quietly. "I'll come."
He stood up and pulled her into a hug. "Don't worry, Carly. I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you."
"You promise?" she asked hesitantly, her eyes full of fear. "I can't do this alone."
"I promise. Let's go home," he said, picking up their jackets to leave.
"Wait," she said and laid a hand on his forearm. "Dance with me, for old times sake."
He looked in her eyes and saw the need, the yearning for contact-comfort. Without a word he took her hand in his and led her onto the dance floor. She settled into his arms like she was made for him, her body curving perfectly into his. She sighed softly and rested her head against his chest, breathing in his scent of leather and the night and comfort.
Lean on me
I'll be there
Whenever you need someone
To share in every prayer
In every dream
You've left somewhere
'Till tomorrow
Will be just like it was when we were young
'Cause tonight
I'm gonna take you where
I've never taken you before
He looked down at her, her eyes closed in surrender and her body clinging to his. He wanted her; he always had. But now was not the time. For so many years she wanted him and he pushed her away, always too afraid of the power she held over him. She was one of the few people with the power to hurt him, to tear him apart until there was nothing left. Now he was the one with the control and he was going to use it to make her better. He hated seeing her like this, hated the haunted look in her eyes. He wanted to put that special spark back in her eyes, see her smile just for him again. He wanted the old Carly back, the one he'd loved for fifteen years.
Lean on me
I'm every where
Where ever you look I'll be
Forever yours
The Northern lights
The Southern cross
I'll give to you
'Till tomorrow
Will be just like it was when we were young
'Cause tonight
I'm gonna take you where
I've never taken you before
Carly snuggled closer to Jason, luxuriating in the feeling of his arms around her. She felt so safe with him, like nothing could touch her, the way Jason had always made her feel. Happy didn't describe how she felt when she saw him walk through Jakes' doors. She hadn't thought he'd come. He was never one to face his problems so she didn't think he'd come back to confront them. But here he was, holding her in his arms and giving her the support she needed to go on. She thought about what he said, about how being strong didn't mean holding it in. She didn't feel vulnerable opening up to him or stupid. She felt at home. S he'd always felt at home with him. He was her first family after all: Carly, Jason and Michael and a cottage in the woods. It was her idea of paradise. Jason provided her with comfort, peace, that no other man could–not even her dead husband.
If you're lonely
You know where you can find me
You know there's no escape when you are on your own
And if you're worried
And you can see your world slip through your fingers
I'll reach out for you in my heart
There's no more dancing in the dark
It's always been that way for her and Jase. From the day she first walked into Jakes' and saw him standing there, looking so lost and alone, she fell in love with him. She'd loved him ever since and she knew she'd never stop. It wasn't that she didn't love Sonny, because she did and she'd mourn his passing for the rest of her life, but she loved him in a different way. Their relationship was all about fierce passion, not complete acceptance. Sonny might have been the keeper of her heart, but Jason was the keeper of her soul. She'd loved both men for so long she couldn't imagine life without one, but here she was, moving on when the love of her life was dead.
Or was he? Because Sonny might be dead, but she's holding a man whose love is as natural to her as breathing. She wasn't ready to move on and she might never be, but she knew that with Jason's support she'd be able to get through anything.
You're not alone
Tomorrow
Will be just like it was when we were young
'Cause tonight
I'm gonna take you where
I've never taken you before
She leaned back a little and looked at Jason, the sparkle he was longing to see glinting in the backs of her eyes. He kissed her forehead and nuzzled the top of her head. "It'll be, okay," he whispers against her hair. "I'll make it okay."
Will be just like it was when we were young
Tonight I'm gonna take you where
I've never taken you before
Will be just like it was when we were young
She smiled. "I know. We'll be okay together."
"Ready to go?" he asked.
"Now I am," she said and linked her arm through his. "Jason," she started hesitantly. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being you. For rescuing me whenever I need rescuing."
"It's my job."
"No, it's not. You have a life of your own. You don't have to rush to my rescue all the time."
"Hey, that's what friends are for."
She stopped suddenly and turned to face him. "Or more than friends."
He swallowed audibly and stared into her stricken eyes. "When you're ready."
She smiled sadly and kissed his cheek. " You know I love you."
"I love you too."
"Take me home, Jase? I wanna go home."
He took her hand and helped her onto the back of his motorcycle. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, sinking into the warm leather of his jacket, clinging to the hard muscles of his back. She knows she doesn't have to, because he'll never let anything happen to her. That's just the way it is with them. He'd protect her forever, always keep her safe, because he loved her and that's what people do for those they love. She thinks back to something she said when she was in Ferncliff all those years ago, "You know, love is not what you say, it's what you do." People say you're lucky to find real love once in your life; she was lucky to have found it twice. Jason's words seemed to replay themselves over and over in her mind. He'd proven to her so many times that he loved her, would care for her always. It was true that actions speak louder than words. Sonny might be gone and she'd miss him forever, but there was a new future up ahead, with a man she could count on for the rest of her life.
Feedback is greatly appreciated!
