Hello! Author #1 here.
It is 11.53 on sunday night, I should be doing some drama homework relating to costume
design or some such thing, but instead I am making a delayed start on the collab. fic
Khaydarin9 and myself are doing. Seeing as this is the first part! (tm). I think I should clear
some things up:
Cleared up things aka disclaimer:
1)All peoples/persons in this fic are...ficticious. Sure we might BASE them on people...maybe
I mean come on, write what you know! But err...mostly they aren't real. So if your blonde
airhead called Britney I am NOT slagging you off...I just happen to find your kind amusing.
Don't complain...you get to go to middle-earth!
2) Tolkein owns everything except the nine wallies we take to Middle-earth.
3) New Line also owns stuff
4) Khay and I own everything else
Thankyou, my loyal readers and fans *queen mother wave*
Peace and loooove
-Seen
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------
(1)
St. Laurence's school for up-tight rich kids (SLSFUTRK) had a habit of being
overcome by trends. In year seven, there was the trend for digital pocket pets. In year eight
there had been the butterfly clip trend. Now, in Ant's eleventh year of schooling, a new craze
had hit the school. The craze had blond hair, green eyes, and carried a bow and arrow. The craze
was Legolas Greenleaf.
The Craze pissed off Ant something chronic. Ant had actually gone to see lord of the rings,
because she was a fan, not because some of her little clique had told her there were heaps of
'hott guyz' in it. Having seen it eleven times now, she was a might sick of everyone telling her
how cute 'Legless' was, and that she should really go and see the movie.
She was also sick of the row of lockers, each one with at least three pictures of Orlando Bloom.
It wasn't much better in her friend Khay's year either. Infact, it was worse. Year ten students were
at best ignorant, teenyboppery, and boy obsessed. Khay of course was an exception to this rule.
Khay and Ant had been friends for a while. Not close friends perhaps, but they'd been there, in
the back of each others minds as likeminded people they could have a chat to once in awhile.
They were united in their loathing of 'the populars'.
The populars were Britney, Capri, Amber, and Elle. It wasn't just that all four girls were clones of
each other; in the way they dressed, talked, walked and thought. It wasn't just that they strutted
around the school as though they owned it, or that they could have played very convincing parts
in clueless (without having to act). It was when they started their sacraleige of FotR, that Ant
and Khay's dislike of them intensified to the point of hatred.
I mean, there are only so many times you can hear someone talk about how great a movie was
for the simple fact that you got to see 'Legless's' ass.
That said, Britney et al weren't bad girls. They had their moments. They didn't spit on people,
rarely swore, and at least endevoured to hide their bitching (predominantly unsuccessfully).
But hearing them go on about Lord of the Rings as though it was the latest teen movie made
the blood in Ant's veins boil.
It made the blood in someone else's veins boil too. At least it would have, had he still blood
enough to flow through them.
~
Just because someone is dead, doesn't mean they don't still pick up on things. J.R.R Tolkein
was very dead, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that FotR was a movie. He didn't mind that
so much (although he seriously thought they should have reconsidered the casting of Elrond..
Mr. Anderson..). What he minded, like Ant and Khay, was the army of fangirls FotR had
spawned, who payed very little attention to the craftsmanship of his well spun tale, rather
to the craftsmanship of Elijah Wood's baby blues. It set his teeth on edge.
Tolkein had hoped to find solace in a small artsy theater in Australia. He
had expected the fandom in the USA...he'd even expected in the UK. But Australia...well he'd
hoped it might be different.
Then he saw Britney and her clique of blondes.
He wasn't hopeful.
~
A nudge in the ribs.
Capri turned to Britney.
"Oh my godddd..." whispered Britney raspily "Did you see that Orlando guys butt!"
Capri nodded appriciatively, turning back to the screen "ooooh yeahhh...and don't you rekon
that Frodee guy is cute AS?"
"Hell yes!"
Tolkien leant over the back of their seats, watching them. He was invisible.
Amber and Elle had joined the discussion, mid movie.
"I think it's pretty good so far..." Amber initiated...
Tolkien's hopes rose...
"I mean Elijah's eyes are definately carrying the story for me..."
They all giggled.
The fellowship had just left Rivendell. The four were on the edge of their seats, waiting
for the next close up of their favorite elven archer.
In desperation, Tolkien turned to the rest of the cinema for even one viewer with half a brain.
Some homie guys in the back were deep in discussion about the size of Liv Tyler's chest
vs that of Cate Blanchette.
The last corner of the cinema...Tolkien's eyes were full of hope...
A preppy looking uni student was making out with her boyfriend.
That was the final straw.
Did they think Legolas was just a pretty face and a few well aimed arrows? Did they think
Frodo destroyed the ring by sitting there and looking cute all day? And dammit why did
people keep insisting Frodo and Sam were gay?
No, there was only one thing for it.
This cinema audience was about to discover that there was more to FotR than a nice ass
and some baby blues. Tolkien closed his eyes.
(2)
The advantage to being the ghost of a writer who wrote himself an entire new world, is that
you have the ability to take people in and out of that world.
The disadvantage of this particular act, is that if you shove some extra people into that world,
some of the characters in that world pop out, to make room for them.
Nine bewildered teens ended up just outside of Rivendell.
Nine bewildered members of the fellowship ended up in a movie theater in downtown Melbourne.
~
Britney looked around.
Her friends were here, Capri, Amber and Elle.
Two stunned looking homies stood a little way away, rubbing their cranium's in an ape like
fashion.
A girl of about eighteen was clinging to a guy about the same age, demanding to know where they
were.
Slowly, the same thought dawned in Britney's blonde little head.
Where WERE they?
She surveyed the area. It was very green. There were trees, and there was grass, and there
was a good deal of both.
But there were no sheep, or constipated farmers, so it couldn't be New Zealand.
And there weren't any red telephone boxes, so it couldn't be England either.
Biting the tip of a perfectly filed nail, she tried to remember (in her mind with the memory capacity
of a fish) where she'd been just previously.
In the cinema. With her friends. Watching that sexy bloke with the pointy ears.
She squinted, trying to make out the movie theater amongst all this green.
Apparently, the truth had dawned upon Capri, Amber and Elle a little sooner than for Britney.
They rushed over to her.
"Oh my god! Tell me i'm dreaming! I think we're in the movie!"
"In the movie? God Elle get a grip! How can we be in the movie?" Amber argued
"I don't know...but where else are we?"
"New Zealand?"
"There aren't any sheep."
Britney blinked at her friends.
"In the movie...of course!"
It was only then, that she noticed what the poor preppy college student and her boyfriend were so
upset about.
They were dressed oddly.
In point of fact, everyone was dressed oddly.
Capri, Amber and Elle were dressed in odd knickerbocker style trousers, shirts waistcoats and
cloaks. Each girl's hair had gone a little curly, and to their dismay they found they had grown
hair on their feet ("Ew! Like, get me my plucking tongs!" exclaimed Capri).
The two homie guys were a little different.
The tallest, a not bad looking dark haired boy had extremely ragged almost warrior style clothing
on, which sort of looked as though it were made out of a lot of dead cows. He also carried a
large sword.
The one slightly shorter, with sandy blond hair wore finer looking clothing. He appeared to be
pretty happy with his new get up, and was currently ragging the first former-homie, and declaring
himself 'Da man!'.
The Prep and her boyfriend were different again.
The boyfriend...
The boy...
Britney blinked. It was all she could do not to run over to him and start making wild love to him
(okay, perhaps not quite; she reasoned. But she'd definately give him head!).
He was dressed in clothes of silver and green. His hair was a perfect shade of blond to rival Britney's
own. He wore boots. He carried a bow and arrow.
He was the spitting image of the archer guy...Legless!
Capri, Amber and Elle seemed to have noticed this too. They were staring at him, jaws hanging
open.
He himself however, was slightly preoccupied with his sobbing girlfriend.
She wore grey robes and a tall pointed hat.
"Hush Sophie..." he comforted, as he hugged her tightly "Look on the bright side darl', at least
you didn't get the beard..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------
Quel gasp! How will this band of intrepid teenyboppers fare in the perilous realm of middle-earth,
as the war of the ring plunges them into unavoidable doom?
Quel gasp magnified ten-fold, where does this leave our beloved fellowship, now stranded in
the modern-realm, in what one can only assume to be the clothes of those they switched places
with! (Imagine if you will, Frodo in a halter top).
Even more quel gasp, what WILL Ant and Khay have to say about the dissappearance of
the clique everyone loves to hate?
Tune in next time folks, for Khay's chapter in 'The Clique of the Ring; Blondes really do have more
fun!"
It is 11.53 on sunday night, I should be doing some drama homework relating to costume
design or some such thing, but instead I am making a delayed start on the collab. fic
Khaydarin9 and myself are doing. Seeing as this is the first part! (tm). I think I should clear
some things up:
Cleared up things aka disclaimer:
1)All peoples/persons in this fic are...ficticious. Sure we might BASE them on people...maybe
I mean come on, write what you know! But err...mostly they aren't real. So if your blonde
airhead called Britney I am NOT slagging you off...I just happen to find your kind amusing.
Don't complain...you get to go to middle-earth!
2) Tolkein owns everything except the nine wallies we take to Middle-earth.
3) New Line also owns stuff
4) Khay and I own everything else
Thankyou, my loyal readers and fans *queen mother wave*
Peace and loooove
-Seen
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------
(1)
St. Laurence's school for up-tight rich kids (SLSFUTRK) had a habit of being
overcome by trends. In year seven, there was the trend for digital pocket pets. In year eight
there had been the butterfly clip trend. Now, in Ant's eleventh year of schooling, a new craze
had hit the school. The craze had blond hair, green eyes, and carried a bow and arrow. The craze
was Legolas Greenleaf.
The Craze pissed off Ant something chronic. Ant had actually gone to see lord of the rings,
because she was a fan, not because some of her little clique had told her there were heaps of
'hott guyz' in it. Having seen it eleven times now, she was a might sick of everyone telling her
how cute 'Legless' was, and that she should really go and see the movie.
She was also sick of the row of lockers, each one with at least three pictures of Orlando Bloom.
It wasn't much better in her friend Khay's year either. Infact, it was worse. Year ten students were
at best ignorant, teenyboppery, and boy obsessed. Khay of course was an exception to this rule.
Khay and Ant had been friends for a while. Not close friends perhaps, but they'd been there, in
the back of each others minds as likeminded people they could have a chat to once in awhile.
They were united in their loathing of 'the populars'.
The populars were Britney, Capri, Amber, and Elle. It wasn't just that all four girls were clones of
each other; in the way they dressed, talked, walked and thought. It wasn't just that they strutted
around the school as though they owned it, or that they could have played very convincing parts
in clueless (without having to act). It was when they started their sacraleige of FotR, that Ant
and Khay's dislike of them intensified to the point of hatred.
I mean, there are only so many times you can hear someone talk about how great a movie was
for the simple fact that you got to see 'Legless's' ass.
That said, Britney et al weren't bad girls. They had their moments. They didn't spit on people,
rarely swore, and at least endevoured to hide their bitching (predominantly unsuccessfully).
But hearing them go on about Lord of the Rings as though it was the latest teen movie made
the blood in Ant's veins boil.
It made the blood in someone else's veins boil too. At least it would have, had he still blood
enough to flow through them.
~
Just because someone is dead, doesn't mean they don't still pick up on things. J.R.R Tolkein
was very dead, but he wasn't stupid. He knew that FotR was a movie. He didn't mind that
so much (although he seriously thought they should have reconsidered the casting of Elrond..
Mr. Anderson..). What he minded, like Ant and Khay, was the army of fangirls FotR had
spawned, who payed very little attention to the craftsmanship of his well spun tale, rather
to the craftsmanship of Elijah Wood's baby blues. It set his teeth on edge.
Tolkein had hoped to find solace in a small artsy theater in Australia. He
had expected the fandom in the USA...he'd even expected in the UK. But Australia...well he'd
hoped it might be different.
Then he saw Britney and her clique of blondes.
He wasn't hopeful.
~
A nudge in the ribs.
Capri turned to Britney.
"Oh my godddd..." whispered Britney raspily "Did you see that Orlando guys butt!"
Capri nodded appriciatively, turning back to the screen "ooooh yeahhh...and don't you rekon
that Frodee guy is cute AS?"
"Hell yes!"
Tolkien leant over the back of their seats, watching them. He was invisible.
Amber and Elle had joined the discussion, mid movie.
"I think it's pretty good so far..." Amber initiated...
Tolkien's hopes rose...
"I mean Elijah's eyes are definately carrying the story for me..."
They all giggled.
The fellowship had just left Rivendell. The four were on the edge of their seats, waiting
for the next close up of their favorite elven archer.
In desperation, Tolkien turned to the rest of the cinema for even one viewer with half a brain.
Some homie guys in the back were deep in discussion about the size of Liv Tyler's chest
vs that of Cate Blanchette.
The last corner of the cinema...Tolkien's eyes were full of hope...
A preppy looking uni student was making out with her boyfriend.
That was the final straw.
Did they think Legolas was just a pretty face and a few well aimed arrows? Did they think
Frodo destroyed the ring by sitting there and looking cute all day? And dammit why did
people keep insisting Frodo and Sam were gay?
No, there was only one thing for it.
This cinema audience was about to discover that there was more to FotR than a nice ass
and some baby blues. Tolkien closed his eyes.
(2)
The advantage to being the ghost of a writer who wrote himself an entire new world, is that
you have the ability to take people in and out of that world.
The disadvantage of this particular act, is that if you shove some extra people into that world,
some of the characters in that world pop out, to make room for them.
Nine bewildered teens ended up just outside of Rivendell.
Nine bewildered members of the fellowship ended up in a movie theater in downtown Melbourne.
~
Britney looked around.
Her friends were here, Capri, Amber and Elle.
Two stunned looking homies stood a little way away, rubbing their cranium's in an ape like
fashion.
A girl of about eighteen was clinging to a guy about the same age, demanding to know where they
were.
Slowly, the same thought dawned in Britney's blonde little head.
Where WERE they?
She surveyed the area. It was very green. There were trees, and there was grass, and there
was a good deal of both.
But there were no sheep, or constipated farmers, so it couldn't be New Zealand.
And there weren't any red telephone boxes, so it couldn't be England either.
Biting the tip of a perfectly filed nail, she tried to remember (in her mind with the memory capacity
of a fish) where she'd been just previously.
In the cinema. With her friends. Watching that sexy bloke with the pointy ears.
She squinted, trying to make out the movie theater amongst all this green.
Apparently, the truth had dawned upon Capri, Amber and Elle a little sooner than for Britney.
They rushed over to her.
"Oh my god! Tell me i'm dreaming! I think we're in the movie!"
"In the movie? God Elle get a grip! How can we be in the movie?" Amber argued
"I don't know...but where else are we?"
"New Zealand?"
"There aren't any sheep."
Britney blinked at her friends.
"In the movie...of course!"
It was only then, that she noticed what the poor preppy college student and her boyfriend were so
upset about.
They were dressed oddly.
In point of fact, everyone was dressed oddly.
Capri, Amber and Elle were dressed in odd knickerbocker style trousers, shirts waistcoats and
cloaks. Each girl's hair had gone a little curly, and to their dismay they found they had grown
hair on their feet ("Ew! Like, get me my plucking tongs!" exclaimed Capri).
The two homie guys were a little different.
The tallest, a not bad looking dark haired boy had extremely ragged almost warrior style clothing
on, which sort of looked as though it were made out of a lot of dead cows. He also carried a
large sword.
The one slightly shorter, with sandy blond hair wore finer looking clothing. He appeared to be
pretty happy with his new get up, and was currently ragging the first former-homie, and declaring
himself 'Da man!'.
The Prep and her boyfriend were different again.
The boyfriend...
The boy...
Britney blinked. It was all she could do not to run over to him and start making wild love to him
(okay, perhaps not quite; she reasoned. But she'd definately give him head!).
He was dressed in clothes of silver and green. His hair was a perfect shade of blond to rival Britney's
own. He wore boots. He carried a bow and arrow.
He was the spitting image of the archer guy...Legless!
Capri, Amber and Elle seemed to have noticed this too. They were staring at him, jaws hanging
open.
He himself however, was slightly preoccupied with his sobbing girlfriend.
She wore grey robes and a tall pointed hat.
"Hush Sophie..." he comforted, as he hugged her tightly "Look on the bright side darl', at least
you didn't get the beard..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------
Quel gasp! How will this band of intrepid teenyboppers fare in the perilous realm of middle-earth,
as the war of the ring plunges them into unavoidable doom?
Quel gasp magnified ten-fold, where does this leave our beloved fellowship, now stranded in
the modern-realm, in what one can only assume to be the clothes of those they switched places
with! (Imagine if you will, Frodo in a halter top).
Even more quel gasp, what WILL Ant and Khay have to say about the dissappearance of
the clique everyone loves to hate?
Tune in next time folks, for Khay's chapter in 'The Clique of the Ring; Blondes really do have more
fun!"
