Masked Charade

Published: 14th September 2003
Pairings: Seto x Joey
Disclaimers: Jou and Seto are not mine (unfortunately), if they were they'd be the main characters of Yu-Gi-Oh and make out constantly. ^_^;;
Summary: Jou and Seto are friends- Seto likes guys, and is a real player. But all he's ever wanted was Jou. Can he ever work up the courage to tell the truth?

[Story Notes]: Let me see.This story only makes sense if you take on the OoC pretense that Seto and Jou are very good friends somehow, and that everyone knows that Seto likes guys- and that he is a really big player and dates tons constantly.

[Author's Notes]:
I finished writing this one just now. It's been a long time... since I updated ANY of my fanfiction. -_-;; Jantra and I have kind of been out of Contact.. and I sort of.. um.. hate High in Calcium (hence it hasn't been updated in forever), but I still kinda like this one. So this is the one that gets updated! Mu'whaha. I might write more if I get requests for it... but right now I'm happy with having 2 chapters, each the other character's P.O.V. *Sigh* I'm so sorry for such a long time without updating any of my fanfiction. I guess I have no fan-base now. LoL And this fanfiction... well, mind my excuses, but this chapter sucks a lot more than the last one. I was so uninspired- it's basically just a copy of the last chapter from a different point of view. While it was a nice exercise for me to write, it'll probably be a boring read for you guys. Sorry. -_-;; I apologize ahead of time. But for anyone who DOES still like this, and me (Yay! ^_^ ) Then go ahead n' tell me! I know.. this chapter does need work. But I'm too lazy to fix it. Hahaha! ^^;; Well, enjoy.




They call it backtracking.
Going backward through every step- trying to find clues to hint at how thing became they way they are.

I don't call it backtracking. I call it remembering. How we became friends. How he finally admitted things to me he had never admitted to anyone before. I even wondered if he was telling me for a real reason. Wondering if he was hinting at there being an "us". But it never seemed that it was really possible outside of my dreams.

Still the mechanics went on. Still the reports came in from him. About every guy he had used. It almost made me sick. They way he took them and left them. The way he used them-

but the truth was I was just jealous.


There I was, become a bit of a goody-two-shoes, if ya know what I mean. I was all pure and and innocent. Still just looking for that special someone- wondering all along if it was him. Hoping he would come around- but he never did.

It was about a year or so when I realized there was no point in saving myself for him. He had to have had a good hundred or more guys by then.

There was no purpose in waiting. It was better just to move on.

I found my tastes were picky. Always comparing someone to him-... if they didn't style their hair as well as his, or smell as nice as he did- I had some limits, of course.


I knew nobody could ever match up to him. I didn't care about his money or his cars or his mansion or his servants or his fancy clothes or his limos or his company or his duel monsters or his arenas or his tournaments or his blue eyes white dragons or his dueling abilities or his expensive food or his metal brief case or his expensive shoes or his perfect hair cut.

I just wanted someone nice. That would appreciate me.
That seemed to be one of the things Kaiba never seemed to have.
He was such a jerk- even after we became sort-of-friends.

Even after we had matured out of our habits of being rivals.
Even after we had left highschool to move on a year or two later.

Things were always the same.
He was insensitive to the people that fell in love with him.
They dropped like flies.

But he didn't care.

It's good that I didn't let him hear my buzz.


-


I sit there waiting for him.

tap, tap, tap

Gently knocking my foot on the floor. Where is he? Why hasn't he shown up yet? Wasn't he supposed to come by and pick me up?

tap, tap, tap

My foot is on the hard wood floor again. These are my nice shoes. My dress shoes. I don't wear them unless it's a special occasion. Well, it's sort of a special occasion.

tap, tap, tap

No it's not. It's not a special occasion at all. I'm kidding myself- making this into more than what it really is. It's not supposed to be anything special. We're going out so he can MEET other people, like we do every weekend. We're doing the same old thing so he can go pick up anothe guy and use him.

tap, tap, tap

And I'm going out to dance a little, and then get totally plastered and sulk in a corner by myself about how I'll never have him- even though I've tried to forget him so many times.

because it'll never happen.

tap, tap, tap

Why do I kid myself like this? We're not going on a date. By the end of the night, he'll just have another one. Another one to use. Another one to get rid of the next day- and probably never see again.

That smooth-talking jerk.

tap, tap, tap

my foot is waiting. Longing. I need to be out on that dance floor again. Be free again. Somehow I had picked up dancing during my last years of highschool... it had taken a lot of practice- me being a total idiot with my feet, and all. But now that I could do it perfectly, pulling of stunts I never would have thought possible, I felt free. Truly free when I danced... besides, it was fun.

tap, tap, tap

Speaking of things that are fun. This wasn't. I didn't want to stay there... waiting for him to come. Like it was Prom Night or something. Like he'd come to the door wearing a tuxedo, holding flowers for me, then my parents would come running down those always silent stairs and my little sister would smile and wave goodbye as Kaiba escorted me out the door in his limo.

What a joke that was.
What a dreamer I was...

tap, tap, tap

Okay. So here's the plan. I go find someone nice... don't try too hard... but maybe, just maybe I'll find someone...

The last couple of people I ended up dating were a mixed bag. Some were nice, some were jerks. But overall I picked them because I liked them- even though none of them could match up... to him.

tap, tap, tap

Where IS he?! Isn't he late? What's going on? What's keeping him so long?

tap, tap, tap

God! Why do I care so much? It feels like my heart is going to burst...

tap, tap, t-


It's a knocking on the door!
That must be him!

I get up and almost run to the door- then remind myself. Must... remain... calm.

I *try* to saunter over to the door as best as I can without tripping over things... or myself.
(but it's more of a nervous stride).

I reach the door and open it.

And nearly faint.
- or maybe I did but wasn't aware of my fainting


There he stands, in all his glory. Looking as handsome as ever. Looking hansomer than as handsome as ever. With looks that could kill. And if only he knew he was killing me right now. Damn, I can more than see what all those guys see in him... but... I've retained my jealousy. Thrown it into a little far-away place at the back of my mind for storage.


And then I realize. This is my stumbling block. This is why things never work out in any of my relationships. No matter how hard I try- I realize, it is only a diversion, to try and keep my mind away from HIM. Because he's the one I want... but it's useless to try.

So here I go again. Another night where I try and find someone new to meet with, almost fall in love with- but not quite (because they're just not Kaiba), and then have a lasting, meaningful relationship with for, Oh, I don't know... three months? Maybe four? Then we break it off because things die out.


because they say i seem "distracted"
because they see me looking around them instead of at them
because every time Kaiba walks by they become unimportant
because every time he walks by, HE is all I see
because i can't concentrate when he's in the room
because he's got this magnetic thing on me.. and there's nothing i can do to free myself

But I have to for the moment. Gotta pull myself away from getting too close to him. To kissing him- or trying to. To... doing anything.

Dammit. It was better when we were enemies. Then at least I could be physically close to him, but not always hanging around with him, feeling tortured every time he was near.

Instead I was stuck with there being basically zero chance of anything between him and me beyond friendship.

Now I was stuck with being his lackey.

I had nothing to do other than to hang out with him, and listen to stories about all the guys he "had" yesterday.

And he didn't even seem to care about them- it was so casual.

I think he knew he was the guy everyone wanted to be.. that they admired.
He was they guy that everyone wanted to be WITH.

And he played it up as much as he could.
the bastard. Charming everyone in sight...

like it was easy.


-

Wild lights. Beating. Flashing. The beat picks up. I'm sweeping across the chaotic dance floor. I'm up on my toes, and down the next second. The crowd surrounds me haphazardly. The music continues- with no end in sight. Going on and on and on. A definite beat is there. And I'm twirling, spinning, flipping, doing everything I can possibly contort my body into under my command. My clothing feels like it is clinging onto my body for dear life as I pull off some more insane moves and the crowd around me sways to the ominous music that looms over the dance floor. It smells of sweat and alcohol, but I don't care. It's certainly the intoxicating mix, and it only drives me on more. The warmth of the crowd generates more energy for me...

And then it's all over.

As the music finishes, and slows to a stop.

I see Kaiba slip in through the doorway. Several heads turn, but he pretends he doesn't even notice. Like usual. Always playing the cool one, eh? He always had everyone staring at him... and always made it look as though he were immune to it. He ignored those looks as though they weren't looking at him at all.


// He approached me, his feet touching the ground.
As he walked toward me I could see his hair moving slightly, almost floating, with his walk.
His clothing rustled behind him, leaving a trail that reminded me of a magnificent dragon's tail.
Those eyes of his were as cool and icy blue as ever. //
And his chin and his ears and his nose and his... it's all perfect.
No wonder. He's Seto kaiba.
It's hard to forget that, when one is standing in front of him. He's really hard to miss, I guess.

Especially since everyone is usually staring at him. Just like they are now...

// "Come on, Seto, Let's dance." I smiled at him softly. He paused, then shook his brown locks slowly. I guess he just didn't want to dance... maybe he was too good for it... too good for me. Just like everything else. Like everyone else. Who he took then left.

Maybe he feared if he took me he'd leave me too just like all the rest.
Or maybe the thought just never entered his head.. that I could be attractive.

"No!" I wanted to shout, "I too can be attractive! There is no reason you can't go out with me! Look! See how I have always longed to be with you. Can't you tell the way my heart breaks when you go off with some other guy? Can you not see that look of cultured longing in my eyes after all these years? Or the jealousy that reaps my soul when you tell tales of your previous dates?" But I stay silent.

[ For a brief second I could almost see a look cross over his face that rare appeared. He looked... almost sad. ]

Then he spun on his heels and ran straight out the other way.
. . . Like a frightened puppy dog.

-

Once or twice I skidded and slipped on the crumbling path; once or twice I nearly fell.
Once or twice I picked myself up.
Once or twice- no... more I felt my heart burst.

"Kaiba!" I cried.

he didn't even respond
didn't even turn around
wouldn't even give me
the time of day just like
always.

so why did I keep following?
why did I keep chasing a dream?

"SETO!" I released a strangled breath and with a final effort ran up to the other boy.

His hair hung down over his face so that I could barely see it, but under all that I knew he was holding back the tears in his eyes. His fists were clenched, and he might have been biting his lip- but I couldn't be sure.

"What's wrong?" I whimpered. Kaiba was the strong one of the two of us- always there with a brave word, a stern and reassuring look- now he was the weak one. I had to help him in a time of need. I slid an arm around my friend's shoulder hoping to calm him.

his noble chin raised-
his head followed
and those perfect lips
and the proud nose
and even those reluctant eyes followed- sombre and sober at last. Tears quelling their depths, sweltering with intense emotion.

and I did what felt right.
I pulled him into a tight embrace, and began to cry as well.

-

That night things only got worse.
or better.
Or maybe it was worse.
Yes. They got worse.

I am sure of it.

when we slept he made sure to stay far away from
as far away from
very far away from
me as possible
because

I don't know. But it was rather depressing for me and as the moonlight bathed us with it's hinderance flittering down through soft curtains I was at peace and wished I could be forever with him like this. Like that. Like then. Like now. Like always.

-

But tomorrow (which was today, and that day- the one I mean is evident...)

everything was the same as it had been before-
everything was exactly the same.
He went back to his usual "player" routine... and I went back to being the good boy that never did anything wrong.

Some random fool that was just another toy for him.
Like he was the cat- and the poor human being before him exited so he could bat at it with a lazy paw as it dangled above him...

and I knew he had sex with that boy.
but I couldn't bare to hear another glorious
'victoy' story from him about how he'd
taken another one.

maybe this one was a virgin. Or maybe he was just really good in bed.
Or maybe, just maybe, he was "the one"- though that seemed laughable
since the "great and powerful Seto Kaiba" had so many so far...
then again, it seemed perfectly plausible that eventually "the one" could
come along, and the more guys he "had" the closer he was getting to
finding out. Right?

wrong.

The whole idea - train of thought - train of thinking - it utterly repulsed me.
And I wanted to get as far away from him and that room as I could.

-

I went for a walk that day, out in the bright sun. The building behind me was made of grey rounded bricks, very European, with some very elegant flowers on the walk-way, and some solemn poppies on display. A few glossy trees shaded over part of the area, giving a nice texture to the pathway. It seemed very trenched in time, yet so... pure. Like all of it's troubles were long over...

when would mine be?

-

it was another party that he turned
and fled from. I don't understand him.
Everything was left staring- startled.
As was I.

What was so wrong with him? I had only gone over to talk with him at a brief intermission..
And he fled.

What was wrong with me now?! He didn't want to be seen in public with me anymore?
Was he afraid people might think we were dating, and he'd never get any guys that way?
Was he afraid people disliked me and if they found out that he and I were friends they wouldn't date him?
Was that the problem?
What WAS the problem?!

I had to find out.
I couldn't just... sit there and watch him run out into the night.. so alone.

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?" I questioned.

This time he couldn't cover his tears with his hair.
I knew they were there- and I could see them-
As silvery beads flew down his face with gossamer wings like dew-drenched cobwebs
looping across his face like the self-same broken sniffles accompanying those tears.

"You'd never understand." he mumbled through his choked sobs.

I put a firm hand on his arm.

"I can try." I stated simply. If he wasn't even going to give me a chance, there was no point.
What the hell did he mean by saying that I'd never understand? How long had I been his friend for?

Long enough to be able to *understand*, anyway.

And he burst into a huge sobbing speech- that was so beautiful that I wanted to never forget it.
I wanted to swallow those words and keep them inside of me forever...
Because they were so... overwhelming.

He was telling me.. That he loved me.
That he loved me more than anyone.
And it was so powerful I can't even *begin* to put that emotion into words. I can't even try. Because feeble words will never be able to express something wrought so deeply within our souls.

"K.. Kaiba..." I managed to stutter.

He told me to be quiet, and hung his head in a dejected manner, but I lifted his head...
To confirm the feeling- as he could see those very same tears in my eyes...
Because I knew they were welling up as well.
because I knew that I couldn't keep all that emotion inside of me...
Not any longer.
Not any longer.
Not... any... longer.

As always, he was the brave one.
he told me how he felt.

And drew him into a kiss, those tears still smudging out my vision partially, gradually more and more...
Until I could not see at all...

But it didn't matter as his warm lips met mine...
As our breaths meshed into one.

because...

because he loved me BACK.
Because it wasn't unrequited.
Because I wouldn't be alone forever...
And I knew I'd always have him.