Title: Jumping Through Hoops
Spoilers: Season 5, after Checkpoint and The Body
Disclaimers: Nothing is mine, all is Joss' and ME. I only wish I was half
as talented.
Feedback: Please oh please. I love it, and it helps to encourage me
Notes: Many thanks to Marsterslady, my co-conspirator.
Rating: PG for this part
Chapter 6
The next morning Giles was greatly disappointed when Xander picked him up from the hospital to take him home. After Anya had left the night before, he wasn't allowed any visitors. The doctor proclaimed him stable, but in need of rest. He had to stay overnight, and was hoping Buffy would come to take him home. But it was Xander. He sighed in resignation. He knew he shouldn't have even hoped. After what he had done to her, kept from her, she would probably never speak to him again. His heart was as broken as his body at that thought.
Xander filled him in on what had occurred. Buffy had given the hoops to Willow, and she had taken them and driven to Los Angeles. Only Eygone could destroy the hoops, and Eygone was in LA inside the vampire Angel. Angel had swallowed the hoops, which had caused Eygone to receive his own power inside of himself. Eygone imploded inside of Angel. That had been quite a show apparently. The vampire's face and body had twisted and shook like no other body could, before relaxing in a heap on the floor. Now Angel was fine, but a bit exhausted. Willow had phoned from there this morning to say that all was fine, and she'd be back later that afternoon.
Ethan had gotten away again. They were all sure he'd come back some day to wreak havoc again.
When Xander opened the door to Giles' apartment, the Watcher was amazed to see everything in it's proper place. It was immaculate, and not the disaster area he had remembered from his struggles earlier with Ethan's thugs. Xander smiled at him, "Buffy's doings." The older man smiled. Xander helped him to sit on the sofa. "Sorry G Man, but I can't stay. Have to get to work. Will you be okay?"
"I'll be fine. Thank you Xander."
"You bet. See you later. We'll all check in on you later and bring pizza, okay?" Xander hurried out the door and drove off to make it to work on time.
Giles sat on the sofa a moment longer, admiring his now clean and organized living room. Buffy had done this. Perhaps they could still mend their friendship after all?
It was a bit later when he noticed the envelope on the coffee table. His name was written on the envelope in what he recognized as Buffy's handwriting. His heartbeat began to race as he opened the letter and began to read.
Giles,
I promised myself in that warehouse that if and when we got out of there, I would tell you some things I've wanted to say for some time. But alas, I've chickened out when it comes to speaking to you in person. Thus, this letter. I think I would get all tongue tied, and not say what needs to be said if I were to speak to you in person. But this letter does not lessen the meanings behind the words of which I write.
We both should have learned our lessons by now, don't you think? Every time we hide something from one another, or lie to each other, we hurt each other. I have hurt you immeasurably in the past. I'm taking a vow right now to never hurt you intentionally ever again. From this day forward, no more lies, and no more hiding.
I hid Angel from you. You lied to me about my 18th birthday. We have both betrayed each other, and we have always both forgiven each other without even asking for it.
The past is the past, including what happened this morning. Before you feel all guilty, and I feel all angry, let's just forget it and start fresh.
Here's the deal. See, I love you. I've known it for some time, but haven't been able to tell you. I think I knew it the day you plunged that sword into the Mayor. But with everything that was happening, there was no time for me to express my undying love and all that. And Angel was still around, which was confusing. I knew then that my love for him wasn't real. I wanted it to be real, but it was more of a fantasy than anything that could be real. Real is you. Real is knowing that you know everything about me and accept me for who I am, even when I hurt you. Real is your loyalty to me, and mine to you, through anything that can come at us. Real is your strength, and the green in your eyes. Real is the smell of your aftershave, and your morning cup of tea. Real is the way my heart aches when I've hurt you. And real is the jealousy I felt at Olivia wearing your shirt.
I came that morning to tell you how I was feeling, but then I saw her, and you told me to grow up and be on my own...so that is what I tried to do. But without you, I lost myself. I was with Riley because I was trying to be normal, but normal for me isn't real. I never loved Riley. He could never replace you in my heart. I pushed you away all that year because I hurt too much knowing you were with her.
You've never said anything, but I think that Olivia left you after the Gentlemen. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry if you are in pain or sad because of that. Part of me wishes that meant that we could be together now, as I have longed for us to be together for so long now. But I know you don't see me in that way. You do love me, I know that. But you love me as a daughter. Well, I'm not your daughter, and I don't want to be that to you.
I feel I'm rambling now. The entire point of this letter was to tell you that I love you. You are loved by me. And I give that love to you willingly. You don't have to respond. I understand it's not the same for you. And I don't want you to say it's just a phase I'm going through, or that I'll grow out of it or anything. I'm the Slayer. I don't have much more growing up to do. My life is short. I know this. Perhaps this fight with Glory will be my last. But I didn't want to leave these words unsaid between us. This is not a phase. It grows deeper everyday. And I love you enough to let you go, as the saying goes. I love you enough to not expect anything from you. But life is too short to leave things unsaid. I know I am taking a chance in losing you forever by giving you this letter. It was something I needed to do however.
Please know that no matter what happens, we'll always remain friends, and you will always be in my heart. I'll give you some space for awhile. I need to concentrate on Dawn anyway.
I know I've never said it enough, or at all, but I am sorry for all the times I ever hurt you.
Forever Yours,
Buffy
Giles re-read the letter several times, hardly believing. Joy was surging through his body. She loved him!
Finally he folded up the letter and put it inside his jacket pocket. He had to let her know that he did love her, but not as a father. He never loved Olivia. If only he had known then! But now was the moment to seize the day. He stood up as fast as his weary body would let him, grabbed his keys off the side table, and jumped into his car.
When Buffy opened her front door a bit later, Giles stood on the stoop. They both just looked at each other, each afraid to speak and spoil the moment. Then Giles broke into a huge smile, and Buffy echoed the joy on his face. He opened his arms and she fell into them, their lips meeting to seal their confessions of the heart.
Behind the tree stood Spike, watching. That was supposed to be him in the Slayer's arms. He was the hero in this story after all. Bloody hell!
The End
Chapter 6
The next morning Giles was greatly disappointed when Xander picked him up from the hospital to take him home. After Anya had left the night before, he wasn't allowed any visitors. The doctor proclaimed him stable, but in need of rest. He had to stay overnight, and was hoping Buffy would come to take him home. But it was Xander. He sighed in resignation. He knew he shouldn't have even hoped. After what he had done to her, kept from her, she would probably never speak to him again. His heart was as broken as his body at that thought.
Xander filled him in on what had occurred. Buffy had given the hoops to Willow, and she had taken them and driven to Los Angeles. Only Eygone could destroy the hoops, and Eygone was in LA inside the vampire Angel. Angel had swallowed the hoops, which had caused Eygone to receive his own power inside of himself. Eygone imploded inside of Angel. That had been quite a show apparently. The vampire's face and body had twisted and shook like no other body could, before relaxing in a heap on the floor. Now Angel was fine, but a bit exhausted. Willow had phoned from there this morning to say that all was fine, and she'd be back later that afternoon.
Ethan had gotten away again. They were all sure he'd come back some day to wreak havoc again.
When Xander opened the door to Giles' apartment, the Watcher was amazed to see everything in it's proper place. It was immaculate, and not the disaster area he had remembered from his struggles earlier with Ethan's thugs. Xander smiled at him, "Buffy's doings." The older man smiled. Xander helped him to sit on the sofa. "Sorry G Man, but I can't stay. Have to get to work. Will you be okay?"
"I'll be fine. Thank you Xander."
"You bet. See you later. We'll all check in on you later and bring pizza, okay?" Xander hurried out the door and drove off to make it to work on time.
Giles sat on the sofa a moment longer, admiring his now clean and organized living room. Buffy had done this. Perhaps they could still mend their friendship after all?
It was a bit later when he noticed the envelope on the coffee table. His name was written on the envelope in what he recognized as Buffy's handwriting. His heartbeat began to race as he opened the letter and began to read.
Giles,
I promised myself in that warehouse that if and when we got out of there, I would tell you some things I've wanted to say for some time. But alas, I've chickened out when it comes to speaking to you in person. Thus, this letter. I think I would get all tongue tied, and not say what needs to be said if I were to speak to you in person. But this letter does not lessen the meanings behind the words of which I write.
We both should have learned our lessons by now, don't you think? Every time we hide something from one another, or lie to each other, we hurt each other. I have hurt you immeasurably in the past. I'm taking a vow right now to never hurt you intentionally ever again. From this day forward, no more lies, and no more hiding.
I hid Angel from you. You lied to me about my 18th birthday. We have both betrayed each other, and we have always both forgiven each other without even asking for it.
The past is the past, including what happened this morning. Before you feel all guilty, and I feel all angry, let's just forget it and start fresh.
Here's the deal. See, I love you. I've known it for some time, but haven't been able to tell you. I think I knew it the day you plunged that sword into the Mayor. But with everything that was happening, there was no time for me to express my undying love and all that. And Angel was still around, which was confusing. I knew then that my love for him wasn't real. I wanted it to be real, but it was more of a fantasy than anything that could be real. Real is you. Real is knowing that you know everything about me and accept me for who I am, even when I hurt you. Real is your loyalty to me, and mine to you, through anything that can come at us. Real is your strength, and the green in your eyes. Real is the smell of your aftershave, and your morning cup of tea. Real is the way my heart aches when I've hurt you. And real is the jealousy I felt at Olivia wearing your shirt.
I came that morning to tell you how I was feeling, but then I saw her, and you told me to grow up and be on my own...so that is what I tried to do. But without you, I lost myself. I was with Riley because I was trying to be normal, but normal for me isn't real. I never loved Riley. He could never replace you in my heart. I pushed you away all that year because I hurt too much knowing you were with her.
You've never said anything, but I think that Olivia left you after the Gentlemen. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry if you are in pain or sad because of that. Part of me wishes that meant that we could be together now, as I have longed for us to be together for so long now. But I know you don't see me in that way. You do love me, I know that. But you love me as a daughter. Well, I'm not your daughter, and I don't want to be that to you.
I feel I'm rambling now. The entire point of this letter was to tell you that I love you. You are loved by me. And I give that love to you willingly. You don't have to respond. I understand it's not the same for you. And I don't want you to say it's just a phase I'm going through, or that I'll grow out of it or anything. I'm the Slayer. I don't have much more growing up to do. My life is short. I know this. Perhaps this fight with Glory will be my last. But I didn't want to leave these words unsaid between us. This is not a phase. It grows deeper everyday. And I love you enough to let you go, as the saying goes. I love you enough to not expect anything from you. But life is too short to leave things unsaid. I know I am taking a chance in losing you forever by giving you this letter. It was something I needed to do however.
Please know that no matter what happens, we'll always remain friends, and you will always be in my heart. I'll give you some space for awhile. I need to concentrate on Dawn anyway.
I know I've never said it enough, or at all, but I am sorry for all the times I ever hurt you.
Forever Yours,
Buffy
Giles re-read the letter several times, hardly believing. Joy was surging through his body. She loved him!
Finally he folded up the letter and put it inside his jacket pocket. He had to let her know that he did love her, but not as a father. He never loved Olivia. If only he had known then! But now was the moment to seize the day. He stood up as fast as his weary body would let him, grabbed his keys off the side table, and jumped into his car.
When Buffy opened her front door a bit later, Giles stood on the stoop. They both just looked at each other, each afraid to speak and spoil the moment. Then Giles broke into a huge smile, and Buffy echoed the joy on his face. He opened his arms and she fell into them, their lips meeting to seal their confessions of the heart.
Behind the tree stood Spike, watching. That was supposed to be him in the Slayer's arms. He was the hero in this story after all. Bloody hell!
The End
